Full Series The 'Stuff-We'll-Never-See' Thread

-Doctor Droid tweaks with Grievous's voicebox, with promise to decrease his hacking and coughing, but the General ends up with a high squeaky voice instead. Grievous decides to quit villainy and start a promising future in the music industry.

-Anakin reads Yoda's journal, and discovers the real reason Ahsoka was assigned to him: so someone else would know how it feels to have a young female version of themselves emulating them all the time.

-After her ordeal of getting posessed by worms, Barriss decides to give up the Jedi Order and instead follow the easy-going philosophy of Hakuna Matata. Anakin gives his support.

 

With the latest Grievous episode, it looks like we finally got that GOOD Grievous episode, ladies and gents.

Now, as we continue looking towards the rest of season 2...
-After many three week breaks, the crew decides to provide a reference, with a character commenting "I haven't seen you in three weeks"
-Eeth Koth returns to his conceptual roots...as leader of the Jedi Council. Unfortunately, Mace Windu isn't amused when Master Koth sits in his chair, gives his speeches, and actually believes he IS the leader.
-Eeth Koth is mistakenly addressed as Agen Kolar. Annoyed, he asks whether they can tell the difference
-Captain Rex goes AWOL to spend Thanksgiving with Cut and his family, bringing along a reluctant Cody
-Asajj Ventress is jealous of the history General Grievous has with Obi-Wan
-Separatist blows all his war resources on batteries for his battle droids after seeing a Duracell commercial
-Dooku puts together a shadowy group of expert saboteurs: a legion of Kowakian Monkey Lizards. The problem is, everyone already knows they did it.
-Johnny Depp appears playing Vergere, or some other bizarro character
-Jedi masters guest star on a number of programs. Kit Fisto appears on Whose Line is it Anyway doing improv comedy, Aayla Secura appears on Survivor but is voted off due to her distinctly unfair advantages, and Plo Koon appears in The Weakest Link where his telepathic powers allow him to dominate the game.
-The real reason the Mandalorians vanished from the public eye: They spent all that time working on their elaborate language instead of fighting. Notice how all the Old Republic Mandalorians mostly speak Basic?
-Separatists exhaust their Commando Droid supplies in two seasons, forcing us to watch the remainder without even a single one
-A battle droid gets a dramatic scene where he sacrifices his power supply to recharge a depleted buddy
-Said buddy is shot down moments later

And as for lines...
Commando Droid: Take the shot.
Commando Droid 2: Why bother? It's probably not gonna kill him.

Dooku: (attempting reverse psychology) Oh, no, I don't think your planet is worth taking at all.
Leader: Oh, what, we're not good enough for your high and mighty Separatist cause? We're not strategic enough?! Well, tough poodoo, because we're joining you anyways!

Grievous: (attempting reverse psychology) No, no, no, you're mistaken Jedi. Your little group isn't worth killing. You're free to leave this planet!
Jedi: Oh, well, uh...thanks. See you later, then.
Grievous: Right. (realising) Wait just a minute here!

Aayla: (on an ice planet) Billions of credits for war and we cannot even afford a change of winter gear for females?
Ahsoka: Yeah! What were they thinking?!

Eeth Koth: Now that I have returned, I'll be taking my seat back, Master Kolar.
Agen Kolar: Can't I keep it a little longer? These Council seats are really comfy!

 

Koonfan, you're a natural SW Comedian.

 

I second this...classic!

 

Synopsis for detective episode:
Jedi will find out someone from Senate is Sidious (like in LOE). Obi-Wan shaves funny mustaches and then there would be two or three episodes in which he would just interview senators. Finally they find out it was monkey-lizard.

Little dialoque:
Ki-Adi: I think he's-
Kit: Only political idealist?
Ki-Adi: Hey, I made that mistake only once.
Kit: I'm sure "Captain" Jet would appreciate it.
Ki-Adi: Yularen said that too!
Kit: With any luck.
Ki-Adi: Hey!

