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Clone Wars The 'Stuff-We'll-Never-See' Thread

Discussion in 'Star Wars TV' started by koonfan, May 26, 2009.

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  1. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Ah, I thought I recognised those honorifics. I avoid slashfics as a general rule, but am not blind to how certain male...partnerships...can become exceedingly popular for that reason. Vic Mignogna has apparently earned the ire of the slashpairing community in one of the shows he worked on. :p

    Superweapons That Will Never Appear in the Star Wars Universe
    -A green lantern power ring
    -Any affiliated emotional spectrum corps rings (fear, anger, avarice, love, etc.)
    -The Cosmic Cube
    -The Infinity Gauntlet
    -Doctor Strange's bling
    -The One Ring
    -The Two Ring
    -Frostmourne, blade of the Lich King
    -The Omnitrix
    -The Ultimatrix (if the evolved form of an alien includes FRIGGIN' MISSILE LAUNCHERS, sign me up!)
    -[link=]Kamen Rider decks[/link]
    -A Megazord
    -An obscure toy designed for children that somehow determines the fate of the world
    -Rita Repulsa's monster growing easy-bake oven
    -A child from Krypton empowered by a yellow sun
    -Believe it or not, they actually DID have a weather control machine in one of the comics!
    -The various -inators from Phineas and Ferb
    -An explosive designed to blow up Pluto
    -4chan (though I'm sure that hasn't stopped 4chan from taking Star Wars into itself)
    -An enraged female's armour piercing slap
    -King Ghidorah or Godzilla (arguably, the Zillo Beast is a bizarre amalgam of the two with spindly lizard bits and extra limbs thrown in)
    -The benevolent psychic giant moth, Mothra
    -Ultraman (doubtless he would have been called Ultraman 1138)
    -The Avatar
    -Sozin's comet, also from Avatar
    -The comet which doomed the dinosaurs to a slow and painful extinction
    -Naw, nothing from James Cameron's Avatar. Nothing there was nearly as epic.
    -Though I will grant the Iceberg which sunk the Titanic, also from James Cameron
    -Chuck Norris and his various counterparts in other franchises. Kyle Katarn fills that role and Kyle Katarn hates redundancies.
  2. Darth_Tarkus

    Darth_Tarkus Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 10, 2011
    Haha that is a lot of references, I'm surprised I got most of them. You forgot The Mighty Thor's hammer, Mjolnir. ;)
  3. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Ahh, that's true, thanks! And Gungnir, spear of the Allfather...and Captain America's shield...and the Destroyer armor...XD
  4. Kualan

    Kualan Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 4, 2008
    Not to mention [link=****-ever.jpg]Mintberry Crunch[/link], the superweapon that devastates his enemies with a combination of mint and berry, yet with a tasty satisfying crunch.

    ...apologies to those who aren't familiar with the reference :p
  5. Darth_Tarkus

    Darth_Tarkus Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 10, 2011
    Anyone who knows the name of Odin's magic spear has my instant respect! :D
  6. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    I'm not familiar, but it's hilarious! [face_laugh]

    And on the subject of food-based mascots...I nominate we send in the Kool-Aid guy to break through the enemy blockade! OH YEAH!

    Not sure if anyone's familiar with Koko Krunch (apparently it's restricted to SEA), but I'm pretty sure pouring chocolate all over a wheatfield to turn it into cereal would be considered a terrorist act. The latest CIS form of biological warfare? :p
  7. Kualan

    Kualan Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 4, 2008
    Not familiar with Koko Krunch I'm afraid, but the Kool-Aid guy idea is great.

    Clone: The shields are down!
    Yularen: Oh no...
    Anakin: Oh no.
    Ahsoka: Oh no!
    Kool-Aid Guy: (BOOM!) Oh yeaaaah!
  8. DarthIktomi

    DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 11, 2009
    Yeah, I remember growing up, most people only knew -san, and didn't know that it could also go after first names.

