Clone Wars The 'Stuff-We'll-Never-See' Thread

Discussion in 'Star Wars TV' started by koonfan, May 26, 2009.

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  1. DarthIktomi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    Darth Maul: Well you see when I fell down that reactor shaft I was magically sent to a prison located in the Shadow Realm, which happens to be located in the Next Dimension. There I was put back together.

    LOL. You forgot to mention HFIL.

    It could just be that Maul lost his powers, though. (One of the first times I really saw egregious editing was, of course, Tommy.)

    Darth Maul hands Savage a rolled up parchment. Savage opens it up and starts to read it only to discover that the parchment is completely blank.

    Savage: Um...was this written in invisible ink?

    Darth Maul: No. There are no words written on this parchment. Its a 4Kids editing policy. We're not allowed to show written text.


    LOL I've seen this. Also, you can't show any Asian food on 4kids for some reason.

    Anakin: (close up on his face lit up with his lightsaber) It is heavily implied that I am stabbing you!
    Dark Jedi: (close up on shocked expression) It is heavily implied that I am being cut in half!
    Savage: Boy, ever since 4Kids got their hands on the show, we can be as violent as we want without actually showing it!


    Very true. Hell, in Pokemon, you can use attackswith names like Guillotine, and they only make your opponent "faint".

    Obi-Wan: So there's a father, a son, and a daughter...but where's the mother?
    Father: Ah... (pauses) Hmmm.... (sits to think)
    Daughter: (looks around aimlessly)
    Obi-Wan: ...You don't know, do you?
    Son: (laughs) Yes! ...And no. Depending on your point of view.


    You'll have to explain this one...If you're saying their mom is a giant mecha, then thankfully 4kids and Saban can't bowdlerize away the shota subtext, loli subtext, homoerotic subtext, incestuous implications, cloning, religious references, suicide, overall Japaneseness, and general weirdness of that series.

    Darth Maul: It seems even together, we cannot best these Jedi Knights!
    Savage: So what shall we do, brother?
    Darth Maul: An ancient Sith magic...(points) FU! SION!
    Savage: Uh, wait, wait, wait, I don't think that's such a good-
    -Maul and Savage mash together in a burst of lightning, becoming a two-headed, four armed monster with two saberstaves...-
    Anakin: Well, this sucks.
    Obi-Wan: Our only chance is to follow suit! Anakin, together now!
    Anakin: (waving hand) Ohhhhhh, no. Obi-Wan, I'm your student, your friend, your brother, I'd even pose as your fake boyfriend temporarily for the sake of a mission, but THIS is where I draw the line!
    Ahsoka and the yaoi fangirls: (look down dejectedly)


    LOL! I'm sure that some Dragonball Z yaoi fangirls thought of that when they saw the fusion dance. I mean, God knows I did, and I don't even like ero.
  2. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    Ahhh, the Asian food embargo...when rice cakes inexplicably became jelly filled donuts.

    Oh, the Mother gag wasn't linked to anything about 4Kids or anime. It was just a simple joke on the situation at hand. And Guren Lagann planted the brief idea of fangirls looking forward to seeing guys 'combine'. [face_laugh]

    The Son used Supersonic!
    Ahsoka is now confused!
    It hurt her allies in the confusion!

    The Son used Nerve Strike!
    It's Super Effective!
    Ahsoka fainted!

    The Son used Impale!
    It's Super Effective!
    Daughter fainted!
    You can never capture the Daughter ever again, just like the Legendary Pokemon!

    Son: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! Now I'll NEVER be able to catch 'em all! (flies off in a sulk)
    Anakin: We've gotta get her to a Pokemon center!
    Obi-Wan: I don't know what's worse, that she's dying or that you equate her with a battle pet.
  3. DarthIktomi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    Gainax will plant all sorts of ideas in your head. They're famous for their "we'll let you figure out what's happening" philosophy. Exhibit A: The Instrumentality.

    You're wondering why I'm talking about Gainax, well, it should be fairly obvious once you have broken free of the government brainwashing to realize that TIME IS CUBIC and furthermore, this entire forum is a dream within a dream within a VR simulation within a dream that some old man described to his grandson.

    Congratulations!
  4. Humble_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 14, 2004
    star 4
    I guess this should go here instead of the LACWAC fan art thread, since it's just a 'photoshop'...