There has been complaining about how this show can't reveal much anything we don't already know. So, in season five we'll get to see this conversation (happening just after the scene in movie):

Palpatine: ...including the nature of the Dark Side.
Anakin: You are the Sith Lord!
Palpatine (putting his Sith hat and shirt away): Yep. And my master was Darth Plaqueis.
Anakin: So you know how to stop dying?
Palpatine: Mm... not actually. But I know how to use Force to make living creatures.
Anakin: What?
Palpatine: I've been laughing my pants off for thirteen years. The Jedi told you about the prophecy, right?
Anakin: That the Chosen One will be born by Force?
Palpatine: That, yes. Your mother never told you the truth.
Anakin: She told me enough. She told me I have no father.
Palpatine: No. I am your father.

And then the Internet will explode.

 

Wow, that... Ok to be honest I just wanna get to 20 posts

 

(In his starfighter)
Obi-Wan: Cody, I've spotted General Grievous but I need reinforcements, and fast!
Cody: (via comm) Yes sir, what's your location sir?
Obi-Wan: I'm currently traveling along coordinates 22-45-78-00-50--
Cody: (via comm) (interrupting) Hold on hold on, let me find a pen...

(A Jerry Springer-esque talk show)
Host: Hello there and welcome back to The Guul'zagathaelmorolo Show with me, Guul'zagathaelmorolo! Today's theme is "I Used To Be My Evil Sith Lord Master's Favourite Acolyte, But Now I Feel He Doesn't Love Me Any More." Our guests today are Asajj 'the hairless harpy' Ventress, and critically-acclaimed Jedi killer Durge. Let's welcome them to the show!
(polite applause. Ventress and Durge sit in armchairs on the stage)
Host: (consulting his cards) So let me get this right, you both feel as though your master - who I believe is none other than Count Dooku ladies and gentlemen - has somehow replaced you with a new follower?
Ventress: That's right Guul'zagathaelmorolo. Ever since General Grievous -
Durge: It makes me mad just thinking about it!
Ventress: - ever since General Grievous came onto the scene, we've just felt as if nobody is taking us seriously as villains any more.
Durge: I didn't even make it into the 3D TV series!
Ventress: And I've been reduced to fighting stuck-up brats who don't even know which way to correctly hold a lightsaber. Literally.
Host: Certainly does sound like you've fallen on hard times. I imagine that, were you to meet General Grievous face to face, you would have some words to say to him?
Ventress: You bet I would.
Durge: No words. Just fists!
Host: Well we have a surprise for you tonight. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, we've flown him in from the acid-polluted battlefront of Semini 7, it's General Grievous!
(Grievous steps out onto the stage to a mix of applause and boos)
Ventress and Durge: You!
(they draw weapons and leap at Grievous, who draws his own and they begin to the duel on the stage)
Audience: Fight, fight, fight!
(As the fight erupts on the stage behind him, Guul'zagathaelmorolo turns to the camera)
Host: I'm afraid that's all we have time for tonight folks. Join me next time when our theme will be "I Didn't Turn Up For One Meeting And Now I've Been Replaced And Everyone Acts As If I Never Existed", with Jedi Masters Eeth Koth and Adi Gallia.

Plo Koon: Ah, Admiral Yularen. I hope you don't mind temporarily transferring to my fleet.
Admiral Yularen: Not at all, we all go where our duty takes us.
Plo Koon: Indeed. Now as you can see, I've laid out the plans for our attack on the Separatist fleet in the Juma system out as so. I believe we can eliminate their frigates quickly with conventional mid-quarters shooting.
Admiral Yularen: I see. And then board them with our AT-TEs?
Plo Koon: Why would I do that?
Admiral Yularen: Oh, no, you see it's just Skywalker always...never mind.
Plo Koon: Hm. Anyway, after we've eliminated their frigate escort we can concentrate heavy fire on the command vessel.
Admiral Yularen: Ah, so that's when you want to bring in the AT-TEs, no doubt having already positioned them on an asteroid from which to fire down on the enemy?
Plo Koon: ...no...no AT-TEs.
Admiral Yularen: Oh. Okay.
Plo Koon: What's with you and AT-TEs?
Admiral Yularen: Nothing. Nothing.

Clone Trooper: General K'kruhk is dead!

