Before - Legends The Sky-Fallen - OC, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan - COMPLETE - 20-June-2008

I do wish i had been a fly on the wall when Mace had been conversing with the prefect!
and I loved how Obi-wan jelped his master calm down a little in the end!

 

"This communication is ended," Windu finished. Nyrin cut the com. "We're leaving," he said with a glance toward the others.

Go, Mace Windu. LOL. He certainly took charge and got them out of there. I liked that Qui-Gon was carrying Obi-Wan back to the ship and that they were wary of the natives. Being stalked must not be very pleasant!

Great job.

 

Wonderful, so happy they did not become supper for the Ha-Rarrum's

 

The first section of this story elicited such a visceral response of fear in me. It was great to see it from the Ha-Rarrum's point of view, but I couldn't help but place myself more in Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's shoes. Or, more accurately perhaps, in the place of the beings cowering in the downed pods.

As always, there's a lesson to be learned, and Qui-Gon does such a good job with his gentle teaching. Obi-Wan's always expecting too much from himself, but Qui-Gon is able to reassure him that he will master himself in time. And that he was not a burden. That was a very nice conversation.

Also, I had to laugh at Qui-Gon's awakening, rolling out of bed and straight out the door when their Jedi rescuers arrived. You portrayed that moment well. It's such a small thing, but it came across as very recognizable and thus lent an air of reality to the scene. As well as a nice bit of humor.

This was a very original and well-done piece. I really enjoyed it (except for the bits where I was contemplating being torn apart by Ha-Rarrums!).

 

OMG, that first part... seeing what happened through not only the eyes, but also the thoughts, the character of Auurrr-uuh, it's brilliant, simply brilliant. I loved every sentence, every word in it and had to go and read it again right away.

'A challenge should not go unanswered'

Perfection, sheer perfection!


In the second part Qui-Gon's conversation first with the Prefect and then with Ki-Adi Mundi explained a lot, especially where it blended with the observations of Auurrr-uuh and the name the Prefect gave that place, the Plains of Penance. But the conversations between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan I liked the most. I loved their talk about Obi-Wan's fear and how to him Qui-Gon had been his focus, what he leaned on, and Qui-Gon telling him that he wouldn't have done as well without Obi-Wan. And also that there was no shame in still having to learn I also loved how Qui-Gon accepts what these beings are and tries to explain their reality to Obi-Wan.

Nice detail that they call the Rrrraaauuff the Ha-Rarrum; I love these kind of details you put into your stories, making them so much more real. (Like in this one Auurrr-uuh's observations about the sky-fallen's voices compared to the Rrrraaauuff's way of communicating as well)

Running???? So Qui-Gon wasn't walking steady, or 'not fast'? That surely make the Ha-Rarrum VERY fast!



Great that you also added this third part, from Obi-Wan's point of view.

for Qui-Gon putting his shoes on the wrong foot at first, he wasn't so awake after all!

I love that he carried Obi-Wan to the ship himself and that the gathered Ha-Rarrum didn't attack anymore. Doesn't make them any less frightening though. And having been stalked by them all the way, yes, that must have been difficult, especially since their thoughts were so clear to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon.

Heh, Mace is always the best to be short and almost rude And I loved that Obi-Wan was able to bring Qui-Gon his serenity back.

Someone else pointed this out already, but the following sentence is shear beauty:

The ramp closed, cutting off the natural greens and browns outside and sealing them into artificial whites and silvers, and the safe smell of technology.

But then this is story is beautifully written from start to finish.

 

ratna: Thanks very much for reading and for the comments. Details really make the story for me, sort of like the background of a picture, without it the subject of the picture is just sitting alone in space.

earlybird-obi-wan: Thank-you! The unusual perspective really helped with writing the action for the first part.

Bastet: Thanks for reading! It's fun to rescue either Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan and even better both.

Valairy_Scot: Thanks and thanks for the reply!

ClaudiaR: Obi-Wan can be a very rational influence on Qui-Gon. Thanks for reading!

dianethx: Thanks! I don't think Qui-Gon would have someone else carry Obi-Wan if he were there to do it. And two other Jedi, one of them Mace, are enough to watch their backs.

Gkilkenny: I don't think I could write something where Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan became someone's dinner. <Shudder> Thanks for reading!

nada_smith: The different perspective of the first part, all immediate action and re-action, helped a lot to set up the last parts of the story. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's perspective is just naturally more thoughtful. On missions there are almost always good teaching moments, for both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. And Qui-Gon had been up (and carrying Obi-Wan) for a long time, so he must have been tired and not quite oriented when he was so rudely woken up by their rescue. Thanks for reading!

Seremela: Thank-you! I wasn't quite expecting the story to end up the way it did; originally I thought it would be all from Auurrr-uuh's POV. But then, when I realized that Auurrr-uuh was going to get killed, I had to switch POV and that divided it into thirds because I couldn't just do either Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan. It came out more naturally with both. The first part turned out to be the action. The second and third parts were the more mushy payoff from all that action. And mush and Master-Padawan moments are always better with a little humor.