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Beyond - Legends The Soulreaper Chronicles (Far Future POST Legacy OCs)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by JABrown, Sep 21, 2010.

  1. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    Hi all,

    This is a new story I have been working on, probably the most out-there fan fiction I?ve ever attempted. The initial idea springs from a small gripe I have with the Expanded Universe material: when you look at the Star Wars universe?s history, it seems to be a constant back and forth between the Jedi and the Sith, from the Old Republic, through the Empire and even beyond to the current Legacy comics, which while heading further into the future still share those familiar characteristics.

    Now, don?t get me wrong, I love all of that stuff, but I thought it would be interesting to try and take the Star Wars universe in a completely different direction.

    Thus - Star Wars: The Soulreaper Chronicles.

    The setting for this Star Wars story is a galaxy far different from the one in the films. Five centuries after Return of the Jedi, a new alien race has swept aside the races we know, leaving only a handful of planets safe from a strange affliction known as the Wyrding. The lines between Jedi and Sith have become murky as survival becomes the only priority.

    Into this new galactic situation comes our hero, Danil Farwood, a man trained in the ways of the Force, but who is neither Jedi nor Sith. A man with a gift ? the ability to steal the souls of other beings, both alive or dead. A man trained as an assassin but who now works as a thieftaker, tracking down murderers for a fee.

    Step into his galaxy, a galaxy far, far away from the one we know but whose roots remain a long, long time ago?

    Disclaimer: This is a harsher galaxy than the one we are used to and a more violent one. You have been warned.

    Chapter One

    The dead Rodian?s screams echoed in my head, making my hangover that much worse.

    Keeping to the back of the line of riders, I cast an eye back towards Mos Eisley, wishing I was back in bed. The twin suns beat down on us, reflecting off the sand to pierce my eyes. I groaned. Turning away, I studied my companions ? twelve constables in dark grey and green uniforms, along with the local Imperial commander wearing a dark grey imperial navy suit, his shoulders emblazoned with the four red and blue rectangles of his rank.

    And me, of course, Danil Farwood, in my dirty grey coat and blood red trousers. I pulled my floppy hat further down to protect my eyes and held on to the bantha for dear life.

    We kept to the ?road? that left Mos Eisley and headed into the desert, but the sand had pretty much erased whatever track might once have existed. All of us suffered in the heat, though the commander seemed almost immune. The stench of the banthas seemed even stronger beneath the suns.

    I ignored the smell as best I could. I already felt sick. That lum ale had been potent stuff. Still, I had yet to find a better remedy for the screaming voices in my head.

    Pitiless light, heat and death plagued the world around us, the very air clawing what little moisture we had left from our skin. There was something to be said for the Sand People?s moisture suits, I thought. I tried to ignore the heat, staring straight ahead, forcing my eyes not to dart to the poor sod, hands bound in front of him, sat astride the last bantha.

    He was old and bent, his body gnawed by hunger. His clothes were ragged and sodden with dirt, blood and sweat. He could barely open his eyes from the beatings he had received, but he still glared at me whenever he got the chance.

    One of the constables, who had accompanied me in my investigations, guided his bantha back towards me, humming. He glanced at me, looked away, then grunted.

    ?What?? I growled. Drink and guilt make for poor bedfellows. I had seen more than my fair share of men die. I was not enthusiastic about seeing another, especially when I was sending him to his death.

    ?You don?t look happy.? It was almost a question.

    ?Happy?? I peered over at him from beneath the brim of my hat. ?Why by the? Why would I be happy??

    ?To see justice done. To see a man punished for his crimes. To see??

    To see a man die for protecting his family? T
  2. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Nov 13, 2001
    Absolutely frickin' awesome. :cool: It's kind of refreshing reading a dark OC story. I really, really like it so far so I would appreciate PM's when you update. :)

    The idea of a Soulreaper is great. An interesting gift, or curse depending on who ask. And some of them get stuck? I'm surprised the man hasn't gone insane yet.

