New Jersey The Simpsons quote-a-thon

Okay so we're all big Simpsons' fans here. So let's pay homage to everyone's favorite yellow family by quoting your favorite lines!


Homer: Now I wrote down everything here on this card. Just read it and you're a shoe-in!

Bart: *reading card* Uhh...Mr. Kurns...me Bad... want money now. Me sick.

Homer: Ooh he card read good!

 

Homer: "Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk."

 

Bart: You could be my role model.

Homer: No thanks. I don't want my fingerprints all over that mess.

 

Homer: Everytime I learn something new it pushes something old out. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?

Marge: That's because you were drunk!

Homer: And how!

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Bart: Guys, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.

Homer: Pffft...that's no reason to block the TV.

 

Homer: To Alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!

 

Homer: Half of my paycheck goes to Bart, some of my paycheck goes to my Vegas wife. No money gets to go to Moe.

 

Homer's rendition of the solfege

"DOH - The stuff that buys me beer.
RAY - The guy who sells me beer.
ME - The guys who drinks the beer.
FAR - A long way to get beer.
SO - I'll have another beer.
LA - I'll have another beer.
TEA - No thanks I'm drinking beer.
and that brings me back to DOH!"

 

Judge: Your wagers will be garnished

Homer: mmmmm, garnish

Judge: that means we take money from your paycheck you idiot!

 

1-800-DOCTORB! The B is for bargain!

~DG~

 

Homer: "I am so smart! S-M-R-T!!!!!"

 

"DUH!!!
A deer!!!
A female deer!!!"

 

No no no no!! It's D-oh! not duh! Oh you young rascals!

 

D-OH!! Sorry!

 

Ahhh that's okay. It's your first one. I'll let it go.


And from the same episode:

Homer: Maybe if we tie it down so it can't move it won't get so hungry.

Lisa: DAD! You can't do that; it's cruel!

Homer: Oh everything's cruel according to you. Keeping him chained up in the backyard is cruel. Pulling on his tail is cruel. Yelling in his ears is cruel. Everything is cruel. Well excuse me if I'm cruel!

 

Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

 

Hans: I was saying Boo-urns.

~DG~

 

Barney: Dont cry for me, I'm already dead.

 

Rainier Wolfcastle: The acid is burning my eyes, the goggles do NOTHING!!

~DG~

 

FOX 5 has been airing the top 20 episodes as chosen by viewers and I must say I've been very disappointed in the episodes picked so far. Some of them were just stupid picks that did NOT deserve to be on the list. I think some of these people need to watch the classics.

 

Cletus: Hey Brandine, that skywriter says Eyes Loves You

Brandine: Aww Cletus....you're so sweet.

 

"Some folk'll never eat a skunk, but then again some folk'll like Cletus, the slack jawed yokell!"

Whats goin on dis side?

~DG~

 

Homer: ...I don't think I'd be any kind of father if you got D's and I let you go to Kamp Krusty.

Bart: But Dad...

Homer: Son...if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet; they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Radio announcer: 17...

Homer: D-Oh!

Radio announcer: 26...

Homer: D-Oh!

Radio announcer: 32...

Homer: D-Oh!

Radio announcer: 3...

Homer: Woo-hoo!

Radio announcer: 47.

Homer: D-Oh!

 

The Simpsons is a great show!

 

Amen my dear...amen. If only they'd stop showing the crappy episodes...

 

Mr. Plow, that's my name! That name again is Mr. Plow!