Full Series The 'Stuff-We'll-Never-See' Thread

Shudders - that almost sounds like a Whacked Universe story - darn good thing I'm not a Obi/Jango fangirl.









Still...

there are socks.


How come you folks aren't over in fanfiction - you've got the talent.

 

Haha! Thanks! Well, I'm a little uncertain if I have the dedication to convert all these into full fanfiction. I'm not sure if people there would spend time reading a bunch of parody shorts the way they do with Robot Chicken.

Also, try as I might, I can't write about the Annie Padme romance, or Padmanakin. It just...it speaks for itself.

Obi-Wan: Industrial automatons, mass production lines, soulless machines...good Force! They're strip mining the galaxy of its heart and soul with the fires of industry! Oh, and uh, they're building a droid army.

Obi-Wan: Arfour, retransmit this message to Coruscant! (Arfour beeps) What? No service? What can you do about it? (Arfour twitters) A premium package for deluxe range? UGH. Forget it, I'll just call Tatooine. I'm not paying for a service that's supposed to be free, my money's tight enough as it is. (Arfour drones quizically) (defensively grips his beard) Beard wax is a perfectly valid expense for a Jedi Knight!

-The Chancellor and the Jedi receive Obi-Wan's message...-
Chancellor: Strip-mining the galaxy of its heat and soul? Tad dramatic, isn't he?
Plo Koon: Well, Qui-Gon did learn from Dooku. And Obi-Wan learned from Qui-Gon.

Obi-Wan: Traitor.
Dooku: (a'la Doctor Doofenshmirtz) Ahh, Obi the Kenobi, how unanticipated. And by unanticipated, I mean COMPLETELY TICIPATED. But no, I am not a traitor. In fact, this has gone too far. This is MADNESS.
Obi-Wan: I thought you were behind this.
Dooku: Please. Just because I won a Squiddie award for my portrayal of Baron Von Alukard, that doesn't mean I'm a despicable villain. I am your friend, Obi-Wan!
Obi-Wan: I know bloody well you're not.
Dooku: Oh, don't pout.

Dooku: It is decided, then. With our combined droid army, nothing will stand against us! Now, let us end this meeting on a high note. Chairman Tambor, if you please.
Wat Tambor: Y'know, I was thinking I'd like to be an Emir in our new country-
Dooku: Just do it. (Wat Tambor sighs and turns his dials, and begins blaring out techno music)

-Mace Windu holds Jango hostage...-
Jango: (voice breaking, but face remaining straight) SWEET OYA MANDA VODE AN LIGHTSABER AT MY THROAT!
Dooku: Master Windu. I was wondering when you would arrive.
Mace Windu: This party's over.
Boba: Dad? Did you get scared?
Jango: A real warrior overcomes his fear, son. (murmuring) Not that I'm going to fight Mace Muthakriffin' Windu.

Anakin: You call this a diplomatic solution?
Padme: No, I call this aggressive negotiations!
Anakin: I'd like to conduct some aggressive negotiations with you! (awkward silence) Too soon?

Coleman Trebor: Dooku and his cabinet! I can take them right now! Good thing I wore my lucky red shirt! (jumps up and is shot down by Jango Fett) TVTROPES WILL RUIN YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE~!

Jango: Mace is down...if I just leave him, he'll probably go away while I shoot down five or six other Jedi-
Boba: (innocently) Dad! Look! Mace is down! Get 'im, dad! Conquer your fears and ensure my godlike worship of your prowess!
Jango: (sighs) Great. Why'd I decide to have kids. (flies down there) Only an IDIOT would fight Mace Win-
Mace: You can't spell Windu without WIN!

 

And now a special announcement from Palpatine:

Palpatine walks through a doctor's office while the Imperial March plays in the background

Palpatine: Hello. Do you suffer from a little too much Light Side exposure? Is the fact that you're not able to use your aggressive feelings all that much making you feel down? Well now there's help, a new medicine called Darksidetrical, which will help you obtain those Dark Side energies you so desperately need. Not only will you feel your anger and hatred flowing right through you but you'll also learn the path to immortality.

