Saga - PT "The Secrets of Sewosta" (OCs, clones wars short story - COMPLETED)

Kurisan

As long as you agree with a suggestion or observation, making the amendment can help the reviewer to feel more appreciated, and is totally cool. We have limitless edit time in the Fan Fiction forum and edits does not bump your post back to the front page, only posting anew, does.

On Point 1, you could try "An observer on the ground would probably just half-see a faint silhouette against the canopy.".

This is an example of mine from an old RP game:

 

Oooh, the action intensifies again. You really have great pacing.

 

I liked the chase through the jungle and now we have a new player in the game. Literally! I wonder how bad the latest arrival is for everyone.

 

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Thanks as always for the encouragement. Pacing is such a hard thing to get right, particularly when something needs a good description.

Findswoman Gah! Good catch. It's supposed to be Syrrulus (two Rs one L), to encourage the reader to roll the R sound. I've tried to edit the misses, but some might still be around. Honestly, once I've edited something a hundred times I swear my eyes are playing Jedi mind tricks on me, literally.

azureangel2 your questions shall be answered in the next chapter!

Sith-I-5 Hmmm. An imaginary fourth-person viewpoint? I'll think about that.

 

Chapter 12​

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“WE MEET AGAIN, SYRRULUS,” boomed the dead-eyed Quarren. He only then seemed to notice Maya. “And what have we here? A Jedi?"​

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Maya recoiled from the waves of Dark energy emanating from this Tekken. She almost gagged on the stench of hate and evil tainting the jungle air.​

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“Who are you, waif?” said Tekken. “Surely you do not hope to charm this beast with your wiles?”​

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“How did you find me?” Syrrulus growled at Tekken. The red-skinned Darksider switched his scrutiny back to the lizard.​

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“You were wise to hide amongst so much life, Syrrulus. But something set your anger off again, didn’t it? That is always how I sense you. That is why you will follow me, eventually, whether you know it or not.”​

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Syrrulus hissed.​

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Maya said, “You’re wrong! He will never turn to the Dark side.”​

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The Quarren turned his stare back to the youthful Padawan. She resisted taking a step back in fear, lightsaber humming in her hand.​

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“He already has, and you are out of your league here, youngling.”​

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“We will see,” said Maya, raising her saber and striking an attack stance.​

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“Indeed,” said Tekken. He fetched a silver cylinder from beneath his dark robes and thumbed the switch. A glowing ruby blade extended from the hilt. The jungle fell silent, as if holding its breath. Then the three flew into a deadly dance of combat.​

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Lightsabers flashed, red, blue and orange. Sparks flew as they clashed, the warriors spinning and weaving amongst one another. The dance paused. Maya caught her breath. In only the first few moments of the exchange, she had learned the truth of Tekken’s warning. These were two experienced swordsmen. Her only asset was speed. Another fact had become apparent, too.​

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None of the three could risk directly attacking another without also leaving themselves open to a blindside strike from the third. Even concentrating defence against one opponent gifted an advantage to the other. As the three posed like statues, Maya imagined the same thoughts going through their minds. She visualised different combinations, arcs, techniques, drawing upon all her training at the Jedi temple. Each sequence played out in her imagination like a blindingly fast game of dejarik; move, counter-move, attack, defence, riposte.​

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And each imagined sequence led her to one outcome.​

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“Syrrulus,” she called out. “Stalemate only favours him. He can wait for reinforcements, we can’t.”​

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“I will not join you!” hissed Syrrulus.​

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“I’m not asking you to. But again we share a problem, do we not?”​

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Tekken laughed; a cold, sinister chuckle that sent a chill down Maya’s spine.​

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“Will you listen to this Padawan, Syrrulus? You forget that she is a Jedi? You forget about what they took from you?”​

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Maya sensed the hatred rise in Syrrulus like a wave of heat.​

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“I will never forget,” he growled.​

