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Clone Wars The 'Stuff-We'll-Never-See' Thread

Discussion in 'Star Wars TV' started by koonfan, May 26, 2009.

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  1. koonfan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    Well, thought I'd make another one of these things for us to laugh with or even at. Fear me. XD

    Just to point out some things, though...
    -This topic applies not only to stuff in the show, but products as well! As I'll illustrate in this opening post...
    -The general mood I'm gunning for is satirical and parodying, though you can also be dry and ironic
    -Please don't turn this into a way to debate by insulting the prequels, the pilot movie, or the series by saying a bitter, cynical thing along the lines of 'we'll never see a well-written episode'. Whether it's facts or just your opinion, these things can turn ugly and paint all involved in a rather bad light.

    With that in mind, let's start with something I hope to be infamous for...The Count Dooku Diplomacy Minigame!

    -Count Dooku selects a mission to the Bith system and views the briefing of information...-
    Count Dooku: Droid, present information on the Bith senators.
    Droid: The Bith have taken a neutral stance and do not wish to be involved in the war. However, they are in disagreement over the corruption in the Senate.
    Dooku: I see. Any particular issues or shameful secrets?
    Droid: The Bith do not agree with the creation of a clone army. The Senators do not have any recorded data of exploitable information that your spy network could retrieve.
    Dooku: I see...Very well. Let us begin.

    -On Bith!-
    Senator: Count Dooku, welcome. We are eager to begin some frank discussions on this war. Now, we are fully aware of the Republic's corruption, but we remain wary of the Confederacy. Are you not the aggressors in this conflicts?
    Dooku: (chooses the Divert The Question option) Who can rightly say who is the aggressor in any conflict, my friend? Isn't the galaxy far more complex than simple black and white? I mean (laughs) what are we, Kel Dorians?
    Senator: (Success) Hmm, you are correct, Count. In any case, thus far, our system has chosen to remain neutral. We dread the idea of warfare raining down upon our world.
    Dooku: (chooses the Persuade option) Oh, but you need not fight to make a point, senator! The galaxy deserves to know that good, faithful worlds like yours will not put up with corruption in the Senate! Don't you believe that you will be able to make a stronger point in the Confederacy?
    Senator 2: How can we trust Count Dooku?! He betrayed the Jedi Order! He will surely betray us, just like the Jedi whose lives were lost at Geonosis! How can you claim to come in peace, Count?
    Dooku: (chooses the Lie option) (feigns surprise) Wh...what? That is the news report? My friends, you are surely mistaken! We were in the midst of a peaceful negotiation to end this without bloodshed, when the Republic ambushed us with an army you were not aware of!
    Senator: (Success) If that is so...then...Bith will join the Confederacy. Something must be done about the Republic. However, we are peaceful protesters, count. We will not march to war.
    Dooku: (chooses the Threaten option) (cryptically) If I cannot count on your goodwill, my friend, I am uncertain if I can persuade my colleagues to defend your world from Republic reprisals.
    Senator: (Success) I...I suppose that we could spare an intelligence unit, Count...it is not as if we have much use for it...
    Dooku: (ends mission) Goooooood.

    -Count Dooku won over the Bith system!-
    -Count Dooku got a Bith Intelligence Unit!-
  2. black_saber Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 4, 2002
    star 4
    I think we will never see a full scale battle in the clone wars episodes.
  3. Jango_Fettish Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 17, 2002
    star 4
    The live action series actually happening.
  4. ILuvJarJar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2008
    star 6
    Jar Jar's own spin-off.:(

    [face_mischief] We can call and Jar Jar in friends! (co-starring little "Ani"!)

