Provo The Script is loaded

Discussion in 'SouthWest Region Discussion' started by Corrin_Wyndryder, Apr 1, 2002.

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  1. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
  2. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    They're the edited versions. Only 150 pages instead of 190
  3. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Is it just me, or has everyone just stopped caring?
  4. Muadibe_D12 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 29, 2001
    star 1
    :) nope problably alot of people off in college right now :)
  5. Muadibe_D12 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 29, 2001
    star 1
    i took me a bit to read but i love the twist for my char in the end:) senator hehe also near the lines where u have akbahr saying all the stuff about the party gets better and better it sounds a little redundant. just for some postive construction.
  6. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Yeah, I know about that "Party" business, but I was completely lost as to what to do with Akbahr there. Also, in Episode III, Akbahr is still a Senator in the "Alternate Future", but being with the other heroes, a little bit of his original personality begins to emerge. :D
  7. LeiaTygre Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 9, 2002
    star 1
    I haven't stopped caring, I've just started caring about other things more. I will read Episode II right after I re-read Episode I.
  8. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    Just thought id poke in and say hello. Cant promise that I'll read everything, but I might try ;-) I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when it comes to this kinda stuff you know :) Good job on the down size... only about 30 more pages to hack down :) kidding- or am I? Gotta give a fellow writer a hard time- take care.
  9. Jedi_Cougar Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 14, 2001
    star 3
    Corrin, r u lds and if so, you're going on a mission right...and if so, when?

    I may be able to help work on your film in 2+ years. :)
  10. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    I am LDS, but now a mission is out of the question for me. Sadly, the recent changes to the missionary program bar me from applying due to medical reasons. Oh, well. Life goes on, besides, I don't mind it too much.
  11. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    Ive re-read most of the first one again- While this was jsut a quick read through to re-familiarize myself with the story I have a few comments- most of which you've heard before ;-). All production concerns aside and merely from a writing standpoint- IMHO, My biggest thing is still the cast list. We spend far too much time with far too many people. Thus leads me to my second issue which is legnth. It's just too long. I really feel that the fixing of the first will fix the second. I was watching the docus for the LOTR special edition and they talked alot about scaling those three masivley deep stories down to smaller portions. Even still they are 3- 3 hour epics which is HUGE! And far be it beyond me to suggest that while you are a good writer, your are hardly Tolkien (that was not meant to be demeaning in any way- more like no one from this planet is Tolkien! ;) Anyway- they discussed how to make the story tighter- and the action they took was to make it more "Frodo-centric". They decided it was his story and everything else that happens, does so because of what Frodo is doing. You need to find your Frodo. By just reading the books its kinda hard to see who's story it really is: Bilbos, Frodos, Aragorns, Gandalfs, Elronds/Galadriels? So we focus on one (or mabey 2) individual(s) and have all the other action serve them. We meet some great people on the way but we got to ask at every page...so what? What new info does this give us about our story. Think about the deleted scene from Ep II of Obi in the Jedi library with the research droids- ultimatley it got cut because it gave us no new info- at the end of the scene we still havent learned anything new. Right now this is what called in screenwriting circles, an ensamble piece. This is widley considered one of the toughest types of stories to tell sucsessfully. The only film I can think of that even comes close to pulling this off is Magnolia. That script was in writing for 13 years from what I read. Even something as relativley simple but deep enough like Moulin Rouge took 8 years to write I think. While we all love the SW galaxy and can argue that it is deep and there are zillions of stories to be told...the films are all simple. These are childrens films...good vs evil...witha lightsaber ;-) All the depth and detail come as a result of having characters we can identify with and relate to. If we never know who's journey we are watching- we'll never get there. Hope this helps- again this is all meant to be constructive- Im not trying to pull you down or anything. I think you know this :) but others reading might be thinking "What a mean little sonofasith!" Its all in love! good luck!

    I still have lots of production issues but thats semi-immaterial at the writing stage.
    BTW- just got a new editing computer if u need some stuff cut let me know.
  12. Jedi_Cougar Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 14, 2001
    star 3
    The fewer characters, the better.
  13. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    Maybe not so much the fewer- but make sure the ones that are there are developed.
  14. Dantana Skywalker Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2002
    star 5
    As production designer, I believe that, in some form, it could work. However, there are way too many characters to keep track of. I'm just glad that I only have to costume them, and all that, instead of actually act and direct. Eek. Thank heavens Dantana isn't involved too much, until later. :D

    The problem is, this is based on a roleplaying game, and there really were that many people playing. I was even playing for a very, very short time.

    Dana
  15. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Really, there are only 3 main characters, the rest are really backup.

    My "Frodo" is Val. The story's really about him. He's the hero. The whole of the first movie is really about his redemption from a Fallen Jedi to a Jedi Knight. Episode I is mostly about him.

    Corrin is supposed to be a kind of "Obiwan" from the prequils. Episode II really starts to bring his story out. So I suppose his role in Episode I could be shortened.

    Carn is supposed to be Val's "Han Solo." I really don't want to skimp on his character development. His story will really develop in Episode III.

    EDIT: Everyone else can be shortened, I guess.

    The story is really about the 3 of them and the people who affect their lives. Most everybody else is really the Landos, Chewies, R2D2s, or like the Lars,(Luke's Aunt and Uncle) or really just one scene cameos. There's a lot of those.

    When you watch the movies, see just how many different people have lines in various scenes. GL is known for giving every extra a name to make their character unique.
  16. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    OK that helps some. I deffinatley agree with everyone having a name ( im anti Alien #1, Bad Guy #2, ect.) Even re-looking at Ep I Obi's part (as far as lines go) is somewhat small. He really comes out in II and will dominate III. So even backing a lil off on one of your heavies may not hurt so much. When do you start pre-prod?