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“Then let me propose a different truce,” said Tekken. “We take out the Jedi together, then we settle our differences one way or another. You will never get to that starship any other way.”​

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As the reptilian adjusted his stance Maya knew his answer had been decided.​

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“Syrrulus, no…”​

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“You should have walked away, Maya,” said Syrrulus.​

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Then both of them charged at her. Maya deflected one strike and somersaulted backwards to avoid another. They slid to her flanks like predators cornering their prey. Maya’s Teräs Käsi training kicked in, endless hours of its practice making it instinctive. The principles drilled into her over the years repeated themselves in her mind. When facing multiple opponents, positioning is key. Do not let them surround you. Maneuver so that they get in each other’s way.​

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Maya twirled and set off into the jungle, skipping over ponds and flitting between tree trunks. Tekken and Syrrulus followed. The crocodilian scrambled through the undergrowth with powerful limbs, while the Quarren seemed able to glide above ground, pushing away from passing branches for momentum.​

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They trapped her once, forcing Maya into desperate defence, the impacts of their hammer-strikes juddering up her arms. But she spun away, using a tree trunk to cover her back. Again and again she thwarted their attempts to encircle her, relying on sheer agility and speed, taking the duel deeper and deeper into the jungle.​

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The hunters became frustrated. They growled and hissed at one another, and each became less willing to show his back to the other while Maya kept on running to ensure that exact line-up.​

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When they came to another shadowy glade, Tekken’s impatience boiled over and he struck at Syrrulus. The reptilian turned and defended himself just in time, hissing back at his betrayer. Tekken laughed, powering forwards with the momentum of catching his opponent off-guard. Two horizontal slashes then a mighty downward swing. Syrrulus howled. Maya’s eyes widened as she witnessed Syrrulus’s sword-hand cut clean from his arm. The lightsaber plopped onto the soft loam, its blade disappearing.​

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With Syrrulus down, Tekken immediately turned towards Maya. She raised her saber in defence. Then something lurched beneath her feet.​

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“What the… ?”​

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The planet rocked. Maya panicked, thinking it was an earthquake or a sinkhole suddenly opening as soil and moss began to fall away beneath her. Tekken scrambled away from her as a slow whirlpool of earth opened and swirled between them. All thoughts of fighting momentarily banished, Maya deactivated her weapon and scrabbled with hands and feet as the flat ground became a steep incline with its sides still falling away. It must be a sinkhole!​

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Then a tentacle as thick and long as a tree branch slithered up from below and encircled her kicking legs. Maya turned in horror as some mighty beast rumbled from below. Underground monsters! Tio was right...​

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Just caught up on this. Quite an adventure! Maya is a persistent girl, that's for sure. (I kinda wish I knew more about her personally!) I loved her conversations with Tio, and her ability to figure out the little Rat King's fears and motivations. Now, she's gone from the frying pan into the fire with the jungle sarlaac about to drag her in.

Sorry for the delays in replying; RL is always horrible in May for me. But soon I hope to be responding more regularly to stories.

You're doing a great job with this story.

 

Kurisan - you employ the cliffhanger with superlative effect!! Very much a *gasp* element! Oh no from the reader, which sets up eagerness in the form of edge-of-seatness for the next update. Yikes, Maya is in a serious predicament.

 

Chapter 13​

MAYA RE-IGNITED HER LIGHTSABER and stabbed the sapphire blade into the wriggling trunk that trapped her legs. Black blood spurted and the beast roared in pain. The tentacle retreated and Maya dragged herself out of the great hole that now gaped in the forest floor. She looked across the glade.

Tekken bent down, plucked Syrrulus’s lightsaber hilt from the lizard’s severed hand and fixed it to his belt. Then he strode purposefully towards Maya, skirting the circular pit, ruby-red blade humming in his fist. Maya spotted Syrrulus the far side from them both. Another tentacle had caught him and he was being slowly pulled down into the hungry maw. He beat the monster’s appendage with both his full claw and severed stump, but it would not release its grip. He needs his lightsaber, she realised.