    [image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v373/JoZ/FistoDiscoV2.png]

    Monkey Lizard DJ concept courtesy of koonfan ;) - click for original size
  5. fistofan1 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 8, 2009
    star 4
    Lol, just think of the mayhem those two could cause together. [face_mischief]

    :p
  6. Gry Sarth Ex 2x Banhammer Wielding Besalisk Mod

    Member Since:
    Jun 24, 1999
    star 5
    Can't you just picture them together in a car, going clubbing, moving their heads to the rythm of the music like that SNL skit?
  7. fistofan1 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 8, 2009
    star 4
    Yes, and I'm in the backseat with them. :cool:
  8. Humble_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 14, 2004
    star 4
    Hey! I was gonna say that.

    Oh well I'm right next to you.

    :D

    [face_laugh]

    How awesome would that be?

    The secret clubbing adventures of Kit Fisto and Monkey Lizard...

    <fade in>

    It's after hours, Kit Fisto and Pilf the Monkey Lizard are cruising the traffic lanes of the downtown Coruscant entertainment district in Fisto's customized Narglatch XJ-2 airspeeder.

    Fisto: So tell me about the sticks bars...
    Pilf: Well, what you wanna know?
    Fisto: Well, sticks are legal there, right?
    Pilf: Yeah, they're legal, but they ain't a hundred percent legal. I mean, you can't walk into a restaurant, roll one up, and start puffin' away. They want you to smoke in clubs or certain designated places.
    Fisto: And those are sticks bars?
    Pilf: Breaks down like this, okay: it's legal to buy 'em, it's legal to own 'em, and if you work for the Hutts, it's legal to sell 'em. It's illegal to export 'em, but that don't really matter 'cause get a load of this, all right ? there ain't no customs on Nar Shaddaa. I mean, that's a thing you don't have.
    Fisto: [grinning] Oh, man! I'm going, that's all there is to it. I'm effin going.
    Pilf: Yeah baby, you'd dig it the most. But you know what the funniest thing about Nar Shaddaa is?
    Fisto: What?
    Pilf: It's the little differences. I mean, they got the same crap over there that we got here, but it's just ? there, it's a little different.
    Fisto: Example?
    Pilf: Well, you can walk into a cabaret club on Nar Shaddaa and buy a Ruby Bliels. And I don't mean just like a small shot, I'm talking about a -bottle- of Bliels. And in the Corellian District, you can get an ale on every corner of every alley. And you know what they call a Bantha Burger with Cheese on Nar?
    Fisto: They don't call it a Bantha Burger with Cheese?
    Pilf: Nah, man, they live thousands of meters above the planet surface, they wouldn't know what the eff a Bantha is.
    Fisto: So what do they call it?
    Pilf: They call it a "Bloody Blob".
    Fisto: "...Bloody Blob".
    Pilf: That's right.


    From the movie 'PILF FICTION'
  9. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]

    Nice ones, guys. Fisto and Pilf for the win! :D

    And I'm imagining another bonus preview for their misadventures...:p

    -Fisto and Pilf are in the bar at the club, laughing over their drinks...-
    Kit: You shoulda seen the look on her face! Oh, wish I had a picture o' dat!
    Pilf: What was she smokin'?
    Kit: The Dark Side, I think.
    Pilf: Yeah, yeah, I've heard that one before.
    -An armored fist slams into the counter next to them. Camera pans to see General Grievous with an IV drink, glaring at them...-
    Grievous: Jedi!
    Kit: Grievous. Thought you were in the Duro system.
    Grievous: And I thought you were supposed to be on Dac.
    Kit: (pauses) Touche.
    Grievous: We don't want your kind here, Jedi, so make like a Neti and get outta here!
    Kit: I see they haven't upgraded your humour subroutines.
    Patron: (muttering) Boy, those aren't jokes you'd find anywhere else...
    -Kit and Grievous make for their lightsabers, only to find Pilf has grabbed all of them and has his tail looped around a ceiling rung, a lightsaber in each hand and foot, and one in his tail...-
    Pilf: Heeeey, heeeey, nobody's slicin' up this joint if I can help it! You wanna settle this, do it the old fashioned club way. (jumps onto the deejay's stand) Drop it like it's hot. (begins mixing)
    -Kit and Grievous look at Pilf incredulously, but their expressions smoothen into intrigue. They glare at each other, leave their cloaks at the chair, and jump onto the dance floor. Each begins to pop and lock to start, Grievous splitting his arms for it, as the preview comes to an end.-
  10. Humble_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 14, 2004
    star 4
  11. Jedi_Kenobi32 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2005
    star 4
    LOL. You forgot to mention HFIL.
    :eek: You're right, I did. :p

    In Children of the Force, Bane is being interrogated to no avail.