    Full cast:

    Jar Jar

    Little Anikan
    and Ziro the Hutt

  5. LawJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2009
    star 4
    -Obi-Wan and Dooku shave their beards
    -Hutt Jedi lightsaber action
    -A Twilek with no lekku (removed because of tentacle cancer, of course)
    -R2-D2's gender reassignment surgery
    -Yoda sleeping in the top bunk
    -Jar-Jar in black face (wait...)
    -Wookie alopecia
    -Asajj Ventress using Mystic Tan products
    -clone femme troopers (voiced by Dee Bradley Baker)
    -Kitster on the Separatist Council
    -a Wampa on Mustafar
    -Ugnaught strippers
    -Ki-Adi Mundi walking through a really short doorway without ducking
    -Ahsoka ever being drinking age
    -Tauntauns in spacesuits
  6. DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    a young Han Solo
    the Republic develop a superweapon
  7. Fettclone1 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2006
    star 1
    Ahsoka dying in a horrible crash.
  8. SaberJedi2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2007
    star 4

    Or any relevant characters.....
  9. ILuvJarJar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 19, 2008
    star 6

    :( true.....
  10. Qui-Gon_Reborn Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2008
    star 6
    I don't think we'll ever see an NJO era live action series. [face_frustrated]
  11. koonfan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    Nice. [face_laugh]

    -A C3PO voiced by David Hyde Pierce (Niles Crane of Frasier XD), or for that matter, anyone not Anthony Daniels
    -A playset of Florrum with actual acidic geysers
    -Hondo Ohnoka's daddy
    -Someone trying to rip a Kel Dor's mask off...right? XD
    -The Talz orchestra
    -General Grievous taking cough drops
    -Cad Bane attending elocution lessons to speak more better
    -The Separatists hog-tying Republic walkers with cables
    -Thermal exhaust ports with bulls-eyes painted on them
    -Yoda delivering a statement on his species
    -Beggar's Canyon back home, yeeeeeehaaaaaaw!

    And to follow up on the Diplomacy Minigame, I less-than-proudly present the General Grievous unlockable!

    -General Grievous enters a mission to the Trandoshans-
    B1: Sir, we have the data prepa-
    GG: GRAAAAAR! (smashes the B1)

    -On Kashyyyk...-
    Trandoshan: Now, we are undersssstanding that your Confederacy offerssss much lucrative opportunities. We are intrigued.
    Grievous: (chooses the Threaten Verbally option) That's right! And if you know what's good for your species and their economy, you will join us!
    Trandoshan: (Failure) Oooookaaaay. We will be conssssidering that threat mossst heavily. Now tell me, General. Can you give us assurance of protection from the Jeedai?
    Grievous: (chooses Evil Asthma Attack option) GWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough*hack*cough*cough*choke*wheeze*hack*
    Trandoshan: (Success) That actually soundsssss reassuring! Now, of coursssse, setting ourssssselves againsssst the Wookiees is no small feat, sssooo we shall require conssssiderable compenssssation!
    Grievous: (chooses the Threaten Physically option) You WORM! I will rip off your head and use your bodily fluids as paint for my bodyguards!
    Trandoshan: (Success) No! Nooo! NOOOOOO!
    Bodyguard: We do not have to put up with thisssss! We no longer require your presssence, General!
    Grievous: (chooses the Eliminate option) (impales the bodyguard on his lightsaber) Anyone else who wishes to protest? (Trandoshans murmur denials)

    -General Grievous has threatened the Trandoshans into joining the Confederacy!-
    -General Grievous has four new bounties on his head!-
    Yes, you read right. The good General has two different kinds of Threaten options. XD
  12. Gry Sarth Ex 2x Banhammer Wielding Besalisk Mod

    Member Since:
    Jun 24, 1999
    star 5
    ...real starfighters dogfighting ever again...
  13. DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    A Rebel pilot saying "Does this remind you of anything?" when Dodonna goes over the Death Star plans. (Thanks to Matt Stover for that one!)
  14. koonfan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    On an aside note, I'd like to throw out my wild theory that large scale battles are POSSIBLE, if not the entire campaign or war. You remember that the Battle of Christophsis (first engagement in the movie) was quite large but short (three minutes, which is quite formidable in a 23 or 22 minute show). Well, if they structure the episode to introduce the threat, develop the characters, then jump into the battle, they could pull it off! Of course, this is me being positive. XD

    Also, we shall never see (back on topic at last!)...
    -Vilmahr Grahrk conning Han Solo out of the Millennium Falcon....[link=http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Vilmarh_Grahrk]wait[/link]....
    -Quinlan Vos stealthily making Jar Jar look like a Jedi...or WILL he?
    -A pretty trandoshan
    -A gun-toting, death-stick-chomping, fighter-blasting.......[link=http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Simon_the_Killer_Ewok]Ewok[/link].

