Welcome to the RPF!
Discussion in 'Role Playing Forum' started by Ramza, Jul 5, 2009.
Not to brag or anything, but I RPed the hell out of the last session. It's fun!
Oh, you're right. I in no way meant to imply that. My point merely was that with trying to get our attacks figured, get them posted as quickly as possible, get rolls done, and pay attention to the others so we know what to do next time, it seems to have become quite difficult to get in any true in character comments... for me,a t least. However, the lack of IC posts during battle hints others have the same problem as well.
I can see, however, how it might be easier with a true tabletop game of DnD. It's easier to talk over the dice rolling, and watch and speak and what not. It just seems that that is not transferring well to AIM, in my opinion.
And I am more than willing to stick through it. The fighting isn't bad, it's just that, as ramza said, when we are spending three hours on one fight, it gets a bit tedious.
Ok, in regards to skype. This computer that I have, was built in like 99. I got a 19gb hard drive that is 3/4s full, and 313mbs of ram that top off while I'm playing music, and I'm running Linux. Installing any sort of program to play DnD is out of the question for me. Regardless of my microphone working which its not. So I can only play via IM/Chat.
That may be true, but we're stuck doing 4e in chatrooms the old fashioned way, as none of those programs will work for everyone. We are spread out across multiple operating systems, and varying access to the internet and different firewall restrictions. Not to mention, one of us (Kahn), has a computer with a broken Microphone jack, and no room on his hard drive to install any other programs without killing his computer.
when is the next session? just wanted to make sure of that.
REALLY IMPORTANT THREAD CHANGES INFORMATION AT THE END OF THIS POST. MANDATORY READING.
Tale III ? The Tomb of Bodrin
Chapter the First ? And I Bribed The Architect First! Or Raise The Dead
Ancient dwarven machines whirred and clicked, and with a shudder of rock against rock the entrance to the tomb opened, revealing?
? a surprisingly well-lit, sizeable chamber with minimal decorations and no visible connection to other rooms. If irony were hops, there?d have been a lot of beer served at this point. Dwarven runes were scribbled on the far end of the chambers, the most easily recognized remnants of that long lost civilization. Elial, as was becoming the style, translated.
"This room, dwarf friend, is for the general veneration of the great Bodrin, Last of the Dwarven lords,? the deva read. This was all well and good ? more power to Bodrin ? but it did very little in the way of finding the goblin the party had been trailing. So our heroes did set about looking for clues. This will be hilarious in a few sentences.
Initial inspections yielded very little. The torches did not hide any secret passages. The rear wall whereupon the inscription was located was similarly fruitless. Rather, it was almost downright snarky, with a smaller inscription that read: "The true catacombs lie below, but this is as far as you should go."
Elial thought the entire thing a bit ponderous, and he tapped a side wall to note the somewhat shoddy make of the room, especially for dwarven architecture.
Remember that funny bit I mentioned?
There was a loud rumbling, and then a small section of the wall collapsed, turning Elial into so much dead goo.
? Okay, so in retrospect it?s only funny if you didn?t like Elial or have a particularly sick sense of humor. Needless to say, Alex found it uproarious. This proved to be advantageous, as while the remainder of the group stared, horror-stricken, at the crimson stained rocks that now lay where Elial had previously been, Alex was able to find the blood trail that revealed the false floor that revealed the hidden stairway that ?
Sorry, that line got away from me. Anyway, yeah, hidden staircase and goblin blood trail. Naturally our heroes investigated. And then decided to check an entirely different room. That?s? well, that?s not dedication, but it?s something alright, and damned if our heroes didn?t have it in spades!
This entirely different room proved to be a massive, circular room inhabited by lots of dwarf skeletons, which had long since rotten. A bit creepy, but no real? Who am I kidding? Of course those skeletons are actually alive, this is a fantasy story!
So, yes, with the groan of old bones the skeletons came to life, their piercing red eyes piercing to the very soul. They looked rather intimidating.
A few dragon breaths and holy incantations later, and the skeletons were dispatched summarily. Our group, realizing dead bodies had very little of use to them, went back to investigate the blood trail. What they found next could only be described as?
Chapter the Second ? Electric Scorpion Boogaloo, or You Suffer
The room contained one very dead goblin and six very large, very angry scorpions. Did I mention these were rare, electric scorpions?
No, I?m serious. ELECTRIC. SCORPIONS. THE SIZE OF A MAN. Take that suspension of disbelief!