    Obi-Wan: We've know you've taken at least two children and some beef jerky from a Seven Eleven.

    Cad Bane: Wait! What's wrong with stealing beef jerky?

    Mace Windu: Stealin' beef jerky is one of the eight deadly sins.

    Cad Bane: I thought there were only seven.

    Mace Windu: They added that one last week. Now who are you working for?

    Cad Bane: I'd like to solve the puzzle.

    Obi-Wan: Wait a minute-what?! Just tell us where the Holocron and the children are.

    Cad Bane: I have an important question for you Jedi.

    Mace Windu: What?

    Cad Bane: Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

    Obi-Wan: You know, its only a matter of time before we relocate the Holocron. Make it easier on yourself.

    Cad Bane: This is a waste of my time. I'm missing "Pimp my Ride" right now.

    Obi-Wan/Mace Windu: ...........................................................

    Cad Bane: That's my favorite show.

    Obi-Wan/Mace Windu: ............................................................

    Cad Bane: I also like "Jersey Shore" and "Maury."

    Obi-Wan/Mace Windu: [face_sick][face_sick][face_sick][face_sick][face_sick]

    A few minutes later, after Obi-Wan and Mace were done puking after discovering what Bane likes to watch on TV, they come back inside the interrogation room alongside with Anakin and Ahsoka.

    Mace Windu: Okay Bane we were originally going to assault your mind with an ultra triple Jedi Mind Trick trick of ours, but 4Kids thinks that will be too scary for the kiddies, so we've come up with an alternative.

    Cad Bane: Nothin' you can do will crack this cool blue bounty hunter's noggin!

    Mace Windu: Oh we will, we will. (turns to Anakin) Proceed.

    Anakin: Yes Master Windu.

    Anakin walks out and a few minutes later brings in a television and a DVD player. He proceeds to pop in the dvd and then Bane discovers with absolute horror that its a four hour long compilation of Dane Cook's standup.

    *A few moments later*

    Cad Bane: All right! I'll take you to that glowy holocron thingy! Just don't play that again!
  12. Swashbucklingjedi Game Winner

    Game Winner
    Member Since:
    Oct 3, 2010
    star 5
    just Altar of Mortis- scene rewritten to be less epic but more..... informative... ok not more informative either just different:p little parody of overused lines actually... anyway 'way it should've been':p

    Daughter: One who wields the blade will be able to control my brother!
    Obi-Wan Kenobi: I don't understand!
    Daughter: Ok- so you will go and take that dagger- it is ancient weapon -only weapon like that can destroy likes of us.
    Obi-Wan Kenobi: I still don't understand!
    Daughter: Get that damn blade jedi!
    Obi-Wan Kenobi: Why don't you?
    Daughter: I just... I just can't?
    Obi-Wan Kenobi: May I ask why?
    Daughter: You wouldn't understand anyway.... now take that blade.
    Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ok..... but this is still very..... strange.....

  13. Darth_Gamek Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2009
    star 6
    I hope Seth Green and Matthew Senreich read all this and use this for mateiral in a fourth Robot Chicken Star Wars special. :p
  14. Jedi_Kenobi32 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2005
    star 4
    Non 4Kids related stuff this time.

    Anakin is sitting inside his apartment, lounging around in his underwear and just being lazy. Padme walks in.

    Anakin: How was your day Padme?

    Padme: Well first I went to a Senate meeting.

    Anakin: Boring.

    Padme: ...And then I tried to stop this bill from being passed.

    Anakin: Boooooooorrriiing.

    Padme: And then I gave this passionate speech on why war is wrong.

    Anakin: Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrriiiiiiing.

    Padme: (sighs) And my political opponents kidnapped me.

