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Clone Wars The 'Stuff-We'll-Never-See' Thread

Discussion in 'Star Wars TV' started by koonfan, May 26, 2009.

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  1. Jedi_Kenobi32

    Jedi_Kenobi32 Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 24, 2005
    -Asajj Ventress becomes a drill sergeant for a Military Boot Camp.
    -Captain Rex leaves the Clone Trooper division in order to compete on Jeopardy.
    -Palpatine isn't Sidious, instead its actually his twin brother Ovaltine.
    -Savage Opress and Darth Maul open a French circus together.
    -Ahsoka ends up in this magical land with fairies, witches, a Scarecrow, a Tin-man, a Cowardly Lion, and for some reason Bob Dole.
    -General Grievous decides to write books for children.
    -Kit Fisto becomes Kelly Ripa's new co-host on the upcoming syndicated television series Live With Fisto and Kelly.
    -Anakin Skywalker opens up a support group for whiny Jedi Knights called I'm-Like-Tha-Most-Powerful-Jedi-Eva! Anonymous.
    -Plo Koon decides to travel back in time to the groovy 1970s.
    -Aayla Secura decides to compete in the summer Olympics.

    By the way I will posting my own little creation involving the Monkey Lizard this Tuesday. [face_peace]
  2. fistofan1

    fistofan1 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 8, 2009
    Son: What if I could show you... the future?
    The Son backs away as Anakin's future plays out.
    Anakin: I...I won't look!
    Son: You must!
    Anakin, with fingers in his ears: La la la la la can't hear you!
    Son: Uh, Anakin?
    Anakin, still screaming: Twinkle twinkle little star!!!
    Son: Seriously, it's over now. You can stop that.
    Anakin: Not looking! Not looking!
    Son: I don't have time for this. I'm going to put flowers on my sister's grave.

    Anakin: So after I bring the bat and the horse to their knees...uh, what's wrong Rex?
    Rex: Uhhh, it's just that, well, you never ask me about my day.
    Anakin: Okay, I'll bite. What did you do while we were gone?
    Rex: Oh, I never expected you to actually ask. Well, first I made a fresh pot of what was supposed to be decaf but was actually original blend in the wrong pot.
    Anakin: Uh, okay. Go on.
    Rex: So then I cleaned my blaster, and right when I finished I found another spot. So I scrubbed it aain and sure enough, there was another spot. It was soooo...General Skywalker? Hello?
  3. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Not too shabby, Jedi_Kenobi32. Not bad at all. I'd recommend you look a few pages back for Kualan's fantastic Wizard of Oz parody. [face_laugh]

    Though I wonder if Ventress hasn't already become a drill sergeant...I thought she was channeling a bit of that when she was at the village of the Nightbrothers. :p

    And nice ones, fistofan1. [face_laugh]

    Anakin: Ahsoka, did you learn anything from this?
    Ahsoka: Sure did. When I grow up, I'm going to have a rocking figure!

    Obi-Wan: It's Coh-row-sant! COH-ROW-SANT! If I hear one more person say Coruus-Kant or Cors-ant, I'm going to go CRAZY!

    Even Piell: General Gre-vi-ous. I thought I smelt your foul stench on board.
    Grievous: It's GRIEVOUS! GRIEVOUS!
    Even Piell: I'll say it is!

    Bail Organa: My mission was a success, thank you for asking. But what's the matter? You all look very somber.
    Mace: (halfheartedly) Oh, Marna was eliminated from this week's Galactic Idol.
    Obi-Wan: I really thought she had a shot.
    Bail Organa: No kidding. I always thought...wait, that's all you called me for?
    Mace: We get lonely sometimes.

    Clone: General, what're you talking about?
    Mace: Sorry. Wrong franchise for a moment there.