Anyway, these scorpions didn?t take kindly to our party?s interference, and soon the party members found themselves in a pinch. Now that was a jolt to their?
(Yeah, the electricity puns will just keep coming.)
? systems! But fortunately, a newcomer, a well dressed divot repair man by the name of Leo- er? Orrin, came to the rescue, and soon the scorpions were dispatched. The party then traveled to a large prayer room of Moradin where they were able to take a much deserved rest.
Funny, that seemed longer when I was working on it.
Chapter the Third ? Red Hand, or Metalwrath
Our heroes were now fully rested (And partially funded, the offering rooms in the temple having been raided almost immediately), and they decided the exploration of the tomb should be concluded as quickly as possible. Thus did they set out for the southern reaches of the tomb, with Loriana serving as a scout. This proved fortuitous, as she happened upon several goblins who were plotting to ambush the party in a narrow corridor.
It was, of course, the goblins who were ambushed instead. The resulting conflict was notable for its lethal brevity, and for the fact that one particularly powerful hit managed to get Loriana covered in goblin?
Well, I can?t go into a lot of details here, we?ve got to keep this PG. But suffice it to say the goblins were in a bad way. The post battle cleanup was extensive, particularly from a character building standpoint, as Alex took the opportunity to work his charms on Loriana. There was much rejoicing amongst the Al/Lo shippers. Ser/Al and Kriv/Lo shippers were deeply disappointed, but like obstinate Harry/Hermione fans they continue to insist they?re right. I?d make another ship joke but I?d run dangerously close to violating RPF rules, so I won?t. Who said your humble narrator had no self-control?
No one who?s still alive, that?s who!
So the party continued southward, eventually coming to a very impressive looking entrance. So impressive, I might add, that they paid little heed to any possible warnings and strolled right on in.
Seated atop a massive, high throne was an exceptionally large, tough looking goblin with a red handprint strewn across the front of his face. Two massive guard drakes sat at the base of his throne. More curious was his company, a tall man, face obscured, clad in all black. His voice seemed familiar. This will result in a huge twist in a few paragraphs, so take note.
?They should not have made it this far!? the cloaked figure barked, his tone quite angry.
?My apologies,? the goblin replied, his common surprisingly exquisite. ?Tell the masters??
?The masters will not accept failure. Make sure they are killed. Or else. In any case, I have business to attend to. I advise you not to disappoint us again.?
?Y-yes?? the goblin muttered, as the cloaked figure vanished in a burst of light.
The party attempted to dissuade the goblin, Red Hand, but to no avail. With a wave of his axe, his guard drakes were loosed, and Rex and Fido sprang into action. This would?ve seemed intimidating had Kohl not killed them with ease and haste.
Furious, Red Hand sprang into action, leaping off of his pedestal. Battle was joined, a life and death struggle to survive ensued. All hope seemed lost for our heroes, until Alex heard a voice in the back of his head. ?Strike now! Go Alex! For great justice!?
And so he did. The blow was mighty indeed, and severed Red Hand?s head from his bruised body, killing the goblin leader almost instantly. On his person was a note, but it was illegible, covered in? well, once again I believe I?d be in violation of RPF rules. So it was covered in smiley faces. An examination of the room revealed a large chest of goods, which included the shards that?
(?Wait. Wait. Wait. They actually found the shards? Well, I?ll be damned!?
?Oy! I?m still telling this story, you lot shut up!? the bard snarled.)
Anyway, the chest had vast riches stored in it, as well as the shards.
After this they rested and returned directly to town.* But not before noticing that Elial?s remains had gone missing. It was then that Loriana realized the horrible truth:
The cloaked figure was, in fact, Elial. (?Hubuhjuh wha-?!?) How this was possible remained a mystery.
Upon their return to Sarn?s Pass, the party learned that Mayor Quorth had died of a sudden heart attack, and that none other than Kohl had been appointed his successor. The halfling clerk, Roland, informed them that their reward had been picked up by the Wizards? Guild, and after some par
Tale IV ? No, We?re Not Making This Up, or The Almighty Dollar, or Subtle Political Commentary
After receiving a sizeable reward from Abel, the party spent the next several days relaxing at the Red Rock Tavern before they found themselves, interestingly enough, right back in his office. It seemed that the head council in Cairne had decided the shards were more important than they had initially let on (Much to Abel?s chagrin), and Abel wanted the party to accompany him to assist in his briefing, as the implications of this change of opinion were of course dark and disturbing.