Anakin: I took Darksidetrical to learn how to stop death and gain power because I want to save others and because I was bored with my former life.

Palpatine: Just take two a day and let your negative feelings make you feel unlimited power as you cross over to the Dark Side of the Force.

Announcer: Warning Darksidetrical is not for everyone. Side effects may include turning your eyes yellow, force choking individuals who annoy or anger you, developing an immense hatred for Jedi, becoming melodramatic and-or over the top, shouting cheesy lines about power and politics, wanting to kill your Sith Master, electrocuting everything, sweating, itching, and in extreme cases may deform your face to the point where you have to disguise it. Do not take Darksidetrical if you have liver disease or are pregnant or may become pregnant, or if you're a droid or a non Force user. Do not operate heavy machinery or drive Star Ships while taking Darksidetrical. People completely immersed in the Light Side may be allergic to this product. You should check with your doctor for any possible signs of liver disease and Light Side immersion.

Palpatine: Darksidetrical, ask your Sith Lord for a prescription today. You'll be glad you did.

 

^

 

EPISODE III
REVENGE OF THE SITH

THIS IS THE ONE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. THE
SEPARATISTS SOMEHOW MADE IT TO CORUSCANT.
POSSIBLY BECAUSE THE CLONES ARE ALL CLONED
FROM A TRAITOR.

ANYWAY, THEY'VE KIDNAPPED CHANCELLOR
PALPATINE, AND NOW COMES THE FUN PART.

Obi-Wan: I guess we have to climb these ladders. After you.
Anakin: Don't stare at my butt.

Palpatine: Now, kill him.
Dooku: What? Lord Sidi--I mean, shouldn't I get a trial?
(Anakin cuts off Dooku's head.)

Obi-Wan: No, you get to spend time with the politicians.
Anakin: That's great, because I have a list of ways to make the Republic work.

Anakin: Padmé!
Obi-Wan: Enough with your dreams about the senator. And judging by the amount of sweat, I'd say they were nice ones.

Palpatine: Did I tell you the story of my master, Darth Plagueis?
Anakin: Could he stop death?
Palpatine: Stop death, create life, raise the dead, sure, whatever will make you a Sith.

Palpatine: POWER!!! UNLIMITED POWER!!!!!1
Windu: Unlimited? What about thermodynamics?
Palpatine: No, I just drew the last part of an infinite mana combo, so it's justified.

Anakin: You cheated on me with him! That means you both cheated on me!
Padmé: Now that's an interesting double stan--*urk*

Bail: They say she died of a broken heart.
Obi-Wan: Dammit, Bail, they're poets, not doctors.

Vader: How is Padmé?
Palpatine: I'm afraid you killed her.
Vader: Do not want!
Palpatine: What?
Vader: No, I was commenting on 4chan. Someone posted Smurfs hentai. Do not want! Sage! Nao! Now, what's this about Padmé?

 

Local tv-channel has showed old episodes of Xena lately- when watching them for fun- I just couldn't help but to think how awesome it would be to have a spinoff of TCW continuing Ahsoka's adventures during the dark times in somewhat similar fashion as Xena is done- some bad*ss girlpower Ahsoka already has doublesabers, jedi skills and suitable outfit for a superfemalewarrior.....

In a time of darkness, crimelords and the Empire,
A galaxy in turmoil cried out for a hero.
She was Ahsoka. A mighty jedi knight forged
in the heat of battle
THE POWER
THE PASSION
THE DANGER
Her courage will change the galaxy.

George- make it happen

 

Add Barriss as Gabrielle, and you've got a deal. Though who would want to Rule 34 Ahsoka/Barriss?

 

Judging by the material that can be found from the net it looks like that surprisingly many

 

News is slow as ever, but nice to see material picking up thanks to the new trailer bits.