    Commander Colt: The squad with the most points will get this Pylon Cup! Their glory shall be marked forever!
    Trooper: So...what's in the cup?
    Colt: What?
    Trooper: What's in the cup? Is there like something useful, or fun, like ammunition or candy or...?
    Colt: It commemorates your excellence.
    Trooper: Ehhhh, right. Classified. Gotcha.
    -Come the award ceremony...-
    Fordo: We are proud to award the Pylon Cup to Griffin Battalion! (applause)
    Griffin Leader: Thanks, Commander, we've been looking forward (pauses as he looks in the cup) It's empty...
    Fordo: Well, sure. It's just a cup.
    Griffin leader: (throwing the trophy on the ground) LOOK AT IT, BROTHERS! IT'S EMPTYYYYYYY! JUST LIKE OUR SOOOOUUUUUULS! THEY'VE BEEN PITTING US AGAINST EACH OTHER FOR AN EMPTY CUP! THEY- (the ARC Troopers sedate Griffin Leader and drag him off stage)
    Slither leader: ALL THE WASTED YEARS!
  4. Jedi_Kenobi32

    Jedi_Kenobi32 Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 24, 2005
    The Ultimate Guide to Owning a Pet Monkey Lizard Pamphlet
    Congratulations! You have just purchased (or are interested in purchasing) a Monkey Lizard! Monkey Lizards make wonderful pets for the first time owner. However like any other pet they require love and care and a dedicated person to look after them. The following guide is to help the novice owner care for their Monkey Lizard in terms of feeding, breeding, training, exercise, etc.


    *Unlike other living beings Monkey Lizards do not drink water. Instead they like to drink Vodka. So make sure to give your Monkey Lizard at least three shots of Vodka every morning, noon, and night.

    *If you give your Monkey Lizard too much Vodka and it passes out don't panic. Just place it in a recliner, alongside with a remote control placed in the center of its lap, and the television turned to Fringe, which happens to be a Monkey Lizard's favorite show. If you do then you won't have your eyes gouged out when it wakes up.

    *Monkey Lizards need to be fed a full and hearty diet. A staple and standard diet for a Monkey Lizard includes ten Big Macs from McDonalds, a dozen Chipotles from Taco Bell, two giant pizzas from Pizza Hut, Domino's, and Papa Johns (each), seven UnbelievaBurgers from Checkers, three Whoppers from Burger King, and mounds of mashed potatoes smothered in gravy from KFC. Make sure to give yours a giant glass of Vodka to wash it all down too.

    *Keep in mind that you will have to pay for all this food yourself. Monkey Lizards tend to be cheap.

    *Don't worry about all the cholesterol and fat, Monkey Lizards are well known for being wealthy enough to afford liposuction surgery.

    *Finally make sure to give your Monkey Lizard a giant chocolate fudge cake for desert. Unlike dogs and cats Monkey Lizards can eat chocolate.

    Part 2 (out of 5) will be posted this Sunday.
  5. Humble_Jedi

    Humble_Jedi Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 14, 2004
  6. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Awesomeness. I think it's time for some style reviews. And yes, you can even get monkey lizards on Amazon style online stores. [face_laugh]

    1/5, SAVE YOURSELVES by BibbityUnfortuna31
    I got a ML months ago. It has now completely overtaken my life. I have to feed and clean it day after day. My career is ruined. I'm a wreck. It has driven away all my friends and family. I think it may be plotting to steal my identity. Even now, I think he suspects something. DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR CONTACT DETAILS. DO NOT FASGASIFAIHWHGHDISVNOPEQWEQEWQEWE$E$@QE$

    ...Ignore the stupid Twi'lek! Buy more monkey lizards! :D

    5/5, All hail the enlightened ones! by Oliphaunt_Mon
    This is my last communique to the temporal realm before I achieve enlightenment. The Kowakian Monkey Lizard has unlocked the mysteries of the universe through twelve easy steps, and relieved me of all my worldly possessions. I have never been happier, and you can be too. Only avail yourselves to this most marvelous of opportunities!

    5/5, Barrels of Fun by Mondo-Hondo
    Okay, sure, the upkeep for a bunch of these ain't cheap, but I'd say being able to pickpocket lightsabers and dope up Jedi counts as paying for themselves! Whether you just want someone to liven up a party or take care of rowdy guests, this is the pet for you! 'course, you gotta keep out of reach of small pets or children, and it helps if you've got a large compound for them to run around in, like Florrum.