Naturally, our heroes, paragons of virtue that they were, asked for compensation. Abel offered 300 gp and free passage to Cairne. They accepted without much arguing and headed for the marketplace.
Now, I could simply say that hilarity ensued, but I, your trusty narrator, happen to have the gory details. Which admittedly aren?t gory at all.
After 20 or so minutes of searching, Loriana was able to locate a shop that was offering a magic dagger she had been eying for some time now. Take note, for the name Bill of Arieth?s Bazaar shall undoubtedly go down in history for what transpired next.
Bill?s initial price struck Loriana as a bit high. Intense negotiations began as a price point was haggled over. Now, Loriana was haggling well at first, but Bill got suspicious. ?Methinks,? he thought, ?something is rotten in the state of Denmark.? How Bill was acquainted with Hamlet in a fantasy setting is anyone?s guess.
?I don?t think you?ve got the money,? he replied. ?You?re trying to distract me so your friends can steal my wares.?
"Why would I be shopping if I didn't have the money? You will be paid a fair price." Unfortunately, this wasn?t delivered in a terribly convincing manner.
?I?m pretty sure you?re full of [naughty word!]? Bill snapped, growing paranoid. ?I?d appreciate it if you and your? friends left the store.?
Loriana slammed the money on the table.
?Fair price. And you know it.?
?Please, I know a ruse when I see one. Oh, sure, you buy the dagger, and next, POW! My goods are gone!?
?I think you,? Finde interrupted, ?Are running a scam business!?
?Are you THREATENING ME? GUARDS! GUARDS!? Quick as a whistle, in stark contrast to police in the real world, two guards showed up on the scene.
?Wot?s all this then??
Loriana was about to put her foot in her mouth again when Leocanto fortuitously spoke first. ?Oh good lord. Insulting the wealthy? tsk tsk. My good guards! Thank the Gods you?ve arrived! This chap was trying to swindle the madam here, no less!?
An on the spot, investigation revealed that Bill was not covered by the shop?s license and that Sarn?s Pass authorities clearly do not need a warrant, just like traffic cops. Bill was arrested on the spot, hauled in for questioning, and wasn?t read his Miranda Rights at any time. Bill had fought the law, accidentally, and the law had won. Truly, the arrest of the innocent assistant shop keep was another triumph for JUSTICE! Leocanto then stole the dagger with Loriana?s assistance, proving that capitalism is the greatest fiscal system in existence so long as you?re not the one paying for everything and/or you?ve already got health insurance. That?s why God single-handedly created it along with people and the animals in a mere seven days 6000 years ago. BELIEVE IT!
(?Best. Satire. EVER,? the bard chuckled. An audience member hit him square on the forehead with a shoe, and it was a little while before the story could be resumed. And even longer before the bard could be cleared of alleged ties to the Communist Party and, paradoxically, Nazism.)
Our heroes then found another merchant who was selling a pair of magical gloves Loriana also needed. This time, no bartering took place. Surprise, surprise.
Eventually, much to everyone?s astonishment, our heroes made it to Cairne and the headquarters of the nation?s most powerful Wizards? Guild. After lots of attempts to read more into things tha
just to let you guys know, i may be a smidgen late tonight. but i will be there long before it's over.
Tale V ? And We?re Back, or Higher Comedic Aspirations, or A New World
?Sorry about that, I hope my break didn?t come at a terribly inconvenient??
?YOU LEFT US ON A MASSIVE CLIFFHANGAR!? the crowd roared, almost simultaneously.
?Alright, alright. Ahem, so, we journey once again to the Nameless-?
?GET ON WITH IT!?
?Okay, look, what we have here is a failure to communicate. I provide the stories, you sit back and listen to them. And you don?t question any of it. Any of it.?
?When do they use the loo??
?Any of it.?
?No, I?m serious. You never once have had any character ever have to stop to take a-?
?Oy! Look, I just don?t feel like covering that sort of-?
?Mayhaps a wizard did it? Are they magical beings that don?t even-?
?Oy! We can?t have two people talking at once while I?m also talking. No one?s going to be able to tell who?s saying what, and the dialog?ll look like a Joseph Helle-?
?Yes, yes, I agree with them: How do they use the-?
?Indeed! I demand this point be addressed!?
?Bill, is that you? Well I?ll be!?
?Bob? Bob, it?s Rob! You still owe me that beer, you-?
?T.S. Elliot? Is he the one who promoted Major Major Major Major??
This continued on for about an hour.
