Before - Legends The Struggles of a Jedi Padawan ? for Dear Diary Challenge 2011

Title: The Struggles of a Jedi Padawan
Author: The_Zeltron
Timeframe: 100 BBY
Characters: OCs, Yoda
Genre: Angst
Summary: For Dear Diary Challenge 2011, we're following one of my OC characters that has yet to make an appearance in my fics
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, worlds, etc., belong to George Lucas. I am just borrowing them. No money is being made from this story in any way. Also, all day, holiday, and festival names are either of my own invention or Mandalorian words which I used for them. They are not canon, and I chose to use them just because I felt like it.
Warnings: This diary is rather depressing and bitter, though it will start looking up eventually. Please keep that in mind when you read it.
Notes: The dating format is Year:Monthay:Hour:MinuteSecond). An "F" or "H" in the MONTH slot means a Festival week or Holiday. Also, I am using the Galactic Standard Calendar year. If it's important to you, or you'd like to know about it, feel free to PM me.



First Entry


The diary of Gem'ena Mka'ren, Padawan to Shlanzwar Dprain.

Today is the first day of a new year here on Coruscant, but I feel anything but excited. I don't know why some people look forward to the beginning of a new year, much less have a fete week for it. Some people make plans for the new year during this week. I, however, have merely to rehearse my failures from the last year, and look forward to how many new failures I can invent for this year. It is the story of my life, and yet it is funny, in a way.

So, to look back on my failures, I must simply look to this morning. Of course, I managed to stay up later than everyone else last night, partying alone, and was slow getting out of bed this morning. My master really appreciated that, naturally, since he wanted to get started on some special religious ceremony from his native planet, and always insists that I join him. As if I have a reason to want to get out of bed on a holiday. Five extremely boring hours later, he was in the rotten mood his sanctimonious ceremony deserved, but took it out on me... of course. Nothing was perfect, and dinner was awful, especially since we were both in an even worse mood from trying to work in the same cramped kitchen at the same stupid time.

I managed to get away to sit alone in my room for half an hour, before he called me back to finish the day with another of his ceremonies. Of course he bawled me out for looking sour about the stupid ceremony, and then off to bed with me. Like he expects me, an eighteen-year-old Padawan, to put up with being sent to bed like a five-year-old initiate. So, now I've got my robe stuffed under the door so he won't see that my light is on, and I'm staying up late. Like there's any real fun in that when you have to do it alone. Anyway, I'm reading, and just enjoying the fact that he thinks he won, when he didn't. Some day I'm going to tell him how many times and ways I've defied him, and how many lies I've told him, and what I think of him, and then I'm going to leave forever. It'll be so great not to have to be afraid of him and what he can do to me anymore.

Anyway, I'd better finish, so I can just flip off the light and pretend I'm in bed if he comes around. So, to another "great" tomorrow.


Gem'ena Mka'ren, the Jedi Temple, Coruscant ? Solus, BBY 100:F1:1:23:30

 

Careful, fear leads to anger. anger to hate, hate to suffering, all leads to the Dark Side! Nice PM me when you have more for your stories.

 

This sounds a lot like one of my characters. I think they would get along well. I like this, keep me posted

 

Thanks, Furio and Nadia! I really appreciate you guys reading!

Yes, Furio, I know where she's headed. Alright, you're on the PM list.

Wouldn't surprise me at all, Nadia. You're added, as well.


Second Entry

Well, I can't believe I've gone this long without getting in trouble again. So, what did I do today? Um, let me see if I can make this look reasonable. I got sick, and my master likes to pretend he thinks I did it on purpose. It's nothing really bad, and it's his fault I don't see the healers, and I always get it harder than anyone else, anyway, so I have no idea how the hell he can pretend to himself that I'd want to get sick. On top of that, I'm much more careful than he is all the time!

Anyway, I'm effectively grounded for now. Stuck in my room, can't access anything but my own datapads, and feeling awful. Oh, and don't forget staying up late. It's useful to stay up late, 'cause then he never wins. I think I'll go crazy if this goes on much longer. I know I'm a Jedi, and I shouldn't, but, by the Force, I hate him! I do my best, but it never has been and never will be good enough for him!

Now I'm starting to feel really bad. I'm going to sign off and then sit up for another hour or two. Just to make sure I feel terrible tomorrow morning, of course. *rolls eyes*

So, goodnight to my only friend, my diary.


Gem'ena Mka'ren, Jedi Temple, Coruscant ? Solus, BBY 100:1:1:22:59

 

Almost the same words as another famous Jedi that turned to the Dark Side. Oh my!

Nice work Zeltron.

 

Liking it, then, Furio? Thanks, and thanks so much for reading it!



Third Entry


Well, feeling terrible went well. But of course I had to get up and do everything the same as usual. I couldn't even read, though, because it made my head hurt so bad. Besides, my concentration was non-existent. Really fun day, of course.

