The STARWIN AWARDS!! [**Nominations Open!!**]

Oh yea, Elegos A'kla, for being turned into a polished and jeweled bone statue by the Vong.

 

Every Imperial stormtrooper who was killed by an ewok.

 

By Conehead do you mean Ki-Adi-Mundi? He's had 5 wives and at least 7 kids. He has already made his mark on the gene pool.

Padme wouldn't count as she has spawned offspring.

Coleman Trebor deserves the idiotic death award.

After investigating the Medstar Doulogy, Barriss Offee gets an honorable mention for going on an acid trip, and then debating whether or not to do it again.

 

You're right. I forgot.

But all of Ki-Adi's family was killed in the Clone Wars, IIRC.

 

And there was much rejoicing from Ryan and Rohniss..

 

Two nominations for the Starwin Award:

1. As already said, teh Castin Donn who had possibly the most stupid death ever.

2. Agen Kolar. Let me recount:

I. Agen Kolar is a member of the Jedi Council, and considered among the best of the swordsmen in the Jedi Order. For this reason he is selected for both hunting down the Bounty Hunters who were trying to get Jedi, and why he was selected for going against a Sith freakin' Lord.

II. Go with Mace, Saesee, and Kit to arrest a Sith Lord.

III. Lightsabers ignite.

IV. "Your under arrest, Chancellor."

V. "Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?" At this point a warning light should go off in his head.

VI. "I am the Senate!" Yeah. You'll want to prepare for battle right about now.

VII. Palps ignites lightsaber and does freakin' sweet flip over to the Jedi.

VIII. Palpatine kills Saesee Tiin. Warning! Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

IX. Agen goes on to be distracted by Palpatine's fashionable interior decorating, and slowly raises his lightsaber above his head while doing so...

X. ...leaving the perfect opening for a Sith Lord to slice him.


Now let's recap this death. Yes Palpatine was able to beat Yoda himself, but that's not to say Agen had to go out like a punk. We see Kit hold his own for a bit, and probably only dies because Mace seems to back up. However, Agen goes in there, expecting Palpatine to be a Sith Lord, and him having to resort to violence. If Agen was trying o be optomistic and hope Anakin was wrong, then that in itself is enough reason for him to win this. So, he gets to Palps' office, and durring Mace's badass "Your under arrest, Chancellor," they all ignite their lightsabers, meaning that they are now ready for battle. Lightsaber goes on, Palpatine flips forward, now, this happens a little fast, something you may need Jedi senses to react to, oh wait, Agen has those! Too bad he didn't use them. Now Palpatine takes out the superbadass Saesee Tiin in less then a second, this one I forgive, since it was right after the flip, and Palps' first victim of the day. But that gives Agen plenty of time to go to a good strong defensive stance. Instead, he raises his lightsaber above his head for a slow but powerful bash down on Palpatine after he's seen how fast the old man can move. Then the fatal mistake: the interior decorations. In conclusion, Agen had plenty of time and plenty of warning, but he still wen out like a punk.



And for the IG-88 Award, the one, the only, Glove of Darth Vader Series

 

We do see the body. It's alive.

 

Ok, sorry gotta nominated Plo Koon and Aayla as well..

Koon:

* In a Starfighter.. in a combat zone.
* Two fighters ("friendly*) drop back behind you..
* Starfighter had laser lock on warnings (hell even the regular TIE does)
* Doesnt notice when warning lights come on
* Doesnt notice bieng shot as the clones miss 2 times..

Aayla:

*Just stood there.. did nothing.. look at some dumbass bird.. Atleast Conehead tried to put up some kinda fight..

*note*

I do like Aayla but thats gotta be the gimpest death ive ever seen.. wait no thiers still Trebor and Koon.

 

Regarding TIEs-- they're not bad fighters by a long shot. Watch the movies again and not the kill ratios, which range from even to grossly in favor of the TIE pilots (ANH).

 

never said they werent.. I ment a TIE is a cheap mass produced figher.. I would assume that a fighter that was more specialized.. and more expensive.. (not mass produced) would have the same features at least the TIE did.

 

TIES are bad fighters. One of their strengths is that therer are so many of them that they can overwhelm their targets.

I think Grand Admiral Zaarin deserves a Starwin. Who in their right mind would try to kidnap Palpatine?

 

Unseen Queen Spoiler..........


































All The Killiks dying by the Fizz (nano machines designed to protect the environment of the planets they inhabit) It?s worse then Raid to the industrious yet haplessly moronic bugs. At least Han has a wonderful bug squashing weapon now, go for it Han!!

 

And on the note of that hilarioius Agen-Interior Decorating comment:

Sith Snapshot has out favorite horny Jedi, and I don't mean Alema.

Agen Kolar (Tux Akindoyeni) had best work on that defense.

Ya think?

 

Amen.



How about Jet Porkins?

"Jet, pull up!"
"No, I'm alright! I'M ALRIIGGGTAPHFFF!!"

Yeah, good call Piggy. Way to just dive right into that spacestation the size of a small moon.

 

General Grievous...?

 

Heh.

Let me reiterate- who in their right mind, not being controlled directly by palpatine, would want to kidnap palpatine?

 

Also a good one - whoever piloted Ambassador Furgan's Dreadnaught. What a moron. "Yes, let's drive between the space rocks shooting static bolts of pure high-voltage power at each other!"

 

Not to mention furgan himself... and everyon else who has tried to kidnap a solo kid.

 

Furgan's drink-throwing virus was pretty clever, as was the brain-tortured Mon Cal saboteur (which backfired quite admirably, but we don't give Thrawn Starwins for the infamous Rukh incident; he's demonstrated enough intelligence on other occasions for an unfortunate mishap like that to be overlooked), so even though I hated him as a character and wanted him out of continuity(. NOW.) he was a decently smart villain, if not an original one in the slightest.

 

Thrawn or Furgan?

still I dunno if I see anyone who measures up the the amount of stupidty the prequal Jedi exhibited.. i say give em all the award.

 

Well, he got the remainder of his forces owned by a nanny droid. And a pretty old model to boot.

I thought that most of his work was brilliant; but the kidnapping anakin thing was stupid.

 

Furghan is like Zsinj

You have difficulty taking him seriously, but he's actually quite clever.

 

Hey. Jango Fett's death was not stupid. Just bad writing on Lucas' part.

Think:

- ROTJ ending: Best legion of troops taken down by midgets wielding rocks and sticks. It didn't look ridiculous at all, George.

- Boba Fett vs Sarlaac: Yeah. Such a dumbass death scene that EU authors couldn't handle it and kept him alive.

- Jango vs Mace: If the lamest, shortest "fight" scene wasn't enough, it is directly followed by more Jar Jar-ish "comic relief" from the oh-so-funny C-3PO.

Anyway. I gotta say Jabba. I'm not sexist, but you'd think he'd have more defense than a slavegirl just strangling him with her own chain... While he flails his arms around like an idiot.

 

Furgan. I laud Thrawn's originality as the first truly great villain of the Expanded Universe. Can't touch that, Lumiya. Or Valance. Thrawn owns you.

Zsinj was pretty stupid, if you ask me. He just thought he was really smart. C'mon, anyone that lets a supposed Ewok fly his TIE interceptors around...