You might have seen some of these gags before, but it's always good to update them for more modern appearances.

Kit Fisto: All troops! Battle stations!
Mon Cal: We're already here, general.
Kit Fisto: Ah know, mon. Jus' wanted to shout, is all.
Mon Cal: Well, you do have a lovely tenor.

Pre Viszla: Welcome to Death Watch!
Death Watch: Do we get gift baskets?
Pre Viszla: Yes. Gift baskets of CARNAGE!
Death Watch: You're no fun.

Anakin: Surrender, Doo-
Dooku: Now, young man, why don't we change things up a bit?
Anakin: What?
Dooku: It's always the same. Some stooge for the council comes in swinging their lightsaber, we banter, we fight, one of us flees the overwhelming odds, and somewhere on the holonet, a discussion thread about 'who would win in a fight' is formed.
Anakin: Well...that's true...
Dooku: So why don't we just switch it up a bit. This time, I'll flee first. Then when you catch up to me, we'll fight.
Anakin: (pauses to consider) (realises what Dooku is trying to do) Heeeeeeeeey.
Dooku: Trololololol.

Anakin: Emir-
Obi-Wan: Duke-
Padme: Prime Minister-
Mon Calamari King: It's king, actually. I didn't even know until about a week ago.
Anakin: What's that item in the clam? Is it important?
Mon Cal King: What? Nah. That's my lunch.
Advisor: One ryyker egg, served boiled, your majesty.

Shark General: Hahaha! I have you now, you pathetic squi- (Admiral Ackbar crashes through a wall with his reinforcements and surrounds the general) Wha...WHAT? You...came out of nowhere! This is a-
Ackbar: Yes, yes. You could say you're my... (puts on visors) ...first catch of the day.
Ackbar's soldiers: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Anakin: My name's Anakin Skywalker, I'm here to free you.
Slave: Freedom? And can you offer us economic security? Proper benefits that subscribe to acceptable labour laws according to the convention of ciivilised star systems?
Anakin: What? Uh...actually, I was thinking I'd blow up the generator and get you guys off planet.
Slave: Oh, typical elitism! You don't know anything about the working classes!
Anakin: Well, actually, I-
Slave: Because the generator powers the industry of this particular sector-
Anakin: Yes, I see.
Slave: -and is crucial to its infrastructure, even if it is powered by slave labour-
Anakin: I get it.
Slave: -so if one were to emancipate the slaves, he'd have to make sure they had a sustainable-
Anakin: By the Force, will you SHUT UP?
Slave 2: Force? Who does he think he is?
Anakin: A Jedi Knight!
Slave 2: Well, I didn't vote for you.
Anakin: Wha...you don't...how...look, you don't vote for us! We're appointed by the Jedi Council!
Slave: Strange beings distributing laser swords in a spire are not a basis for peacekeeping operations! If I declared myself marshal because some strange extradimensional force threw a vibroblade at me, they'd put me away!

 

Season 4 edges ever closer, and once again, koonfan tries to brighten up your day.

Count Dooku: A new general. I suppose now you could say that we've 'jumped the shark'. (Dooku laughs malevolently while the Separatist council follows him nervously)
Riff Tamson/Sharkman: Oh, that's tasteful, turning me into a joke. I've only just sworn to take up arms against a people much like my own, saying goodbye to my family and friends, carrying nothing but my equipment and my dreams with me. Sure, go on, waste my efforts, it's not like I had a life before any of this.

And having watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail recently, the following gags came to mind...

Mon Calamari King: Ah, the legendary Master Fisto. And...I'm sorry, who are you again?
Anakin: Anakin Skywalker? Hero Without Fear? General of the 501st? I'm only the kriffin' Chosen One.
Adviser: You're the Chosen One? Well, I didn't vote for you.
Anakin: You don't elect chosen ones! And you're one to talk, with your monarchy-
King: I'll have you know, we run a democratic government, not some farcical aquatic ceremony!
Anakin: What?
King: Yes, of course I was elected, with no less than a two thirds majority! Or did you think we just pop kings up willy nilly? I wield supreme executive power derived from a mandate of the masses! Anything less would be grossly irresponsible! If I told people I should be their king because of some medi-whatsits in my bloodstream, they'd put me away!