    You'd be surprised at the kind of stuff people come up with. In the Evangelion community, Shinji x Kaoru is a bit of a base breaker. Mostly it comes down to hormonal teenage girls who love the idea of two boys having a relationship that ends with one killing the other. On the same view, it's "Shinji could never like a boy! He likes Asuka/Rei/Misato!" Then there are those who think the whole thing is homophobic because this series where everybody dies in the end doesn't give them a happy ending. (Evangelion is Gundam off the antidepressants.)

    I would've said "another superweapon that was just created so that we can sell another toy", but knowing this franchise, that's entirely possible. Not as bad as when I was a kid and there were Ninja Turtles in Starfleet uniforms. Because, you know, every kid watches a show from the 60s that was never intended for kids in the first place.

    No, she'd just recruit Quinlan Vos as the Green Ranger. (Ambiguously brown, can't decide if he's a good guy or a bad guy, estrogen brigade bait...Yeah, Quinlan Vos.) Then they'd destroy his cursed lightsaber and she'd have such a headache.

    Not that that's stopped Power Rangers from inserting Star Wars in itself. "May the Power protect you." I've heard that somewhere before. Also Power Rangers in Space was full of Star Trek and Star Wars references.

    That said, Power Rangers did insert itself in Young Jedi Knights. The whole dynamic of the eponymous team is very similar to the Power Rangers. And Zekk is very much an expy of Tommy; the art even makes him look vaguely like Tommy.

    Where do you think "Do not want" came from? The lovable pedophiles over at /b/.

    Basically, the Zillo Beast was an homage to kaiju movies.

    I have seen a Na'vi using a lightsaber in a picture from a con. But I should point out that there are now "Na'vikin", which are basically losers when compared to otherkin, who are losers when compared to furries. So Na'vikin must be really far down there.

    Gurren Lagann, actually. Actually, Star Wars does have humongous mecha; see, for instance, the AT-AT.


    You forgot Evas. They would attack Padmé after Anakin identified her as an angel.

    Actually, I have seen a crossover where Shinji ended up in the Star Wars universe...
  9. -Engelhast-

    -Engelhast- Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 15, 2010
    How about a reasonable explanation or any explanation why Anakin never went back to Tatooine to even attempt to free his mother? I don?t think we are ever going to see this.
  10. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Oh, the solution is obvious: It's the age-old conflict between parents and their children who move out.

    "Why don't you call me? I'm getting married again!"
    "I meant to call you, but I was training to be a peacekeeper! Honest, I did!"
    "It's that floozy that came with that dusty old hobo and the frogman idiot, wasn't it?"

    Anakin thought it wise to avoid that. For now. Until he could effectively counter that he was his own man and mature enough to make his own decisions. :p
  11. Swashbucklingjedi

    Swashbucklingjedi Game Winner star 5 VIP - Game Winner

    Oct 3, 2010
    reasonable explanation is that jedi didn't allow that- there it is. He was padawan and he had to go where council wanted him and they didn't want him on Tatooine since freeing slaves outside the republic is not jedi business- especially when slave was Anakin's mother to whom he was deeply attached to.....

    he may have tried once or twice to escape there- but he was stopped and lectured how it's not his work- anakin sensed his mom is allright, so he didn't have any probs until he sense she is not allright anymore (and after all Watto is not very cruel master so there were no haste to save her) -

    So Anakin probably thought when he is knight himself he can go there or something- but he was Obi-Wan's apprentice and his life was not his to decide at the moment....
  12. DarthIktomi

    DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 11, 2009
    Obi-Wan: A Jedi must let go.
    Anakin: But she's a slave. And slavery's evil, in case you've forgotten.
    Obi-Wan: We cannot change anything. We are merely guardians of the status quo.

