Provo The Script is loaded

You may be right. I'll have to be more careful on who I give what line.

EDIT: wow, 150 posts. This movie better get made with all the attention being put to it.

 

do you have dates to shoot at? no i dont mean women. Im asking about when you want to move into production?

 

I would like to move into production after Benjamin returns from his mission. My brother will be back soon after that. In that time, I'll need to find financing, and have all my costume designs, set designs, and scripts finalized.

By the way, I've just recieved Benjamin's vote to turn the trilogy into a miniseries. People would tell me that I don't need his permission, but I would hate to go on a mission and find my project usurped by one of my friends, and I don't want to be someone I hate.

 

If you need someone to help with the lightsaber fights (example: what moves seem realistic, or just to have it all choreographed for safety reasons, and all that type of stuff)let me know. I have a really good friend that is a great swordsman and I am sure he would love to help in any way that he can. He also likes designing weapons and armor. And by armor I don't just mean the medieval kind, he can make Jango Fett type armor. He likes designing stuff like that as well as he does weapons and he is able to build all of the stuff that he designs. So if you are interested in having his help and support, as well as mine, let me know.

 

_JediKnight_,
Contact me via email at corrin_wyndryder@yahoo.com I'll set up an interview so I can see you and your friend's work.

 

After this weekend I should have some pretty good footage of some stuff for you to see because me and my friend are filming a movie on saturday. There will be some examples of his work in the movie.

 

Cool. I can't wait to see it.

 

Do you have any idea when you are planning on starting filming yet?

 

Probably Fall 2004. That's when my partner returns from his mission. But before then, I'm doing the Pre-Production. That includes finding contacts and having everything ready in the Design Aspect. (It will include alot of contruction, too. Sets, Props, Costumes, you name it)

 

I read part of your script the other day and thought that it was pretty good. Now I just need to find time to read more of it.

 

its quite the investment in time Are you now in the process of cutting the script into smaller sections?
more script questions/comments:
bottom of page 12:

ASTER
(To herself)
Regellas? the refinery? I've got to find Carn.

I'm reeeealy wary about having characters talk to themselves. perhaps if you have to have her say anything make it more clipped
ASTER
(to herself)
Regellas?....(her mind searches) Carn.

might be a little more real?

page 13:
ASTER
How would you like to make yourself rich, I mean insanely rich?

CARN
You?ve got the insane part covered. Now how do you figure to get rich?

she says how would 'you' like to make 'yourself' .... wouldnt Carn then reply "'I've got the insane....how do you figure to make 'me' rich?

page 13:
VAL
Of course. So, what seems to be all the commotion?

i didnt hear a commotion? there were no hints that the conversation was heated other than Carn saying no and Aster asking again. if Val senses that they are irritated show us before he arrives and let him discover it.

page 13:
VAL
You've got yourself a ship.

CARN
Forget it!

ASTER
(Coyly)
Please?

CARN
(Struggling)
?All right?

ASTER
Thank you.

CARN
You?re lucky I need the money.

now I know just as much as the next guy that if women realized how much control they had over us poor saps known as males, this world would be a much different place. However, we have survived by pretending to be indifferent. Conclusion: he folded too easily- doing a crazy suicide mission just cause a girl bats her eyes isnt good enough (it actaully is but she can't know it!) make him verbally fight it more- but we all know he was saying yes as soon as she sat down at the table. If he gives in that fast at least have it be because she flashes some clevage or something.

page 15:
ASTER
Where'd you get a lightsaber?

VAL
I build it. ---- should it be "I built it?"

bottom of 15:
ASTER
I wish there was something I could do?

i've found that lines like these are best expressed non-verbally. have it end with her looking back at Val with obvious concern. We'll get it.

Pages 20-23...ect- is the alarm going off this whole time? that could get really irritating. maybey have it go off- then they kill it- but people are still on the way.

thats it for now.. more later.. have fun.

 

You have good points on all those critiques, but finding time at 4 in the morning was interesting.

To answer your question, I just finished the first "chapter" in the shortened saga. I will bring a copy of it to you if you're going to Handyman's party on the 21st. It has added scenes and some altered lines. I starts from the begining and ends abruptly with the capture of Dais and a "To Be Continued". I figure that'll make people want to help me with the next one. (he he he )

Thank you again for your continued help.

 

Could you also bring me a copy of the first chapter to Handyman's. I have read that part of the script and am interested in seeing what changes you have made and what things you have added.

 

Corrin_Wyndryder,
Do you have any designs for armor and that type of stuff yet? My friend can make some designs if you want him to. You just need to let me know what you want it to look like and those type of details. Once you tell me what you want it shouldn't take him long to design it. If you give me a description of what you want I can probably have some designs to bring to the activity at Handyman's.

 

_JediKnight_
I already have a costume designer, but if you or your friend is interested in a possition as Assistant Costume Designer in the field of Armory, I would be more than happy to interview you at Handyman's party. I'll try to get LeiaTyger (my Senior Costume Designer) to be there, too. I know she could use the help. And yes. I'll have a copy for you, too, but these copies are getting expensive.
I have to buy my own paper and ink for my printer. I may have to start charging for services.
EDIT: And to answer your question, no we have not yet designed the armor. I want to wait to consult with my Fight Choreographers on the best mobility and style. Bring any ideas you've gotten from the script and show them to me.

 

I forgot to tell you that my friend can use whatever material you want him to for armor. He has used plastic for me, but says if i wanted to spend more money he would make the stuff out of fiberglass. I'll try and get him to come to the activity at Handyman's so you can meet him to. I'm sure he would like to be the assistant costume designer.
EDIT: I will have my friend read the script and see what designs he can come up with.