 

My apologies for the double Monty Python header, I was unaware that I had used that gag before. As means of recompense, I present more general gags.

Riff Tamson: (while flexing) What made you select me as envoy, count? My cunning intellect? My demonic strength? My underwater velocity?
Dooku: No. The fact that you're an endangered species. The Mon Calamari won't dare to kill you knowing that Trandoshans make soup out of your people. They're too (scornfully) 'loving' and 'environmentally conscious' for that.

Mon Calamari butler: Welcome, envoy Tamson. We hope that you will be able to mediate a settlement that will benefit all our people.
King: But first, dinner!
Riff Tamson: Great. I'll have the calamari. (everyone gasps and looks at him in shock) Uh. I mean. Uh.
King: You realise, of course, that this means war!
Kit Fisto: Mon Calamari Boss Mon, ah'm sure dis was just a mistake.
Riff Tamson: (clueless) No, no, I really did want the calamari. (pause) That came out wrong. I meant-
Quarren Ambassador: (shaking head) Why couldn't he just order the chicken?

Anakin: I will FREE THE SLAVES!
Cody: What if they don't want to be freed?
Anakin: Wait, what? What do you mean 'what if they don't want to be freed'?
Cody: Well, it's just that, we clones are technically indentured soldiers, and none of us really talk about freedom.
Rex: What about Slick?
Cody: (darkly) What about Slick?
Anakin: Look, we're freeing the slaves, alright?
Cody: Oh, oh yeah, of course. Just throwing that out there. Y'know. Food for thought.
Fives: Since when did we use this show for thinking? (ba-dum TISH!) ...Too much?
Anakin: This is Stuff-We'll-Never-See, Fives. Not the general discussion thread.
Rex: And breaking the fourth wall? Really?
Fives: Well, sir, it IS a cartoon.

Pre Viszla: Welcome to Death Watch! Hope you've read the pamphlet! Once we're done looting a planet, you'll receive a free gift basket!
Bo-Katan: I left Skirata for this?

Captain Tarpals: General Jar Jar! Wesa needin' a distraction while deysa troops gettin' in position! Doin' da jugglin'!
Jar-Jar: (indignantly) Mesa a CONCEPTUAL ARTIST! Nutta monkey!

Sidious: Long have Sith Empires been built upon the backs of slaves.
-Flashback...-
Slave: (bearing a pillar on his back) It's too heavy!
Exar Kun: C'mon, put your backs into it! I want my hot tub renovated!
-Present time...-
Sidious: Eventually, we wised up and started building our empires WITH slaves.

 

For some reason I missed the last two of these... my computer has been wonky the last week.

But seriously, these are better than reading the comics in the newspaper.

Heh... poor Tamson. No doubt destined to be the brunt of many a joke.

And y'know, I'm really hoping these Mon Cal episodes don't suck. I'm seriously dreading an onslaught of "jump-the-shark" gags if that ends up being the case.

 

Anakin Skywalker Diplomacy Game!

Ahsoka: Sky-Guy, the evil Seperatists are trying to gain control of Corellia by *shudders* diplomacy.
Anakin: Don't worry, I'll stop them!

Corellian: What does the Republic have to offer Corellia?
Anakin: (veiled threat)YO MAMA!
Corellian: (Failure) I see. What do the Seperatists have to offer?
Seperatist: Freedom!
Anakin: (lie) Liar!
Corellian: (success) Is that so, Seperatist?
Seperatist: No.
Anakin: (lie) Liar!
Corellian: (failure) I think he is telling the truth, Master Jedi.
Anakin: (threat)Then the Republic will destroy Corellia!
Corellian: (failure) Nonsense. We're too important.
Anakin: (physical violence)Die! *stabs Corellian and Separatist*
Corellian: (failure) Corellia joins... the Sepeartists!