    Wait, that's pretty much how the Jedi are.
  13. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Now, now, Darth Iktomi. Plenty of topics here and there to bring up the stupidity of the Jedi. And now we have material to work with. [face_laugh]

    Mother Talzin: (conjures up the cup) Here. Drink, Count. You need to keep up your strength.
    Dooku: Hmmmmmm. A chalice magically conjured from questionable green mists. Sure, why not? (drinks) Mmm. Tasty! (collapses on table)
    Talzin: (cackles) Excellent work, Kharis!
    Kharis: (bringing in a tray of spinach puffs) Ohhhh, they're so easy to make. I'll get you the recipe.
    Talzin: Now to get rid of the body-
    Dooku: (sits back up) OKAY! What were we talking about?

    Asajj: Only one of you shall be my champion!
    Zabrak: So it's like 'The Apprentice'.
    Asajj: Well, yes. (cut to the arena) If 'The Apprentice' included GLADIATORIAL COMBAT!
    Zabrak: (muttering) Be a clan leader, they said...power and prestige, they said...
    Zabrak 2: Oh, I dunno. I think this is WAY more awesome than the actual show- (Asajj dropkicks him)
    Zabrak 3: I just thought getting martial arts training and hot babes to mate with sounded like a good deal at the time! The brochure didn't say anything about gladia- (Ventress Force Pushes him off the arena to his doom) (Wilhelm scream)

    Sidious: Your new assassin. Eliminate him.
    Savage: (scraping at his litter box) Heeeeeeey.
    Sidious: It's not that, Lord Tyranus. I can't let him work for us because...he was tested positive for steroids.
    Dooku: (glares at Savage)
    Savage: (points at Mother Talzin)
    Mother Talzin: [face_whistling]

    Talzin: So our first attempt at a muscle bound slave wasn't so hot. No matter. This NEW concoction should do it!
    Asajj: ...You just gave a rancor wings.
    Talzin: Now FLY! FLY MY PRETTY, FLY!
    Asajj: Why not just stick lasers on their heads and have done with it?
    Talzin: (writing down on pad) Stick...lasers...on...heads...
  14. Humble_Jedi

    Humble_Jedi Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 14, 2004
  15. fistofan1

    fistofan1 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 8, 2009
    Ventress: Mother Talsin, I'm greatful for your help, but why give Dooku a disloyal apprentice when you could just kill him when he arrives?
    Talsin: Dooku is powerful. He would destroy us.
    Ventress: He was afraid to take on 20 drunk Weequay pirates. You're superpowerful witches numbering in the--
    Talsin: If you must know, I am trying to use the transformation table. We got it installed ten years ago and it's been gathering dust ever since then. They all said it was a waste of money but I'll prove them all wrong!
    Ventress: Fine, I'll go warm it up.
    Talsin, murmuring: Waste of mone, they said. No room in the budget they said...

    Moter Talsin: May I present... Savage Opress!
    Dooku: Meh.
    Talsin: You are not impressed?
    Dooku: Eh, he's big and all, but I'm just not "wowed."
    Talsin: Karis, cue the spirit sparklers!

    Sparklers spray flame in all different directions. Savage plys mock electric guitar on his blade as Nightsisters do a kick line in the background.

    Dooku: Yeah, I'm going inside now. The Zabrak can come if he wants.
  16. DarthIktomi

    DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 11, 2009
    Ahsoka: Y'know, I like yaoi and all like any hormonal teenage girl, but that's just nasty.

