Provo The Script is loaded

next batch of analysis....
SC 60-

SC 61-does Rasha have a lightsaber?

SC 62-Rasha just pulled a complete 180--suddenly she has all this insight...a decision needs to be made about her character

Gesundheit-- this is German-- are you sure you want this?
Why didn't they make the connection of knowing Ralkir earlier??? did they just meet? its all running together.

SC 63-

SC66-the whispered conversation is a lil too long- need a few words and thats it-- maybe just Paleth...Dasis, father ...as keys

again...i REALLY hate talking during a fight...use Ep I as an example- the action is the dialouge- they wouldn just stand around and wait for eachother to finish sentences-- this isnt Princess Bride...

SC67- "youre 15 min late..." perhaps just "late" less earth specific.

SC68- my head is just spinning with all these characters- whos with who- who is brother or girlfriend or fathers uncles sister to who...

SC69- well Carn sure turned easy...way too accepting

SC70- just as a lil note- this scene opens with 6 main characters- the most we see in the films is 3-4 arguably 6 if u include chewie and r2d2 even though they dont have any understandable dialouge.

enjoy

 

61 No, Rasha doesn't have a Lightsaber. It's said so in a later scene.

62 I'll definately try to fix Rasha's character, make her more consistant.
The German word? Rendezvous is French, and they use that word.
They didn't know Ralkir HAD the Addius Vaquila, so they had no reason to look for it from him.

66 I agree, and have shortened the whispering scene.

Talking during a fight? Which one? The Gun Fight or the Saber Fight? If it's the gun fight they had talking in Episode IV:

HAN
Wonderful Girl. Here I'm gonna kill her, now I'm begining to like her.

Or

LEIA
This is some rescue. You had a plan for getting in, did you have one for getting out?

HAN
He's the brains, sweetheart.

Do you hate that dialog too? Or perhaps the Saber Fight. Episode V:

VADER
You have controlled your fear.

or

LUKE
You'll find I'm full of surprises.

And I wish there was some Dialog in the Episode I Saber Fight, it was just SO dull. "Here we are, let's just quietly take off our robes and go at it!" No taunting at all. I was seriously disapointed.

67 The 15 minute remark, I researched it, and it does count. They used terms like Hours and Meters.

70 I could probibily shorten how many people are seen just standing outside the door of the Tavern.

Thanks for your opinions, please continue.

And a COMPLETE cast list will be availible soon.

 

I agree with Lee, the absence of dialogue makes the fight LESS personal.
In episode I, Darth Maul was just a mysterious enemy, whereas in the case of Luke and Vader, the audience was able to connect with the emotions of Luke and Vader... and only dialogue could do it.

 

And they had cool fight dialog in Episode II. But I DO have some fights without dialog, if not many.

But it's a moot point. Please continue your critique.

 

Here's one thing I've learned from experience:
Always assume that if it doesn't work on paper, it won't work in real life. This is for dialogue, I'd retract this if I was referring to something visual.
If a piece of dialogue looks somewhat cheesy on paper, it will most likely still be cheesy on film, and possibly amplified exponentially.

 

Any further reviews?

 

sorry its been a while- im not dead...just resting!

 

It's ok that you're taking a break. I was just worried, because sometimes it seem that when I'm defending my work, I come off like I'm bitter, or I've hurt someone's feelings.

I'm really not. I'm just stating my point of view.

-Corrin

 

Anything more, Allen?

 

I STILL DON'T HAVE A COPY OF THE SCRIPT!!!

Oh, how did the add go? Does it work?

Dantana

 

http://www.geocities.com/forcelegacyfans

heres the script.

 

oh and corrin i checked out the guys beard. i can grow the beard in the same fashion as him but making the beard as dark and thick as his might be a problem on the sideburns and under the lip near the chin. maybe we'll get some "just for men Beard coloring kit hehe". and if that don't work just have dantana use some of here black makeup and pencil it in or something.

 

Don't worry, I think making a beard darker in colour will be no problem for me, the queen of changing hair colour. First I was blonde (born that way) then I went pink, then red, then dark brown, then blonde again, then black, then back to blonde, and now I'm temporarily red again.

Dantana

 

heh i heard you do that too many times your hair will fall out.

 

Hasn't yet. But I don't dye my hair that often. This was the first time in three years that I've dyed it. And I waited 6 weeks between dye jobs when I had red hair. I've been dyeing my hair since I was 13. It hasn't all be in the last year, or anything.

Dantana

 

Maybe you should talk with Palteth's mother? She's a hair stylist, and I remember you complaining your hair isn't as managable as you'd like it to be. Maybe she can suggest something for you, Dantana?

Either way, What does this have to do with the script? (We've gotten OT, again)

 

There doesn't seem to be much to discuss about the script at present, Corrin.

And my hair has increased in managebility (sp?) since I got a different hairbrush. For those of you still reading this, my hair is hip-length.

Dantana

 

We still have the third act to go over. The script is FAR from being done. You're character hasn't even been introduced, Dantana.

 

what do you mean about a third act?

 

Allen is helping me go over the script bit by bit. For those who have read it, the First Act ends with them getting to Coruscaunt. The Second Act ends with the Heroes getting the Addius Vaquila. The Third Act is what happens between then and the end.

 

oh ok now i realize it all ok i'm set. hehe i'm pretty close to your house from where i am now i'm right next to dallas texas i was staying at a friends house. i'm at mckiney texas maybe it would be possible to have my friend take a little trip over there.

 

A trip from Texas to Utah? Or are you talking about something completely different? Colour me confused.

Dantana

 

What color is that? Confused? Is it Red? A kind of Green? Orange?

 

well its too late now i was planning on a trip to utah from texas via road trip but now i'm back in ma so never mind it all

 

I'm sorry to hear that. I was looking forward to meeting you in person. I guess that'll just have to wait.

Allen? Do you have anymore for me?