    Love it!

  3. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    Hi Ceillean!

    Thanks so much, means a lot. Should have another chapter up tonight, and have added you to the PM list. I'm glad you find the darkness refreshing, was a bit worried it might be too much.

    I love the idea of the soulreaper as well, we should discover a bit more about what he is, how he came to have this curse (and how come he isn't insane yet!), as we go.

    Thanks again for the kind words.

    Will PM you when the next chapter is up.

  4. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    Chapter 2

    I woke up. My mind was blank for a moment ? I had no idea where I was or how I had gotten there. I stared at the ceiling, a single light swaying in the recycled air above him, waiting for memory to return. When it did, it came with pain.

    I was back in my room at the rear of the tiny cantina I had found in the back streets of Mos Eisley. I felt around ? I was lying on the bed, still dressed in the same clothes I had worn out into the desert. Sand rustled against the sheets beneath my hands.

    A hand appeared from my side, holding a cloth dripping with cold water, pressing against my forehead. When I tried to turn my head to see who it was, waves of nausea, pain and dizziness throbbed through my back and side. I let my head fall back, fighting hard not to be sick. By the Force, I felt exhausted. All I wanted was to lie on the bed, curl up and let the suns rise and fall a couple more times.

    Not going to happen. The remnants of the Force summons echoed through my mind, the urgent need to be back on Coruscant pulling at me like an assyyyriak at a Wookie?s guts.

    ?What happened?? I managed to croak out.

    The figure by the bed moved forward slightly, and I realised that it was Madame Joclyn, the widower who ran the cantina. Her face, scored by years on Tattooine, looked hard, but she liked to mother every stray man and woman who asked her for board. At that point, I wouldn?t have had her any other way.

    ?They carried you in an hour past,? she said, her voice thick from years of spice use. ?Those constables. You were running a fever from the sun, mumbling something about Coruscant and a mistress.? She looked me over, as if she had no doubts what kind of mistress I had been talking about. I was too weak to defend himself. ?I made them bring you back here straight sharp and got some cold water from the moisture collectors. You looked half a ghost.?

    I lay there for a moment, thinking about what she had said. ?Did they leave anything? A credit chit??

    She frowned, but shook her head. ?Nothing like that. Why, should they have??

    I sighed and shook my head. If I had been feeling up to it, I would have gone back to that damned lieutenant and forced him to pay me. As it was, though, I had to get going. Quick.

    In fact? I struggled to sit up. ?I have to go.?

    ?None of that now,? Joclyn said, her voice hardening. ?This is no time to be playing the man. What you need is to have a good rest and a proper breakast. That?ll be more than enough time to--?

    ?Where are my gloves?? I didn?t like the sheer panic that slipped into my voice. Seeing my hands, though, red raw and skin flaking, bare against the dirty sheets? My heart was beating so fast, I was surprised that she couldn?t hear it.

    ?Your gloves? They?re over there by the dresser.?

    ?I need them.? I forced my voice to calm. ?Please.?

    She looked at me again, as if wondering what kind of strange things I was hiding in those gloves. She peered in each one before picking them up and bringing them over to me. When she went to hand them to me, I shook my head. I let her drop them on the bed before picking them up.

    Sithspit, what if she had taken my hand while I was out? I wondered as I put them on. I shuddered to think how people would have reacted if they had found me unconscious and her body dead and cold by my side.

    ?You see?? she said, mistaking my shiver. ?You?ve still got some kind of fever. Never mind the state of your hands. Now, you lie back and??

    ?No!? I growled. She jumped, her eyes widening. I forcibly softened my voice. I obviously wasn?t going to get out of this on my own merits. I allowed a hint of persuasion to seep into my words. ?I need to leave. I got some bad news from home. I need to be back in Coruscant.?

    I felt like a fracking Sithspawn for using the Force against her, but if I didn?t get going to Coruscant soon the summons would start to have some? unfortunate side effects.

