Clone Wars The 'Stuff-We'll-Never-See' Thread

Discussion in 'Star Wars TV' started by koonfan, May 26, 2009.

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  1. Kualan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 4, 2008
    star 4
    Darth Maul makes a miraculous return, only to find that he isn't taken very seriously anymore...

    (A legless Maul confronts Commander Cody and Captain Rex, along with a battalion of clones)
    Maul: Tell me where Kenobi is, you clone filth, and I might let you live!
    Cody: You? Fight the General? Please, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
    (The clones snort with laughter)
    Rex: (sniggering) Yeah, you're half the man he is.
    Maul: ...
    Cody: It's okay man, we're just pulling your leg.
    Rex: Though we'd have to find it first.
    (The soldiers behind them start roaring with laughter)
    Cody: Do you know where they are? Or does it have you stumped?
    Maul: I'm warning you...
    Rex: Still, you're better than your brother Savage.
    Cody: Though to be fair, Savage had some pretty big shoes to fill.
    (They roll around laughing)
    Maul: That's it, I'm out of here...
    (Maul storms off)
    Cody: Hey, don't be like that! Come on, let us buy you a drink!
    Rex: Just promise not to get legless!
  2. Swashbucklingjedi Game Winner

    Game Winner
    Member Since:
    Oct 3, 2010
    star 5
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] reminds me of the Wild Wild West:p
  3. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    In commemoration of a short image in a crystal ball with virtually zero useful context, I present to you: Ways Darth Maul Could Have Survived! [face_laugh]

    Scene 1: Rescued by the Robot Chicken Janitor
    Maul: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- (SMACK)
    Janitor: (sighs) I gotta get that transfer to Coruscant...
    Maul: (groans) HEY! YOU!
    Janitor: EEEEEEEK! Wha...WHAT?
    Maul: Yes, you! I'm...cut in half, but the wound was cauterised...but now I think I've broken every bone in my body and am bleeding internally.
    Janitor: Well...whaddaya want me to do?
    Maul: (roaring) GET ME A DOCTOR, YOU IGNORANT NUNA!
    Janitor: (looking around and seeing there's no threat to his person) ...Not until you say please.
    Maul: What?
    Janitor: Well?
    Maul: (growls, restrains himself, then calmly) Will you please get me some medical attention.
    Janitor: There, was that so hard?

    Scene 2: Newfound Aerodynamic Ability
    Savage: You...you're my brother! But...HOW?
    Maul: When I was bisected on Naboo, I discovered something important. Now that my wind resistance was cut by half, I was far more aerodynamic than ever before!
    Savage: That's some pretty positive thinking.
    Maul: (proudly) Yes! Yes it is! So anyway, it was child's play to find a safe hatch to fall into. With my newfound agility, I swiftly entered the sanitation hatch and-
    Savage: I'm going to stop you right there.

    Scene 3: Left This Plane of Existence Temporarily
    Maul: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- (Maul dematerialises and appears on the Enterprise) ...What?
    Kirk: Gasp! Scotty, you! Fool! DO you not SEE! That this is not Mr. Spock! At all!
    Sulu: Told you we should have reversed polarities!
    Bones: Dammit, Sulu, you're a pilot, not a physicist!
    Maul: Oooookaaay, I have no time for this. (grips Kirk in a Force Choke) You're going to regrow my legs or get me robot ones, and you're going to take me back to the galaxy far, far away from here.
    Scotty: Th' Cap'n's throat! Ach, she cannae take th' strain!

    Scene 4: Left This Plane of Existence Temporarily Redux
    Maul: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- (Maul suddenly finds he is animated in the exact same style as Family Guy) What?
    Peter: (falling down the shaft gripping his knee) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!! Fffffffffff! Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! Fffffffff! (repeats. CONSTANTLY)
    Maul: Uh, yeah, OK, hey, foolish human, can you help me...I mean, could you stop...look...uh...dude...c'mon...You've been doing this for a few minutes now, uh...could you... (notices) Hey. As long as he's doing it, we're never reaching the bottom. I can find my way out of here eventually!
    Peter: FFFFFFFF! ...Oh, hey, it's Darth- (Maul flies over to Peter and punches him in the knee) (Peter repeats his skinned-knee overly long gag)
    -Sure enough, Maul finds his way out and into Springfield, where he quickly gets a job at Comic Book Guy's store...-
    Maul: So, you think you can help get me to my own dimension?
    Comic Book Guy: Because I am the biggest Star Wars fan to ever exist, I naturally despise your prequels and everything you stand for. However, I will assist you, because I have long desired to have an Out Of Character moment! Also, because you are threatening to kill me.
    Maul: (jovially) Thaaaat's great!
    Comic Book Guy: Worst. Intern. EVER.
    Maul: I appreciate the addition to my resume, though.