    And a bunch of Jedi Fortune Cookies we'll likely never see (extra long for your viewing pleasure, less inspirational, more corny XD)...Be warned, it's REALLY long!
    MORALITY! Or the ambiguity thereof...
    -'What the heck. Everyone loves shades of gray.'
    -'Jaded spirits cannot hide the fact that there is a concrete, definite evil out there.'
    -'It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.'
    -'Life is like a box of gravity wells. You never know what you're going to get, but you know it's going to suck.' (Credit to Arawn Fenn from the series suggestion thread XD)
    -'Sometimes, people just die.'

    -'Never join a unit lead by a famous character.'
    -'No leader ever got great by just bowing to the tyranny of the minority.' ;)
    -'Jailbait is not an edible material used to recapture convicts.'
    -'The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one.' (extra irony if Shatner voices a character, or any other Trek actor appears XD)
    -'A hero's prowess is doubled with an extra weapon in hand.'

    -'This Clone is different because he's the focus of today's episode.'
    -'He is as clumsy as he is stupid.' (Note: Kendal Ozzel actually appears in an upcoming Clone Wars comic, seeking glory and fame. Who else has to pull his fat out of the fire but the redoubtable Kit Fisto and Plo Koon XD)
    -'Who's the Master who won't cop out, when there's danger all about? MACE!' (following which TC Carson sings the Mace Windu equivalent of Shaft, instead of Tom Kane narrating the opening reel XD)
    -'The old and very wise are often the most dangerous.' (Yoda or Oppo Rancicis [face_laugh])

    Episode 4:
    -'This isn't the Jedi Fortune Cookie you were looking for.'
    -'This show can have a strong influence on the weak minded.'
    -'You have a bad feeling about this.'
    -'Shoot first, as opposed to second.'
    -'You can waste time with your friends later. Watch this show!' (with Admiral Yularen lecturing viewers to watch the episode XD)

    Episode 5:
    -'And you thought this remarkable smell you discovered was bad on the outside.'
    -'Guess nobody knows anything about women, do they?'
    -'Even a scoundrel can find friends to like him for who he is.'
    -'Search your feelings, and you will know it to be true.'
    -'Some deals just keep getting worse all the time.'

    Episode 6:
    -'Intensify your forward firepower before it's too late!'
    -'Many Bothans died to bring you this episode.'
    -'If it feels like a trap, and looks like a trap, it most certainly is a trap.'
    -'Your faith in Yo Mama is your weakness.' (Robot Chicken. [face_laugh] )
    -'A litesaber does NOT have fewer calories.' (again, Robot Chicken)
    -'When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not.' (Yoda gets a face lift!)
  15. LawJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2009
    star 4
    -Health Inspector shuts down Dex's Diner
    -Season Two: Ahsoka finally gets her own Padawan!
    -C-3PO blinking
    -Wat Tambor break dancing
    -Oppo Rancisis wears shoes
    -Taun We gets her Iphone wet, has no warranty, must purchase new Iphone full price (:mad: )
    -Return of Goldie, now with cool battle scars and machine gun parts
    -Neimoidians running convenience stores
    -Jedi solve mystery of the Sith with a google search
    -Even Piell has depth perception
  16. koonfan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4

    And a few lines from or regarding famous Jedi Council members...
    Even Piell: Eh, what the heck. Gimme a prosthetic.