We apologize for that last bit, it was far too silly for this game. We now return you to the usual sarcastic snipes at roleplaying tropes.
? Lemon curry?
After a few moments of deliberation, the Council requested the party return. They had, conveniently enough, a quest. One with a reward so large, the party would have been insane to turn it down.
In exchange for 5000 (?Isn?t that like 500,000 gold??)? er? 500 PP, the party would journey to the country of Roniac? (?The country to the south? Or is that Riabol??) er? Cainor (?You mean the city they?re in? Cainor, Cairne? bit close.?)... er? Daynor and investigate the disturbing appearance of Elial as advisor to the new king. (?You mean the Deva bloke who got smashed by the wall?? ?Yes, actually, I do! YEESH!?)
And so, they set out. Boldly journeying forward, they traveled 50, nay, 100? yards, to the reception desk where they picked up the fees for travel expenses and then Alex promptly proceeded to hit on the receptionist, the scorn from Loriana?s rejection (?When did that happen?? ?Hey, I?m the messenger, alright? Some stuff gets left out!? ?Sounds like the DM?s too lazy to include all the details.? ?Well, yeah, he?s a total slacker.? ?Oy!? shouted Ramza.) still fresh on his mind. The resulting interparty banter was tinged with salty bitterness.
And so they set out again, boldly journeying? to a horse vendor. Bartering took place, ride off towards Riabol to the south, blah blah blah Kriv is secretly Speed?s older brother Rex who ran away from home years ago blah blah blah Rosebud is the shards blah blah blah Snape kills Abel blah blah ? Oh! Hey! A fight!
Yes, during their epic journey on horseback the party encounter roaming bandits.
They proved to be no challenge and were quickly defeated.
And so they rode on. Blah blah blah Riabol border blah blah moody Alex blah blah blah Monkey Island Theme blah blah Porte D?Porte blah blah Baranacle Burzum?s Tavern and Inn blah blah TUNE IN NEXT TIME blah blah?
TO BE CONTINUED!
(?What? You skipped the bit with the talk of war, and the actual distance to Riabol, and Burzum being an ex-pirate, and the tropical atmosphere, and the geopolitical climate, and the wench who confirmed the Devas have-? ?Shut up, Ramza.?)
Quote of the Session ? ?Anyway, RULE ZERO.? ? Me, showing how patient I am with rules debates. Here?s a hint ? I?m not.
Sorry about the delay, I?ve been quite busy. Hell, I?m still pretty busy. It?s like 3 AM, and so the humor here is completely and utterly surreal. Rather vapid session, though, on the whole. Not that />/>/>/>
You should have expected this. Really.
Editor?s Notice ? Due to RPF rules, portions of the transcript of the bard?s description for this tale are being censored on the spot. Don?t worry, it?s been handled with characteristic subtlety, you won?t notice a thing.
Tale VI ? The Mods Are Going To Kill Me ? An Epic in At Least Two Parts
Chapter the First ? Wait, Wait, Wait: Delays On Account Of WHAT? Or Exposition, Or Living After Midnight
Sit back, folks, next one?s a long one.
So it was that our party of adventurers had arrived in Porte d?Porte, the largest harbor in Riabol, and they promptly set to work getting to sleep.
Alex, who had accidentally had a wee bit too much to drink, found himself next to a woman from the night before. Embarrassed, he promptly left the room, hungover. I won?t make a joke here - too easy. Loriana and Sariel had an easier time of it, neither having drunken much. They set about chatting over breakfast.
Finde rolled out of bed, hitting the ground with a thud. This will be funny shortly.
Kriv woke up, stretched, and proceeded to walk out of the room, nearly stepping on Finde. This was because they had both rented separate beds in the same room, but nonetheless [DELETED FOR YOUR SAFETY] punched the air in victory, joined by the [DELETED FOR YOUR SAFETY] fangirls, who were delighted to finally see some [DELETED FOR YOUR SAFETY] in this story. It was all rather [DELETED FOR YOUR SAFETY].
Hey ? I didn?t say ?deleted for your safety?! Put the joke back in, you?re ruining everything!
And so the party rendezvoused in the tavern lobby. They were about to set out when?
No. No, I just? I don?t believe it. It?s impossible.
? Fine, the DM had to leave because he had a dinner date come up. That never happens!
(?Dude? harsh,? Ramza grumbled, looking at the text in front of him.)
While our trusty DM was gone, chaos reigned.
Character development. My God.
