Beyond - Legends The Rules of the Dead - Anakin/Darth Vader challenge response

Title: The Rules of the Dead
Author: VaderLVR64
Characters: Anakin, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon
Summary: Being dead isn?t all it?s cracked up to be.
Notes: For the "Anakin's Ghost" challenge in the Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader Character Challenges

Here were the rules:

Anakin's Ghost.

That's right. Anakin in the afterlife:

Must be between 1000 and 2500 words.
Must contain humor.
Must contain the words:

disincorporate
extrasensory
lexicon
sappy
sarcastic





The Rules of the Dead


Being dead was not quite what he expected.

That was Anakin?s first thought upon becoming one with the Force. Waiting for him was his old Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. And peering over Obi-Wan?s shoulder was Qui-Gon Jinn, who wore a pleased grin.

?Took you long enough, brat!? Qui-Gon said. ?We?ve been waiting for ages!?

?I?m so sorry I held you up,? Anakin said, unable to prevent his sarcastic response.

Qui-Gon came from behind Obi-Wan, looked Anakin over and sniffed. ?Well, I guess you look better than you did.?

Anakin rolled his eyes. ?See how good you look after being burned by lava,? he snapped.

Obi-Wan winced. ?About that, Padawan??

His Master shifted uncomfortably on his feet, his hands clasped in front of him. ?I did tell you not to try it,? he defended himself. ?I specifically reminded you that I had the high ground.?

Anakin snorted. ?Since when did I listen to you??

Qui-Gon clapped Obi-Wan on the shoulder and his laughter roared out. ?He?s got you there, Padawan!? The tall Jedi shook his head. ?That was like teasing a rancor - guaranteed to end badly!?

?The boy was being a pain,? Obi-Wan grumbled. ?Besides, he had it coming.?

?Very mature attitude,? Qui-Gon remarked dryly.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment and then Anakin said in a tone of grudging gratitude, ?Uh thanks for looking over the kid for me,? he said. ?It was decent of you.?

Obi-Wan sighed and studied his former Padawan. ?Luke?s hard to reason with, isn?t he?? There was a smug smile on the Jedi Master?s face.

?He talks more than you,? Anakin replied. ?If such a thing?s possible.?

?All right you two,? Qui-Gon interrupted. ?There are some things you should know, brat.?

Anakin raised one brow in question.

?First of all, there are rules to this being dead and ?still aware? business,? Qui-Gon said firmly. ?You can?t go running about doing whatever you want.?

?Rules for being dead?? Anakin asked in disbelief.

?Quit whining, Anakin,? Obi-Wan snapped. ?You?re getting a second chance. I should think you?d be grateful!?

Anakin?s lips thinned but he nodded.

?First, there?s this,? Qui-Gon said as he handed Anakin a rectangular object.

?What is it?? He asked, turning it over in his hands.

?It?s a book,? Qui-Gon said dismissively. ?They?ll be all the rage in a millennia or two.?

?Yeah, right!? Anakin snorted skeptically.

?That?s your rule book, your guide, a directory for the various departments, you name it, it?s in there,? Qui-Gon instructed. ?There?s even a ?lexicon for the dead? in there, so you know what we?re talking about up here.?

?It?s quite useful,? Obi-Wan noted.

Anakin snorted and turned the pages. ?I have to read?? He asked in a horrified voice.

?It will do you some good,? Obi-Wan commented with a bit of smugness.

Anakin studied the book. ?Rules for appearing to loved ones, rules to disincorporate, rules for?? His eyes narrowed and he sighed. ?There are more rules for being dead than there are for being a Jedi.?

?Welcome to the afterlife,? Obi-Wan drawled.

?Can I get a third chance?? Anakin asked hopefully.

?Not with your track record,? Obi-Wan answered with a hint of glee.

Anakin looked around thoughtfully. ?So, uh, where?s the little woman??

?If you mean your wife,? Obi-Wan answered. ?We?ve given her some time off to get over her anger at you. You?d do well to leave her alone for the time being.?

Anakin gr

 

Oh, I don't even know where to start. Okay, the first place I laughed out loud:

?Took you long enough, brat!? Qui-Gon said. ?We?ve been waiting for ages!?

*grins* Somehow, I could see you saying that to VadersMistress in the same circumstances. I can't imagine why . . .

*hides from ban stick*

*emerges cautiously*

His Master shifted uncomfortably on his feet, his hands clasped in front of him. ?I did tell you not to try it,? he defended himself. ?I specifically reminded you that I had the high ground.?

That sounds so frighteningly in character.

Obi-Wan assumed a mocking falsetto voice. ?I could lose myself in your chocolate eyes??

*wipes away tears of laughter* Anakin so had that coming . . .

?What if they don?t have extra-sensible perception?? Anakin asked worriedly.

?That?s extrasensory, you little twit!? Obi-Wan exploded.



Beautiful, utterly beautiful.

 

Heh, this was great, MamaVader. I laughed the whole time through.

Great job!

KT

 

HA! This from the KING of holding a grudge!

Great job, VaderLVR!

Nightflower

 

Gabri_Jade What can I say? I was feeling silly that day... Thanks for reading.

Killik_Twilight Thanks! Glad you liked it.

Nightflower Yes, it does seem rather unfair of him to grumble about that, doesn't it?

 

Great work on this challenge. I love how Padme is still ticked off with Anakin. LOL. He deserves it.

I really laughed at that sappy line about her chocolate eyes.

And Obi-Wan's remark:

?I did tell you not to try it,? he defended himself. ?I specifically reminded you that I had the high ground.?

That is classic. Anakin just wouldn't listen.

Wonderful little viggie!!

AG88

 

This was just too funny. I can't get over how they are with each other.

Bratling. Ain't that the truth.

I'll have to remember to keep coming back to read this when I'm blue. (sad-not the haze of the afterlife)

It'll fix me right up.

Thanks VL

 

Hilarious! I can see that happening!

 

academygrad88 Of course Anakin wouldn't listen. He's Anakin!

Lola64 I intend to haunt my children, lovingly of course!

VadersMistress You'd better be prepared!

 

That was hilarious and random! I'm still sitting her scratching my head and giggling.

Did anyone see the plate on that bus that hit me?

 

Vongchild Thanks for reading!

 

I loved this and the hidden buzzer in Anakin's hand at the end was a nice touch.

 

highlight of the story:
Obi-Wan assumed a mocking falsetto voice. ?I could lose myself in your chocolate eyes??

One thing that struck me about the movies is how awesome it would have been if Obi-Wan, in all his sarcastic glory, had accidentally barged in on one of those painful Anakin/Padme moments, and how much of a missed opportunity that was.

And here's Obi-wan razzing him about it an eternity later. Just the way I'd imagine he would. Nice.

 

VaderLVR64 wrote: "Master, you're so gullible," Anakin chortled as he pointed at Obi-Wan.


Very good, a little 'bratling' pointing after playing a childish practical joke! Definitely sounds like Anakin to do that!

But I know how the poor guys feels, you women do hold grudges!

Good stuff MamaVader!

 

KELIA Once a prankster, always a prankster!

Healer_Leona Maybe being dead had a calming influence on him.

1Yodimus_Prime Yes, Obi-Wan would get quite exasperated, I think!

BrentusofGath We don't hold grudges, we just have long memories!