Anyway, I guess my diary would like to know what happened this time, not what happened then. Let's see. This time? I believe the zoo we keep made too much noise for our neighbors. Wait, that's not quite right. My master believed the zoo we keep was making too much noise for us to be allowed to keep it if it went on much longer, and it was my fault because I fed the noisiest portion of said zoo second instead of first. Like five minutes difference in amount of highest-decibel noise is going to matter to anyone.

Oh yes, it was a most pleasant experience, of course, and I nearly threw the feed I'd prepared away, just to show him. It would have been fun, but I didn't feel inclined for more trouble, so I just steamed, and I'll show him at a later date, in a different manner. Quite satisfactorily ruined the rest of the day for me, but who cares! *pretends to be very cheerful, then rolls eyes* Anyway, at least I'm staying up extra late again, and doing a bit of writing this time. Maybe someday I'll find someone who actually cares what I write and think about stuff.

Well, time to sign off.

Gem'ena Mka'ren, Jedi Temple, Coruscant ? Rayshe'a, BBY 100:1:5:23:56

 

The frustration mounts on her. Doesn't bode well for our heroine.

 

Wow a spiteful apprentice! Can such a thing exist?

 

He's like me
i stay up late and regret it in the morning but i do it again anyway

 

I am really enjoying the internal conflict your character is undergoing! It's nice to see a Jedi, even a Padawan, tangle with her emotions as the stereotype often presents them as having their emotions in control and such. I'd love to be added to your private messages list for updates, if at all possible!

- CorellianJazz

 

Thanks, all, for reading! This entry is a bit of a change of pace.

No, it doesn't, Furio.

Well... it seems so, JediKaren.

I see, Trevase. Sounds like quite a few of us.

Thank you so much, CorellianJazz! Certainly. You're added.




Fourth Entry


This time? Nothing, really. I'm actually feeling pretty cheerful today, amazingly enough. Once that wouldn't have been so amazing, but... *shrugs* Anyway, I got a good bit of writing done, and actually impressed myself. I really enjoyed it, too. I wonder if anyone will ever read it. I wish there was a chance they would...

Anyway... as long as my master doesn't catch me up tonight, it'll be a good day. If he does... Well, I'll be paying for it for the next three weeks. *rolls eyes*

I finally managed to make a perfectly satisfactory dinner, and cared for the zoo on time. Like my master noticed. Anyway, I want to get some more writing done, so I'm closing now.


Gem'ena Mka'ren, Jedi Temple, Coruscant ? Cuir, BBY 100:1:9:22:31

 

Nice, thanks for PMing me. its really appreciated

 

I like this, very interesting! Could I be added to the PM list too, please?

 

This is a nice sounding story! That Padawan is not in a very good mood according to her entries. I just wonder why she has to car for a zoo?

I'd like to be added to your PM list too, please!

 

Well at least she wasn't feeling dark thoughts this time.

 

I suppose, so...her thoughts seemed to grow darker and darker, aside from that one! Does her Master have any idea?

 

No problem, Tevase! I really appreciate you reading!

Glad you like it, Echo! Certainly. You're added.

Thank you, Padawan! No, she's not in a good mood. It's just a "zoo" according to her. In other words, it's her master's animals that she has to care for, and she's being sarcastic. You're added, too.

How'd I know you'd say that, Furio?



Fifth Entry


Well, I "get" to go on one of those training trips tomorrow. It would be fun, if I didn't know just how my master will be railing me when I get back... the only thing I don't know yet is the "reason" he's going to give for it. "Excuse" is more like it. Damn. I'm going to just pretend he doesn't exist for a couple days, though, and have fun. Maybe it'll be enough to be worth the yelling at I'll get. Probably not, though.

I'm sure it matters to someone *rolls eyes* that I've gotten a lot of work done on my writing. It might matter to me if it wasn't such a drain to summon up the emotional energy to write. But at least it means I'm still alive... a little, anyway. I don't think I'd ever let my master read what I write, even if he was to beg to be allowed to. Ha, like he'd ever care enough to even want to see anything I'd put any real effort into, let alone ask to see it.

So there. I've worked myself up to the point that I could slap him now... if I dared. I hate him. And he deserves it. I have no doubt someday I'll fall to the Dark side, and he, sanctimonious man that he is, will somehow manage to get away with having raised a Sith without even the Council questioning him. It'll always be my fault, no matter what. Damn, damn, damn. I am so angry right now. So I'll close, before I write what I really feel.


Gem'ena Mka'ren, Jedi Temple, Coruscant ? Solus, BBY 100:1:11:19:35

 

What she really feels? That was pretty self explanatory. Wow she got issues, intense Zel. Loved it.

You knew I'd say that because you've gotten to know me a bit, who are you kidding?

 

You my friend are pure brilliance, she really does seem to be a bit............well gloomy.
cant wait for the next entry

 

Yikes! I have t wonder what she would end up writing what she really wanted to say...

If her Master was able to read it...