There was a small glimpse into everyone?s personality. Alex had had a rough week. Sariel was cheerful as ever. Kriv apologized for what he thought was rude behavior directed at Alex. Finde demonstrated his lack of an ability to balance. Bread and cheese, apparently comparable to Wheaties, was had by all. There was some general teasing directed at Alex?s awkwardness. Multiple hours passed with no skill checks or die rolls.
People actually started enjoying themselves. Ramza! Why hast thou forsaken us and led us to this horror?! (Inexplicably, right as this was occurring, Ramza sneezed briefly, despite having taken his allergy medication.)
Deep introspection soon followed. The horror. Insightful comments about personality and vices! Alex dealing with the complexities of a hook-up! Justified in-character jostling, encouragement, subtle nuances too rich for me to aptly describe here!
COME BA-ACK, RAAAAAAAMMMMM! (The bard was nearly crying. The patrons gave him a look that seemed to imply they didn?t follow his breach of the fourth wall.)
Loriana had just begun to recount the tale of how she had met Elial when RAMZA CAME BACK! Oh thank the maker! Things were getting interesting (?? I hate this guy?? Ramza sighed)! Loriana detailed the hunt for a rare book, and her first run in with the mysterious Deva who, my sources tell me, is a recurring villain in this story.
(?And now you spoil my plot? Look, buddy?? ?Buzz off, Ramalamadingdong, the Narrator is talking.? ?Oy! Nobody calls me Ramalamadingdong except Dirt Merchant, and no one on this board?s going to get that reference. NO ONE.? ?Tough!?
The crowd turned to the bard, turned the ceiling he was talking to, and nervously tugged on its collective collar.)
After a few minutes that seemed like much longer, the party set out to sell their horses. Curiously, Alex declined. The resulting sale went well enough, and they set out to charter the mysterious, flamboyant pirate captain Gaahl for passage to Daynor. He agreed, in exchange for the party?s cooperation in recovering the lost treasure of the Isla De Muerte, from which n
Chapter the Second ? Groovy, Or Terror On The High Seas
Gaahl proved an amiable, if somewhat extravagant, host. The party helped to clean the decks, and met the adventurer Mak, too boot. What. A. Coincidence. Leo ? or rather, I suppose he?s still Orrin at this point ? proved to have some nautical experience, and he assisted in the Crow?s Nest.
In exchange for their assistance, the captain invited the party to dine with him, his trusty illusionist, and Mak, as they ate a rather delicious and ample voyage-commencing meal. What follows may be our greatest comedic moment yet.
When the illusionist arrived, she demonstrated her abilities by lighting an apple on fire, much to Gaahl?s chagrin. She remarked that if you?re going to do something, you may as well do it with style. Gaahl concurred, noting that that was what his [DELETED FOR YOUR SAFETY] had said, but that he still missed his left eye. Finde nearly choked on his orange, shocked by the casual nature with which the captain had [DELETED FOR YOUR SAFETY].
Oh, for the love of [DELETED]! You ruined the best joke! Abso-[DELETED]-lutely ruined it! I don?t believe this! I DON?T [DELETED] BELIEVE THIS [DELETED] [DELETED DELETED DEEEEELLLLLEEEEETTTTEEEED]! Just because he?s [DELETED FOR YOUR SAFETY] you have to go and butcher my dialogue and set up? What happened to progressivism? It?s, like, 2009 in the real world, isn?t it? So he?s [DELETED FOR YOUR SAFETY]! Whoop-de-do!
You just censored that, didn?t you? Oh, forget this! I quit! I QUIT!
(?No, you can?t quit!? Ramza cried. But it was too late. The bard had left. He adjusted his collar.)
Er? um? hello there. Ramza here. As you see, my narrator has up and quit on me, so it seems I?ll be filling in tempora-(?Forever!? the bard shouted.) YOU?LL BE BACK! THEY ALWAYS COME BACK!
Anyway, so the party had a lovely dinner and discussed their plan of attack for the Isla De Muerte.
A week passed, and the wind died down. It seemed as if a delay would be inevitable? when suddenly the wind picked up. The fog rolled in.
A huge ship pulled out of the horizon ? it?s crew, bloodthirsty hordes of undead, some so decayed that their [DELETED] was absolutely? Hey, how?d I get censored?
Whatever, let?s just wrap this up. So yeah, undead crew, epic zombie fight with cannon fire ensued. I guess you had to be there. And yeah, the fight?s not over yet, so?
Um? To Be Continued? I guess?
