The STARWIN AWARDS!! [**Nominations Open!!**]

Well, hello there, my little friend, and welcome to the first ever STARWIN AWARDS!!



These are inspired, of course, by the Darwin Awards, awarded to "salute the improvement of the human genome
by honoring those who remove themselves from it in really stupid ways"...

The Starwins are the same, but are awarded to things in STAR WARS!

Suggested nominees hotly tipped by the pundits this year include...

Anakin Solo; Jango Fett; and Star Dreadnoughts...

But it's an open field this year, and who knows what will happen!!

***

And, last but by no means least, the Starwin Committee are proud to anounce...

THE IG-88 PRIZE!!

This is inspired by the real-life Ig Nobel Prizes - but where those are awarded by the Annals of Improbable Research for scientific experiments that cannot, or should not, be reproduced, these are awarded by the Journal des Études et Discours Intergalactiques for Star Wars stories and articles that cannot, or should not, be reprinted...

- The Imperial Ewok

 

Can I nominate Drake Lo'gaan, from the Evasive Action series? He's not dead yet, but he soon will be. His amazing acts of wisdom include:

• Trying to take on two upgraded MagnaDroids (only surviving when a squad of commandos bailed him out)


• Volunteering to destroy General Grievous alone (thankfully, Anakin said no)


• Using the Force in front of several clone troopers and citizens IN THE MIDDLE OF POST-ROTS CORUSCANT


• Claiming that it didn't matter, because "Clones don't count"


• Going to a COMPNOR do, thinking that a changed name would hide his Force-presence

And as for the IG-88...Clone Wars Volume II. It should be struck from all records of canon, too.

 

Tam: *grins* Perfect!

Here goes another one:

PURPOSE-BUILT WARSHIPS LARGER THAN IMPERIAL CLASS STAR DESTROYERS (and their commanders!!)

These just can't seem to get it right... whereas the Trade Federation's converted haulers lumber their ungainly way right through the Prequels, and psychopathic Mon Calamari cruise-ships can still occasionally be found roaming the spacelanes in the NJO, taking names and stealling baby Star Destroyers' sweets, purpose-built warships larger than Imperial-class Star Destroyers seem to sink rapidly under the weight of their own crews almost the moment they're commissioned, leaving only a trail of bubbles rising gently from the darkness through their empty deepdock berths.

There is a certain resilience to the Super Star Destroyer class, but in the end, it seems that the only thing that guarantees one of these ships any sort of longevity is being already destroyed a couple of times... if this reaches the final stage, I'll put together a full list of how they all sank, exploded, and generally went the way of the Norwegian Blue...

And the only thing that dies more regularly and comically than these monumental expressions of Freudian inadequacy is their commanders. My personal favourite is poor Joak Drysso of Lusankya, shot dead with comical dismissal by a snotty young lieutenant at the end of The Bacta War...

- The Imperial Ewok

 

Nominations are for several different categories...

1. Biggest Oversight in one's Plans

2. Utterly stupid deaths

3. (Old Republic) Proof the Republic should have died

4. (Empire) You deserve to be eaten by Ewolks

5. (New Republic) Leia wasted her life saving your ass...

6. The Dread Lord Waru Award for Utterly Horrible Character

7. The Most Stupid Action by a Canon character

My nominations are...

1. The Late Grand Admiral Thrawn in the Thrawn Trilogy for his brilliant stragedies of

A. Using an insane Jedi Master to lord over a strategic military facility.
B. Trusting a race that worships Darth Vader to go after his children.
C. Not doing a thorough sweep to see if Mole Miner's had COMMAND CODES
D. Not taking the Katana First
E. Backstabbing a race obsessed with honor in an incredibly obvious way (you know, god forbid they ever ask how long decontamination will take and find it not happening 50 years later)

2. Prince Xizor

"Do your worst Lord Vader!"

You became like a bug on Vader's windshield

(Even worse than Boba Fett's death)

3. For all the Jedi's stupidity, I credit Kinman Doriana as the guy who actually WORKED for Palpatine and Sidious yet never guessed. Lois Lane had better eyesight.

