Sth Bend, IN THE Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side. These are 'OUR'
rules!

Please note... these are all numbered
"1" ON PURPOSE!

-----------------------------------

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

1. Whenever possible, please say
whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. A headache or stomachache that lasts
for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the
full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no,
we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be
clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say
it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly
acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if
you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the
Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you
probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be
interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do
something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors,
like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a
color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be
scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you
say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it's not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't
want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking -
unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball,
sports, the shotgun formation, or
monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I
know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men
really don't mind that, it's like
camping.