    Scene 5: Pulls a Mario
    Darth Maul: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- (Darth Maul smashes into a block, which produces a mysterious green mushroom. It lands in his mouth and he somehow grows legs) Whaaaa?
    -Meanwhile, topside...-
    Bizarre mushroom entity: We're sorry, Obi-Wan, but your Sith Lord is in another series!
    Obi-Wan: Well, THAT can't be good.

    Scene 6: Offered the Alternatives
    -Maul pops into existence in a modest waiting room that looks like an office, cantina music playing. Sitting beside him are various deceased/missing Star Wars characters. A nearby sign reads 'Character Status Finalisation'...-
    Maul: Hey. How ya doin'? (Tyvokka growls and stomps away) Oh, hey, Annoon Bondara! No hard feeling about killing y
  4. DarthIktomi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    Ventress: Prepare for trouble!
    Savage: And make it double!
    Ventress: To infect the galaxy with devastation!
    Savage: To make it safe for corrupt corporations!
    Ventress: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
    Savage: To extend our reach to the stars above! Ow! Those stars are hot!
    Ventress: Ventress!
    Savage: Savage!
    Ventress: Team Sith, blasting off at the speed of light!
    Savage: Surrender now or prepare to fight!
    R3: *beep* *boop* *whirr*
  5. Humble_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 14, 2004
    star 4
    I think I'm missing the reference... haha.




    Whoa... how didn't I see that before?

    ...leave it to koonfan to go all out with the Maul thing! [face_laugh]
  6. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    It's Pokemon, Humble. I used to follow it, and it was (is?) king of children's programming in the time when it fought Digimon. They were able to knock out a Godzilla animated series from the running. XD
    The Team Rocket reference is epic enough, but making R3 Meowth just seals the deal. Very well done. It would be AWESOMENESS if the voice actors actually recorded this in a convention or something! [face_laugh]
  7. Barriss_Coffee Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jun 29, 2003
    star 6
    [face_laugh]:_|[face_laugh]
  8. DarthIktomi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    I also made a reference to Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series. The Big Five are 4kids executives. And one of their lines is "To overthrow the Kaiba corporation." They also "denounce the meaning of the original dub".

    There is a gag dub of Star Wars out there somewhere, though Truncated Power Rangers (with Jason as a gay porn star who's in love with Tommy) is the first live-action abridged series. Of course, it all began with Evangelion: ReDeath. It's Gendo!

    Oh, speaking of Evangelion...

    Anakin: That kid's there to replace me. I'll take point.
    Adi: Let him take point. If he doesn't do it this time...
    Obi-Wan: That means...
    (Anakin fires a few shots and misses, then is engulfed in a beam of light. Handel's "Messiah" starts playing.)
    No! Shame! No! Invasion! No! Death! No! Death! No! Death! No! Death! No! Death!
    Anakin: Stop! You're raping my soul!
    (Cody calmly destroys the angel.)
    Ahsoka: I'm glad you're okay, Anakin. (Extends hug.)
    Anakin: Get away from me, Ahsoka!
  9. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    Ahhh, The Abridged Series. A fan introduced me to that. [face_laugh]

    The Clone Wars actually had something like that though it hasn't updated recently. They made Grievous a teenager who kidnapped Artoo because he wanted to play Dragon Age: Origins. Let's see if I can redub a scene myself...[face_thinking]

    -On Eeth Koth's Jedi Cruiser, Eeth rushes to the console...-
    Eeth: (geeky Indian accent like in Big Bang Theory) What is going on?!
    Clone commander: Those mobs are everywhere! The adds are spawning faster than we can DPS 'em!
    Eeth: Stop QQing, Commander! We shall down Sintharia on hard mode or die trying!
    Clone commander: This wouldn't have happened if Ghostcrawler hadn't nerfed my pally...
    Eeth: Less crying, more damage!