She faced Tekken’s approach, thinking furiously. When the Darksider thrust she deflected his blade, then slid under the arc of attack. Maya twisted her body as the Quarren towered over her, falling to her knees at his flank. He seemed shocked by the reckless move. Maya reached up and pulled Syrrulus’s lightsaber from his belt, then dived away from Tekken. She landed on her stomach at the edge of the monster-pit and tossed the metal cylinder.

“Here, Syrrulus! Cut yourself free!”

She flipped onto her back but was too slow to escape from Tekken. The Quarren, still wide-eyed with amazement, reached down and clasped a powerful claw around her throat. He hefted her by the neck so that she dangled over the pit.

“You fool! You would risk your life to help this wretch? Now you have lost…”

Tekken hurled her out over the pit. Maya scrabbled at her belt for her climbing cable, knowing she had not nearly enough time as she began to fall. Then an invisible hand clutched her in gigantic fingers. Maya’s mouth dropped open as she halted, suspended above the pit and looking down into its deep mouth. She saw teeth as long as spears circling a black throat in its depth. Hovering helplessly, she glanced across the glade again.

Syrrulus held his severed arm outstretched towards her, eyes closed in concentration. Then with a gesture he used the Force to shove her away from the pit. She tumbled into a pile on the far side; bruised but safe from the monster’s maw.

“I’m going to have to learn how to do that,” she mumbled, before dragging herself to her feet once more. Limbs aching and energy sapping from the ongoing fight, Maya forced her legs to march towards Tekken again.

The Darksider alternated his stare between her and Syrrulus, who was now free of the tentacle and out of the pit. The reptile’s recovered amber blade hummed as he stalked Tekken from the other side. The Quarren laughed.

“One at a time to die, please.”

Maya exchanged a silent nod with Syrrulus and they attacked simultaneously, blades flashing. Syrrulus was now using his weapon wrong-handed and off balance from his missing limb, and this eroded his level of skill noticeably. Tekken was fast, too. He slammed away each of their strikes in a blur of speed, his own ruby beam too fast to follow. Syrrulus roared into attack again. Tekken turned and met his blade, then kicked out to flatten the crocodilian with unnatural strength.

It was the opening Maya had been waiting for. Tekken whirled to face her again, but was a micro-fraction of a second too slow. Her blade sank point-first into his neck. He staggered back several paces, then collapsed into a pile of ferns.

Maya rushed to Syrrulus and helped him to sit up.

“I thank you,” she said, out of breath.

“Don’t,” he snapped. “You saved me first, blasted Jedi.”

Maya nodded. “Look, I’m sorry… whatever happened with you and the Jedi. But now you don’t need to run.”

“I will not take your ship, Maya. I saw what you did for me, despite all I have done to you. You have reminded me there is some value in the ways of the Jedi. But I cannot stay here, either… The Skraven…”

“They need you, Syrrulus. Fight with them now, help them, and you can heal the rift that came between you.”

Syrrulus chuckled, “Do you never give up? It is too late for that, Padawan…”

Maya clasped his shoulders and looked into his eyes. “It is never too late. You saved me when I needed you. Think of how you can live in peace here, and bury your anger forever.”

Syrrulus sighed, which was more of a growl from his reptilian throat.

“Your bright-eyed idealism is getting quite annoying,” he said. But the lizard face broke into a smile. “I will agree just to get rid of you, all right?”

Maya rose to her feet. “Good enough for me.”

Syrrulus struggled to his full, impressive height once more. He cocked his head to one side. The sounds of battle echoed faintly through the trees. He quickly got his bearings.

“This is where we part, little Jedi. Your starship is that way. You know what to do?”

Maya nodded, “I’ll take out the control signal.”

“Hurry. Even with me, the Skraven will die every second it takes.”