Obi-Wan: We appear to have been invited to Master Rancisis' above-ground pool party.
Anakin: Urgh, not again. You know he only throws those parties to see if Aayla will dress even less appropriately than usual.
Obi-Wan: You might be right about that. I mean, you'd never see Master Ti running around the place wearing barely anything.
Anakin: Yeah. Anyway I can't come, my arm feels numb (rubs his arm).
Obi-Wan: That's your mechanical arm.
Anakin: ...fine I'll come.

 

(Ahsoka and Adi Gallia are sitting on chairs facing away from eack other.)

Ahsoka: The other Jedi just don't understand how I fight.
Adi: Does it really matter if you're conventional?
Ahsoka: I don't think it matters...
Both: which way you hold your lightsaber!
Ahsoka: I'm Ahsoka!
Adi: I'm Adi!

(They both skip into the sunset.)


(Plo Koon is on a CIS-allied world.)

King of world: Master Koon, you have convinced us that Count Dooku is evil and have stopped our attack on Coruscant. Now, please drink from this ceremonial glass in our important ceremony that must happen for us to join the Republic.
(Plo asks for a straw.)

 

lol this is an great thread, gonna jump in here awesomely funny suggestions so far!

The thing i would love to see that will ever happen is Mace getting getting angry at some battle drods and start mouthing like Samuel L Jackson. If only Star Wars had the occasional R rating!

 

Thanks for all the support, people! It's really appreciated!

And I must say, Fistofan55 and Ludo gave me the best compliment I ever received on this board, for realz. Thanks! XD

Sidious: Lord Tyrannus, we have a dire problem on our hands. There is a movement of radicals that is spreading swiftly throughout the galaxy and I want you to exterminate them before they impede our plans. Be warned, however. Their popularity has spread at an alarming rate.
Dooku: Who are these activists, my lord?
Sidious: (turns on holo-display to reveal a bunch of sci-fi hippies forming a human chain) These guys.
Hippies: Alllll we are saaaayiiiiing is give peace a chaaaaance~

Eeth Koth: I would have gladly sacrificed my life to destroy that monster.
Plo Koon: And it's nice to see you back, Master Koth.

Grievous: A Battle Droid UNION?!
Battle droid: Well, sir, we felt that if we're really such an advanced army, we should have one too!
Wat Tambor: Unfortunately, general, I looked at their credentials. It's all perfectly legitimate!
Grievous: We're the most powerful droid army aimed at overthrowing the Republic! Since when did we care about-
Battle droid: (beeps) Whoops! Time for our oil break!
Magnaguard: (taps Grievous on the shoulder) Could we get a union, too?

Aayla: Blast it! We need a distraction to get out of here!
Kit Fisto: I think I may have an idea!
Aayla: I'm not dressing up in a dancer's outfit, Master Fisto. Not after last time. (glares)

Adi Gallia: Seems like everyone forgot that I actually starred in two videogames before this whole mess began.

Rex: So Wolffe, how'd you lose that eye of yours?
Wolffe: You don't wanna know.
Sinker: Someone poked him in the eye and he couldn't stop it in time.
Cody: That's it?
Wolffe: It was a Trandoshan.

Ki-Adi-Mundi: So...I won the bet, so I'll be taking your arm, Skywalker.
Anakin: Wait, WHAT?
Ki-Adi-Mundi: You know...you said you'd bet your arm.

Battle Droid: Supreme Leader! The Republic has us on the...Is that the Obi-Wan Kenobi Fansite?
Asajj Ventress: It...it's not what it looks like! I just lurk there! That's it, I just lurk!

Clone: Check out those shiny new noobs. (laughs)
Rex: ...What?
Clone: Noob. It's a term I've come up with.
Rex: ...It'll never catch on, trooper.

Jesse: Well, Captain, thank you for being so cooperative today!
Rex: Yeah, no prob, doc...d'you think I could get one of those lollipops?
Cody: (waving his) Sorry, Rex, ol' boy. THESE are for Commanders only!

 

koonfan is, as ever, on tip-top form. As is everyone else, these are great guys!

It's only just struck me how much Admiral Yularen reprsents Basil Fawlty from 'Fawlty Towers'...

Admiral Yularen: Listen up. We've got some Jurman ambassadors aboard the ship, so don't mention the war!