    -The Clones man their stations while uttering phrases like "Crowd control!" "Heal!" and "Stay out of the fire!". Grievous begins cutting down the door...-
    Clone: This is just like that episode of Battlestar Galactica!
    Clone 2: Shut up, Dwight!
    Clone 3: Good thing we wear helmets so they don't have to bother lip-syncing.

    -The door is slammed open, and Commando droids begin their assault...-
    Grievous: Nerd.
    Eeth: Noob.
    Commando droid: All the slammin' shorties in the house say-
    Commando droid 2: Whoop! Whoop!
    Clone: This is just like my nightmare of beatboxing robots- (thrown away)

    -Eventually, Grievous jumps up onto the computer terminal...-
    Grievous: 'sup, neeeeeeeeeeeeeerd. This PC'll run Call of Duty Black Ops just fine. Haw...dad finally caved.
    Eeth: Only an overcompensating Neanderthal plays FPSes! No skill whatsoever!
    Grievous: No SKILL? (getting up) Well, at least I don't waste my life playing World of (igniting one lightsaber) BORE (and the other) CRAFT! (KICK)
    Commando droid: That was so totally Sparta!

    -Grievous and Eeth carry out their duel, until Eeth pushes Grievous away...-
    Grievous: Dude, totally foul! (Eeth is shocked)
    Eeth: Well, what was THAT, then?!
    Grievous: What was what? (Eeth is shocked again)
    Eeth: THAT! (another shock) SEE?
    Grievous: (gripping Eeth by the throat) Who's QQing NOW?
  10. Kualan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 4, 2008
    star 4
    In the aftermath of the Clone Wars, Emperor Palpatine and Grand Moff Tarkin conspire to blame their troubles (warning: one use of strong language) with the Rebel Alliance on a peaceful planet in the Core Worlds...

    [Tarkin address the Senate]
    Tarkin: This Rebellion's attacks grow by the day. Our Empire must remain strong in order to crush them!
    Senator: But who is behind this 'Rebel Alliance'?
    Tarkin: Oh that's easy...

    Tarkin: Time's have changed,
    This rebellion's getting worse!
    They won't obey my doctrine,
    They just want to be diverse!

    Senator: Should we blame the government?
    Mas Amedda: Or blame society?
    Moff Council: Or should we blame anyone with a goatee?

    Tarkin: NO! Blame Alderaan!
    Everyone: Blame Alderaan!
    Tarkin: With their need to appear wise,
    And their love for compromise!
    Everyone: Blame Alderaan!
    Everyone: Blame Alderaan!
    Tarkin: We need to form a full assault!
    Everyone: It's Alderaan's fault!

    Mas Amedda: Don't blame me,
    If I seem rash!
    But I've just come back from Alderaan,
    And want to blow the place to ash!

    Sly Moore: And long ago I once,
    Liked the planet itself,
    But now when I see it I want kill myself!

    Tarkin: Well! Blame Alderaan!
    Everyone: Blame Alderaan!
    Tarkin: It seems that everything's gone wrong,
    Since Alderaan came along!
    Everyone: Blame Alderaan!
    Everyone: Blame Alderaan!
    Some Guy: They're not even a real Core World anyway!

    Palpatine: Vader could've been a sorceror or a warrior it's true!
    Instead he burned up like a gundark on a barbecue!

    Everyone: Should we blame the lava?
    Should we blame the fire?
    Or the med-droids who allowed him to expire?
    Tarkin: Heck no!

    Everyone: Blame Alderaan!
    Everyone: Blame Alderaan!
    Tarkin: With all their pacifist hubbabbalooo!
    Palpatine: And that bitch Princess Leia too!
    Everyone: Blame Alderaan!
    Everyone: Shame on Alderaan!