    My companion Pilf has been with me since I started out as first mate on a spice freighter. Since acquiring him off an exotic pets freighter, I've got my own gang of pirates, a palace of my own, and a tank which he can pilot. Fun, wacky, versatile. Trust me; if you're ready for a wild ride, these guys ARE the pets you're looking for!
  7. RX-27

    RX-27 Jedi Knight star 1

    Oct 5, 2010
    General Grievous unleashing his limitless fangirl hoards on the republic.
  8. DarthIktomi

    DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 11, 2009
    Ahsoka: I am Sailor Shili, guardian of justice. And on behalf of Shili, I will punish you! Wait...All by myself?
    Rex: You have me. *grumble* I'll get the author for making me Tuxedo Kamen. I'm not into little girls.
    Ahsoka: I'm older than you!
    Rex: You also have Sailor Tatooine...
    Anakin: I'm not doing this! (Anakin appears in a red dress.)
    Rex: Sailor Coruscant...
    Obi-Wan: It could be worse. (Obi-Wan appears in a green dress.) They could've made us Uranus and Neptune.
    Rex: Sailor Naboo...
    Padmé: I've never worn orange before.
    Rex: And Sailor Kamino.
    (Cody appears in a blue dress.)
    Rex: And your enemies: Maulite...
    Maul: I'll have you, Sailor Shili!
    Rex: Tyranite...
    Dooku: And I won't fall in love with a little girl!
    Rex: Ventrite...
    Venress: I do hope this is the dub, because I am not a man.
    Author: No such luck. While DIC's not as bad as Saban or 4kids, it's still plenty bad.
    Rex: And Savite!
    Savege: Really? Why not put Pal-I mean, Lord Sidious, here?
    Author: Because someone needs to be Queen Beryl.
    (Maul summons a monster. But it's a Sailor Moon monster, so it's in drag.)
    (Rex throws a rose at the monster.)
    Cody: Shabon spray! (Bubbles appear, which should make things invisible, for five seconds, during which time the senshi do nothing.)
    Anakin: Coruscant fire attack! (Fixes burning sutra on the monster.)
    Padmé: Naboo love chains encircle!
    Anakin: You're not putting love chains around someone else.
    Obi-Wan: Coruscant thunder crash!
    Ahsoka: Shili tiara magic! (Monster dies.) Okay, that wasn't so bad.
    All the men: Speak for yourself!
    (Cade shows up in a pink dress.)
    Cade: Now everyone will hate me.
    Author: Okay, bring in the Stormrangers.
    (Five stormtroopers in five different colors of armor, the red one clearly the leader and the pink one wearing a dress, show up.)
  9. StarWarsFan91

    StarWarsFan91 Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 14, 2008
    *The Mortis Trilogy opens up with Anakin washed up upon a sandy shore. In his eyes it looks like a beach on Naboo.*

    *He looks to his right and he sees two children playing in the sand, a boy and a girl, the children seem familiar to him but he can't quite place why. In reality, they are images of his future children luke and leia. The children vanish, proof to an already known fact to Anakin that this world was not real. He then fall's into a slumber*

    *What appears to be a clone trooper walks over to Anakin's body, and brings him to a Naboo like structure. As well as taking Anakin's lightsaber*

    *We then see an older looking Obi-wan (a nod to the original trilogy), sitting all by himself at a table*

    *Anakin is brought to the table and his lightsaber is placed on it as well*

    Obi-wan says...

    Obi-wan: Are you here to kill me?

    *sees the lightsaber*

    Obi-wan: I know what this is. I've seen one before many, many years ago. It belonged to a man I met in a half-remembered dream. A man possessed of some radical notions.

    *The scene then cuts to the beginning of "Overlords". We later find out that Mortis is a dreamscape, and that Obi-wan was set into a deeper part of the dreamscape by the Son, for he did not want him to interfer with his plans with Anakin. Once Anakin came to his senses, he went deeper into the fake reality to rescue his master. Unfortunately time in Obi-wans eyes has seemed to pass on a lot longer then in reality*

    Obi-wan: So have you come to kill me? I've been waiting for someone to come for me...
    Anakin: Someone from a half remembered dream...
    Obi-wan: Anakin? Impossible - He and I were young men together, now I'm an old man.
    Obi-wan: Filled with regret...
    Obi-wan: Waiting to die alone...
    Anakin: I've come back to remind you of something... something you once knew...
    [Sees his lightsaber spinning on the table, going without end]
    Anakin: that this world isn't real...
    Obi-wan: To convince me to honor the arrangement.
    Anakin: To take a leap of faith yes. Come back, and we'll be young men together again. Come back to me...
    [Obi-wan reaches for the lightsaber]
    Anakin: Come back...