    Oppo Rancicis: (drowsily) I remember in my youth when they had these holo-programs to teach us the aurebesh (alphabet). Aurek (A), they'd say.....then besh (B)....cresh (C) would usually follow...
    (Simpsons reference! :D)
    (Yes, Yoda is older than him, but that's beside the point XD)

    Stass Allie: What do you mean you can't tell the difference between me and my sister?
    Agen Kolar: Well, you both just look so alike!

    Ki-Adi-Mundi: Hard to believe he was a murderer and not a political idealist.

    Kit Fisto: Ya, mon! I and I be jammin' with de foxy Twi'lek honnie, mon!

    Saesee Tiin: How do you fly this thing?

    Jedi: (on Kaminoans) Wow. I haven't seen necks that long since master...uhh....what was his name, that guy with the long neck.....
    Jedi 2: (deadpan) Yarael Poof.
    Jedi: (chuckles) Poof?
    Jedi 2: (unamused) He gave his life to save all of Coruscant.
    Jedi: (laughing) Well, yeah, but with a name like Poof...
    (Yay dead guy jokes!)

    Jedi: Remember we used to have another one of those Yoda things? Ahhhh, what was she called...
    Jedi 2: Yaddle.
    Jedi: Yeah, that's the one. What are they, anyway?
    (And more dead guy jokes! I'll stop now)

    (no Depa Bilaba jokes as mental illness is quite harsh)

    Shaak Ti: (on jungle planet) Ick. I can't imagine any sentient living here for years, let alone their whole lives.
    (TFU reference!)

    Plo Koon: <insert Ian McKellen reference or line>
    (Ian McKellen was the basis for Plo Koon's voice. XD)

    Mace Windu: (singing at episode's start) Who's the master who won't cop out, when there's danger all about?
    Council Members chime in: MACE!
    Mace: Ya stang right! Who's the Jedi who'd risk his neck for his brother Jedi?
    Council Members: MACE!
    Mace: Can you dig it? Who's the guy with the purple saber, whose fighting style can beat Lord Vader?
    Council Members: MACE!
    Mace: That's right, he makes anachronistic statements, dig it! And they say that this cat Mace is a bad mother-
    Council Members: SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
    Mace: I'm talkin' 'bout Mace!
    Council Members: Then we can dig it!
    Mace: He's a complicated man, but no one understands him but his...Tree Woman! (T'ra Saa reference XD)
    Council Members: Mace Windu!
  17. DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    What would Anakin Solo do
    If he were here right now?
    He'd make a plan and he'd follow through
    That's what Anakin Solo'd do

    When Anakin Solo was just a boy
    No older than me
    He lifted a Sith curse
    And freed the Massassi

    When Anakin Solo was on Dantooine
    Fighting Yuuzhan Vong
    He gave all he could and saved our aunt
    So Ben could sing this song

    What would Anakin Solo do
    If he was here today
    I'm sure he'd squish a bug or too
    That's what Anakin Solo'd do

    I want this insect out of me
    Zekk's fantasies are scary

    And I don't want my Mom
    To end up like Obi-Wan

    For Tenel Ka I'd be a prostitute too
    Cause that's what Anakin Solo'd do

    What would Anakin Solo do
    If he was here right now
    He'd have all the Jedi unite for truth
    Cause that's what Anakin Solo'd do

    Starkiller: Did someone call me?
    Jacen: Who are you?
    Starkiller: I'm Anakin Starkiller.
    Jaina: What? No, not kriffin Anakin Starkiller!
    Jacen: Just get the kriff out of here.
    Starkiller: Alrighty.