    As usual, it worked. Her eyes glazed over slightly as my Force suggestion infiltrated her mind, and she nodded along with m
  5. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Nov 13, 2001
    No stars? :eek:

    This new race of beings have to be extraordinarily strong to make the stars dissappear. Or maybe just covered up? [face_thinking] The fact that the stars are gone is intriguing. Makes me wonder about the Fael and the Wyrding.

    I really really liked the scene with the gloves. To me it seems like he's almost horrified with his gift. He has to live with it, yeah, but he's careful with it, too.

    Your OC is great. :)

    Wonderful update and I'm really looking forward to more.

  6. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    Hi again Ceillean!

    Yeah, no stars. We'll get to whether the Fael have actually changed the very nature of the universe or just covered it up - as you asked in your comment - as the story progresses. But yes, you can safely assume that the Fael are pretty damned powerful!

    Danil certainly struggles with his ability and has trouble deciding whether it is a gift or a curse. He does the best he can with the situation, but he does not enjoy the consequences of his hands. Glad you like him - he is probably one of my favourite characters I've written (probably because he's been banging around in my head for a while!!)

    Hopefully have some more up over the weekend or beginning of next week.

    Thanks again for the comment!

  7. JediMara77

    JediMara77 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 5, 2004
    I really, really like this story. The OC is very interesting--he kind of reminds me of the main character in The Icarus Hunt, if you've ever read that book.

    Docking Bay 94, eh? That bay sure does see a lot of action. :)

    I'm looking forward to reading more--I'm very intrigued by the setting! I kept thinking that taken out of the Star Wars universe, this would make a great original sci-fi story.
  8. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    Hi JediMara!

    Cool, a new reader. Glad to see your comment, really keeps me motivated to see that people are enjoying the story.

    Danil is certainly an interesting character, one who is great fun to write. I have never read The Icarus Hunt, though I did just google it. A Timothy Zahn novel, right? Well, I may have to look it up, it sure looks interesting.

    I'm glad you noticed the little nod to Docking Bay 94, a little easter egg to the old trilogy.

    I hope you'll enjoy the developping story, especially the next chapter where we will start to get a clearer idea of the setting. As to this working as an original SF story - in fact this started out life as a fantasy novel I was writing. I decided to try and adapt it here, see what kind of reaction I got. I've tried to tie it into the SW mythos as much as possible though! We'll see how well it works.

    Thanks again for the comment, anyone else out there reading who hasn't left a comment, please don't hesitate I'm always happy to exchange with a new reader!


  9. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    Chapter 3

    Currents through fluidic space buffeted the X-wing as I watched the Fael ship approach. Panic gripped me, and I might have stayed frozen if Wash?s insistent beeping hadn?t cut through the fog. The sound broke the spell and I blinked, twisting the yoke beneath my hands. The fighter lurched to the side, away from the oncoming vessel.

    What is wrong with me? I wondered, checking my instruments. Sensors were dead, as usual in the Wyrding. I checked things visually - the fluidic space around me rippled with the motions of my ship and the gravitic pulses emitted by the one behind me.

    I pushed as much power to the engines as possible, my eyes scanning the immediate area for any sign of a break in the Wyrding. I needed to find some kind of pocket of real space if I was to have any chance of jumping back into hyperspace. Of course I needed to find that before the Fael hunter caught up with me.

    Speaking of the Fael? A new alarm sounded in the cockpit. I checked the instruments, blinking furiously when I saw the indicator light for an incoming transmission. They were hailing me? What the hell?

    I hesitated for a moment, then punched the button to open the line. Static appeared on the small monitor down near my right hand. I flicked a glance back up at the purple and green nothingness surrounding me, and when I looked back down the static had cleared to show two alien faces. Red mottled skin clashed with yellow eyes that burned in the dimness of the ship. Sharp orange teeth showed through cracked lips as they smiled at me.

    ?Hello, brother.?