Anakin: Be careful Snips. Something isn't right here.
Ahsoka: How can you tell, Master?
Anakin: The background music just got a lot more sinister.

(Plo Koon and Ki-Adi-Mundi approach a merchant in a Coruscant street)
Plo Koon: We've been informed that you are selling merchandise glorifying the Separatists.
Merchant: I don't know what you're talking about!
Ki-Adi-Mundi: You understand that, in wartime, that could be considered a form of soliciting with the ene--oh wow, Grievous action figures!
Plo Koon: No way! Awesome!
(The Jedi pick up the figurines and begin 'dueling' with them)

Obi-Wan: I'll have you know, Commander, that Master Rancisis is one of the most well-spoken and elegant Jedi Masters of his era.
(Oppo Rancisis enters the bridge)
Rancisis: Look here chumps and chumpettes, I've got enough trapped gas to choke a Kel Dor and I want to catch the fight on the box tonight, so let's smoke these turds and go home.

(Mace Windu, Kit Fisto and Agen Kolar are all on a balcony in the Jedi Temple, smoking. Yoda steps outside)
Yoda: Bad for you, smoking is.
Windu: It's not as bad as people make out, Master.
Yoda: Stunt your growth it can. Learn this the hard way, did I. Eight feet tall, the average height of my species is.

Grievous: Finally, Kenobi, I have you at my mercy! Now you shall know true pain!
Obi-Wan: (throws his lightsaber away and holds out his arms) I think someone needs a huuuug.

 

Holy carp, this stuff is great!

 

Always a pleasure to supply the public with what it wants: non-angsty humorous lampooning of the source material. Or did I get that wrong?

-Favreau Fett returns with a superior suit of combat armor (REALLY looking forward to having him on board )
-A character notices that they use klicks as a measure of both time and distance. Moments later, someone makes a reference to parsecs and the Kessel Run
-General Grievous is gifted with a hyper-durable Separatist cruiser...and uses it to break the Kessel Run record
-A recurring villain is introduced who almost always gets devoured by a huge monster, only to later reappear and say it found him somewhat indigestible
-The reason Even Piell was removed from the Jedi Council: He started ranting at Commander Wolffe for getting a replacement cybernetic eye
-A great evil awakens in accordance with an ancient prophecy foretold at the dawn of time...only to be trapped by a cave-in caused by artillery shots
-For some inexplicable reason, Commander Wolffe and Commander Fox don't get along
-We finally get that holonet reporter episode!
-Reporters Kuun Fan and Ku-Al-An are sent to cover the progress of Master Rancicis, much to their chagrin, while their ingrate rival (), the caustic Bothan Deebray Nan'Thris, covers Ki-Adi-Mundi and Plo Koon...and promptly berates them for treating their clones as individuals, let alone being generals in the war
-Jedi Masters join Twitter
-Jedi Masters solve the mystery of the Sith by following a few key twitter pages

Rex: Doc, why would you have lollipops available for Commanders only?
Ahsoka: Doooooc, I need a bacta patch! And one of those sandberry flavoured ones.
Rex: Ah. THAT'S why. (Ahsoka offers Rex a lick of her sucker) ...No thanks.

B2 Super Battle Droid: That General Windu is one bad-
B1s: SHUT YO' VOCAL PROCESSOR!
B2: I'm talkin' 'bout General Windu!
B1s: Then we can dig it!

Favreau Fett: Yeah. I can fly.

Clone Sergeant: I dunno, but I've been told-
Clones: I dunno, but I've been told-
Sergeant: Master Yoda's really old!
Clones: Master Yoda's really old!

Plo Koon: I'm detecting a disturbing thread, Master Windu.
Mace Windu: Master Plo?
Plo: After hearing reports of a cluster of Clone Commandos, I have observed a trend: As time goes on, these clones get increasingly impressive and brutally efficient, stemming from their genetic stock.
Mace: And how is this a problem?
Plo: I foresee that if this is left unchecked and the genetic material of Jango Fett continues to propagate, their combat prowess and habit of stealing the show will increase exponentially with time. In about fifty to eighty years down the road, they will have formed their own working civilisation and language, have one of the most powerful armed forces in the galaxy, and be close to unstoppable in battle against ANYTHING, including Jedi. This faction will lead a cultural revolution and be given inexplicable charisma that will swiftly win over the admiration of the rest of the galaxy, drastically upsetting the balance of power in the universe.
Mace: That's the biggest pile of stang I've ever heard, Master Plo. Now let's go fight the Death Watch!