 

Ohhhh, the diplomacy game. I haven't seen that since the first page. Thanks for the nostalgia!

I'm honoured I'm held above newspaper comics, Barriss. Thanks!

Speaking of which, in a recent strip of Spider-Man, MJ urged her husband to stop watching a TV show that was infuriating him. In response, he said "No, I'm almost beginning to enjoy my anger!" I just had to laugh. LAUGH I tells ya.

Kit Fisto: So what's dis civil war being fought over?
King: The direction of our planet, the fate of our people, you know, important political stuff.
Advisor: I remember the Gree, yes. They had a civil war over a name for their planet.

Clone scuba trooper: (humming Under the Sea from The Little Mermaid) Under the sea...under the sea...where life is neater, what could be sweeter- (is dragged screaming by Riff Tamson the sharkman) AHHHHHH! I WAS WRONG! I WAS HORRIBLY HORRIBLY WRONG!

-The episode opens with a flashback, where for the first three minutes, we see his almost unaltered short from the Micro-series, where he fires Force Water Spheres and helps destroy the giant enemy crab cannon...-
Kit Fisto: (narrating as the crab cannon falls into the volcano) Ah was SO deadly, in fact, dat de cannon exploded from PURE AWESOMENESS. (Kit Fisto smiles and the volcano erupts as a result, the only edit to the clip)
Ackbar: (interrupting narration as it screeches to a halt) Wait a second, wait a second, it didn't happen like THAT!
Kit Fisto: Well it did to me, so shove it, Mon Calamari mon.
Anakin: Whatever happened to that SEA SERPENT PLATOON?
Ackbar: We took a lot of casualties that day.

-In an attempt to become more distinct, Ki-Adi-Mundi searches for a catch phrase in the middle of a battle...-
Ki-Adi: THON'S HORNS! (leaps from explosion) MALAK'S MASK! (slices battle droid) ORDO'S FORD!
Bacara: Keep looking, general.

Lobbyists: Chancellor, you MUST go to the assistance of the Mon Calamari!
Palpatine: Mmmmm, I dunno. What if it comes back to bite me in the rear someday?
Padme: What?
Palpatine: I mean yes, we must help these poor semi-aquatic lifeforms!

Riff Tamson: Y'know, sharks aren't always vicious killers. We generally hunt out of necessity.
Quarren: Oh, that's a rel- (Riff Tamson mauls him badly)
Riff Tamson: (burps) ('innocently') Sorry, I...mistook you for a seal.
Quarren: I WAS TWO FEET IN FRONT OF YOU!

And now for something completely unrelated.
-In the Ewoks cartoon...-
Wicket: (a battlecry) DENGAR, EWOKS!
Dengar the Bounty Hunter: (walks out of the woods) Yeah, what.

 

Warning following madness may include spoilers from upcoming TCW-episodes.....


possibly........





unlikely but theoretically possible......







....okay i made this up but you can never know....


Diplomacy on Mon Calamari

random Mon Cal:"King of all Calamari has been assassinated. There is no doubt Quarren are behind it!"

Nossor Ri: "Unbelievable and preposterous claim!"

Prince Lee-Char: "Everyone knows quarren are involved in pro-separatist movements! You murdered my father filthy octopuspeople and as king i will so make you suffer!" (has evil smirk on his face)

Nossor Ri: "We have nothing to do with separatists!"

Ackbar: "Then what is this Isolation League of yours?"

Nossor Ri:"How many times i need to tell it's an innocent golf club- seagolf on ocean floor you know- I don't know what Tikkes is doing during his free time, but we only play golf together..."

Ackbar: "It's a trap!"

Anakin by himself: "Third time today he says that."

Padmé: "hush Ani- Listen to me people. War is bad and evil- we all need to held hands and feel the power of love "

Lee Char: "**** you human b****h! I want some quarrenink to be spilt right now!"

