Full Series The 'Stuff-We'll-Never-See' Thread

Jedi Master Mae-Ri Soo?

 

Oh gods, you guys are great!

Mon Cal 1: I thought it was a trap?
Mon Cal 2: *waves arms frantically* No...NO!! We don't use that 'T' word anymore!
Mon Cal 3: Yeah, it's become too cliche..

(Sorry, had to add one of my own )

 

I say this one as a Jar Jar fan, mind you.


Jar Jar: *puts on a pair of spectacles* I've just finished the final draft of my dissertation on unified field theory. Would you like to hear it?
Everyone else:

 

Thanks, fellas! Always a pleasure doing business with LACWAC.

Cad Bane: (in a Duro space suit) Hehehe...Those Jedi ran out without even- (a thuggish looking Kel Dor from an adjacent table gets the jump on him and quickly subdues him) What...who...?!
Kel Dor: You're under arrest, bounty hunter.
Cad Bane: Dat voice...PLO KOON?! But...the clothes...the MASK! You look nothing like him!
Plo Koon: If you can fade into a crowd by getting into a space suit, I can do the same by wearing a different mask.
Ki-Adi-Mundi: (wearing his freakin' sweet conical hat) Need any assistance, Master Plo?
Plo Koon: No thank you.
Cad Bane: Who's the dude in the fetching hat?

Ki-Adi-Mundi: You know what's the worst thing about being a Cerean?
Anakin: What's that, Master Mundi?
Ki-Adi-Mundi: Remembering all the dates. Birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions...then of course there's Bond Wife Day and Honour Wife Day...Ahh, you're lucky you don't have that problem, Skywalker.
Anakin: (checks his schedule for Padme's birthday)

(Got this one from a retro game of sorts XD)
Senator: Do try our local delicacies, Senator Amidala. (pushes forward a plate of still-living, tiny creatures)
Padme: Are these things...sentient?
Senator: Yes.
Padme: And you eat them?
Senator: I fail to see how this is relevant to our negotiations. (munches on one)

Mace Windu: Right, we're going to have to work on our cover stories. I'll be the tough private investigator...
Kit Fisto: You're ALWAYS the tough private investigator! Why can't I be it for a change instead of the Nautolan tourist?

Security guard: Your weapons, please.
Tera Sinube: Oh...you wouldn't separate an old being from his walking stick, would you?

Obi-Wan: (spying on a camp of Mandalorians) Observe carefully, Padawan Tano. Mandalorians believe conflict is needed for growth on the cultural and personal level.
Mandalorian: What the frek...Which one of you aruetiise (traitors) ate my rations?! (points angrily at some crumbs)
Mandalorian 2: Chillax, Bongo. We're all vode an, aren't we?
Mandalorian: VODE AN DON'T STEAL THEIR BROTHERS' SOURCE OF STRENGTH! (jumps onto the other Mando and starts brawling)
Ahsoka: I don't get it...they're all wearing their helmets, so they can't have eaten his rations. (an unhelmeted Mando walks by whistling casually) (the Mandos stop brawling and do a fist-bump AND a chest-bump)

Plo Koon: (aboard a ship in space) Let's step outside and settle this like men.

 

I liked the Tera Sinube one!

 

Thanks, Ludo! Oddly enough, it's the SECOND Lord of the Rings inspired one...you brought up the first with Cad Bane going up in flames a'la Denethor.

Tera Sinube: Right. I've chosen cover names for this mission, padawan. I shall be a blind swordsman known as Zatoichi...you shall be my student whom I address as Grasshopper. On occasion, I will strike you with my cane to seem like a ruthless, strict mentor. You, of course, will trust my every move no matter what your personal feelings.
Ahsoka Tano: What holo did you get that from?

Jocasta Nu: I'm sorry, padawan, but I don't think I can help you with that.
Ahsoka: Why am I not surprised?
Jocasta: Who is the more foolish? The fool or the fool that asks for his help?

Police Droid: (thick Brooklyn accent) So there I was at the senate, checkin' out this Bettie-Bot, when all of a sudden BAM! This Jedi lands in a speeder from five stories up! Ayyyyy, this job ain't worth the oil in yer servos.
Police Droid 2: (urban accent) Ah hear that, gee. Didja hear 'bout units 7 and 12? Some whacked out Terellian Jango Jumper got a lightsaber and cut 'em in half, yo.
Both: (a Bettie-Bot walks by) (electronic whistles) Hey baby! Lookin' for some maintenance?

