Provo The Script is loaded

Discussion in 'SouthWest Region Discussion' started by Corrin_Wyndryder, Apr 1, 2002.

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  1. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Allen, have you read anymore?
  2. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    Sorry- it's getting close to finals so school has me swamped and work is a constant bother so i havent had much time latley. I also have a screenplay i need to finish another 40 pages of in two weeks for my screenwriting class :-o I'll get to it when I can :)
  3. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
  4. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
  5. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    Sorry for the delay but Im still pretty swamped with school and work- I hope to get to some this week. ( i have over 50 pages of writing due by thurs this week! >:-( )
  6. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Well, now that school's over, I have a lot more time on my hands...
  7. Dantana Skywalker Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2002
    star 5
    Sorry if I seemed evil or anything. I just kind of stopped talking to you about it for a while because you were like "Yeah, well, thanks for the input, but that's stupid".

    I have the updated L/D scene, if you want it. If I go to the picnic tonight, I can maybe get it to you then.

    Dantana
  8. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Well, It's hard to take advise from someone who refuses to read the whole script until I fix every little problem (e.g. slug line complaints) along the way.

    Have you read the whole thing yet?
  9. Dantana Skywalker Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2002
    star 5
    I don't have the new script. I've got an older version, and my comp screwed it up, remember? I haven't seen the reworked script yet, with or without the corrections I was speaking of.

    Dantana
  10. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    At long last I have more scene reviews-- I still have 3 more finals but was able to squeeze in another 10 scenes for ya : here it is--

    SC50-fine

    SC51-it might be interesting to hear what a space-age casino would be like-- is it any different?

    SC52-Lily calls Trev 'Shark' would this exsist? - not a big issue, just kinda stuck out.

    -I gotta know what she said!!! At least the characters do. If you dont want to tell us (which I understand) have her whisper it to the others be like "You came up with that?" or something to show that would terrify them as well.

    SC53-above

    SC54-fine

    SC55- A jedi here? How delicious! - fanastic line!!!! :)

    SC56- did Val pull the dust out of a pouch or off the ground or what? not sure where it came from-- either option would be believeable

    SC57-How old is Rasha? she seems to be like 7 or 8? She accepts val's presence too quickly- i would think that she would be more suspicious given her recent history of lost companions.

    -it was pretty weird that all of a sudden Val is hurt after several minutes after the fight- perhaps show him get grazed in the fight..

    SC58-would that pick stay behind his ear, and how would he not notice?

    SC59-fine

    Ill be able to do more after my last final on Thurs!! yea!
  11. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Shark was the nickname the Role Player had for himself...

    That's just it. Lily and Imo are the only ones who DO know what she said. The others don't speak Ghentic at all. (It's one of those things that are better left up to the imagination.) Anything I tried to think of just wasn't cool enough. ;)

    The dust was from off the ground.

    Rasha is 23, but nieve. Still believes in the Knight in Shining Armor mythos. I'll be sure to clarify her age in the rewrite.

    I've seen Anime and Samuri movies where the injury a hero sustains is delayed, whether by the skill of the villian OR the after adreniline hangover ;)

    I'll have to design the pick so it will stay behind his ear. Aster keeps them in her hair. (Bobby pin equivilant :D )

    Can't wait for more. Thanx.
  12. navaren Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2001
    star 3
    Another suggestion? Use a spell checker.
  13. Dantana Skywalker Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2002
    star 5
    He doesn't like suggestions that refer to formatting or spell checking. Believe me, I've already said something several times.

    Dantana
  14. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    What have I spelled wrong? I don't have a grammer check... And the words are (mostly) spelled right. And I type real fast and get the "your" and "you're" mixed up. and so forth...
  15. Dantana Skywalker Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2002
    star 5
    Eh. Actually, Corrin, you're kinda right. There are a few typos, but nothing REALLY mispelled. But, when I finally get around to reading through the whole thing, I'll let you know if I find anything.

    Dantana
  16. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Thanks, dantana. We'll need to talk about your part in Episodes II and III, I've got some GREAT ideas.
  17. Dantana Skywalker Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2002
    star 5
    Well, I'm obviously at home right now, so you could probably call me and tell me about it.

    None of these would happen to involve my character "becoming one with the Force", would it? I'm just remembering a certain discussion involving the Vaquila, the Codex, and Dais (sp?). :)

    Dantana
  18. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    ok- a few comments off of your explanations-- i think that Rasha (sp?) needs to be either younger- or not so much of an idiot. She can be naieve but still not in love 2 minutes after she meets a guy. She's got to assume he has an agenda like all men do. Especially if shes been trained as Jedi. Im assuming shes like most Padawans and has been trained since very very young. She would be more learned that this.

    The dirt- we need to see him grab it- even if it is just a flash. we have to know where it came from.

    the injury- though the SW world is fantasy, it still deals with rules that are familiar to this world- partially why we are able to relate to it so well- with that, if we see a reaction to an injury that is reminiscant of a cartoon we start flying the BS flag. Most of the same rules of mortality and pain are the same between the SW world and ours- I dont have a problem with him fighting off the pain and eventually passing out- but we need to see the injury and a gradual loss of control till he passes out.
    just a though or two :)
  19. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Then you haven't met the girl she's based on. I'm dead serious. Sarah Cox who plays Rasha Xoc (check out the spelling on both names) is EXACTLY like that. In the Role Playing Campaign, she was a shameless flirt. She flirted a Dark Jedi back to the Light Side with a flirt roll!!!

    And I think that a delayed reaction to a fatal injury is quite posible in the Star Wars universe. If the Sith have an Injure/Kill special power, or conjure Force Lightning from their fingertipss, than I think a Delayed Injury Power would be right up that alley, as long as it's done right.
  20. navaren Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2001
    star 3
    The problem with your theory on Rasha is that RPGing and real life are usually about as far away from each other as possible. You need to think with real people in mind, not RPGing characters. I agree with Allen...your characters need to have characteristics which resonate with your audience, or you won't have an audience for long.
  21. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    But that's what I'm saying, THAT IS HOW SHE IS IN REAL LIFE!
  22. navaren Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2001
    star 3
    That may be the case, but you need to make it believable. She isn't right now.
  23. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Well, OK. Trust me. It'll work out.
  24. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Well, OK. Trust me. It'll work out. when you see her on screen, it'll be a lot more believible.
  25. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    I guess I wouldnt have that big of a problem with her - if she wasnt trained as a Jedi..if she was just some random female Isis (i think) was chasing I could buy the fact that she is some silly future-bimbo-of the-inner-rim thing. But not as a Jedi- if she was really like that I dont think she'd be that far along in her training.
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