Anakin: "You fishface keep your mouth shut- you cannot say so to my wi..... uh I mean why you would say so to senator you.... honorable Prince of all Calamari....

Padmé: "We all need to calm down now"

Ackbar: "Don't listen to her- It's obviously a trap!"

Anakin: "Argh..... fourth time today"

(suddenly Riff Tamson arrives)

Riff:"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment!"
(aqua droids swim in)

Riff: "I only have one question. Where is Tikkes?

everyone looks confused......"

Ackbar: "It's a trap!"

Anakin: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Padmé: sigh..... seventh time today he says that.....

The End


But where is Tikkes? I could ask Dave Filoni or George Lucas....

 

The season premiere has come and gone, and it falls to us to give this forum an oasis. Not the oasis it deserves, but the oasis it needs. ...Uh, I mean, it is my distinct pleasure to make these spoofs for you guys*.

*Seriously. It is.

Deleted scenes you probably wouldn't get!
Padme: Does this suit make my butt look big.
Anakin: Yes.

Anakin: Senator Tills. How're the wife and kids?
Senator Tills: I am a FEMALE, Skywalker!
Anakin: What? Oh, uh. Well. It's just that you always dress so heavily on Coruscant, I assumed-
Senator Tills: And you are making a crack at my fashion sense!
Anakin: No! It's just that it makes you look, uh...portly!
Senator Tills: (GASP) AND YOU CALLED ME FAT!
Padme: (GASP) You called her FAT?
Anakin: What? I didn't! Just listen-
Kit Fisto: (while busting a groove) She's got junk in her trunk, so bust out a funk, drop it like a ship that got sunk-
Anakin: You're not helping!
Kit:

Nosor Ri: Presenting...ambassador Tamson! (the audio system plays the first strains of Jaws)
Riff Tamson: (off-screen, building up) Duuunuh. Duuunuh. Duuunuh duuunuh duuunuh duuunuh duuunuh duuunuh (dives into chamber) DUNUNUNUUUUUUUUUH! (the Quarren applaud halfheartedly)
Anakin:

Padme: Alright, Quarren ambassadors. What would you have to offer the people of Mon Calamari?
Quarren: It's Dac, you ignorant racist!
Nosor Ri: Well, I am well acquainted with our traditions and had a long working relationship with the last king.
Quarren 1: I always win at Risk.
Quarren 2: I achieve 500 actions per minute in competitive holonet games.
Quarren 3: I've memorised every resource book our planet has to offer.
Quarren 4: I run the biggest gourmet restaurant on this hemisphere. (awkward silence) I saw the videogame guy and the nerd go in. I thought it was fair game!
Lee Char: Uh, that's great and all, my honoured cousins, but what does that tell us about your skills of leadership?
Quarrens 1-4: Nothing whatsoever.

Padme: Captain, are you sure it's wise to involve the young prince?
Ackbar: Said the ex-queen who freed her planet with military force at age fourteen.

Ackbar: You hear that? They're cheering for you!
Lee Char: No, they're cheering for mindless violence which is a far cry from diplomacy.
Ackbar: And you don't want in on that action?

Riff Tamson: Bioweapons from my world. Hydroid Medusae.
Nosor Ri: Hmm. I could do with a pudding cup right about now, for some reason. Or some jello.

 

My contribution, a little work on Photoshop, I´ll try to make a better one...

[image=http://img12.imageshack.us/img12/4676/jointhe.jpg]

 

Sadly, we did not see Kit Fisto referring to anyone as Mon Calamari Mon.

Riff Tamson: Announcing the Quarren ambassador! (a Quarian from Mass Effect comes in) We said Quarren, not Quarian! And you're in the wrong universe!
Quarian: Just a promotional Bioware crossover for Mass Effect 3 and The Old Republic.
Kit Fisto: Den you're nearly four thousand years off, mon.