    Everyone: Ohhh...
    The peace we must stop,
    The like we must strike,
    Laughter and fun,
    Must all be undone!
    We must blame them and cause a fuss!
    Before somebody thinks of blaming uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusss!
  11. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    I wish I had more contemporary songs to butch...I mean adapt, but ah well. Best I can do is resume the special of Aladdin! [face_laugh]

    Mas Amedda: YAGO! You got the holocron! But...how?
    Yago: Through a series of events too complicated to recount! But it involved a monkey lizard, some flamethrowers, and a Patrolian!
    Mas Amedda: Yes, yes, yes, now hand it over.
    Yago: HOLD ON A MINUTE! (rubs the Holocron first)
    Kit Fisto: (appearing half-heartedly) Oh great. The conflict section of the special.
    Yago: I want the Rendilli system, the collector's edition Darth Revan apparel (mint condition with authentic battle damage!) aaaaaaaaaaaand a glass of good bantha milk. (Yago gets his wishes) YIPPEEEE!
    Mas Amedda: (Grabs and rubs the holocron) Now I am the master! (winks at audience)
    Kit Fisto: This be some bad juju, mon...

    -Mas Amedda and Yago return to Hondo's palace, several battalions of clones under their command...-
    Obi-Wan: Oh, we should have seen this coming!
    Satine: Who knew Mas Amedda was a traitor?
    Courtier Palpatine: Eheheheh, yeeees. A traitor. (shuffles away discreetly)
    Mas Amedda: Now I have returned to wreak my unholy vengeance! Well, not unholy, more like vindictive. I'm not a demon or anything.
    Hondo: Mas! And here I thought we could be friends!
    Mas Amedda: You ordered me BANISHED! I never liked you! Your daughter isn't even of the same SPECIES as you!
    Yago: And you make lousy crackers! (Mas stares at him) Well, he does!
    Obi-Wan: Could you at least break out into song?
    Mas Amedda: (pauses) Weeeeeeell, since I AM sending you to oblivion... (points to Kit Fisto who begrudgingly starts the background music)

    (Mas Amedda turns Rhajah the massiff and Boga into a womp rat and a crystal snake as his victims look bewildered)

    Prince Obi, yes it is he
    But not as you know him
    Read my lips and come to grips with reality

    His lies were all too cliche,
    Couldn't end another way,
    It's a different model of your Prince Obi!

    (Mas Amedda zaps Obi-Wan into his new Jedi Robe model)

    Yago: Or should we say Obi-Wan...eh...yeah, that's still the same.

    So Obi turns out to be merely Kenobi
    Well, his name,
    Is still the same,
    But nonetheless!

    (Mas Amedda reduces the super tank into an astromech and places Obi-Wan on a cliff)

    His appearance in episode three,
    Won't stop my scheme dastardly,
    To send him packing with a magic mix,
    With a sprinkle of Order Sixty-Six

    His assets frozen, the venue chosen
    It's the ends of the galaxy - YIPPEEEEEE!
    So long, ex-Prince Obi!

    (An AT-TE blasts the cliff apart, sending Obi-Wan plummeting to his doom)
  12. DarthIktomi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    (Anakin joining the Force.)

    Chorus: Little boy at peace
    What is this place
    Beyond the stars?

    (Anakin sees four Padm├ęs.)

    Open up your eyes
    What are these things
    You're moving toward?

    Head so full of wonder
    Worries in the past
    Could it be that
    You are free at last?

    (ACCESS DENIED!)

    NO!

    (Anakin is surrounded by flames.)

    Little boy, you're going to hell
    You said bad words, threw Obi the bird
    And this is your hotel
    You ain't going back, this ain't Alderaan, it's HELL!

    Little boy, it's time for you to pay
    For choking that guy, there is no try
    And killing kids everyday
    You thought you're in bed, instead you're in HELL!

    Hell isn't good, hell isn't good, hell!
    Hell isn't good, hell isn't good, hell!

    Palpatine: Now, kill him.
    Exar Kun: Nomi Sunrider was a fool!
    Random Dathomir witch: There is order in the universe.

    Hell isn't good, hell isn't good, hell!
  13. Swashbucklingjedi Game Winner

    Game Winner
    Member Since:
    Oct 3, 2010
    star 5
    Mixing franchises is always great fun- but jokes are hard to get if you aren't familiar with both franchises [face_laugh]

    What if Obi-Wan and Anakin's visit to Talzin in Witches would've been bizarre Pirates of the Caribbean reference:

    (Talzin notices Obi-Wan coming and smiles)

    Talzin: Obi-Wan Kenobi!

    Obi-Wan: Mother Talzin!

    Talzin: I always knew the Force would bring you back to me one day.