    Sithspit! I yanked the yoke around again, heading off at a tangent from my previous course, shunting as much power as I could to the engines.

    ?Brother,? the Fael ? her specific species was known as moirae or Reaper ? drew the word out turning it into a moan.

    ?Don?t call me that,? I shouted over the comm, blinking sweat out of my eyes.

    On the monitor, the two moirae shared a knowing glance ? like older siblings humouring a younger brother so as to better bring him around to their way of thinking. I felt my hackles rise. The look lasted a moment, then they turned and looked back into the monitor.

    ?What else should we call you, Brother??

    ?Perhaps he doesn?t remember us.?

    ?It has been a long time.?

    ?Perhaps he needs to be reminded.?

    Before I could respond, the space around me flexed. I have no better way to describe what happened ? the fluid tightened around my X-wing like a vice, or a fist. Immediately, the ship shook. The engines howled as they continued to try and push the fighter forward against the sudden pressure. I swore loudly in Huttese as I cut the engines ? if I didn?t, the engines would probably explode.

    I was adrift.

    Scowling, I looked back down at the two Fael. I remembered them only too well. Aisa and Decima, the King of Crow?s two pet reapers. I especially remembered how much that habit of sharing a sentence each used to drive me to distraction.

    ?What? What do you want with me? What are you doing here??

    Aisa, the one who had spoken first, sighed. ?A Conclave has been called.?

    ?The King demands it.?

    ?Blood has been spilled.?

    ?And must be avenged.?

    I frowned. A Conclave? I wracked my mind, casting back to the little time I had spent amongst the Fael. A Conclave was?

    ?A? An assembly of fae??

    The two looked at one another again, then turned back to me. ?Assembly is an? adequate term.?

    ?We must gather to avenge the spilled blood.?

    ?I got that. Why here?? They were only a day away from Coruscant. The Fael generally kept quite a distance from the Seven Systems. Besides, from what I had learned in my time amongst them, most blood cases were tried in their court on Korriban. Of course I had only witnessed one such case, and had been too busy pleading for my life at the time to note the details. ?Why is the blood not being avenged in the Court??

    ?The culprit fled.?

    ?To the Jeweled World.?

    ?He must be found.?

    ?He will be tracked.?

    ?And judged.?

  10. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Nov 13, 2001
    Wow. I am more and more intrigued by this story. If it were a book, my eyes would be glued to the pages. :p

    So, he's worked with the Fael before? And if they call him brother, on some level they were close.
    Very interesting.

    The Fael are from Korriban -- could that possibly mean they're somehow related to the Sith?

    More soon? [face_batting]


    Btw, The Icarus Hunt was a frickin amazing book. ;) If you have the chance, you should read it. Definately worth it. :)
  11. JediMara77

    JediMara77 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 5, 2004
    What she said!! This is a fascinating story.

    Again what she said! When I finished reading The Icarus Hunt my jaw dropped, I stared at the book for a second, then I immediately started rereading it. There's only been one other book that I've immediately reread upon finishing--Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and that's only because I read it so fast that I missed a lot. ;)

    But back to your story, it's just fascinating. I can't think of any other way to describe it. I feel like I'm reading an original fantasy story that just happens to be set in the Star Wars universe. Great work, and keep it coming.
  12. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    Chapter Three

    After the Great Change and the quarantine of the Seven, Hespiridium ? the former pleasure moon ? had become Coruscant?s main link back to the rest of the galaxy. Resorts, palaces and casinos had been converted into living quarters while entire swathes of beaches, jungles and game-reserves were transformed into farms, grazing fields and food manufacturing plants. Most of those who lived there had been touched by the fael in some way, twisted by their power into something less than what they had been. Barred from Coruscant, they had done the best they could, turning Hespiridium into a ghetto.

    I landed in one of the many docking bays on the outskirts of Grey City, Hespiridium?s primary port. Leaving Wash to keep an eye on the X-wing, I stepped out into the streets. I needed to arrange passage through the planetary shield before I could reply to my mistress?s summons.