“I know.”

“Also, I need you to make a promise.”

“What?”

“Do not tell anyone that I am here.”

“Syrrulus, that’s a promise I can’t keep…"

“Yes you can. I know a Jedi is worth their word now.”

“I’ll… do my best.”

“Good enough for me. And, Maya?”

“What now?”

“May the Force be with you.”

“And you, Syrrulus. And you…”

Then they scampered away in different directions through the jungle.

 

divapilot No apologies necessary - we all know how RL can foul things up.

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Aha. To use an extremely technical term, this is what I refer to as the "Oh sh***t!" moment that every story needs.

 

Superb action and instant decision from Syrullus - life-changing for him as well as literally saving Maya. She is developing qualities or strengthening those she already has of trustworthiness and idealism and teamwork.

 

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Thanks once more for sticking with this! Though I worry if Maya's action to risk her own neck to save Syrrulus is verging towards Mary Sue territory, there is method in the madness. She knows she needs his help to beat Tekken, still has faith in him, and I think it is something she would really do. And every action creates a reaction: Syrullus comes through!

Findswoman I admit I'm a little chuffed with the 3-way set up. Though there have been plenty of 2 vs 1 fights in the films, I believe this 3-way confrontation is unique (I haven't seen all the animations yet). I was going for a Kurosawa samurai film-type vibe with the long pause while they size each other up and think through their moves. My brother said it reminded him of the 3-way duel at the end of The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly - which is inspired in the same way.

And the sarlacc - haha - yes. I personally call this the "Godzilla" method, though I think it is more commonly known as the "And then things got even worse!" trope: Suddenly introduce an unexpected element (such as a big monster) that threatens everyone and totally changes the dynamic of the battle. Though it comes close to Deus Ex Machina, it doesn't actually resolve the situation for Maya, it just provides the opening for her to resolve things herself. I think. I hope.

Thanks for looking in again. And you've reminded me there are more mispellings of Syrrulus...

K

 

More surprising twists and turns. Maya is schooled in Teräs Käsi. Syrrulus and Tekken team up against our heroine. And then an attack from underneath shifts tables again.

 

AzureAngel2 Thanks again! Almost time to wrap this up... You've all been so good to stick with me...

Chapter 14​

R4-T0 JABBERED A STREAM of electronic noises that sounded distinctly like a telling off to Maya.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry…” Maya replied as she clambered into the cockpit of her Delta-7. “I’ve had a few problems…”

Questions from the astromech droid scrolled up her translation screen.

“I’m sorry, Tio. I can’t explain right now – it’ll take too long. Here’s the bottom line: There’s a Confederacy invasion underway, and we need to get into orbit to take out the droid control signal.”

Tio dutifully started the take-off sequence and engines whined into activity. Maya’s canopy closed as they checked off items together. She strapped herself in, realising just how tired and aching she was. Then the nimble starfighter zoomed skywards. In moments they made orbit and the sky darkened to the star-dusted blackness of space. A familiar ring-shaped battleship loomed. Tio trilled an alarmed enquiry.

“Yes, Tio. That’s our target. Yes, I know it’s a Lucrehulk-class cruiser.”

Maya checked her controls as the shields powered up. Tio beeped insistently.

“Yes, Tio! I remember the training exercise. I know what to do this time…”

Beeboo?

“Master Plo Koon did give me the answer after all – the secret is in my Teräs Käsi training. There are too many gun towers, so it’s all about positioning.”

Tio warbled a warning.

“I see them. Vulture droids…”

A squadron of four claw-shaped starfighters arrowed towards her. Maya gripped the controls as the robot-controlled starships closed. At the last moment she sent her Delta-7 into a dizzying spin and ruby spears of laser flashed by. She thumbed her firing buttons and replied. One of the closing vultures exploded and Maya darted through the resultant fireball, zipping through the line of enemy fighters. The remaining three banked tightly to pursue.