 

Well, thought I'd bring this back from the dead while we wait for the next episode to come up. XD

-Major figures in the war are lampooned when their comments are edited and taken out of context...not unlike when Anakin is framed for kisnapping Jabba's son, only it's more like youtube. The long running sexual tension between Obi-Wan and his ladies becomes a hot topic.
-An episode dedicated to cubicle hell. Not the daily training of clones, not the teachings of the Jedi...it's the mundane lives of the average Joe in the galaxy, as they punch out at 5.00 to get a cup of Jawa Juice
-A Separatist army is distracted by something shiny
-Cad Bane hijacks the Republic Holonet News Network, but is persuaded to go quietly by their Funnies section
-Clone veterans get the decidedly less flattering nickname of 'grimies'
-Disgruntled postmen hold the senate hostage using homemade explosive devices
-Jedi Masters, in yet another attempt to ease the burden of the war, run a help column called 'Dear Jedi'
-Jocasta Nu does so well that she gets her own holo call-in program called 'Ask Jocasta Nu' (people who remember the old feature from the official site would get a kick out of that )
-Commander Gree meets a hot chick who actually knows the origin of his name
-Hand signal charades
-Having crash landed on Endor, our heroes find a long lost Ewok Jedi...
-Wookiee character is insulted when someone lets him win a game

Obi-Wan: (gasp) Jawa Juice...is made from JAWAS!
Dex: Well, don't act so surprised. It's even CALLED Jawa Juice.

Bly: General Secura can wrap those head-tails around me anyday.

Luminara Unduli: So THIS is Master Kenobi's fansite...
Asajj Ventress: (elsewhere!) And what's that hussy Duchess Satine doing there?

Plo Koon: Trapped in a cave...well, it's not the first time I've been (Qui-Gon Jinn's force ghost appears before him) QUI-GON?
Qui-Gon: Hello, Plo.
Plo Koon: (without pause) I can't be hallucinating, I'm still rational, it's only been a few minutes since the cave-in. (tapping his mask) I'd better check the filter on this thing...
Qui-Gon: No, it's really me. I have been able to retain my identity through-
Plo Koon: (walking away through the cave network) Not listening, not listening, trying to stay sane, trying to stay sane...
Qui-Gon: (sighs) Well, I guess I'll have to try contacting Yoda, then. (Tyvokka appears)
Tyvokka: <<What's the matter with my former apprentice now?>>
Qui-Gon: Oh, he thinks we're figments of his imagination.
Tyvokka: <<Are we?>>
Qui-Gon: I'm positive I'm not...you, on the other hand, I'm not so sure about.

EDIT: I'd also like to give props to AhsokaMiro for coming up with some great stuff recently regarding Eeth Koth and his suspicious replacement, Agen Kolar. XD

 

And I just realized something...no one (save San Hill and his pet lexu) has any pet cats or dogs as pets.

Ahsoka: Rex? REX!!!

Captain Rex: Yes, sir! What are your orders, sir?

Ahsoka: Uhhh...we named the dog Rex.

Admiral Yularen: You are named after the dog? *Gives Rex a strange look*

Captain Rex: *shrugs shoulders*

Anakin: Hey! I have alot of fond moments with that dog!

Yularen: Skywalker...figures! *scoffs* Could be worse I suppose...you could have named him Captain Fluffy...

Captain Rex: Sir...I am NOT fluffy!

 

Lol, that line totally reminded me of Indiana Jones.

Here's a random thing of dialogue I came up with just now, although it's not 100% TCW...

Luke: I'm the best Skywa--
Yoda: Yo, really happy for you, I am, and let you finish, I will, but the greatest Skywalker of all time, Anakin was!
Anakin:

 

I kinda wonder if Rex actually IS named after a Lucas family dog. It's the second time the name has been used in a Lucas-supervised SW project after (also) Captain Rex in STAR TOURS, and it was definitely Lucas who suggested "Rex" as the replacement name for "Alpha". After the Indiana thing... seems possible!