    (Talzin notices Anakin)

    Talzin: You.... you have a touch of destiny about you- Anakin Skywalker.

    Anakin: You know me?

    Talzin: You want to know me?

    Obi-Wan: There'll be no knowing here! We've come for help and were not leaving without it. - I thought I knew you...

    Talzin: Not so well as I'd hoped
  14. DarthIktomi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    Qui-Gon: It's a technique called Force Ghost.
    Obi-Wan: If you're a ghost, then I'm straight!

    (Gotta add another Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series reference.)
  15. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    For DarthIktomi's entertainment, some Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series gags. [:D]

    Yoda: When a boy, I was, balanced the Force we always did. Except balanced it, we did, with rocks which we threw at each other. And sticks. And statues. Perhaps explains, it does, my odd speech and self-loathing.

    Talzin: Sorry I'm late, Count, I was busy predicting the future.
    Dooku: Then why didn't you predict you'd be late?
    Talzin: Because shut up.

    Senator Farr: But...you can't do this!
    Nute Gunray: Screw the money, I have rules! Uh, wait...that's not right.

    Savage Opress: ATTENTION DUELISTS! (Asajj and Dooku turn to him) MY VOICE GIVES ME SUPERSTRENGTH! (the awesome might of CLANCY BROWN throws Dooku and Asajj against the wall)
    Dooku: Well, my BEARD gives me the ability to shoot LIGHTNING! (fires lightning)
    Asajj: This doesn't make any sense!

    Darth Maul: And so Savage created an identity that would protect him from all the bad things in the galaxy! An identity that would give him lots of HUGS! ME! Now who wants a hug?
    Anakin: Oh boy!
    Obi-Wan: Don't do it, Anakin! It's a trap!
    Darth Maul: Nonsense! Obi-Wan just wants all the hugs to himself! Ever since he killed me, the fangirls have been dying to see us do it!
  16. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    Not sure if I'll be around for the rest of this week, so I might as well get in one last shot. I'm sure these'll be more widely recognised than a few internet memes. :p

    Power Scrubs
    I can't do this all on my own,
    Cause I know, I'm no Chosen One


    Starring:
    Anakin as JD
    Obi-Wan as Turk
    Satine as Carla
    Padme as Elliot
    Palpatine as Kelso
    Mace Windu as Doctor Cox
    Adi Gallia as Laverne (Mmmm hmmm)
    Mas Amedda and the Red Guards as Todd and the Legal Team
    Embo as The Janitor

    Acquaintances
    So no one told you war was gonna be this way
    Your code's a joke
    You're broke
    No attachments and no say
    It's like you're always stuck in sublight speed
    But whether you've got the munchies, cravings, or just any other need
    The Force will be with you
    Always, after and before
    The Force will be with you
    'cos it's there for me tooooooooooooooooo


    Starring:
    Anakin as Ross
    Padme as Rachel
    Obi-Wan as Chandler
    Satine as Monica
    Rex as Joey
    Ahsoka as Phoebe
    Pre Viszla as That Guy Played By Jon Favreau
    Rush Clovis as One of Rachel's exes
    Paolo as Paolo, Rachel's ex

    Frazer
    Hey baby I hear the blues a-callin', fried nuna and scrambled eggs
    And maybe I seem a bit confused, well, maybe, but I got you pegged
    But I don't know what to do with those fried nuna and scrambled eggs, they're callin' again
    Scrambled eggs all over my face, what is a boy to do?
    Goodnight, Coruscant, we love you!


    Starring:
    Plo Koon as Frasier Crane (fresh from the acclaimed Council Chamber series)
    Ki-Adi-Mundi as Niles Crane
    Tera Sinube as Martin Crane
    Shaak Ti as Daphne Moon
    Adi Gallia as Roz
    Saesee Tiin as Bulldog
    Pilf Mukmuk as Eddie

    Everybody Loves Ani
    -Anakin is on Mortis with Obi-Wan, Padme and Ahsoka, and the planet is shifting its seasons...-
    Anakin: Hi, I'm Anakin Skywalker. I've got a lovely wife (Padme hugs him and boards the ship), a BFF (Obi-Wan) and an up and coming Padawan (Ahsoka waves and scurries onto the ship). I've recently learned that I'm part of an ancient prophecy involving this planet with uber powerful Force Wielders who live in the monastery just across the street. (the Father glides on screen while Daughter and Son, in beast forms, fly in the background) Now, not many people would warp reality for you, but my family would because-
    Obi-Wan: (popping his head out of the ship) Eeeeeverybody loves Ani.
    Anakin: Yeah, yeah.