    In retrospect i really would have liked an Inception nod in the Mortis Trilogy, after all we do find out in the end that they were dreaming (of course it was a shared dream).
  10. Humble_Jedi

    Humble_Jedi Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 14, 2004
    Awesome Monkey Lizard gags, everyone. [face_laugh]

    I felt this would qualify as on topic:


    I would say that's debatable! [face_laugh]

  11. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Oh, awesome screencap, Humble. [face_laugh]

    Ahh, Inception. Oddly enough, a promo for the new models included Inception-style horns. Nice one. [face_laugh]

    Fighting evil by starlight,
    Meditating by daylight,
    Dressed in drag for a real fight,
    They are the Jedi Sailor Corps!

    Wouldn't last long. The Jedi have their own hoards. Heck, I'm sure even Plo Koon has an honour guard, and I'd be one of 'em. [face_laugh]

    Gonna dabble in a bit of Spongebob here. Nothing very original, just a few laughs. :p

    Echo: Wha...where's my number? Where is it???
    Fives: Echo, relax. It's just a serial number, you can get a new one. I think we're assigned additional ones when we climbed ranks...
    Echo: But I don't want a new one! A number is my identity! What if I started calling you SIX instead?
    Fives: Echo-
    Echo: My number might be lost out there! Alone, hungry and scared! Or worse...
    -In Echo's imagination, Bossk bursts into a bank with Echo's number on his jumpsuit...-
    Bossk: Nobody move! This is a robbery! (camera zooms in on tag) AAAAAALDERAAAAAAAAAAAN!
    -Back in reality...-
    Echo: That's probably what happened to HEVY'S old number!
    Fives: You mean the Hevy who never even met a bounty hunter?

    Echo: I gotta remember what happened to my number...
    Ahsoka: Hi, Echo!
    Echo: Oh, hey, Ahsoka. Wait...Ahsoka, you said hi to me this morning, right?
    Ahsoka: (pleased with herself) As I do every morning.
    Echo: I need you to do it again.
    Echo: Wha...What're you talking about?
    Ahsoka: (throws hands up) My hellos aren't just some tape recording you can play whenever you like! They're special!
    Echo: Ahsoka, this is serious! I lost my serial number!
    Yularen: You LOST your SERIAL NUMBER? (begins hyperventilating)

    Palpatine: People! People! We must decide what to do with the Zillo Beast loose!
    Orn Free Taa: We should take Coruscant...and PUSH IT SOMEWHERE ELSE! (silence)
    Mee Deechi: That sounds like it might be crazy enough...TO GET US ALL KILLED!
    Padme: I'll catch that beast! For a price!
    Mas Amedda: (bug eyes) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You'll never get a CREDIT out of me! I'd rather see you all EATEN!
    Padme: Oh, Mas Amedda, you're so silly. I was just kidding.
    Mas Amedda: Eheh...eheh...right. (Padme leaves with cheering) (to Orn Free Taa) Now what was that idea of yours again?

    Jar Jar: Padme, no! Yousa can't be goin' after dat Zilly Beast!
    Padme: Jar Jar, I'll be fine. After all, who's the one senator who knows martial arts and is a crack shot in and out of a starfighter.
    Jar Jar: Yousa.
    Padme: And who put the HIYAAAA WHOOCHA KAY in Teras Kasi?
    Jar Jar: Yousa.
    Padme: And...who saves your brightly coloured behind from certain destruction on a regular basis?
    Jar Jar: (checking the 'Property of Padme Amidala' tag) Yousa.
  12. Gry Sarth

    Gry Sarth Ex 2x Banhammer Wielding Besalisk Mod star 5

    Jun 24, 1999
    Oh, man! Genious, Humble. Just genious. I'll never be able to look at the main page with a straight face again as long as that thread is up there...
    Humble_Jedi likes this.
  13. Jedi_Kenobi32

    Jedi_Kenobi32 Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 24, 2005

    Oh no! Does that mean that he would unleash those random Mary Sues that his fangirl hoards like to pair him up with on the Republic too? [face_worried][face_sick]