    Coruscant was just setting as I entered the outskirts of the city. A few glowlamps flickered from the tops of the larger buildings, carving the streets into shadows of black and grey.

    The buildings themselves were twisted, the technology that had been used to raise them moulded by the ambiant radiation leaking out of the Wyrding. The skeletal towers had an almost bewitching weirdness about them, like the arms of the damned beseeching the heavens for forgiveness. The concrite had taken on the colour of coursing blood, red and brilliant and terrible.

    The Force. I could feel it, pulsing through the slabs of concrite at my feet. Breathing in the walls of the buildings. As if they themselves had been brought to life, twisting themselves into whatever shapes they wished. Twisting those who lived inside them as well.


    Lucan?s voice shook me from reverie. I set off again, down the street and heading towards the city centre.

    The buildings changed around me the closer I got to the city?s protective shield, the special harmonics keeping the Wyrding?s effects at bay. Grey City Core bustled with people; merchants and pilots, farmers and traders, travellers and players. After days stuck in my cockpit, the noise unsettled me. Hands and paws and suckers reached out to grab me; I slapped them away, trying to keep a tight hold on my wallet and cred-card. I felt as if I was walking through a crowd of pigeons, cooing for bread.

    Even though I was theoretically after local night fall, I knew I had to get to Coruscant as quickly as possible. I headed for the first hacker-broker I saw, only to be told that a Wyrding storm had been sighted on the far side of the system and there would be no openings in either shield until morning. Three more told me the same thing, even when I flashed my cred-card. By the tenth, I was beginning to get the message. I wasn?t going to be able to answer the summons, not tonight. I could feel it eating away at me, now like an itch I couldn?t reach. Still, there was nothing for it. Sighing, I headed for the Three-Eyed Rodian.

    As I steered my way through the pawing hordes, I looked for the familiar sign. I picked it out almost immediately ? a garish, luminiscent image of a prancing Rodian, green skin rendered in glowsticks that flickered on and off. In the centre of its face were three red eyes. Grey City humour, Lampwin had told me. I didn?t get the joke myself.

    I pushed through into the bar/hotel, pausing as I blinked in the dim lighting. The smell of too many races packed into too small a space, burning fuses and spent alcohol clung to the metal walls. A group of beings ? mainly human but with a couple of Twi?leks, a Gamorrean, a Wookie and a couple of Jawas ? were gathered around a heating unit, talking and laughing louldy.

    Lampwin came bustling up, wiping his hands on a dusty cloth. He wore a scar tied securely around his forehead to hide the third eye he had developed while scouting the edge of a Wyrding as a boy.

    ?Danil! Welcome back. It?s been a long time.?


    He sensed the tone and frowned. ?Trouble??

    ?No more than usual. I just got back from Tatooin
  13. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Nov 13, 2001
    I am so glad to see an update! This is one of those stories that stick, you know? As I've already mentioned, I was just thinking about this story the other day.

    I love all the details you put in. It makes this entire new world so much more interesting.

    And the plot thickens towards the end there...I wonder who the old man is? [face_thinking] And how Denil got there in the first place.

    And his relationship with Tess sounds intriguing.

    Great update and I'm looking forward to more!

  14. JediMara77

    JediMara77 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 5, 2004
    I am also glad to see this story updated! I was just wondering the other day what had happened to it. But I guess you have a good excuse!

    Once again I am really intrigued by everything going on in this galaxy. And our hero seems like quite the conflicted guy. He's going to steal the man's soul? Ouch.

    I hope you continue to update!
  15. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    Thanks for the comment. I'm glad I've been able to make this new universe real and interesting, part of the fun is seeing how I can twist things to match the vision I have of this story and world.

    Yes, the plot thickens indeed. We'll very quickly learn more about the old man, though how Danil came to be in the same room as him may take a little bit longer.