    When Anakin Solo traveled through time
    To 130 ABY
    He fought the Lost Tribe of the Sith
    And defeated the dark side

    And when Anakin Solo built the pyramids
    He beat up Exar Kun

    Because Anakin Solo doesn't take shavit
    From anybody

    So we'll all get together
    And unite to stop the bugs
    And we'll save all the Joiners too
    Cause that's what Anakin Solo'd do
    Cause that's what Anakin Solo'd do!
  18. Gry Sarth Ex 2x Banhammer Wielding Besalisk Mod

    Member Since:
    Jun 24, 1999
    star 5
    - APPLAUSE -

    Now do the ending medley!
  19. koonfan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    So far, I think this thread has been doing well. People have been making quite a few valid points as well as funny/ironic ones. Kudos to all involved. XD

    Here are some Decoded messages we won't see in a hurry...
    -Master Yoda is a (garbled random Aurebesh message) from (garbled random Aurebesh message). Their power in the Force is explained by (gibberish) caused by their sacred PIE! (Yes, pie :p)
    -Master Yoda is a muppet.
    -General Grievous suffers from a severe psychological problem and profound sense of self-loathing, stemming not only from his belief that he failed in his life, but also from the fact that he is now more machine than being. This anguish makes him popular with the fans.
    -This is a kid's show. What'd you expect? ;)
    -There is no spoon.
    -A Jedi Master like (episode's Jedi master) can easily defeat a battle droid.
    -The Clone Wars appears on Cartoon Network, where it is watched by tens of thousands, if not millions, of kids in a new generation, many of which are too young to have watched the original Star Wars.
    -Asajj Ventress is HOT, which attracts Obi-Wan Kenobi. Oh. And he thinks he can save her or something.
    -Chancellor Palpatine is hiding something!
    -Ahsoka Tano is Anakin Skywalker's Padawan!
    -Anakin Skywalker was once Obi-Wan's Padawan!
    -Master Plo Koon was great friends with Obi-Wan's master, Qui-Gon Jinn ([face_praying])
    -Count Dooku is also the Sith Lord Darth Tyrannus!
    -Koonfan is an avid fan of Jedi Master Plo Koon!
    -Supersaiyaman's username is apparently inspired by the hit anime series Dragon Ball!
    -DBrennan believes that all clones are meant to be cold, cruel, robotic Nazis (pops up just as a Clone suggests doing something bad :p) (to be repeated anytime any clone suggests doing something bad or morally ambiguous)
    -Ahsoka Tano and Shaak Ti are both Togrutas from the planet Shili
    -Don't worry, he's not dead...that blaster was set for stun.
    -The clone troopers are clones of Jango Fett. That's why they look like him!
    -Darth Sidious is the true mastermind behind this war!
    -Those citizens criticizing the clone army for their mistakes forget that they're still very new at this. (This would be harsh criticism, not constructive criticism. ;))
  20. DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    Well, I'll do this one, sung by Exar Kun:

    Sometimes I think
    When I look up real high
    There's a whole galaxy
    To conquer if you just try

    But then I sink
    Cause here I'm s'posed to stay
    But it gets so lonely here
    With just Jedi and jungle, hey...

    Up there, there is so much room
    Where wars are fought and systems doomed
    Blowing up planets, I do that too
    I could be king and rule without a care
    Up there

    But some Jedi
    Ruled I must stay alone
    They cut me off from the Force
    And didn't give me a way to atone

    But what is darkness anyway?
    Is there reason to the rhyme?
    Every Sith kills another one
    So it must be good to be evil sometimes

    Up there, there is so much room
    Where wars are fought and systems doomed
    Blowing up planets, I do that too
    I could be king and rule without a care
    Up there
  21. vong333 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2003
    star 4
    You will never see a show or cartoon before TPM or after ROTJ. If you think I'm kidding, then look at the history. Ewok and Droid Cartoon, Two live action Ewok tv movies, clone wars 2-d, and the new clone wars. Then you have the live action, and the one project that GL was involved with crafting a story (TFU) just happen to be........in between the above listed. One he passes away, if soemone else gets the rein, then thats going to be a horse of another color.
  22. Timewatch Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2008
    star 1
    CIS victory.

    Even less of a chance is a story told through the Separatist veiwpoint.

    Even less of a chance is General Grievous being a good, sneaky, cunning, general, who doesn't mess up every single time he tries to do something.
  23. LawJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2009
    star 4
    Hah, I get it! You're using this thread to make subtle complaints about things you don't like about the show. Very subversive!