4. Ysanne Isard for giving the Republic Coruscant.

5. The Entire Vong Invasion

6. Hutt Jedi

7. Han killing hundreds of aliens with his exhaust vents in the NJO

 

Kueller. Definite violation of the Evil Overlord List many, many times throughout The New Rebellion. On at least two occasions he had Luke at his mercy but chose not to kill him.

For the IG-88 award:

Children Of The Jedi. It reads like some faux-Ulysses book with stream of consciousness style, and after numerous rereadings I still have no idea what happened for the first half.

 

Kueller is a case that I'm not sure whether to pity or salute.

* He kills nearly the entire Senate
* He builds himself a massive droid army
* Conquers his homeworld
* Takes on the Republic, Jedi, and galaxy as a whole

...

And he has only two victories and some smuggling contacts.

Yes, it's stupid but that man had balls.

 

I vote for anything related to the Millineum Falcon in TJK to win the IG-88 award. Hyperspace backwards? Nacelles? Hyperdrive coolant in a bucket?

 

I'm going to nominate Falynn Sandskimmer for the Starin.
1. Flew inside a Star Destroyer
2.Got hung up inside said destroyer
3. Would not let here wingmate help her get out.

 

Starwin nomination: Castin Donn, an insubordinate mediocre hacker who had a bias against aliens, tricked his squadron so he could go aboard Iron Fist, Tried to hack into the systems and failed, had a suden change of heart about a deranged Talz, and tried to escape stormtroopers on their own ship.

 

Dubrin Zahn, my former RPG character.

(so named in honor of Genghis)

 

I'd nominate Durga the Hutt, for obvious reasons that need not be stated.

 

is it EU only? because if Not.. Coleman Trebor..

* Jedi Master.. on the Council.. supposedly knows how to fight..
* Jumps up onto a platform containing Dooku and Jango Fett..
* Completely ignores Fett as he tries to fight Dooku
* Fett fills him full of holes.


I'll have to think of someone to take the cake on the EU theres been a lot of Darwin deaths..

 

Try the Reborn Emperor.

 

There is an important thing to remember about the Darwin Awards:

You have to remove yourself from the gene pool. If you die, but have had any children, you are still in the gene pool. If you survive, but are unable to have children, you are not part of the gene pool.

Just killing yourself doesn't do it.

Kimball Kinnison

 

Padme

Dating Jedi (that just happen to be are younger than you, and are infatuated with you) can be hazardous to your health.


How about Conehead?


Rats, all I'm coming up with are movie characters.

 

Biggest Oversight in one's Plans


Palpatine. What was he thinking, having Vader try to kill his son? Anakin joined the darkside because of his family.

 

Starwin Award nominee:

Any Tie Fighter pilot, with a few notable exceptions (to be listed later).
For gallantly sitting in a flying box with engines and guns attached to it. For bravely attempting to uphold the ideals of a corrupt dictatorship. For being stupid enough to take said flying box with engines into an asteroid field, and even worse; into battle against fighters of greater caliber than yours. You are graciously nominated.

Honourable Mentions:

For participating in above actions for the same reasons, but amazingly enough you survived to instill your rediculous, and reckless seed into some poor woman, who you likely had worried to death for the period of your flight career. You are hereby honorably mentioned for putting your life in a flying box with engines.

Baron Fel
Tycho Celchu
Maarek Steele
etc etc...

 

Objection!!

 

Boba Fett died? When?

 

[image=http://www.bloodfin.org/modules/xoopsgallery/cache/albums/album04/Sarlacc.thumb.jpg]

 

He's not dead unless we see the body...

 

I think he's referring to Han's knocking him into the Sarlacc in ROTJ. Which is, IMO, a pretty dumb scene...

 

Jacen Solo

Also Jar Jar Binks, if he's involved in anything, everyone suffers.

Edit: one dies by default, the other will die in Legacy.

2ed Edit: also, that Jedi in the CN Clone Wars part one, Shaa-gi, killed by Gen. Greavious.

 

Wurth Skidder gets my nomination for the "(Dead in the) Belly of the Beast" sub-category.

 

The Duro squadron in the NJO, they decide to try to conquer an entire planet massivly guarded by Vong and when ordered to retreat they stay.