    We will see Tess in the next few chapters - I hope you'll like her, she's one of my favourite characters!

    More should be forthcoming, tomorrow I think.

    Hi JediMara77! So glad to see that you're still interested by this story as well, really makes it worth while!! (and glad my excuse stands up to scrutiny!)

    Yes, Danil has a whole lot of baggage behind him, some of which we will discover as the story progresses, a lot of it which will remain shrouded. Hey, I have to keep some stuff back for the next few books! ;)

    We'll see in the next chapter that Ouch definitely describes the process of stealing souls. Not pleasant AT all.

    As I said, a new update should be coming tomorrow.

    Thanks to both of you!

    PS: I made a slight modification to the previous chapter when Danil is talking to the barkeep. See if you can spot it, it changes part of this story quite a bit! ;)
  16. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    Chapter Five

    Reaping a man?s soul is not a pleasant experience. Still, by now you would think I would be used to it.

    I have already described the pearly yellow liquid on the man?s lips ? those droplets turn into a gaseous mass, escaping from the dead body like something drifting out of an electrical plant down in the Warehouse District. Once the reaping process has begun, that mass will find its way to me, no matter where I go, how far away I hide. Trust me, I have tried. One woman?s soul once followed me around for three days.

    This time, I gave in to the process with little more than a sigh. I backed up against the wall, closed my eyes and opened my mouth. The old man?s soul parted my lips and began to seep down my throat. I gagged as more and more of the soul matter forced its way into my mouth, like oily smoke, rolling down my throat and into my stomach.

    Every soul has a particular taste. Murdered souls taste like rancid milk, burned earth and a hint of copper. The old man?s added a sprinkling of old bark, a thread of mothballs and a whiff of piss to the mix. And the unmistakeable silvery tang of magic.

    As this soul entered my body, I began to see glimpses of the dead man?s life. They were flashes, pictures without words, smells without substance, sounds without context.

    I heard applause, followed by the sight of a woman?s smiling face and then the thick smell of spilled blood. I saw a dragon hidden amongst trees. Heard a woman?s scream. Felt the release of an orgasm. The sensations began to come faster and more intensely. The cry of a baby. The sweaty breasts of a fat Rodian whore. A woman?s scream.

    The stink of ****. A planet?s surface rising up through the cockpit of a small ship. My hand shaking as I crumpled a piece of paper. A full moon over a vast jungle. A woman?s scream.

    A stone doorway filled with mist. A young woman?s face, tears running down her cheeks. A woman?s scream.

    The metallic sheen of a theatre stage. The Force pulsing through my veins. A woman?s scream.

    My fist breaking nose and cheek bones. A woman?s scream.

    Again and again and again, fragments of this man?s life flickered through my mind?s eye.

    As usual, the experience left me breathless and drained. Every muscle ached as if I had been fighting in a bear pit. And it wasn?t over. As the fragments drifted away, I tensed for the grand finale. The soul settled and then the screams began.

    Let me out! I?m still alive, you hear me? Let me? Wait! Where am I? What?s happening? Where am I? I have to get out. Have to find her. Have to get out. Where am I? What is happening to me where am I have to get out where am I where is she she needs me I have to help her I have to make it right I have to get him the spell I have to get it back curse him curse her curse them all where am I what is happening!

    From experience, I knew that few dead souls come out of a reaping with their sanity intact. Whoever this man had once been, his soul was teetering on the brink of the abyss.

    Listen to me! I shouted in my mind.

    The man?s soul ignored me. I shouted again, but the shrieks and screams and demented cries steadily increased until it was all I could do to keep from screaming myself. Sithspawn, I hated this part. The headache I had been nursing since the Force summoning started to build in intensity. Closing my eyes, I did the only thing I could.

    Lucan, I need your help.

    As quickly as that, he was there. His soul was all dry amusement, accompanied by the mental image of an old fop with his eyebrow raised.

    You yelped?


    I assume it has something to do with our latest? lodger?