  14. Kualan

    Kualan Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 4, 2008
    Ki-Adi-Mundi: (watching Plo Koon and Kit Fisto leave with their fan-hordes) The time for battle is now! Come, my fans, onwards!
    (Ki-Adi looks around to see a single person stood behind him)
    Kualan: Yo.
    Ki-Adi-Mundi: Erm, where's everybody else?
    Kualan: Ah, well, you see...this is it.
    Ki-Adi-Mundi: What?
    Kualan: Yep. Just me. Ever since TCW made it so you weren't the only background Jedi with a speaking role, your fanbase has...decreased somewhat.
    Ki-Adi-Mundi: Then all is lost...
    Kualan: Hey, don't say that. Whatever happened to 'we must push on'? With a bit of luck we --
    Ki-Adi-Mundi: There's no such thing as luck!
    Kualan: Oh right, yeah.
    [Even Piell charges past with a gaggle of fangirl supporters]
    Ki-Adi-Mundi: Oh come on!!!
  15. Swashbucklingjedi

    Swashbucklingjedi Game Winner star 5 VIP - Game Winner

    Oct 3, 2010
    [face_laugh] For some reason this sentence made me laugh hardest- Ahsoka's special hellos.... [face_laugh]
  16. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Ohhh, that is just sad yet awesome. Really put a smile on my face. I actually imagined Ki-Adi saying "Oh come on!!!" like Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb. [face_laugh]

    And then as a result, Ki-Adi opts for a total makeover for his image. Plo has the mask, Kit has the smile, Even has the eye thing...Imagine what Ki-Adi could do. :p

    And speaking of eyes, I heard mention that Even could be the Star Wars equivalent of Mad Eye Moody. I could totally get behind that!

    Obi-Wan: Heard we got a new defense against the Dark Side teacher. Mad as a hatter, this one. (glared at for his lack of a Star Wars equivalent) Sorry, I meant, mad as a Gerotite berserk hatter.
    Anakin: Yeah, well, let's hope he doesn't try to kill you for a change for being a know-it-all.
    Obi-Wan: I told you, I'm passionate! And right! And passionate about being right! Besides, Padme's the know-it-all.
    Anakin: What's she doing here anyway?
    Padme: It was either me, Shaak Ti, or Ahsoka as Hermione.
    Plo Koon: (as Dumbledore) Firstly, I would like to thank our charms professor, Professor Deetoo for his contribution to our choir this term.
    Artoo: (played by Warwick Davis) (beeps graciously)
    Plo Koon: Professor Shaak Ti is taking charge of Transfiguration classes, and she demand that there be no hijinks in the middle of- (the crowd bursts into laughter)
    Shaak Ti: Professor Piell! Is that a womp rat?!
    Even Piell: (levitating one) It's the groundskeeper! I'm teaching him a lesson! Teach you to dazzle people with knowledge nobody cares about!
    Shaak Ti: Professor, we do NOT transfigure students. Now change him back and put him down!
    Even: (grunts) As you wish. (Force Pushes the womp rat away with a Wilhelm scream) (the womp rat is revealed to be The Son)
    Son: They don't pay me enough to put up with this...
  17. DarthIktomi

    DarthIktomi Jedi Padawan star 4

    May 11, 2009
    Ahh, Inception. Oddly enough, a promo for the new models included Inception-style horns. Nice one. [face_laugh]

    Inception: The film nobody in Hollywood wants you to see. And given how trippy the whole thing is, it's easy to see why they'd think people wouldn't get it.

    Fighting evil by starlight,
    Meditating by daylight,
    Dressed in drag for a real fight,
    They are the Jedi Sailor Corps!

    Hey, what can I say? I had to do it. How'd you like Cade as Chibi-Usa? How'd you like the sentai I put at the end?

    Speaking of sentai...

    Disclaimer: You have to have read "The Interrogation of Princess Leia" from that lovable sadist The Dark Ranger (of "Agony in Pink" fame) to get this reference.

    Revenge in White

    Luke: I just read this weird story about Leia.
    Han: What?
    Luke: Yeah. And it's apparently supposed to be pornographic, though I shudder to think of who exactly could think of this as erotic.
    Han: I know Leia's your sister, but...(reads a little bit) Okay, yeah. Vader doing that to his own daughter?
    Luke: It's some guy named The Dark Ranger.
    Han: Well, we should find him and kill him.
    (The White Ranger enters.)
    Luke: Hey, white's my color!
    White Ranger: Green used to be mine. Then a candle took it away.
    Han: Does that make any sense?
    White Ranger: Anyway, you mentioned The Dark Ranger?
    Han: Yeah, why?
    White Ranger: He wrote a story about my girlfriend being tortured, too! Very famous one called "Agony in Pink".