Riff Tamson: Nosor Ri? NOSOR RI! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU PATHETIC SQUID HEAD?! (grabs Quarren aide) YOU! Have you seen Nosor Ri?!
Quarren: No, sorry.

(The management would like to apologise for that pun )

Dooku: It would appear that the Gungans were responsible for the upset at Mon Dac-amari.
Nute Gunray: I think you mean Mon Kara-
Dooku: Yes, thank you for contributing nothing to the conversation.
Grievous: Finally! A foe WORTHY of my prowess!
Doctor Droid: What prowess? You've hardly-
Grievous: Yes, thank you for contributing nothing to the conversation.

Anakin: Padme! We have to save Padme from drowning!
Kit Fisto: Why worry? She'll be fine, mon. (awkward silence) You mean humans aren't even remotely amphibious? (Anakin shakes his head) Well, den, why ARE you here?
Jar Jar: Even MESA knowin' THAT!

Grievous: ASSASSIN! Count Dooku will have your head for your betrayal!
Asajj Ventress: Betrayal nothing! He left me for dead and cleaned out my desk without telling me!
Grievous: (deactivates his saber) Oh. That's pretty harsh. Life hasn't been good for me either, really. Nobody seems to like me anymore and the boss keeps being a hardass.
Asajj: Huh. Tough. At least I've got my sisters or something.
Grievous: Tell you what. Why don't we just scrap a few droids, leave a few bodies to show we rumbled, and call it a day? We could really use a break.
Asajj: Alright, sounds good.
Nightsister: Now wait a second, we can't- (Asajj Force Pushes her off to be the sacrifice)
Commando droid: Whyyyyyyy- (Grievous pushes him into the Nightsisters)
Grievous: Right, you have a good one.
Asajj: Hope the job works out for you, general. (Grievous points winningly and 'clicks' his 'tongue', boards his ship and takes off) I forgot that under all that machinery and public venom, he's a sentient under that chassis.

 

Inside an evil looking castle George Lucas and the rest of the Star Wars crew are sitting around a table, drinking coffee. An organist plays music in the corner. George Lucas, wearing a red shirt, a black cape, and a cap with horns on it, sits up, and turns his attention to the others.

George Lucas: Today?s discussion is about changes to the Star Wars blu-ray releases. Now, I?m hoping to make even more mone-er I mean satisfy my fan?s demands by releasing the Star Wars Saga on the Ultra Stupendous Blu-Ray in ten years or so.

Rick McCallum: Will there be any changes to this future Blu-Ray release sir?

George Lucas: Oh yes. And many of those changes have been assisted by my Sith apprentice Dave Filoni aka Darth Steamroller. Care to explain the changes to us Filoni?

Dave Filoni: Yes, Master. Well for one thing, Anakin will no longer be the Chosen One. Instead we will replace him with an obviously CGI model of Bruce Lee in all of his scenes. Luke Skywalker and Ahsoka will get married at the end of Return of the Jedi and Hayden?s ghost will be replaced with Lee's. Yarael Poof holding a box of pizza and Ima-Gun Di will appear as Force Ghosts too. Plus all of General Grievous scenes are going to be replaced with action scenes from Rambo. Emperor Palpatine?s voice will be dubbed over with a German rendition of a Dutch accent and he wears gold instead of black. There is also going to be an added scene in ESB where Boba Fett and the Stormtroopers dance to Thriller on Cloud City.

George Lucas: Good, my apprentice, go on, explain some more for our crew.

Dave Filoni: When Lee rescues Luke from Palpatine?s lightning attack, he won't shout ?No!? Instead he will shout ?FEEL THE WRATH OF THE MIGHTY BANHAMMER!!!!!? when he picks Palps up and throws him down the second Death Star. Finally, Princess Leia?s hair buns will be digitally manipulated to be twice as big and noticeable.

George Lucas: Excellent, I am most pleased. Of course those changes just barely scratch the surface. There will be many more as time goes on.