As the quote of the session (Finde?s reaction) has honestly already been brought up, and as, by tradition, I leave notes to the end of the Tale and not the chapters? I?ll leave it at that./>
So, its been hinted that Finde has known Kriv for a very long time. Starting now, in (maybe) weekly installments, you'll get to see some of that, starting with exactly how long They have known each other. (And their ages if you do some math.) This has been worked on by Me and Kev, and we hope you enjoy.
Chapter 1: An Egg In The Woods.
Morna was a small village located along the eastern coast of Emrolus. Situated along a forest line, well within two miles of the eastern sea, it was a small hunting village fortunate enough to be able to hunt for game, and fish, all within close proximity to a safe location. It is due to this unique nature that our small side tale begins. It was here in the year 1432 of the New Calendar that a hunter, by the name of Miclarus, was returning from a rather unfruitful expedition, when he happened upon the most unusual of things, an egg, larger then his own head. Miclarus assumed he'd found dinner, but by the time he'd returned to the village to present his 'catch', did the Abbots of the local Temple to Erathis inform him that he had found much much more.
The unusual black and red egg was not that of a bird, or any other animal the village might hunt upon, but the egg of a Dragonborn, and much to Miclarus chagrin, and hungry stomach, the Abbots of the Temple took the egg in, refusing to allow the egg to be preyed upon by a man simply because he couldn't catch his own dinner. And it was within these hallowed halls that a young Half-elf, in training to be a cleric of Erathis, was given the task of watching over the egg, insuring its warmth, and safety, and charged with the care of the life held within. A task that the young man known as FindecÃ¡no SindanÃ¡riÃ« or Finde for short would continue for many years.
As the weeks passed, this young Half-elf kept the egg warm, he cleaned it, added new straw around it, every day. It became an obsession of his, caring for this egg. The young cleric to be, saw this egg as his way to prove himself. But more then that, he saw the egg as a companion. It wasn't as though he was alone, or as though the abbots ignored him or were mean, but he was the only cleric in training at the Temple, and had no other children his age to spend time with. This egg, was in a way his friend, a companion that always listened, was always there to talk to. And believe you me, Finde talked a lot about everything, from his meals that day to his studies under the Abbots. Finde enjoyed having someone to actually talk to. And in away, the egg listened.
Seven weeks of this passed, and after his lessons, as he always did, Finde returned to the egg to replace its straw. While doing this, Finde noticed a crack in the egg. At first this horrified him, he thought that he had failed in his task, then he noticed the crack widening, spreading across the surface of the egg. It was only then that he realized it was hatching. Finde had spent what little free time he had in the past weeks reading what to do, and it was not long before he was again beside the egg with a pale of milk from the cows in the stables just next to where the egg was kept. It was also not long before a small black mass of scales with red eyes was blinking at Finde. And this little Dragonborn's first act in the world? Trying to eat Finde's hand. It was the start of a beautiful friendship./>
*snorts* trying to eat findes hand... doubt many friendships have started out quite so auspiciously.
Here's a quicky, just covering a few things, to get to the next chapter.
Chapter 2: Names, Traditions, and tasty tasty shirts.
"Kriv!" Finde said with a bright smile, holding the black mass of scales in his arms. Finde's shirt was torn, pieces quickly torn off to make use as a makeshift diaper for the young Dragonborn.
"Kriv?" the elder balding Abbot asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes, Kriv! Kriv's a common male name."
"Its male? How do you know?"
"The Library, it has so many books on the Dragonborn, I've been reading them while watching over the egg. There was one on they physiology, as well as one on their names and traditions."
"And His last name?"
"I can't tell you." Finde said with a grin.
"Its a Dragonborn tradition, family names are sacred and secret."
"I see... Are you able to care for him?"
"Yes Sir. But, I need some things to care for him Sir. Like a bottle. He could drown in the pale of milk otherwise, I've been saving up, doing odd things Sir, to buy the things He'll need. I just can't go get them."
"I see. I'll send someone along shortly, have a list and the money ready. He... Kriv is your responsibility FindecÃ¡no, you've spent much time preparing for this, so this is your task."
"Yes Sir. Thank you sir." Finde said with a smile. Kriv on the other hand had nothing to say, he was too busy eating Finde's collar to care about what was being said.
Chapter the Third - The Chapter That Wasn't, Or Hark The Herald
Well! After a lot of tense negotiations and bartering, Ramza managed to talk me into narrating once again in exchange for 300% of my original wage. (There was thunderous applause from the crowd, apparently relieved.) Yes, yes, I know, I know - I'm awesome.