    (The three find The Dark Ranger. Along the way, the White Ranger explains the value of mentally-controlled weapons to telepaths such as Luke. Luke suggests that if you're in emotional stress, aggravated perhaps by a psychic attack, you might never want to use one of those vehicles again.)

    Han: I could blast you.
    White Ranger: Or I could chop you up with my sword and fans will actually like him for once.
    Luke: Or I could just put you in infinite psychic pain. But you know what? You're not worth it. You'll never reproduce anyway. As evidenced by your writings.
    Zedd: And by the way, I have heard of torture!
  18. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Yeah, the sailor and sentai bits were hilarious, DarthIktomi. Even if I'm not as acquainted with Sailor Moon, just think. Characters in drag. And Cade. Take THAT, darker and edgier! [face_laugh]

    Now I'm imagining just what would have happened before Order 66...I know we already did Lord of the Rings awhile back, but I decided to give it a new context. :p

    -It is the time before battle. The Jedi Generals, each on their separate worlds with their respective armies, begin to address them with rousing camera angles and pans...-
    Ki-Adi Mundi: Sons of Kamino! Of the Republic! My brothers!
    Bacara: Uh, we're not your brothers.
    Luminara Unduli: I sense in your hearts the same fear that would take the heart of me!
    Plo Koon: A day may come, when the courage of clones fails, and we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day!
    Stass Allie: An hour of katarns, and shattered armour, when the age of the Republic comes crashing down! But it is NOT this day! THIS DAY WE FIGHT!
    Ki-Adi: By all that you hold dear, in this good galaxy...
    Luminara: ...I bid you stand...
    Plo Koon: ...clones of Kamino! (the clones break out into cheers)
    -Shortly after that rousing speech...-
    Palpatine: Commander, the time has come. Execute Order 66.
    Captain Jag: Well, THAT'S ironic.
  19. Jedi_Kenobi32

    Jedi_Kenobi32 Jedi Master star 4

    Jul 24, 2005
    Oh, what the heck? I decided that I will post the next part of my Pet Monkey Lizard pamphlet today. :p Besides I might be too busy this Sunday to post anything anyways so without further ado:

    The Ultimate Guide to Owning a Pet Monkey Lizard Pamphlet


    *First things first did you purchase your Monkey Lizard from a reputable breeder? While there are many breeders out there who take the art of breeding and selling Monkey Lizards seriously, there are also many who breed and sell Monkey Lizards just to make some cheap $$$.

    *Many of these breeders tend to be Weequay Pirates and Twi'leks (Note: According to Chancellor Palpatine intergalactic species profiling is A-OK!) and occasionally a Rodian.

    *Signs of breeders and-or owners abusing their Monkey Lizard(s) include: feeding a Monkey Lizard fruits and vegetables, giving it drinks other than Vodka, making it watch Bravo 24-7, putting embarrassing pictures of it on its Facebook (all Monkey Lizards use Facebook) account, and using it as a football.

    *If you are interested in breeding a Monkey Lizard yourself here is what you would need to know:

    *There are two ways a male Monkey Lizard likes to attract a female Monkey Lizard. The first way is by playing NPR segments at full blast through a giant megaphone and the second way is by the male Monkey Lizard reading poorly written fanfiction to the female Monkey Lizard.

    *As soon as a male and female Monkey Lizard get together and do their thing they tend to make obnoxious noises. Experienced Monkey Lizard owners have stated that the noises sound like bellowing humpback whales, a lawn mower, and obnoxiously slow Chris Brown songs blended together.

    *Female Monkey Lizards are pregnant for five weeks before giving birth. Make sure to give your female Monkey Lizard the latest Android phone after the birthing process or else she will kill you. Give the father Monkey Lizard a cigar for a job well done.

    *Finally its best to give the baby Monkey Lizards their own X-Box 360 to play with.