    Starring:
    Anakin as Ray
    Padme as Debra
    Obi-Wan as Robert
    Ahsoka as The Kids
    Son as Frank
    Daughter as Marie
    Father as The Equivalent of Robert Living With The Parents

    EDIT: And here's a little mix for all you Hondo/Monkey Lizard enthusiasts. [face_laugh]
  17. DarthIktomi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    Savage Oppress actually sounds like a Yu-Gi-Oh card.

    Pegasus: I play Savage Oppress. Now you can't play beast-warriors, Yugi-boy.
  18. Kualan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 4, 2008
    star 4
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Very nice ideas, koonfan.

    I particularly like the image of Mas Amedda as 'The Todd' from Scrubs. I can just see it now...

    (The Senate is in full debate)
    Padme: We musn't deregulate the banks!
    Mas Amedda: (nudging Palpatine) I'd like to deregulate her banks.
  19. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    Oh, whoops, I meant for him to be the lawyer, I'm afraid I forgot his name. But The Todd works great as well. [face_laugh]
  20. Kualan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 4, 2008
    star 4
    Oh right, Ted! Haha, that actually makes more sense with Mas Amedda's toadying of Palpatine/Kelso.
  21. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    As you've so deftly proven, though, Mas Amedda has enough bravado to pull off The Todd as well. XD

    My last day at home, so my life has been spared to raise this abomination to life. [face_laugh]

    EXCERPTS from the Star Wars Sitcoms!
    Frazer
    Plo Koon: (on comlink) So remember, caller, when you ask for trouble, you should not be surprised when it finds you. Well, our time's up, so this is Master Plo Koon wishing you good day, and may the Force be with you. (to Adi) What's the matter, Adi, you're looking a little down!
    Adi Gallia: Ohhh, my cousin's in town, and she's just been rubbing my nose in her fancy, posh life. If we had a mother, she'd be the favourite. Just yesterday, she bought me a glamorous dress that didn't fit.
    Plo Koon: Well, it's a little clumsy, but it's the thought that counts-
    Adi Gallia: It was her size.
    Plo Koon: Alright, she's a schutta. (Ki-Adi comes in) Ah, Ki-Adi! Ready to go to the opera, pick up a few cultured ladies?
    Ki-Adi: Yes, well, I'm not sure if I can. My luck with women lately has been just terrible...My past eight marriages ended in failure!
    Plo Koon: Oh please, everyone knows the Separatists are to blame for that. When are you going to stop carrying around all that baggage?
    Adi: Y'know, I could find you a date.
    Ki-Adi: (laughs derisively) Ohoho, yes, and why not give me tickets to the Bolo Bowl and a Monster Speeder Rally while you're at it.
    Plo: He's not dating your cousin, Adi.
    Adi: What? Not even for revenge?

    Acquaintances
    Rex: Hey guys, guess what! Guess! Guess! Guess!
    Obi-Wan: You've finally found a cure for your hyperactive glands?
    Rex: No, I'm finally in a movie!
    Ahsoka: Oh, wow! Is it one of those animated features? Because I think you'd make a groovy dog-voice! Y'know, one of those nice dogs, not the mean ones with the red eyes.
    Rex: ...No. I'm gonna be in a crime thriller!
    Padme: Alright, great!
    Anakin: Nice work, Rex!
    Rex: Well, technically, I'm just a body double. A butt double, actually, for a shower scene. But still, Temuera Morrison! I'm a butt double for Temuera Morrison!
    Obi-Wan: Well, and what growing boy doesn't dream of standing in for someone's rear?

