The referee's alphabet

Has anyone heard this song? My mam just showed me this and I think its quite good. its a song but I can't link to it so I put the lyrics down instead

A - is for my authority which many players seem to question - thinking somehow they are going to change my mind

B - is for babies - which a lot of managers cry like when a decision has not gone their way

C - is for the continual criticism i receive from the touchline - get back in your technical area

D - is for the dunderheads who seem to think we have a conspiracy against their particular team

E - is for the errie silence that echoes around the ground when i've booked a home team's player and its clear to everyone that he deserved it

F - is the farce into which most games would descend if we weren't there

G - is for the gnarled face of someone who is on £90,000 per week and reckons he should have had a throw in

H - is for handball, which has to be intentional, and very rarely is - if only people would study the rules more

I - is for innocence, pleaded by many a doe-eyed defender after they've just scythed down that tricky winger

J - is for juijitsu, which i quite intend to display given a dark alley and some of the narky blurts i have encountered

K - is for the kissing of the badge - how silly that looks 6 months later when he's at another club

L - is for lipreading at which you dont have to be an expert to see how odius some people are

M - is for the mistakes we sometimes make - surely a bit of controversy is part of the game's appeal

N - is for the numbskull who during the boxing day game asks me what else i got for christmas besides my whistle ... an afternoon with your wife mate!

O - is for offside which many forwards tell me they simply could not have been

P - is for the penalty shoot out - great drama and no pressure on me

Q - is the quiet word i sometimes need to have with some of the more fiery participants

R - is for running backwards - a difficult skill which the pundits never seem to appreciate

S - is for the suggestion that i should show a card to an opponent by a player who has been awarded a freekick - he himself is more in danger of getting one for that

T - is for the twenty-one man brawl - which is basically an embarassing scene of pushing and shoving

U - is for the umpire which i sometimes wish i had been instead - you never hear a cricket crowd chanting "who's the [Insert profanity here]in the hat!"

V - is for vitriol, vilification, vendetta, and volley of verbal abuse

W - (dunno what that one said)

X - represents the sarcastic kiss planted on my forehead by a swarthy portuguese centre half who i've just dismissed

Y - is for Yate - the kind of town that referees come from

Z - could be for Zidane, Zola, Zico, Zoretta, Zoff even Zondavan but is in fact for the zest with which we approach our work without this zest we wouldn't become refs and without refs - well, zero!

Never heard of a song like that.

Very good.

We gathered that.