    Anakin: Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiinnnng.

    Padme: And then they tried to assassinate me.

    Anakin: Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnnng-

    Padme: Don't you even care?! I mean I was captured and nearly killed today.

    Anakin: So what else is new?

    Padme: You know, I'm trying to make a stand for Democracy. I'm trying to preserve what little this Republic has left and I'm trying to stop this pointless war. I am your wife and I have people trying to capture and kill me left and right. I am nearly always a hostage. I hardly feel safe anymore. What do have to say to that?

    Anakin: *belches*

    Padme: [face_plain]



  15. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    There should so totally be a scene like that, partly so that we can laugh at the politics, and partly so that we can be given a chance to think 'are we jerks for thinking that way?'. [face_laugh]

    Stuff we would never see, related to familiar real life pop culture edition!
    -Hondo Ohnaka goes for a stand-up comedy career via Monkey Lizard ventriloquy
    -Separatists and Republic characters are stranded on a planet together and are forced to cooperate for survival. Winner gets a freighter!
    -Any of this on Robot Chicken (but thanks, Darth_Gamek, that was seriously an awesome compliment XD)

    Ima-Gun Di: (drawing in the sand) If we collapse the right flank, we can force the droids to engage on one front.
    Cham Syndulla: (across from Di) What're you talking about? You're pointing to the left flank! (Di sighs, takes him to his side and turns him around. Cham now sees that his left was Di's right) Ohhhhhhhhh.
    Keeli: You're the leader of the freedom fighters and you can't distinguish another person's left and right sides?
    Cham: I was busy with the liberation!
    Gobi: Cham, where shall we put the records of your ballads?
    Cham: Over there in those empty food crates. (Di and Keeli just look at him) ...It's good for morale!

    Talzin: Savage...Savage Opress! You will find him on Toydaria!
    Anakin: Boring. What else is on? (touches the crystal ball, which inexplicably switches channels) Oh, hey, the CrushBowl!

    Obi-Wan: Remember, Anakin, we're not here to fight, so don't harm them!
    Anakin: Uhhhhhhh. Whoops.

    Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan. Have you done as I've asked? Have you trained the boy?
    Obi-Wan: Well, hello to you too, father figure of mine. I'm just fine, thanks for asking. [face_plain]

    And I'm not as tightly wound about spoilers as some people are, but I can understand very much how they feel about it. Consider this a gift from me to them. :p

    Battle droid: General! The Republic has intercepted our secret invasion!
    Grievous: WHAT?! But how?! I KEPT THAT PLAN A SECRET TO ALL BUT THE COUNT!
    Battle droid: Apparently, it was posted online on the official Star Wars site and Theforce.net.
    Dooku: (appearing on the holocomm) General! There have been concerns that we have been becoming LAME! I'm sure you can understand the need to...entice...the galaxy with promises of AWESOMENESS.
    Grievous: YOU! YOU posted those spoilers! YOU leaked the plans! THREE WEEKS OF PLANNING DOWN THE DRAIN!
    Dooku: I do hope you emerge victorious.
    -Meanwhile...-
    Broadside: Seems a little odd we found out their plans so early, general.
    Anakin: Not a problem to me, Broadside. I just like watching them go boom! :D
  16. Humble_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 14, 2004
    star 4
    HAHA! That's just uncanny... three minutes ago, right before I logged on I was thinking how awesome it would be if I would be a ventriloquist with a Monkey Lizard puppet! [face_laugh]

    But Ohnaka doing it sounds even better! They should do a Christmas special like this. :D

    *unwinds*

    My give up! MY GIVE UP! :p

    [EDIT] Ah heck, I think this should go here as well...

    [image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v373/JoZ/Pilf_Hondo.png]

    You know me; any excuse to post Monkey Lizard gags. [face_cowboy]
  17. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    Awww, you know I feel for you guys. [:D]

    The reason we'll never see Hondo as a monkey lizard ventriloquist is simple: One of the basics in these acts is that the ventriloquist must play the duller straight man to his dummy. Like Jeff Dunham and his various puppets, including Achmed the Dead Terrorist and Peanut.