    Power Scrubs
    Bringing a comlink to work was a great idea. Now, whenever I have a profound thought, I can record it for posterity.
    Anakin: (into comlink) I like toast.
    They aren't all winners.
    -Anakin slips on the wet floor where Embo is standing...-
    Embo: Malangla kauni.
    Anakin: You were supposed to put up a wet floor sign! (Embo puts up a wet floor sign as Padme passes by)
    Padme: Thanks, Embo! (Embo waves)
    Well, at least I can count on my best friend Obi-Wan to back me up and hang out. He's almost as cool and confident as I am! Nobody tells him what to do!
    -Scene shifts, Anakin is with Obi-Wan and Satine...-
    Obi-Wan: (to Satine) Honey, can I go hang out with Anakin?
    Anakin: Pleeeeaaaaase?
    Notice I said ALMOST.
    Satine: (sighs) Alright. But no seedy cantinas, no Twi'lek dancers, no Zeltrons, be back by 11.30, and top up the speeder when you're done.
    Obi-Wan: Aww, thanks, baby!
    Satine: Now don't you have work to do?
    Obi-Wan: (straightening up) Yes, ma'am. (Satine leaves) So, that leaves our list of activities shortened by some. What'll we do?
    Anakin: Let's work on that protocol martial arts droid butler! (they high five) Power friends!
    Obi-Wan: ACTIVATE! (fist bump)
    Palpatine: Kenobi! Skywalker! Express your guy love on your own time!

    Everybody Loves Ani
    Son: (hovering over Anakin's shoulder) Whatcha got there?
    Anakin: Uhhh...my sports article on the Boonta Eve Classic?
    Son: AHHHH, yes! Writing! (laughing obnoxiously) Ohoho, yes, I remember! I used to write all the time back in the day! Had all sorts of crazy stories to tell!
    Anakin: Ehhhhh, yeah. (Anakin continues working)
    Son: Type, type, type...is it done yet?
    Anakin: Why are you here, anyway?
    Son: BECAUSE (controls self) Because my sister is in the living room trying to decorate this abominable ship of yours.
    Sister: No, no, no. It is forbidden for the pillows to touch. They must be at the middle,
  22. Humble_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 14, 2004
    star 4
    lmao @ koonfan [face_laugh]

    This is the first time I'm getting all the references... haha. Would love to see Mace Windu performing a Dr.Cox style rant to Anakin, by the way. [face_laugh]

    And the Hondo/Monkey Lizard soundbite made my day. :D
  23. Swashbucklingjedi Game Winner

    Game Winner
    Member Since:
    Oct 3, 2010
    star 5
    Random Monty Python- reference (includes possible but very improbable spoilers from Altar of Mortis:p )

    Man's voice : Yoo arrr Daughter- my sister and the very Light Side of the Force?

    Woman's voice: I am!

    (sound of violent blows being dealt, things being smashed, sith-lightning, awful crunching noises, lightsaber sounds, bones being broken and other bodily harm being inflicted. All of this accompanied by screaming from the woman.)

    (music (Duel of the Fates)- fades up and out)

    Announcer(Yularen naturally): Stay tuned for part two of the Radio Mortis Production of "The Death of Daughter- the Light Side of the Force", coming up...almost immediately.

    (music then sound of saw cutting, and other violent sounds as before, with the woman screaming. Suddenly it is silent.)

    Man's voice: I think she's dead.

    Woman's voice: No I'm not!

    (sounds of physical harm and screaming start again. then music fades up and out)

    Announcer: That was episode two of "The Death of Daughter- the Light Side of the Force", specially adapted for radio by Adrienne Wilkinson and Sam Witwer. And now, Radio Mortis will explode.

    (music and then the radio explodes.)
  24. Jedi_Kenobi32 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2005
    star 4
    My first post in this thread! Speaking of stuff like Darth Maul and Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series here is my explanation of "How Darth Maul Survived: The 4Kids (and Saban) Edition." Those who have watched 4Kids and Saban anime dubs will get the references I am making:

    Savage Opress arrives in the Outer Rim on some random Star System. There he discovers his long lost brother Darth Maul inside a chamber room. Darth Maul is doing Pilates exercises on a mat.

    Savage: Maul, my brother I am so glad that I have finally found you.

    Darth Maul: Welcome Savage Opress.

    Savage: But there is one thing that confuses me. I've heard others claim that you were sliced in half by that Jedi Obi-Wan.

    Darth Maul: Well you see when I fell down that reactor shaft I was magically sent to a prison located in the Shadow Realm, which happens to be located in the Next Dimension. There I was put back together.

    Savage: Wait, how were you put back together? What is this Shadow Realm and this Next Dimension?