  20. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    We're going to have to indoctrinate another member of the Order of the Monkey Lizard. Great work there! [face_laugh]

    Son: I have a gift for you.
    Anakin: I'm not buying what you're selling!
    Son: Oh, but I'm sure you'll like this one. (holds out a PS3)
    Anakin: Ehhhh, no thanks. I already got an XBox360.
    Anakin: Alright, alright, I'll take the stupid console. Sheesh. No need to get snippy with me.

    Ahsoka: Hey, Admiral, how was your day?
    Yularen: ...What's going on?
    Ahsoka: What?
    Yularen: You know how my day goes, I'm on the Resolute giving orders and making sure everything's shipshape. You're only asking me so that I'll ask you how your day was.
    Ahsoka: I'm insulted! Of course I care about how your day went!
    Yularen: Okay then. I was on the Resolute all day. Giving orders. Making sure everything's shipshape. (pause) And yours?
    Ahsoka: The weirdest thing happened a little while back...

    Clone officer: Captain Tarkin! We should prep for jump to hyperspace!
    Tarkin: Retreat? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances!
    Even Piell: Oh, not THIS again!

    Dooku: Wilhuff Tarkin. I thought I smelled your foul stench when you came on board.
    Tarkin: Charming to the- (sniffs) Wow, you're right. I've been stuck in this suit for weeks.
    Dooku: The first thing we're doing is giving you a bath. We don't have any boots here, so you'll have to do with my bedroom slippers.
  21. AhsokaMiro

    AhsokaMiro Jedi Youngling star 3

    Apr 21, 2008
    Bwah! These are all funny, but I really did not see THAT line coming!
  22. koonfan

    koonfan Jedi Knight star 4

    Oct 15, 2008
    Disclaimer: If you're wondering why it's so expensive to raise and breed monkey lizards, well, then I say HEY pal, you ask way too many questions!

    Osi Sobeck: I'm uploading a program. To encourage creativity! In you droids! So that NO ONE leaves. The Citadel!
    Battle droid: Downloading, downloading...hey! This is Ape Escape! (is shot)
    Osi Sobeck: I told you not to use that word! Besides, it's not that different! I hear humans were descended from these primates!

    Longshot: I heard general Piell sent all his fear into his left eye and tore it out.
    Charger: I heard he remains fearless because he only sees half the horrors of war.
    Ahsoka: I heard he lost it by handling his lightsaber the wrong way. (stared at) Well, I heard it! ...From Master Sinube.

    Echo: (Charger falls to his death on an electro-mine) Wow. THAT was ironic.
    Rex: No more ironic than a guy called Lucky getting mauled by a turkey lion on Maridun.

    Ahsoka: Master Plo, what are you doing with your starfighter?
    Plo Koon: Pimping my ride. Ergonomic seats and hand-grabs, Dorin gas canister, disco ball, a sweet cup holder, and fuzzy dice.
    Anakin: Oh yeah? Well, MINE turns into a combat walker!
    Obi-Wan: ...Why?
    Anakin: So all the nerds out there will think I'm cool!

    Ahsoka: Surprise, Master Plo!
    Plo Koon: Surprise? Oh, wait...(chuckles) My birthday, of course! But you didn't have to, with the war.
    Mace: If we let them take away our birthday parties (grimly) then the Separatists win!
    Wolffe: Oooookaaaaaay. I'm sure you'll like what you got, General!
    Plo Koon: (looking at the package) Mask-shaped. I wonder what it is. (unwraps) An antiox breath mask. That's very thoughtful, everyone. Although I HAVE been getting the same gift since I was a youngling-
    Anakin: We tricked it out for you. Take a closer look!
    Plo Koon: (looks at the side) It...has an iPod built into it.
    Ahsoka: We thought we'd give you a little something from today's times!
    Plo Koon: (pleasantly) Thank you all. (gravely) What songs did you load into it?
    Wolffe: Golden oldies.
    Plo Koon: (pleasantly) Thank you all.