    Hondo and Pilf are too evenly matched in awesomeness. If anything, they'd never stop trying to one-up each other. [face_laugh]
  18. Humble_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 14, 2004
    star 4
    ... yet somehow I feel that Hondo wouldn't stand a chance! [face_laugh]

    [image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v373/JoZ/MonkeyLizardSilence.png]

    :p
  19. Gry Sarth Ex 2x Banhammer Wielding Besalisk Mod

    Member Since:
    Jun 24, 1999
    star 5
    Oh yes! "Silence! I keel-you!" just rolls off the monkey lizard's tongue!
  20. Swashbucklingjedi Game Winner

    Game Winner
    Member Since:
    Oct 3, 2010
    star 5
    Son: Let me show you- your future (Takes Revenge of the Sith dvd and inserts it into dvd-player that magically appears from the mist with tv-screen)

    ..... after movie

    Anakin: NOOOOOO that's fake that cannot be true... i look like Hayden Christensen!

    Son: Nothing to say about those evil deeds you did?!

    Anakin: I even sound like Hayden- that's impossible- Christensen cannot even act!

    Son: Hey calm down- I think he was good as you actually... great emotional drama there also...
    This will happen soon- we have foreseen it- this is not just normal disc- when we play it in my father's magic-DVD-player it will actually happen in real universe....

    Anakin: Ok- so do you really think i would try to save Padmé and kill her in the end?!- I'm not fool- but if that really happens now I know not to intervene.... and Palpatine is that sith.... i need to go and tell that to everyone... damn i actually liked that guy..... anyway... now i know how to avoid all that evil...

    Son: Oh yeah.... maybe i shouldn't have shown this after all....damn i caused paradox now...

    Anakin: But if that really is future- then where is Ahsoka- what happens to her?

    Son: Actually.... I have not the slightest idea........
  21. DarthIktomi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    Well, in the interest of balance we might as well show the one good dub 4kids did:

    Anakin: I want to be a Jedi.

    Quinlan: Then you have to land one blow on me in ten minutes.

    (Anakin integrates with Qui-Gon and attacks Quinlan. And fails.)

    Quinlan: You can't defeat me that way.

    Anakin: No. (Tries again.)

    Quinlan: Don't you get it? You can't beat me with integration!

    (Anakin integrates Qui-Gon with a sword.)

    Anakin: Buddha-giri! (Slices Quinlan with the air.)

    Quinlan: You did it! (Headband falls off.) Your first opponent is another Tatooinian named A'Sharad Hett.

    Anakin: A'Sharad Hett. That's a funny name!
  22. Humble_Jedi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 14, 2004
    star 4
    [image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v373/JoZ/FistoDiscoV3.png]
  23. CT-867-5309 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 5, 2011
    star 5

    [face_laugh]
  24. koonfan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 15, 2008
    star 4
    ...Is that a Death Star disco ball?

    ...Do those even exist?

    ...Arts and crafts! NOW! [face_laugh] =D=

    Rex: Sir, what happened there?
    Anakin: Oh, I had the strangest dream... (pointing to Ahsoka and Obi-Wan) And you were in it! And you! And- (to Rex) No, not you. Not Yularen either. Uh. Well, I guess it really was just the two of them.

    Son: Behold. I bring you visions from the FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!
    Anakin: I see...(gasp) Dumbledore, noooooo!
    Son: Wait, what? Oh, sorry, wrong track. (removes the memories of Severus Snape and chucks them into a bowl)
    Anakin: (dizzily) Boy, I can't wait to read about Dumbledore in book 6!
    Son: (for the Evulz) Snape does him in. [face_skull]
    Anakin: WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Father: My Son has broken our non-spoiler policies by revealing the climax of Half-Blood Prince. For that, we'll need something mightier than the dagger of Mortis...
    Obi-Wan: ...Is that a Banhammer?

    Anakin: I will do...such horrible things...wait a second! That's it!
    Son: What's it?
    Anakin: Everybody knows that a prophecy comes true when you try to prevent it. So I'll do the exact opposite, and try and make it happen by joining the Dark Side!
    Son: ...Even I didn't get that, but works for me! (brainwashes Anakin)

    Father: You were not meant to be here!
    Obi-Wan: Screw destiny! We have the power of friendship!
  25. DarthIktomi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2009
    star 4
    Wow...You managed to put three tropes into one line.
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