Maya swung right sharply and two chasers overran. Her Delta-7 juddered as she opened fire and caught another of the droid fighters.

“Two to go…”

They circled round, one in each direction, trying to catch her in a familiar flanking pattern. Maya turned nose-first towards one vulture and accelerated. Blasts flashed past from behind and the novice Jedi gritted her teeth. Tio squealed as they closed to ramming distance. Maya could see the twin glowing red eyes of the incoming droid. At the last moment she dived. The hunters were too slow to react to the maneuver and both blossomed into a bright fireball as they collided.

Maya banked hard again, this time setting course towards the battleship.

“They weren’t expecting a challenge in orbit, Tio,” Maya commented, noting no further squadrons had launched from the capital ship yet. “Let’s give them another surprise…”

She angled an attack run, this time towards the opening in the battleship’s ‘C’ structure. Gun towers swiveled and spat blasts at her. Maya accelerated again as Tio hooted doubts.

“Too many gun towers to avoid them all, don’t you see, Tio?” explained Maya. “By coming in directly at the opening, they block each other’s line of sight – just like the principle of fighting multiple opponents in Teräs Käsi. Only four to evade now…"

Tio buzzed disagreement.

“Yes, I know we’re in their direct line. Angle deflectors double-front!” Maya pushed to maximum attack speed. “Yes, I know we can’t see the target yet. We’ll have to pull up superfast once we’re inside the halo.”

One last objection from the astromech droid.

“I don’t know. Prepare retro-thrusters for emergency braking, on my mark.”

Maya rocked the Delta-7, avoiding streams of laser from the gun towers guarding the battleship’s prow. A blast hammered the wedge-shaped starfighter and a warning light flashed.

“Shields holding! Hang in there, Tio!”

Another blast and power warnings winked. A line of sweat trickled down Maya’s cheek. Then they were past the gateway and inside the cruiser’s centre. Maya caught a glimpse of the Lucrehulk’s bridge, and the radar dish that controlled the droid army set above. Everything was a blur at the spectacular speed. Maya let her Force-enhanced instincts guide her fingers and unleashed a salvo of torpedoes.

“Emergency braking, now!” she screamed at Tio, wrenching back on the control column to pull out of the battleship’s halo before she flew into its superstructure. She felt a scrape on the underside of the Delta-7 as she closed her eyes, but a moment later Tio’s squeal told her they were clear. Banking again, she saw the radar dish in flames and let out the breath she had been holding. The crippled cruiser lumbered into position for a jump to hyperspace.

“We did it! We did it, Tio!”

 

Ch 1-3

I like Tio! Just started on this and it's very entertaining. Maya seems thrilled to have been handed the car keys (spaceship keys, even better ), and a secret mission. She's obviously advanced in her training, but this sounds like something serious to make the ExplorerCorps people disappear. I don't imagine they're easy to ambush... or whatever happened. Interested to see whether anything comes of Plo's side comment on Teras Kasi.

 

Excellent application of skills.

 

I can also let out my breath now. Yeah! They did it!

 

Findswoman Thanks! And we come full circle back to the learning experience of the opening scene.

Kahara Yippee! Another reader. Thank you so much for looking in and taking the time to read and leave comment. It's appreciated.

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Can't believe you've stuck with this nearly to the end. Big hugs are due.

AzureAngel2 Ditto. Thank you so much for the continued support.

And now, the conclusion...

 

Chapter 15​

“MAYA? MAYA!” a reptilian voice crackled over the ship’s speaker. Maya remembered Syrrulus still had her comlink. The handheld device down on the planet was pushing its maximum range. The exhausted Padawan punched the connect button and said, “I’m here.”

“Maya,” said Syrrulus. “The droid army has deactivated! You did it.”

Though the reception was terrible, Maya thought she heard Skraven voices cheering in the background.

“How are things down there?” she said.