    I gritted my teeth. My new ?lodger? had begun to scream shrilly. I started to rub my temples.

    Yes. Can you do anything with him?

    I had discovered Lucan?s effect on my ?lodgers? the day I reaped the soul of an old Twi?lek whore deep in the Dregs. She kept me awake all night with her exploits, which ? if true ? would have been enough to make her a legend. I think Lucan eventuall
  17. aalagartassle

    aalagartassle Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 11, 2011
    An excellent plot so far. Congratulations.
    I see others have already commented on your stlye, but just to make sure :THIS IS COOL!
    Add me to your list
  18. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004

    Sorry for the delay in responding to your comment, I haven't been online for a while.

    Thanks so much, means a lot. I am glad you find this as cool to read as I do to write! I will definitely add you to the pm list. The next chapter should be up tonight.

  19. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Nov 13, 2001
    The old man?s added a sprinkling of old bark, a thread of mothballs and a whiff of piss to the mix.

    [face_sick] Yuck.

    I absolutely love how you describe the dead man's life. Especially how you used "a woman's scream" after each sentence.

    She was praying to the Je?daii for protection.

    Sounds like the Vong had a say in this religion. :p

    Anyway...looks like Danil has found himself in quite a situation.

    Great update!

  20. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    I'm glad that had the desired effect. I wanted the description of the reaping of the man's soul to be uncomfortable and a little disgusting. Your reaction hopefully confirms that it was!

    The scream will be important later on and a lot of the imagery we glimpse will have an impact as Danil investigates the old man's death.

    I don't know if you saw my comment on the last chapter saying that I had made a change to part of it? If you didn't, I'd invite you to take another look at the edited chapter, it should help confirm your theory! :)

    Thank you! Hope you enjoy the next chapter, which I hope to have up tonight. Thanks again for the comment.

  21. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004
    Chapter Six

    The first thing I heard was the steady throb of sublight engines somewhere beneath me accompanied by the occasional scrape of metal against metal.

    I opened my eyes. In the dim light cast by a control panel in front of me, I saw the curved bulkhead of a ship?s cockpit rising above me. I frowned, trying to remember how the hell I had gotten her. Just as I recognised the back of a red-haired woman in the seat in front of me, my memory returned. The fake maid in the inn and blaster butt to the back of my head. I grunted. They had brought me aboard their ship.


    The red-haired bitch must have heard me move slightly. She turned, eyes fixed on my face, a larger blaster cradled in her arms and aimed squarely at my crotch. A wave of nausea overwhelmed me and I twisted around, vomiting all over the floor behind me. I watched as a small maintenance droid darted out of a nearby hatch, vacuuming up the rest of my supper. My whole body was shaking. Dammit all to the nine hells of Cardus! The summoning spell was starting to have more of an effect. With a groan, I swung back into the chair.

    ?Feel better??

    "Not really,? I croaked. The inside of my throat felt as if someone had rubbed it with a handful of sand.

    "Good,? the woman snapped.

    I smiled wanly. What wit. "Where are we??

    "Waiting for contact from the planet."

    I managed to lift my head again, without throwing up this time, and turned it slightly to look out of the cockpit?s viewport. My captor?s ship was floating in the hollow between two conjoined hulks, the remnants of old Galactic Alliance frigates. A handful of other small ships ? tugboats, freight-barges and pinnaces ? held position around us.

    Great, I thought at the sight. They?re taking me down to Coruscant. Unfortunately, from what my captor had said, I got the feeling that I would be heading towards incarceration rather than a meeting with Tess. Fantastic.

    I looked back at the woman. She scowled at me. For the first time I noticed the huge Sith who had clocked me, his hands resting on the controls as he held us stationary. Despite an impending sense of doom, I forced a smile just to piss her off.

    "You do realise you're making a huge mistake?"

    "Please!? She rolled her eyes. ?Don't bore me with your threats. The Ghost's men have been trying to scare me off for months." She leaned in towards me and suddenly a knife appeared in her hand. "I don't scare easy."