So! When we left our heroes, they were in the midst of a life-or-death battle with a nigh-infinite horde of undead! Will they make it? Well, just as -
Hmm? Public statement...? Oh, okay then:
"As a result of unforeseen interferences by noted anti-DnD lobbyist Darth Real Life, Ramza was unable to make the session that corresponded to this chapter. Thus, the plot has been delayed. Ramza apologizes for any inconvenience, and hopes you understand. If not, well, you can always chalk it up to him being evil. That seems to be pretty popular with the media types.
Don't blame us, blame the messenger,
Ooookay then, maybe nothing happens just yet. So, yeah, CLIFFHANGAR! and er... uh...
Contrary to what he'd have you think, it's all Ramza's fault, not mine. And how did they manage to get a hyperlink in a paper note, anyway?
What if... what if our existence (The crowd gave him a funny look) is just some kind of... electronic medium. Like, none of us exist, and we're all just little puppets dancing around in the imagination of one man - only being brought into the spotlight whenever he decides it's worth his effort? Like some kind of twisted game?
On an unrelated note: Anybody know what 300% of $0 is?
Quote of the Week - ... - Ramza, for the entire session. That jerk.
DM Note: But seriously, folks, I'm really sorry about that. The DM is the one guy who absolutely, positively is always supposed to show up, and I couldn't make it. />/>
I think Leocanot can be renamed "Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Game" considering how often I'm late/slow to pick up on news.
The Thief and the Captain
"At the card table tonight?"
"Of course sir."
"Good! We'll put the boots to that Ravelle character."
"Well, sir, to be fair, it's not his fault he's bad at cards."
"Jimenez, don't get me wrong; I love a fair game, but I'm not the shark you are. I need all the help I can get."
"I've noticed, sir."
"I thought you said something."
"Not me, sir."
"Well, it's odd...I'm thinking it's his little game, drawing us in, lulling us with a false sense of superiority."
"Old Ravelle? With the beer gut? Really, sir?"
"Sir...actually sir, that makes a lot of sense."
"Sir, I'm relieved to hear you say that."
"Why's that, Jimenez?"
"Well, I thought I was under suspicion sir, what with the cards, my obscure former line of work..."
"Jimenez, let me tell you something, my lad: a divot repair man is a vital asset to any municipal government."
And now, I'm pleased to present the first installment of...
Darth Ramza Presents
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
I was just about to begin randomly expositing about certain features of the Nameless Lands by myself. But now it seems I have someone to talk to! Let's begin then, shall we?
Tonight's story takes place some 300 years ago, back when the Dwarves still lived in their great halls of stone, surfacing only for the occasional round of golf. It's called...
The Saga of Kirrin
Part I - The Halls of Stone
Mirrin, the Dwarf King of the Mines of Southend, was displeased. As he gazed around the great stone chamber that made up his throne room, he couldn't help but ponder how small it all was. The ceiling was too low, the walls too close, the floor too high, the throne too short, the number of steps too few - in sum, his throne room was most displeasing to him.
Oh, yes, normally a Dwarf King would have been able to contract his subjects to simply improve his throne room, but that was not an option for Mirrin. Today was golf day, and Dwarves, the inventors and foremost fans of the sport, were quick to take advantage of the excuse from duties to go play a round - or four. But not Mirrin, our increasingly depressed-looking Dwarf King. No, Mirrin hated golf - he hated trying to score low, he hated switching his club every stroke, he hated the way the pennants had to be left in until they weren't supposed to be left in anymore as determined by ball placement on the green... he even hated the stupid little pencils they gave you. "Oh, the lack of erasers prevents you forging your score," they said. Posh! They were just too cheap to invest in proper pencils.
He grumbled some more, before deciding that if he was going to be miserable, by damn, so was his son. "Kirrin! Get yer keester en here!" he shouted, his accent thick in an accent that's not actually Scottish, we swear, it's just an illustration of a dialect wink wink nudge nudge SAY NO MORE! On cue, in scampered his good-for-nothing prince, too young to even sport a beard, the wee git.
"Ye called fer me, Fadder?" he asked, glancing at his feet nervously.
"Aye! Ye ken, lad, sum day dis will all be yers. 'M soorry."
"Ye've toold me dat afore. Sever'l times. Tooday aloone, ye ken."
"Aye! And 'tisa truth. Ye aht t'git oot, lad, find yerself a new place, ye ken?"