    PS- Based on a game or not- be prepared to cut out anything for the sake of the story- I know it's like killing your kids but it always happens.

    PPS- What is your story arc for the whole trilogy? ie Ep IV, V, VI = The fall of the Empire and the restoration on the Jedi
    Ep I, II, III - The rise of the Empire (Vader) and the destruction of the Jedi.

    It's gotta be a lil more that these 3 guys and their adventures. Even Inspector Gadget was always after Dr. Claw! :)
  17. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    Story Arc for my Episodes I, II, and III is really interesting. It's like the whole of "Back To The Future II" The Codex and The Addius Vaquila are dangerous artifacts that can be used to create a time portal. Calmir is after them in I, goes back in time and alters history in II, and we have an alternate reality to restore to normal in III.

    By the time it's all done, and the time-line is restored, the entire reality of this adventure resets, so it never happened. Kind of like the cartoon "Mighty Max."

    But another idea I've thrown around to my co-author, (but he's reluctant so far) is that we don't do a movie trillogy, but instead do 13 45min episodes, like a full television season. 45 minutes is average for a full hour television show without comercials. "Babylon 5" had just as many different characters as I do, and all the episodes gave character development to all of them a couple at a time. I could easily turn Episode I Relics of Fate into 4 different 45min episodes instead of a 2.5 hour movie, and I could return some of the material I had to orginially delete for the film.

    What do you guys think? As production designer, it would be a lot easier to handle this project in 45 minute chunks than the whole 2.5 hours. We'd go through a much shorter pre-production.

    As for your question, technically, we're in Pre-Production. My costume designer is working on several designs for me. However, I still need a set designer and conceptual artists for aliens, vehicles, weapons, etc...

    Anyone interested can contact me at corrin_wyndryder@yahoo.com
  18. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    As an independent filmmaker I would tend to lean towards the shorter medium. Reasons?

    1) cost- I dont know how you plan to fund these but it is never cheap- Easier to chop it up smaller and just tackle one at a time.
    2) Your viewing audience- in all honesty- unless you buy out a theatre for a night, most people will be watching this online on their computer. (Possibly on DVD at home but I'm thinking wider viewage than just family and friends). 45 mins is a loooong butt time to be sitting at a desk watching a movie- much less 2 1/2 hours (thats assuming you make more cuts ;-)
    3) With this being slated as more of a series we will be more willing to accept the appearance and dissapearance of "guest stars" That way you can get in all your RPG characters and not worry too much about the integrity a single 2 hour story.
    4) Flexibility- if you get half way through your massive 9 hour trilogy and your lead suddenly decides he's going to run off and marry the ward brownie slut he's known for 2 1/2 whole weeks; You're really screwed. Lets face it - when you are not paying people to work for you- this stuff happens- With a series format it would be easier to adjust if needs be. If the new love interest suddenly become an attention addict and people are filing their saber tip to very sharp points, you can make a few adjustments in the script and kill her off or something. Just easier to do in smaller episodes.

    id like to help in any way I can- if nothing else I'm always good for critisism ;-)
  19. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    In reply to your four reasons:

    1: Cost. You're absolutely right that this thing is going to be expensive. I am making plans to afford this project. It's going to be really difficult. That's why I'm starting with the cheap/free Pre-Production phase. Design and Scriptwriting.

    2: The idea for my viewing audience is that I release it on DVD with a "Making Of" special disk. That was the idea for the Film Trillogy; a two disc set for each. But with the Series idea, I could release them in a packaged set, 4 dvds, 3 with the episodes, 1 "Making Of." (And we can't forget the bloopers)

    3: You're right about the character staggering that takes place in series episodes. It would be the better idea if I want to keep all the characters.

    4: You make it sound like you've had this sort of thing happen to you, with the lead running off with the "ward brownie slut". You sound very bitter about it. However, I have some sembelance of a plan to keep my actors consistant.

    Your help has been invaluable, Allen. Thank you. I hope you keep it up! :D
  20. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    I was the ward brownie slut...


    kidding- I just wanted to pretend that I was a slut there for a few minutes- that would mean that I get alot of action. Alas....

  21. Tori_Dakk Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2002
    star 2
  22. Corrin_Wyndryder Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 17, 2001
    star 4
    I don't get any action either...
  23. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    What we do Trish, I qualify as "amazing life altering experiences". "Action" is too cheap for you. ;-)

    was that smooth or what?
  24. Tori_Dakk Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2002
    star 2
    lol that was smooth! hehe... *blush* oh my...
  25. allenj456 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 2002
    star 2
    back to the script.. ;-)

    this exchange seems a little confusing:

    INT - LAMBDA SHUTTLE COCKPIT - MIDDAY 5

    PALTETH
    They're not firing.

    DAIS
    I have a bad feeling about this.

    PALTETH
    I feel it as well.

    ASTER
    (Aggravated)
    Will you two relax! I have everything under control.

    DAIS
    Something?s wrong.

    PAUSE)
    PALTETH
    Calmir?s on that ship.

    EXT - NANDOOITH FOREST - MIDDAY 6

    ASTER
    It's not going to take them long to find out we're here. Just because they?re Imperials doesn?t mean their stupid.



    It seemed like Aster wasn't really convinced on the ship that Calmir was there. Then suddenly she is. I would think that her last lane here might be better coming from one of the Jedi.
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