“Messy. But your doctor friend is seeing to the wounded now.”

Maya nodded. “I’m sorry about your hand, Syrrulus. Can he help you?”

“Oh, it will grow back in time.”

“It… will?”

“Of course. I am a Trandoshan. Did you not know?"

“I wondered, but didn’t like to ask.”

“We are not all that bad, all the time.”

“Now I know,” Maya smiled. “So what happens now?”

“I think the Skraven will come through this. Dr. Xam has pledged to stay and clear the water problem. He will be fine. The Skraven have quite happily accepted him, I think.”

“How about you, Syrrulus? Have they accepted you?”

“We have forged the first bonds of trust in the heat of battle. It is a sound foundation upon which to build.”

“I’m glad.”

“To be honest, it will be better if we simply stay apart: I in my citadel, they below ground in their burrows, neither of us to disturb the other. I do not make the best company, you know.”

“Syrrulus…” Maya ached to ask a question.

“You want to know what happened with me and the Jedi. I told you already: You can look it up in your archives.”

“I’d rather hear it in your own words.”

“Perhaps one day. But not today. There are some wounds even a Trandoshan cannot heal so quickly. Maya, I also have some bad news for you.”

“What?”

“Tekken survived. He got away.”

“What?”

“I spotted his shuttle taking off during the battle, so I went back to the Sarlacc pit to check where he fell.”

“The Sarlacc?”

“The underground beast: That is what Dr. Xam called it. Anyway, his body was not there and there were drag-marks where he pulled himself back to his pick-up point.”

“But I almost took his head off!”

“The Quarren are a hardy species, Maya, almost as tough as Trandoshans. And he is sustained by the unnatural energies of the Dark side.”

Maya thought about that. “Will he come back for you again?”

“No. He knows he cannot turn me now. Thanks to you, Maya, I have let go my hatred of the Jedi Order. That is what led him to me in the first place.”

Maya sensed the truth in his words. “Now I have to think about sending a team to fix the sensor array.”

“I can do that,” said Syrrulus. “I know where and how the damage occurred. I will restore power first, then it can tell me where it is hurting. I am quite good with machines, as you know.”

“But Dr. Xam…”

“…has pledged to help with the ferro-worms and water supply. When he has finished that we can use the sensor array to send a request for pick up – quite away from the complex. Your work here is done, Maya.”

Maya nodded silent acceptance.

“Maya?”

“Yes?” she closed her eyes, knowing what was coming next.

“I am trusting you to keep your promise…”

“I have to give a report, Syrrulus.”

“I know that, but I think you can keep just one of the Secrets of Sewosta…”

THE END​

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Superb conclusion. You show developments in the present and for the future through the conversation, both for the Skraven as a whole and Xam and Syrrulus in particular. Very nice too on a technical -chapter-ish sense too. You had good-sized chapters and a goodly number all told.

This finishes off Maya's current adventure and we see how she's learned and matured. We also would not object to encountering her again

 

What a great story you've crafted here, Kurisan!

Padawan Qwan was well done, with a strong personality and a good kit of skills. She knew her assets and liabilities well! She was as reckless as they come, though. That made me nervous throughout a lot of the story.

I very much enjoyed reading this. You have a really nice, fast-paced writing style that just rides the line of having enough description and showing the action in a clear and concise manner. I will look forward to your career on the boards with great interest!

 

WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Thank you so much for reading right through to the end - and for the continued support throughout. I'm glad to have made friends with you.

Findswoman Your comments have been a source of inspiration throughout, too. I did write an epilogue about Maya looking up Syrrulus in the archives, but it didn't connect to the next story so seemed surplus to reqiurements (and I seem to have misplaced it )

Jedi_Perigrine Wow, I'm impressed you got through it in one sitting! Thank you so much for looking in, and leaving the kind comments. And that's a mighty cool name, too.

And yes everyone, Maya will soon return in "The Clones of Kamino" ...