ST The Star Wars Rumor Generator

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat...oo_can_spread_baseless_speculation_about.html

Now you can start spreading around your *own* entirely evidence-lacking plots for Episode VII!

It seems to work only on my phone. Your computers are probably better than mine.

I got "Star Wars: The Rancor Strikes Back".

"Unnamed sources tell us that 'Star Wars Episode VII' will focus on a Padawan learned (played by Lupita Nyong'o) who must learn the ways of the Force at the hands of an aging Luke Skywalker. Domhnall Gleeson and Oscar Isaac will play the children of Han Solo and Princess Leia, and our intel tells us that together they will go up against a fearsome Sith Lord (played by Adam Driver), along with a menacing motion-capture alien (played by Andy Serkis). Lastly--though we were sworn to secrecy--we can now say with a high degree of confidence that the sequel will be called 'Star Wars Episode VII: The Rancor Strikes Back'."

 

The Droid Strikes Back

Unnamed sources tell us that Star Wars Episode VII will focus on a Padawan learner (played by Oscar Isaac) who must learn the ways of the Force at the hands of an aging Luke Skywalker. Lupita Nyong'o and John Boyega will play the children of Han Solo and Princess Leia, and our intel tells us that together they will go up against a fearsome Sith Lord (played by Adam Driver), along with a menacing motion-capture alien (played by Andy Serkis). Lastly—though we were sworn to secrecy—we can now say with a high degree of confidence that the sequel will be called Star Wars Episode VII: The Droid Strikes Back .

 

Unnamed sources tell us that Star Wars Episode VII will focus on a Padawan learner (played by Domhnall Gleeson) who must learn the ways of the Force at the hands of an aging Luke Skywalker. Gwendoline Christie and Max von Sydow will play the children of Han Solo and Princess Leia, and our intel tells us that together they will go up against a fearsome Sith Lord (played by Oscar Isaac), along with a menacing motion-capture alien (played by Andy Serkis). Lastly—though we were sworn to secrecy—we can now say with a high degree of confidence that the sequel will be called Star Wars Episode VII: Wedge Strikes Back .

 

"Attack of the Wookies"

Unnamed sources tell us that Star Wars Episode VII will focus on a Padawan learner (played by Daisy Ridley) who must learn the ways of the Force at the hands of an aging Luke Skywalker. Gwendoline Christie and John Boyega will play the children of Han Solo and Princess Leia, and our intel tells us that together they will go up against a fearsome Sith Lord (played by Lupita Nyong'o), along with a menacing motion-capture alien (played by Andy Serkis). Lastly—though we were sworn to secrecy—we can now say with a high degree of confidence that the sequel will be called Star Wars Episode VII: Attack of the Wookies .

 

Lol so it's basically the same story just tweaking names and titles. But LMAO, oh how I'd love to see Von Sydow Playing one of Han and Leia's kids...that would be some de-aging makeup, either that or he's had a REALLY hard life

 

Unnamed sources tell us that Star Wars Episode VII will focus on a Padawan learner (played by Gwendoline Christie) who must learn the ways of the Force at the hands of an aging Luke Skywalker. Oscar Isaac and Lupita Nyong'o will play the children of Han Solo and Princess Leia, and our intel tells us that together they will go up against a fearsome Sith Lord (played by Adam Driver), along with a menacing motion-capture alien (played by Andy Serkis). Lastly—though we were sworn to secrecy—we can now say with a high degree of confidence that the sequel will be called Star Wars Episode VII: Revenge of Ackbar

 

Unnamed sources tell us that Star Wars Episode VII will focus on a Padawan learner (played by John Boyega) who must learn the ways of the Force at the hands of an aging Luke Skywalker. Gwendoline Christie and Daisy Ridley will play the children of Han Solo and Princess Leia, and our intel tells us that together they will go up against a fearsome Sith Lord (played by Lupita Nyong'o), along with a menacing motion-capture alien (played by Andy Serkis). Lastly—though we were sworn to secrecy—we can now say with a high degree of confidence that the sequel will be called Star Wars Episode VII: Attack of the Gungans .

ATTACK OF THE GUNGANS FTW

 

This is probably going to get locked, but what the hey.

Unnamed sources tell us that Star Wars Episode VII will focus on a Padawan learner (played by Domhnall Gleeson) who must learn the ways of the Force at the hands of an aging Luke Skywalker. Max von Sydow and Daisy Ridley will play the children of Han Solo and Princess Leia, and our intel tells us that together they will go up against a fearsome Sith Lord (played by Gwendoline Christie), along with a menacing motion-capture alien (played by Andy Serkis). Lastly—though we were sworn to secrecy—we can now say with a high degree of confidence that the sequel will be called Star Wars Episode VII: The Phantom Anakin .

 

This is all one big April Fool's prank. Abrams doesn't have the heart to admit it.

 

The important thing is, I'll have made a difference. http://www.thejoycamp.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/themoreyouknow.png

 

Star Wars: Attack of Darth Maul

Unnamed sources tell us that Star Wars Episode VII will focus on a Padawan learner (played by Daisy Ridley) who must learn the ways of the Force at the hands of an aging Luke Skywalker. John Boyega and Gwendoline Christie will play the children of Han Solo and Princess Leia, and our intel tells us that together they will go up against a fearsome Sith Lord (played by Oscar Isaac), along with a menacing motion-capture alien (played by Andy Serkis). Lastly—though we were sworn to secrecy—we can now say with a high degree of confidence that the sequel will be called Star Wars Episode VII: Attack of Darth Maul .

 

Return of Lando

Unnamed sources tell us that Star Wars Episode VII will focus on a Padawan learner (played by Lupita Nyong'o) who must learn the ways of the Force at the hands of an aging Luke Skywalker. Oscar Isaac and Daisy Ridley will play the children of Han Solo and Princess Leia, and our intel tells us that together they will go up against a fearsome Sith Lord (played by Gwendoline Christie), along with a menacing motion-capture alien (played by Andy Serkis). Lastly—though we were sworn to secrecy—we can now say with a high degree of confidence that the sequel will be called Star Wars Episode VII: Return of Lando .