  24. koonfan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    Much as I agree with you, LawJedi, and much as I feel that his comments were more of a personal opinion that have yet to be confirmed as well as being likely to start a debate on the show's qualities and values, I must urge caution. This is the Stuff-We'll-Never-See-Thread, not the Galaxy-of-Moral-Ambiguity/Inversion thread. There's always the other threads to debate in. :p

    I think now would be a good time to repeat myself before we get caught up in our own rhetoric and become 'all you Vader haters out there'. XD

    Please, please, PLEASE do NOT turn this, a thread made for FUN and to GENTLY mock the series and anything else in Star Wars, into a VITRIOL-FUELED, PERSONALISED, BITTER, JADED COMPLAINT about things that are SUBJECTIVE.

    I'll try and illustrate with some examples:
    We'll never see proper dogfighting: Semi-ironic, good for a chuckle, definitely valid, and it is OBJECTIVE with regards to the action we see in the show.

    <character/faction> as <value>: Highly variable. Intentionally goofy ones like 'Lando Calrissian busting a groove' or 'Han Solo running from a giant boulder' or even 'The Republic making a superweapon' are meant in fun, possibly as references to other things related to the characters.
    Things like 'Revealing the Republic's corruption' or 'the Separatists being competent' or 'Ahsoka getting less annoying' (;)) aren't really in the spirit of this thread. They are subjective, based on personal observations and beliefs on things where other people can have a different opinion.
    They have also yet to be disproven, because the show is just starting and therefore we haven't seen all the things they're willing to try. It's like only watching Episode 1 first and saying 'we'll never see Anakin do something bad'. Seriously. If you started from 1, would you expect Anakin to take those turns for the worse?

    Anyhoo, so as not to TOTALLY waste your time...
    -An animation goof where a Kel Dor isn't masked
    -A purposeful scene of a Kel Dor without a mask suffocating..yes?
    -Plo Koon's silver irises, a mark of strength in the Force!
    -Dorin's twin black holes factoring into a storyline...or WILL they?
    -Kel Dor bounty hunter on-screen who takes out victims using gas from his planet. Think Nuvo Vindo mixed with Cad Bane, then throw in a Gandalf/Saruman voice. Theeeere you go.
    -Clone troopers bumping their heads against doorway arches (I heard the Fetts did that. :p)
    -General Grievous' female counterpart, General Fan-Nod, revealed to be made from his old soulmate from his backstory
    -General Grievous hurls his worshipers at his enemies like rag dolls (no, not you. He's a demigod on his home planet, remember? XD)
    -Doctor Nuvo Vindi creating a Frankenstein monster...or WILL he?
    -Doctor Nuvo Vindi unleashing the Mauve Silhouette werevonskr transmutative virus strain
    -Doctor Nuvo Vindi unleashing a zombie army for a Halloween special. Braaaaaiiiiiinssss.
    -Whorm Loathsom playing the Star Wars equivalent of bagpipes
    -Asajj Ventress experimenting with different facial paints
    -Separatists holding Bring Your Child to Work day
    -Dooku posing as Count Dookula (c'mooooon, just imagine!)
    -Waxer and Boyl adopt a cute mascot for their squad
    -Plo Koon delivering a sentence along the lines of 'Look into my eyes'
    -Someone picks on Ki-Adi-Mundi for being a knight when he first joined the Jedi Council
    -A killer, dark and edgy Gungan bounty hun-[link=http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Kleef]waaaaaiiiiiit a minute...[/link]
    -The on-screen debut of Plo Koon's lightsaber katar-gauntlet
    -The return of Saesee Tiin's pressure suit
    -Any of TC Carson's voice roles shouting DARK SIDE OF THE FORCE! D
  25. DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    'The Republic making a superweapon'

    The New Republic doesn't make one, but seriously debates whether or not to use one. One of the few things Anderson did that I liked.
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