    I glanced down at the knife, which she just happened to be holding right in front of her ample breasts, placed on beautiful display by her plunging neck line. My smile widened. "I can see that."

    She saw where I was looking and gritted her teeth. She lifted her hand to slap me, but before she followed through, a voice sounded from the control panel behind her.

    "Shield control to DeVare?s Dagger."

    The Sith reached forward and flicked a switch.

    ?DeVare?s Dagger, here.?

    ?Please state your name and business,? the controller said, his tone of voice bordering on the depressive.

    ?Runner?s business, control. Our passcode checks out so don?t waste my time.?

    A Runner? I glanced at the woman - I assumed she was DeVare - again, feeling a new respect for her. I had heard of the Runners ? the Minister of Justice?s latest pet project. Former thieftakers for the most part, they had received special training and judicial powers, able to investigate any crime and bring anyone in for questioning. Even a Senator or a Moff. If this DeVare was a Runner, I was in more trouble that I had thought.

    There was a moment of silence, followed by the controller?s voice, a little more perky this time.

    "What kind of business, DeVare?s Dagger?"

    "The kind that ends in the Tower, control."

    That seemed to give the man pause. After another moment of silence, the voice echoed through the bridge again. ?Your passcode checks out, Dagger. Here?s your entry code.?

    Rolling his eyes, the Sith ended the communication and brough
  22. JediMara77

    JediMara77 Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 5, 2004
    Chapter 5:

    One woman?s soul once followed me around for three days.

    That sounds...unpleasant.

    This time, I gave in to the process with little more than a sigh. I backed up against the wall, closed my eyes and opened my mouth. The old man?s soul parted my lips and began to seep down my throat. I gagged as more and more of the soul matter forced its way into my mouth, like oily smoke, rolling down my throat and into my stomach.

    And that's even more unpleasant!

    Ack. Our protagonist seems to be in a bit of a situation! I'm still really interested to learn more and figure out what the heck is going on. Lol.

    Oh, and don't worry about PMing me for updates - I'm on all the time so I rarely miss new posts. :)
  23. aalagartassle

    aalagartassle Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 11, 2011
    A really gritty post, loved it.
    I was in stitches when the smell of the cell entertered into the fray.[face_laugh] Excellent work.
  24. Ceillean

    Ceillean Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Nov 13, 2001
    So this prison he's in now used to be the Jedi temple? Did I read that correctly?

    That's kind of depressing, really. Skywalker Tower has a nice ring to it, though. At least the Skywalker blood line hasn't been forgotten.

    I really like Danil. He seems to keep getting into trouble though.

    Intriguing still is this summonening going on between him and Tess. I wonder in which way the two of them are connected?

    Wonderful post and thanks for the PM.

  25. JABrown

    JABrown Jedi Master star 1

    Oct 22, 2004

    Thanks for the comment. No probs for the PMs.

    Yes, Danil is in a bit of a situation as you say and things are not going to get much more simple as things progress, as you will see!


    Thanks very much. I try my best to make things as... pungent as possible! [face_blush]

    All jokes aside, thanks so much for the comment, means a lot. I should have another chapter up tonight or tomorrow morning.


    Yes, the prison used to be the Jedi temple. Gives you an idea of what has happened to the Jedi (and the Sith, in fact) in this universe. Things are nowhere near as organised as they used to be and a Temple is not needed anymore.

    I'm glad you liked the little nod to Skywalker Tower - as I see it, in all likelihood after Luke's death they would probably have had little choice but to name some part of the Temple after him! :p

    I'm glad you like Danil, he is definitely one of my favourite characters from any of my fics, and one of the main reasons for that is the fact that he keeps on getting into trouble. And trust me, his troubles are far from over!

    We'll see more about the summoning in the next chapter, which should also reveal a little more about how the use of the Force has changed since the arrival of the Fael.

    Glad you're still enjoying the story!