    Plo Koon: No one has ever successfully broken out of this prison.
    Anakin: So don't worry, boys, we'll be getting in and out of there for sure!
    Ahsoka: Can I come?
    Anakin: No.
    Fives: (whispering to Echo) And now she's coming along for sure. (they laugh and bump fists)

    Anakin: Master Piell, how'd you remember only half the data? Did you break it into two chunks?
    Even Piell: Too complicated. Let's just say it took a lot of vodka.
  23. Gry Sarth

    Gry Sarth Ex 2x Banhammer Wielding Besalisk Mod star 5

    Jun 24, 1999
    Even Piell: Well, to be honest it wasn't my intention to memorize only half the data. I actually read the whole thing, but for some reason I only remember the right side of the page...
  24. fistofan1

    fistofan1 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 8, 2009
    R2 unfreezes the Jedi and clone troopers for their mission to the Citadel.
    Obi-Wan: I must have carbon sickness because I distinctly remember you telling Ahsoka to stay behind, Anakin.
    Ahsoka: And I must have carbon sickness because I don't remember Quinlan Vos coming along either.
    Quinlan: Whoa, dude! I got into the wrooong tanning bed.

    Anakin: No Ahsoka, you can't come along. The Tower of Doom is no place for younglings. It's a grueling fortress filled with nasty surprises and evil implements of torture.
    Several hours later, in da club.
    Obi-Wan, with a drink in his hand and a monkey lizard on his shoulder: Did she buy it?
    Anakin: Yup. Now let's go do the limbo with Master Fisto!

    Torture Droid: Say goodbye to your one good eye.
    Even Piell: Say goodbye to your medical liscense.
    Droid. Ending procedure. Please pay the nurse on the way out.
  25. Humble_Jedi

    Humble_Jedi Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 14, 2004

    That Pleasantries Show


    [Monkey Lizard]: HELLO, NAR SHADDAA!!!


    Obi-Wan as Eric Forman
    Satine as Donna Pinciotti
    Kit Fisto as Steven Hyde
    Pilf the Monkey Lizard as Fez
    Quinlan Vos as Leo
    Ahsoka as Jackie Burkhart
    Mace Windu as Red Forman
    Jar Jar Binks as Michael Kelso

    Outside the club...

    Jar Jar: (speaking with a thick tongue and a finger in his mouth) ... vey faid it waf fome kind of candy, so I dippef my fwinger in ip.
    Ahsoka: (rolling eyes) ... they made you glue your finger to your tongue? Jar Jar, you DOOFUS! I can't believe you fell for that... AGAIN!" *slap*
    Jar Jar: HEY! Ftop flapping me! I am in pfain hewe!
    Ahsoka: Why do you always have to be so self-absorbed! You didn't even say anything about my new outfit! Stop nagging already! *slap*
    Jar Jar: OW! Why awe you always fwelling me how to feew!?
    Ahsoka: I'm not! Stop making false accusations! You feel sorry for me RIGHT NOW! *slap* Where is everybody anyway?

    Meanwhile, inside the club, our friends are sitting in a booth in the back. The camera pans to Satine, the air suspiciously thick with smoke:

    Satine: *giggles* So how did we we manage to lose Ahsoka and Jar Jar? Their constant bickering is SO getting on my nerves...
    *camera pans to the right*
    Obi-Wan: Yeah, who glued Jar Jar's finger to his tongue anyway?
    *camera pans to the right*
    Fisto: Oh, that. We totally had nothing to do with that. *grins innocently*
    *camera pans to the right*
    Pilf: *evil cackle* *Abruptly folds his arms and droops* I have needs...
    *camera pans to the right*
    Quinlan Vos: *nodding and grinning* That was like, totally awesome, dudes!
    *camera pans to the right*
    Satine: *laughs* Oh hey, that reminds me of that time when Jar Jar stumbled into the council fridge, ruining Mace's entire supply of Corellian...
    *camera pans to the right*
    Obi-Wan: Yeah, you guys should have been there. I almost pissed myself when Mace told Jar Jar he'd bury his boot so deep down his @$$ that he was gonna need the help of Master Yoda to dislodge it!
    *camera pans to the right*
    Kit Fisto: So hey, check this out. There's this speeder that runs on water, man. It's true! I saw it on the holonet...
    *camera pans to the right*
    Pilf: *Slams Fisto over the head with an inflatable BANHAMMER*
    *camera pans to the right*
    Quinlan Vos: ...that was like, totally awesome, man!
    *camera pans to the right*
    Satine: So like, what were we talking about again?
    *camera pans to the right*
    Obi-Wan: ...oh, we were just talking about our BIG, BALD PARTY-POOPER!
    *camera pans to the right*
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