"But Fadder, who'll inherit th' Kingdoom th'n?"
"That I dinnae know. Gud point."
The whole conversation seems rather pointless, in retrospect. Perhaps I should've skipped it to save ti-
To Be Continued
ramz may be a bit late tomorrow night, but he will be there. he happens to be a smidge to drunk to post it himself right now.
Chapter the Fourth ? Hail To The King, Baby, Or Something Like That; Or Pointless Mind Games; Or Into The Crypts of Rays
And this time we?re actually, really, truly back. Probably. I?ll proceed under the assumption that we are.
So EPIC ZOMBIE KILLING WENT DOWN. Zombie bits flew left and right, spells were cast, cannonballs flew, splinters of ships went into the air, and the whole scene was very R-rated (For violence, blood, and gore) and exciting. Indeed, were it a film (?Film?? a confused patron muttered. ?Give it another 500 or so years. It?s going to be big,? the bard explained. He got some odd looks.) it would?ve been a multi-million dollar CGI extravaganza and no doubt at least one of the party members would have used some kind of fantasy chainsaw.
No less than? 100 zombies? la? Seriously? 100? Somebody has been abusing the minion rules? Anyway, with 100 zombies down the drain, at last the swarm halted. But there was a slight problem. The ghost ship kept firing. ?Could you hurry it up a bit?!? Gaahl called, growing noticeably perturbed at how damaged his ship was quickly becoming.
But no worries ? Talking is a Free Action. And so a plan of attack was laid out to split the party. It was then decided that this was a bad idea. So instead they picked a random staircase to the lower levels, hoping that it led to the correct destination.
Perhaps providence guided their hand. Perhaps the gods took special interest in their situation. Whatever the case? they chose incorrectly. Several, much tougher zombies were dispatched with before a new route was chosen.
The room was dark. Darker than dark. Darker than Black. Now I?ve lost it, I know I can kill, the truth exists beyond? Wait, wrong script.
The room was pitch black save the warm glow of a fire in the back. Except it wasn?t a fire at all, it was some kind of giant metal block with a metallic, feminine upper body protruding from the front, its eyes blood red. It let out a ghastly, inhuman scream before light flooded into the chamber. Several zombies flanked either side of this monstrosity, which could only be described as an undead-making engine.
What followed was a terse conflict rife in raw emotion, fluctuating values, frustration, triumph, agony, and the bittersweet pain of success.
But enough about the OOC drama related to the nuances of the rules.
After a good, solid pummeling that would?ve felled even the toughest foe, the engine simply regenerated. This is generally considered a bad thing. Fortunately, a keen observation by Leocanto, coupled with a keen bit of DM prod- I mean, arcane insight from Loriana revealed the source of its abominable power ? shards of the Lodestone, embedded in the forehead.
They attacked this weak point several times, before Finde decided to end it once and for all.
And now, interactive SoNL! Pick your own joke! (Disclaimer: Your mileage may vary)
*?Lance of Faith,? he quipped, ?Is a bit like Head-On? APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!?
*?I have had it with these mother[DELETED] ZOMBIES ON THIS MOTHER[DELETED] SHIIIIP!?
*?God gave me a gift. I LANCE WELL!?
*?You must be a boil on Baron Harkonnen?s face, because I?M GOING TO LANCE YOU!?
*?Well, it looks like you know how to get a head in life.? YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!
*?Looks like you must be the solution of the intercept of the sets A and B when A is defined as not B? NOTHING!? (Disclaimer: NO ONE will find this funny, except Ramza. That dork.)
*?One of these days, one of these days? POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!?
Wasn?t that fun? Interactive GM Updates. We?re all progressive and stuff.
Anyway, the statue apparently looked the way it did because it actually was a woman, contorted by dark magic into a machine of foul ends. As she died, she let out a horrendous scream as she regained full control and an end to her suffering right before dying in a manner so gruesome that I can?t even describe it here. Too much Ca
if i make it i'm gonna be pretty late this sunday.
on a side note, two levels would mean we're now 4?
OOC: Yes, that is correct, Trim. They changed the level XP totals on me, so everyone ended up a lot closer to level 4 than I thought. So I just gave it to you guys.
I'm incredibly fond of this update, mostly cause I did in fact "apply directly to the forehead" which, is a great bit of SoNL Product Placement. (expects his check promptly)
Hey hey hey ... remember this?
We're serious about this, guys - keep OOC comments down. If you need to clarify something PM ramza. Don't make us start editing.