As for myself, I can help you in any area you need help in. Just let me know what I can do to help and I'll see what I can do for you.

oh, yeah. If you get a chance, read my script and tell me what you think about it. A link to it is posted on the fanfilm message board

 

I gave your script a look-over, and it would fit right in with the other fanfilms posted here. I could imagine a lot of the subtext (body language not put into a script) and it has potential to be really funny.

 

Thanks for the comments. Now I just need to get allen to read it and see what he thinks (and find out what mistakes I made that I couldn't catch myself)

 

I work from midnight to 8-9am now- hence the 4am posts As far as armour goes I ALWAYS look to historical functional stuff. Ask what kind of weapon is it protecting aginst? How does it work? Is it practical? I've always got a kick out of the fantasy barbarian pics of the 98% nude barbarian with the tattered loincloth- and without fail he has his trusty arm bracers on! As if the only part of his boy that needs prtection was his wrist. Or the bad guy armour that is all covered in spikes- suppose he has to sit in a chair..then what?
This goes with all costuming in general- One of my favorite faux pas is in Highlander- They always pull the swords out of their trenchcoats-- try sitting with a sword attatched to you and see what happens. Figure out where and what in history has something like this been done- then slightly alter it to your (the characters) tastes. more critiques later- probably not until monday.

 

Corrin,
How are things going with your script and pre-production? I have been reading more of your script that is online and I think it is really good. I'll leave the critiques for Allen to take care of. I think the stuff he writes is helpful and can help improve the script. I am trying to get my friend to design some armor, based on what is mentioned in the script, so I can show you some designs at the activity on Friday

 

I would be willing to be an actor in your movie if you could use me. Just let me know. If you let me know some characters that you need actors for and give me a description of the character I can practice being that type of character. I could be any character you need (although I usually like to be more serious characters and not the ones that aren't very serious) But whatever you need let me know.

 

_JediKnight_
Don't worry about acting in it right now, the casting call won't be for a while yet. And I'm SLLOOOWWWLLLLYYY getting into Pre-Production. I'm finding artists to do concept art and what-not for me. Otherwise, I'm also looking into budgeting. I've got prospects that could get me a ton of cash, so I can fund the films.

 

Actually, we need to have principal casting done before we really get the costumes designed, so we know what our budget is for that. Also so we know our actors' body-types and colouring so we don't plan something that won't work for them.

Michelle and I have basic designs for a lot of the main cast, including Aster's red dress (still need to figure out how to make that), Carn's outfit, Val's outfit, and some other ones.

Also, I need to know exactly what departments I'm in charge of as production designer. I've pretty much figured about costumes, props, and sets, but what else do I need to handle?

Dana

 

Do you already have people cast for those roles? (Aster ,Carn, ect?) ok here goes the latest fiasco:

top of 16:
OSIRIS, a man in black armor, with a white blindfold over his eyes, faces a hologram of CALMIR.
maybe I just forgot what it was but is there a reason for the blindfold?- notes from above - what is his armor protencing him from? maybe a tiny description of what it looks like.

top of 17:
ASTER
They'll be sure to scan us.

CARN
If only you had seen us on Galuf 7?

ASTER
(To VAL) Galuf 7?

VAL
Don?t ask.

what prompts Carn to say that? dont really see a reason for it being there- if something happened that was similar to that experience then fine- but that seemed just kinda random..(maybey it's a previous RPG campaign? ;-)

page 23:
INT - A CORRIDOR - 23
DAIS and ASTER enter.
DAIS
This must be the room.

how does he know?- how do we know?

p 24- not a line - just a little confused about the barrels- if one shot would kill everyone- how are they spared by throwing it? i would think that the rest would ignite as well- there is also the dilema of how does it explode by throwing it. Also where do the troopers appear from? They kinda jus pop out of no where when Carn talks to them.

p26:
DAIS and ASTER enter the control room.
TROOPER
What are you doing here?

ASTER blasts him.

DAIS (CONT'D)
Hand me your comlink.

(they needed a distraction for 1 trooper???- maybe have like 20 in there- have a lil Gimli "Oohh we can take 'em!" moment - alarms go off and 19 of them leave to answer the call---or something)

p27:
PALTETH
I see you learned something from the Academy.

(It may not go with Val's character- but it might be fun to have him respond to above line with something like: "Yeah- it's helped me to become a legendary sabacc player."



DAIS (O.S.)
I know where the Codex is.
(did I miss that? how does he know?)

PALTETH and VAL enter the Codex Room. They are out numbered and retreat.

VAL
We can take them. (there's my line!

p31:
CARN (CONT'D)
Thanks, Val. That toy of yours comes in handy.

VAL & PALTETH
It's not a toy.

(Great moment!!! see- im not all negative!


p31:
CARN
Good, your here. Seal the door.

OSIRIS enters.
OSIRIS
My, my, you Jedi have caused quite a mess.

(where does Osiris enter from? How far away is he? What is his relation in the room to the group- we know there is going to be conflict here- set up the standoff- let the wind blow and the tumbleweed roll.


Impressive? for a Jedi.
OSIRIS traps PALTETH in a lift tube shaft.
OSIRIS (CONT'D)
Now it's just you and me!

OSIRIS duels DAIS and captures him.

(Just one word--- How? what happens to cut them off - since this is an obvious re-hash of the Ep I 3-some we need to make sure we have some clear distinctions of whats going on. Also how long does this take? What is the rest of the gang in the ship doing? playing dejarik? (i probably blew the spelling on that one!

ok ended with 36...all for now- enjoy the re-writes!

 

I'm trying to get some designs for armor from my friend. Don't really know what it will look like because there wasn't much description in the script to give us ideas. Hopefully it looks good when he is done with it.

I have a question. Where are you planning on building all of your sets? It seems like some of them might need quite a bit of room.