    Sorry, but when I heard that, my mind went straight in the gutter.
  17. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    -Obi-Wan awakens in a cell, where he has a clear view of the other prisoners. Sharing his cell is Anakin, and he also catches sight of, in pairs, Plo Koon and Kit Fisto, Bail Organa and Captain Typho, Artoo and Threepio, Rex and Cody, Waxer and Boil, and Fives and Echo...-
    Obi-Wan: Ohhhhhh....what? Where are we?
    Anakin: Obi-Wan! We're trapped!
    Obi-Wan: Oh really?
    Anakin: By a madwoman!
    Obi-Wan: That's nothing new-
    ???: (cackles) Ohhh, Anakin-kun! Kenobi-kun! Finally, you are awake!
    Plo Koon: Wait. I see a pattern to the prisoners and their arrangements. (his brows arch in horror) Oh no.
    Bail: What? What is it?
    ???: Now you have each other! FOREVER!
    Kit Fisto: (gasps) This is the lair of the Yaoi Fangirls! (looks at Plo) And they pair me with YOU? I already HAVE a love interest! A hot one!
    Plo: You think this is fun for me? They think the best I can do is a guy with tentacle hair! (a chorus of giggles and 'ooohs' resounds)
    Anakin: I thought this was just a hoax on the holonet!
    Obi-Wan: I have a bad feeling for this. (more giggles)
    ???: He said it! I'm putting that in my fanfiction!
  18. fistofan1

    fistofan1 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 8, 2009
    Padme: Finally! I have the deciding vote on the bill that will end the war, save the whaladons of Calamari, and end galactic hunger!

    Padme enters her vote.

    Padme: Wait, no, no! I pressed the wrong button!
    Palpatine: Let it be known that the bill has failed.
    Padme: Ugh, I gotta stop these late night speeder bike chases.
  19. Swashbucklingjedi

    Swashbucklingjedi Game Winner star 5 VIP - Game Winner

    Oct 3, 2010
    [face_laugh] would be even better if bill would be failed by just a one vote....

    TCW has made Padmé to be just a one big joke.... but whaladons of Mon Calamari must be saved still -that's a good cause for once:p

    Anyway odd that there haven't been any episode with actual nature conservation-theme yet, they could do Honoghr-episode where the planet is poisoned (there is that eu-comic though) or then some other crazy idea.... still i think that it could be one of the worst eps yet..

    Nute Gunray attempts to dump billions of tons nuclear waste Endor and Anakin and Ahsoka has to stop him or something:p LOL i don't think we really need to see that episode but still i'm surprised there is no such ep yet.... there was Blue Shadow Virus though maybe that was close enough since there was that polluted water and all....
  20. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Kualan reminded me of Sha'a Gi, one of the first victims of General Grievous when he first appeared. And so I present to you, another way Grievous could have been captured. [face_laugh]

    -On the planet Hypori, in the wreckage of the Jedi Cruiser...-
    Thredd: Alright, gang, no point splitting up and looking for clues!
    Daff'ne: No stang, we're surrounded and our killer's coming for us!
    Velmar: (a Mon Calamari with a talent for setting traps) Maybe not! Guys, I have an idea! Here's what we're gonna do...
    Sha'a Gi: Scub, why do I get the feeling we're gonna be bait again?
    Scu-Bi Du: Rust rike Rord Rantell!
    -Grievous enters the downed Star Destroyer. He spots Sha'a Gi and Scu-Bi and, with a roar, lunges after them, chasing them through the wreckage. They cut across corridors, engage in a shell game where Grievous tries to see what wreckage they're hiding under, hide in the mess hall where Grievous catches up with them, and finally head for the bridge...-
    Grievous: Hahaha! You have no escape, Jedi child!
    Sha'a Gi: Ohhhhh, I hate this part!
    Scu-Bi: Reah!
    -The bridge's supports explode, sending all three of them flying from it. Sha'a Gi and Scu-Bi safely land on some relatively blunt debris. Grievous on the other hand lands on a pile of clone trooper magnetic soles, and a ton of wreckage is promptly dropped on him just to be safe...-
    Grievous: (gasp) IT'S A TRAP!
    Velmar: And we have YOU, killer!
    Thredd: Now to see the man behind the mask! The real identity of General Grievous is- (Thredd rips off Grievous's face mask)
    Daff'ne: OH FORCE NO!
    Velmar: GROSS!
    Ki-Adi: Good work! Somehow, you padawans were able to form a plan that your older, wiser masters could not OH MY GOSH WHAT'S THAT!
    Grievous: Sure, mess with my self-esteem, why not.
  21. Kualan

    Kualan Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 4, 2008
    Well, no point me contributing to this thread today; koonfan wins. [face_laugh]
  22. Barriss_Coffee

    Barriss_Coffee Chosen One star 6

    Jun 29, 2003
  23. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Apparently, a triumvirate of beings have a connection to the very core, if not origin of the Force. I'm gonna see if I can get a few of the obvious jokes out of the way. :p

    Anakin: Are you an angel?
    'Daughter': Well, that's an interesting question. I suppose metaphorically, considering the aspects of the Force-
    Anakin: Geez, I was just making conversation.