    Darth Maul: The answer my brother lies in this parchment.

    Darth Maul hands Savage a rolled up parchment. Savage opens it up and starts to read it only to discover that the parchment is completely blank.

    Savage: Um...was this written in invisible ink?

    Darth Maul: No. There are no words written on this parchment. Its a 4Kids editing policy. We're not allowed to show written text.

    Savage: Then how am I supposed to know what the answer is?! And just what is 4Kids?

    Darth Maul: Do not worry Savage, I'm pretty sure George Lucas will come up with an explanation for all of this.

    Savage: George Lucas?! Who's George Lucas?!

    Darth Maul: The Creator...the one who oversees all.

    Savage: What?! Oh I'm so confused! *starts crying uncontrollably*

    Darth Maul: (comforting Savage) There, there brother, it's okay, your questions will be answered soon enough. Would you like to do some Pilates exercises with me?

    Savage: (tiny voice) Okay.

    The two brothers begin to do Pilates together, albeit with Savage crying like a little girl.
  25. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    Anakin: (close up on his face lit up with his lightsaber) It is heavily implied that I am stabbing you!
    Dark Jedi: (close up on shocked expression) It is heavily implied that I am being cut in half!
    Savage: Boy, ever since 4Kids got their hands on the show, we can be as violent as we want without actually showing it!

    Son: Join me, and together we shall destroy the Sith, bring balance to the galaxy!
    Anakin: And then what?
    Son: ...I hadn't thought about that, actually. Feel pleased with ourselves, I suppose. Maybe play some XBox. I hear Force Unleashed 3 is coming out.
    Anakin: Surely you can't be serious.
    Son: (exploding) I'M ALWAYS SERIOUS! (suddenly pleasant) And don't call me Shirley.

    Obi-Wan: So there's a father, a son, and a daughter...but where's the mother?
    Father: Ah... (pauses) Hmmm.... (sits to think)
    Daughter: (looks around aimlessly)
    Obi-Wan: ...You don't know, do you?
    Son: (laughs) Yes! ...And no. Depending on your point of view.

    Daughter: He who wields the sword can control the fate of the planet.
    Obi-Wan: Ohhh, why couldn't it be something with fewer Freudian implications?
    (in short order, the daughter gives Obi-Wan the sword. Obi-Wan gives Anakin the sword. Ahsoka takes the sword from Anakin, then gives it to the Son. The Son tries to stab the father with the sword, only to stab his sister with it instead)

    Son: And now we finish it! (stabs) (Daughter intercepts)
    Daughter: (pained) In hindsight, this wasn't such a hot idea...!
    Father: Why did we leave our ONE weakness on the planet???
    Obi-Wan: Why does Lex Luthor keep stumbling upon chunks of Kryptonite?

    -At the epilogue of the Mortis arc...-
    Son: Well, it failed this time...but it is no matter. The galaxy shall be mine to- (thunderclap, Duel of Heroes begins)
    Father: (booming) GO TO YOUR ROOM! YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR LIFE, YOUNG MAN!
    Son: (turns to the foreboding shadow of the Father) No...NO!
    Father: And you will EAT. YOUR. VEGETABLES.
    Son: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (fade out)

    Yoda: To Tatooine. To his family take him.
    Obi-Wan: Oh no, I am NOT going back there again!
    Yoda: Not so quickly I would speak, if responsible for the doom of the Light Side I was, by bringing out the weapon of its destruction.
    Obi-Wan: (stunned silence) ...Wow. You really went there.

    Darth Maul: It seems even together, we cannot best these Jedi Knights!
    Savage: So what shall we do, brother?
    Darth Maul: An ancient Sith magic...(points) FU! SION!
    Savage: Uh, wait, wait, wait, I don't think that's such a good-
    -Maul and Savage mash together in a burst of lightning, becoming a two-headed, four armed monster with two saberstaves...-
    Anakin: Well, this sucks.
    Obi-Wan: Our only chance is to follow suit! Anakin, together now!
    Anakin: (waving hand) Ohhhhhh, no. Obi-Wan, I'm your student, your friend, your brother, I'd even pose as your fake boyfriend temporarily for the sake of a mission, but THIS is where I draw the line!
    Ahsoka and the yaoi fangirls: (look down dejectedly)
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