George Lucas walks around the table, his cape billowing behind him, and the organ music steadily grows louder.

George Lucas: Now I will test everyone?s loyalties here. Do you all approve of these changes that I will make?

Nearly everyone else: We pledge our loyalties to you oh great one and we approve these changes.

Random Guy: I don?t like them. I-

He is immediately zapped into oblivion by Filoni. Then, Lucas rubs his hands together as the music surges. He smiles wickedly.

George Lucas: Good, this is quite excellent. Those changes shall serve us well when they destroy the childhood memories of the fans that will buy those Blu-Ray releases. It will serve us well when they are too distracted by and fixated on the changes, because that is when we will enslave them all. Then we shall put humanity under the servitude of our true Dark Ruler: Lord Kowak.

Everyone: All hail Lord Kowak! All hail Lord Kowak!

The organ music makes a crashing note, lightning flashes, thunder booms, and George, Filoni, and everyone else laughs manically.

 

Heh, Darth Steamroller. Nice.

 

I was thinking of this when I was reading...

[image=http://www.phawker.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/8/simpsons_gop_hq.jpg]

 

I dunno. I think Bruce Lee would have made everything better. The man beat Chuck Norris, y'know.

I've been toying with the idea of a Monkey Lizard Fan Club thread, but for now, I'll just stick the stuff in here. You know Chuck Norris facts? Well, here comes Monkey Lizard facts.

The reason the Vong are outside of the GFFA is because the Monkey Lizards kicked them out of it.

When Kyle Katarn wants butter, he roundhouse kicks it straight out of a bantha. When Monkey Lizards want bantha, they roundhouse kick it straight out of Kyle Katarn.

Monkey Lizards are NOT SUPER WEAPONS! ...Super weapons have critical structural weaknesses and cost billions of credits. Monkey lizards have NO weaknesses and can be bought for a few thousand.

If a monkey lizard, Darth Revan, K'Kruhk and Kyle Katarn were to share a drink of Corellian Ale out of K'Kruhk's hat, the universe would implode from the sheer awesomeness only to be reborn in a drunken stupor.

If you can see a monkey lizard, he can see you. If you can't, you're seconds away from having your stuff stolen without your noticing.

There is no spoon. There is only a monkey lizard. And monkey lizards are purpose.

If World of Warcraft introduced a Monkey Lizard pet/companion, it would be banned for excess killing of players and raid bosses in one shot.

Monkey Lizards can beat Super Mario World by just playing the first level. Your princess is NOT in another castle!

Throughout history, several leaders were actually figureheads whose right hand men controlled the country from the shadows. And if you think Turk Falso was Hondo's right hand, the Monkey Lizards cackle at your ignorance.

 

Ahahahahahaha! Those are EPIC!

*Takes a swig of grog*

Oh and sign me up!

 

Well, it's been awhile, but I'm BAAAAAAAAACK.

Rather than going on an episode specific tangent, I'm trying for a slight return to form with more general gags. PRESENTING!

One-Liners Sith Lords Use Before Killing Off Or Ordering The Deaths Of People
"We shall leave you in piece(s)."

"Is that a lightsaber in my pocket or am I just happy to see you?"

"I'm sure you'll understand my POINT."

"This might come as a SHOCK to you, but-"

"I know you'll get a CHARGE out of this."

"Very well, my answer is (points) what's that over there?"

"I lied."

"You go first."

"Of course it's a good idea!"

"It's not you, it's me."

"I'm keeping the jewelry."

"I think we should see other people."

"Here, let me give you something to CHOKE on."

"I've had enough of your disingenuous assertions."

"Say hi to my master for me!"

"Darth Kowak sends his regards." (Yeah, I had to, so sue me. )

"Look on the bright side. It could be worse."

"I ordered it MEDIUM RARE!"

"THIS! IS! KORRIBAN!"

"SOLD OUT?!"

"It's the wrong size!"

 

"Look behind you! A three-headed Monkey Lizard!"