    Obi-Wan: Wait a all this time, Midichlorians didn't have anything to do with the Force? It's all mysticism and energy fields?
    'Son': (proudly) And I spread that hoax to turn you into a bunch of NEEEEEEEEEERDS! Hawhaw! [face_devil]
    'Father': You didn't think that the Jedi would actually believe that on purpose, did you?

    'Son': Now, Skywalker, you will-
    'Son': NO, DAD! (under his breath) Just on this one guy right here.
    'Father': WELL, GOOD, THEN!

    Ahsoka: I heard that the [link=]Aing-Tii[/link] monks see the Force in colours, not light or dark. Who the heck's responsible for that?
    'Aunt': (a psychedelically dressed angel-ish being with a zither, groovy glasses, and wavy rainbow hair stumbles in) Peace be with you, fellow Forcekin!
    'Father': That. Aunty.
    'Aunt': Oh, it ain't Aunty, Papa Wampa. Now, I'm Moon Kaadu.

    Anakin: Waaaaaaiiiiiiit a second. If you're so powerful, why haven't you interfered in galactic affairs to restore balance to the Force?
    Obi-Wan: Anakin, that's your job. Clearly they cannot reach a proper decision on what to do themselves. Light and dark, clashing perfectly, each wanting to help their servants. Right?
    'Father': Well, almost.
    'Daughter': I want to smack some sense into the Jedi for being so detached from the galaxy.
    'Son': And I want to kick the shavit out of the Sith who decided it'd be a good idea to have only two guys at a time plotting to betray one another. I mean, really. TWO? How's that sufficient to rule the galaxy?
    Obi-Wan: But...there are just THREE of you...
    'Son': Your argument is invalid. I'm the manifestation of the Dark Side.

    'Father': It wasn't always like this. There actually WAS a third edge to the blade. The Mandalorian war goddess, Tra Viszla.
    Anakin: You mean you united long enough to deal with her?
    'Father': Oh no. For some reason, her followers destroyed her with each new incarnation of their culture. I think she's in limbo right now...
  24. DarthIktomi

    DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 11, 2009
    LOL Wait, Fisto/Plo? That's just weird. I still think Ahsoka, being a hormonal tween, is a yaoi fangirl.

    Though most yaoi fangirls change the honorific from -kun to -chan. Oddly, when professional writers write something specifically for the homoeroticism, they don't necessarily do this; note Shinji referring to Kaoru as Kaoru-kun.

    I could actually see Padmé doing that. Padmé has what I call Kimberly Syndrome: Once she has a love interest, she becomes ridiculously incompetent.

    Forcekin? <_<

    Anyway, I'd like to think the color thing was either Zordon or Richard Garfield.

    How many different Mandalores do we have?

    Palpatine: Now kill him.
    *Dooku looks at Palpatine*
    Andeddu: Now you see here how stupid the Sith are. With their "Rule of Two".
    Nomi: Not as bad as the Jedi with their "no attachments" rule.
  25. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Funnily enough, DarthIktomi, your last gag matches my next-to-last one. [face_laugh]