 

Admiral Yularen: "Rex, you were named after a Paul Reubens character?" *shutters*

 

Something we'll never see: Clones doing a "Yo Mama" fight.

 

Hmmm, Count Dooku and a weekly episode until the end of the season

 

I'd almost think that spreading the episodes out would be better than ending in March and not coming back until mid-October, like last year.

 

Let's keep the episodes airing (or lack thereof) in its appropriate thread, please.
This thread is supposed to be humorous, and there's just nothing funny about that.....

Come on, koonfan. Entertain the people!

 

I meant it as tongue-in-cheek sarcastic humor, Gry....oh well. Yes, koonfan, bring us some of that rib bruising humor!

 

Ah yes, because my sense of humour can keep me from a painful banstick. That was your best reply to me ever, Gry.

Don't worry, folks, you're not alone...but we'll keep things on topic. And because the latest thing on my mind is Padme's habit of getting in trouble...

-At the Senate building...-
Kuun Fann: (Title: Holonet News reporter, ardent Plo Koon follower) Live from Holonews Network, I'm Kuun Fann! We're here today at the Senate Building to get a comment from Senator Padme Amidala. A strong proponent of peace and diplomacy, the former queen of Naboo has recently been involved in a string of military operations, starting with the massive battleship Malevolence which was stopped thanks to Master Pl- (camera droid beeps and chirps) ...right, stick to the program. Starting with the massive battleship Malevolence, and ending with incriminating the treacherous senator of Scipio, Rush Clovis, as he attempted to make a deal with the... (checks information) 'neutral Trade Federation faction'. Right. (clears throat) With her involvement in these threats, some have begun fearing for her life, others for her sanity. For what reason would a Senator have to get involved in a warzone? (brings in holo-interviews)

Fann Fisto I: (Title: Fann Fisto the First, not the be confused with Faen Fisto the Fifty-fifth, or Fis Tofan of sector 93) (via holo) The Senator simply has a healthy concern for the lives for others. Now I admit that her decisions aren't the most rational, but then again, sentient beings seldom are.

Grywry Wrathsarth: (Title: Latest mod of the Duro galaxy-wide forum Lac Wac) Usually I stay away from media vultures, but you amuse me, Kel Dorian. Anyway, it's still too soon to tell what Senator Amidala's future will look like, but so long as her efforts benefit the Republic as a whole, I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Of course, if she does something remarkably stupid or badly planned, I might have to rethink my position.

Deebray Nan'Thris: (Title: Award-winning Bothan writer of the Ionine War Controversy Award) CLEARLY the trauma of being elected queen at the age of FOURTEEN has put tremendous mental strain on the senator, and the war has us witnessing the breaking point! The straw on the eopie's back, if you will! A bleeding heart like her should never have been involved in a galaxy at war...why, she even has the audacity to treat those biological droids the CLONES as living, sentient beings! How DARE she! (pause) By the way, read my award winning essay, you know it proves I'm right about everything because it's brilliant.
Kuun Fann recording: Oh, gee, look at the time.

Kuun Fann: (muttering) What a strange interview that was...(brightening up) Anyway! Here she is! (approaching) Senator Amidala! Senator Amidala!
Padme: Oh, no, not ANOTHER one of you @#$%ing media vultures!
Kuun Fann: What? No, wait, we're from HNN, we-
Padme: Jar Jar! Distract them!
Jar Jar: Goody! Mesa muy muy helpin' out! (rushes towards the reporters)
Kuun Fann: Wait, Representative Binks, don't- (Jar Jar stumbles and crashes into the camera droid)

(image of Numa, Waxer and Boil over a piece of broken equipment) WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE HOLD.

EDIT: I had no idea Ludo would define my humour as rib-bruising.
In which case, please consult your doctor before entering the Stuff-We'll-Never-See Thread. The Stuff-We'll-Never-See Thread is not recommended for pregnant ladies, people with high blood pressure, people with low blood pressure, people with bowel-movement related illnesses, people with the