The Secret Diaries of the Rebel Alliance

Reposting here.... I accidentally started it in the social thread. I figured if people are gonna help to write it, it belongs in a new thread.... Let's start with Threepio, shall we? Anyway, this came about because of Oneal's "Threepio the gay" comment in the social thread.

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The Secret Diary of C3PO:

DAY ONE:

The Senator's diplomatic ship was ambushed by the Imperials! Big man in sexy black outfit came and kidnapped the Senator. Hrmmm... Man in sexy black outfit seems to have a breathing problem. Or is it? Searching language databanks... *gasp!* Naughty naughty man in sexy black outfit! Oh, my circuits!

Later:

Artoo strongly urging me to follow him to one of the escape pods. Wonder what he has in mind? Them astromechs are really queer....


Later on Tatooine:

Artoo is too aggressive for my tastes. He always seems to want to boss me around. Walked in the opposite direction but missed him terribly after a few hours. Damn.

Got picked up by silly little creatures in brown robes. They insist if I don't shut up, they will do something terrible to me. Debated whether to shut up or not, just to find out what they'll do. Ended up shutting up. (I can be a coward sometimes... okay, not just sometimes....) At least now I've found Artoo. Bless the Maker!


Still later on:

Silly little creatures in brown robes turned out to be Jawas. They plan on selling us too! Hope our new masters are nice....

We were sold to a family called the Skywalkers. My new master, Luke, should really get a haircut. He won't be getting girls looking like that. Should I tell him that? No. At least if he doesn't get girls, me and Artoo will have him all to ourselves....

Ah, my new master wants to give me an oil bath. Dreamy...... I think he likes me already. Hope Artoo doesn't get jealous....

Hey! Master is looking at Artoo queerly! He's trying to.... *gasp!* No, Master! Don't! Oh! Whew! He was only trying to clean Artoo. Seems there's something jammed in Artoo's circuitry. If I ever get out of this oil bath, I swear, I will kill him if he tries anything!

Master Luke got that jammed disk to play and it showed the pretty Senator. Master seems enamoured. Will shut up and not tell about what I know.

Yes, I think Master fancies the Senator. Wonder if he fancies droids....

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Someone care to write Day 2? Heheheheheh.

The Very Secret Diary of C3PO: Protocol Droid

DAY TWO (Part 1):

Dawn. Powered up. Artoo missing. Going to go wake the Master. Damn astromech. I don't think he liked me getting an oil bath and he didn't. He's so cute when he's all jealous. But why did he have to leave?

Later:

Master Luke and I went to look for Artoo. Heat of desert planet of Tatooine threatening to melt down my circuitry. Dust and sand diminishes my lovely gold plating. Darn. Why can't these landspeeders have a roof? Or airconditioning?

Still later:

Been searching for hours but still no sign of Artoo. Beginning to really miss the cute little thing. Why did he have to go off searching for that Obi-Wan whatshisname? Had to tell Master Luke that he's owned by that Obi man too. Who is that guy anyway? And what does he have that I or Master hasn't? A shinier gold covering? A better haircut? Hope Master understands and doesn't get mad... or jealous. I'm jealous enough for the two of us.

Damn the pretty Senator. Now everyone either has the hots for her or runs to her rescue. Don't know what they see in her. She doesn't have gold coverings! Aside from flimsy white outfit, hairdo is v. turn-offish. What was her hairstylist thinking? Oh well, at least there's the Master. He's starting to get v. grumpy though... and whiny....

And later still:

Sand people attacked us! Oh my goodness!

And later:

What happened to me? Woke up with Master v. concerned about me. Seems I got shut down. Old man in plain robes looking at me all concerned too. Did my lovely gold covering suffer a dent?!?!? Oh, I hope not!

At Old Ben Kenobi's home:

Asked Master if I could power down while I recharge. Really need a power boost. Dunno what happened to me back in desert. Will keep some of my sensors on secretly though. Gotta make sure Old Man and Master leave Artoo alone. I will really kill them if they try anything.

Oh, look. They're playing the pretty Senator's message again. Darn. Now all their attention is on her. Wonder what I would look like in that flimsy white outfit?

Ooh, my! Is that a lightsaber? Oh, it's pretty. A nice shade of blue. Turns out Master Luke's father was a Jedi. Oh, wait! The Old Man is too? Wow! Ooh, teach me a Jedi Mind Trick, teach me to use the Force! Can droids become Jedi?

Hey! Old Man is inviting Master to train with him. Hmmm... wonder if the Old Man fancies my Master.

Master refused Old Man's offer. Old Man looks v. disappointed. I would be too if Master refused me....

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To be continued... unless someone else wants to take up the story?

Be happy we're too insignificant to have a moderator.