    We now return to the mysterious Aladdin parody. :p

    -Back from their joyride of destruction, Obi-Wan sees Satine back to her room. After a kissing scene which shall get no further descriptions whatsoever, Obi-Wan turns only to come face to face with Mas Amedda...-
    Mas Amedda: Took you long enough.
    Obi-Wan: (manly shriek) Vizier! What...what're you doing here?
    Yago: (hides binoculars) Nothing!
    Mas Amedda: Soooooo, you think you're smarter than me, don't you, Prince Obi?
    Obi-Wan: (shrugs) I suppose you could call it that.
    Mas Amedda: Anyway, I need you to come with me so that I (awkward pause)
    Obi-Wan: Now why would I want to do that? (Mas Amedda starts to stammer)
    Yago: Beeecaaaause there's a beard care expo on the other side of the galaxy! We can get you there and back in just a few hours, no problem!
    Obi-Wan: Oh, well, then, I'm sold!
    Mas Amedda: If you'll just look this way- (Nute Gunray beans Obi-Wan over the head with Commander Gree's blaster pistol) Good work, Viceroy.

    -Some time later, Obi-Wan awakens from unconsciousness...-
    Obi-Wan: Now where am I? Is this the Beard Care Expo?
    Guide: Welcome to Zonama Sekot, home to benevolent seed-bonding sentient biological technology! Would you like to bond with one of our ships?
    Mas Amedda: Oh, sorry, wrong edge of the galaxy. Viceroy!
    Obi-Wan: Viceroy? (WHACK)

    -And again...-
    Obi-Wan: This expo had better be worth...wait, what am I doing here? What're you guys doing on the ship?
    Yago: Oh, sure, THAT'S smart.
    Mas Amedda: Quiet, Yago. (they blast off into hyperspace)
    Dooku: Well, that sucks.
    Obi-Wan: Oh, hello there. Here for the Beard Expo?
    Dooku: There is no beard expo.
    Obi-Wan: (sadly) Oh.
    Yuuzhan Vong shaper: Defilers have entered our galaxy, where we, the pure, warlike Vong use our malevolent, twisting, and EXTREMELY PAINFUL biological technology to wage holy war upon the galaxies foolish enough to cross our path!
    Dooku: (sadly) Oh.
    Obi-Wan: This is nothing like Zonama Sekot! Wait a second...the holocron in my other pants pocket! (brings it out and rubs it)
    Kit Fisto: (appearing in a puff of smoke with an afro on his head and disco threads) And you can try, to understand, the Coruscant effect on men-
    Obi-Wan: KIT! I WISH (a Yuuzhan Vong throwing weapon clamps itself onto Obi-Wan's face in a scene reminiscent of Alien)
    Dooku: Now that's just wrong.
    Kit Fisto: (suddenly aware) Ohoho! If it isn't mister "I'm not going to listen to the genie's good advice!" Want me to get you out of here? Oh wait, maybe I'll try and figure it out through a complicated game of charades!
    Dooku: (snapping) JUST GET US OUT OF HERE, YOU IDIOT! (Obi-Wan nods hurriedly)
    Kit Fisto: (dejectedly) Okay.

    -With a snap of his fingers, Kit transports the two of them to the gardens of Hondo's palace...-
    Obi-Wan: (free of the face hugger) Thanks, Kit.
    Kit: Well, what can I say. Not every millennium I get a master like you.
    Dooku: Yes, well, this has been charming and I thank you for saving me from that bogus beard expo, but I really must be of.
    Obi-Wan: Really? Why the rush?
    Dooku: I have to get back to Serenno and root out the insidious Nightsister presence. I hope that hunchback didn't get into too much trouble. (walks off) (Hunchback of Notre Dame reference!)

    -And in the palace...-
    Mas Amedda: So alas, it seems that the prince has buggered off.
    Hondo: But! The tanks! He had the tanks!
    Satine: (sobs) But where could he have gone?
    Mas Amedda: Oh, not to worry, Highness, I'm sure there are other fish in the sea-
    -Obi-Wan blasts down the door and comes riding in on his tank...-
    Obi-Wan: I think you mean there's always a bigger fish, traitor!
    Hondo & Satine: Prince Obi! (SQUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEE)
    Hondo: You tried to KILL him?
    Mas Amedda
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