Pre Vizsla: Clearly you are defeated, Jedi, for not only am I leader of the Death Watch, but I am also voiced by a real celebrity in Hollywood!

-In a torture chamber...-
Kit Fisto: You'll never get me to talk, Dooku!
Dooku: I expected you to resist, Master Fisto.
Kit: I suppose now you'll be tellin' me ta wipe this smile off my face, then?
Dooku: On the contrary...I want you to keep it there.
Kit: Pardon? (receives a dosage of prozac and anti-depressants which freezes his face in that wide grin)
Dooku: Let's see if you're still resistant after smiling without pause for a day or two.

 

Oh gods, where do you come up with this stuff?(Besides smoking the plot shields ) Yeah, that Bane/Denethor thing was strange...then again, that whole thread got a little weird.

Maybe the police droids should have their own show like 'Cops' or 'First 48' or something.

 

"Droid Cops" would be great. There could be a prequel to Lightsaber Lost where they break up a domestic squabble at Nack Movers' place... drunk, shirtless, fat Trandoshan? Comedy gold.

 

Or 'Police Droid Academy', with the sound-effects guy playing a malfunctioning droid.
And with Mandalorians on my mind...

Pre Vizsla: For too long have my people sat back and done nothing! (electronic noises in background) ......Online gaming, dating services, blogging, microblogging, posting ridiculous videos on the holonet... (noise persists)...well, NO MORE! The Mandalorians shall...shall......WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Lackey: (playing on a handheld device) Shhh! 25-man on Deathbringer Saurfang with my guild! I've gotta concentrate!
Pre Vizsla: Oh, for the love of-
Lackey 2: Hey, you got the new Tier-10 armour set. Niiiiice.

Pre Vizsla: (played by Jon Favraeu) What is it, Merrick?
Tal Merrick: (played by Greg Proops) I was wondering if I could get a set of armour. The ones Satine use are so archaic!
Pre Vizsla: Well, alright...but first, I want you to improvise a comedy routine. Start out with "issues the Senate won't bring up in a hurry"
Tal Merrick: What?! But I've never prepared anything for-
Pre Vizsla: (darkly) That's the idea.
Tal Merrick: (sighs) "The Senate is in agreement that Mas Amedda's lizard tongue is freaky."

Pre Vizsla: I have you right where I want you, Jed- (PUNCH)
Mandalorian: Three against one? Is this what you call a duel, Vizsla? I thought you knew better.
Pre Vizsla: What...no...it can't be! Kon Septart, is that really you?!
Kon Septart: The same! And now I'M here to restore the True Mandalorians!
Pre Vizsla: But...but...I was going to do that! Guys! Help me! (the other Mandos pretend not to hear him)

Obi-Wan: Satine, I had no idea there were so many types of Mandalorians. New, True, Death Watch...And I'm not entirely sure about the Concord Dawn, but...
Satine: Well, why are there so many Force organisations? Baran Do, Matukai, Jel Shay...
Obi-Wan: Touche, my dear.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Anakin, what's wrong?
Anakin: I think I'm allergic to the planet's atmosphere! (sneezes)
Obi-Wan: Well, cover your mouth! We're about to meet their ruler!

Deebray Nan'thris: (deadpan) In other news, Jedi have engaged in perilous chases all over the skies of Coruscant in an attempt to crack down on crime. One wonders why we bother having strict traffic protocols if the Jedi simply ignore them.

 

Pre Viszla and His Mandalorian Death Watch Posse:

Kon Septart
Pho Leeseshun
Stoh Reebords
Annum Attaks
Lyson Sing
Karrak Terdezyne
Voysak Terrz

...and the man without whom the whole operation would founder,
Weeneed Morkophie

 

Must be an inside joke... 0_o

 

Ok, I just went blind and dyslexic trying to translate those. Very funny, though!

 

Allow me to explain: Pre Viszla sounds an awful lot like Previsualisation, which is a technique the crew use in making the show. Some people thought that was blatant and horrible naming. The following guide should provide a loose translation.

Kon Septart=Concept Art
Stoh Reebords=Storyboards
Annum Attaks=Animatics
Lyson Sing=Licensing
Karrak Terdezyne=Character Design
Voysak Terrz=Voice Actors
Weeneed Morkophie=We Need More Coffee

 

......... HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's hilarious!

 

koonfan, the Alliance of Magicians are coming for you!

"We demand to be taken seriously!"

 

I had to google to get an idea of what they're after, so I'll come right out and admit I have no idea who they are. Your quote makes it pretty easy to understand, though.

And pssshhhh, it's not that I don't take things seriously...it's just that only a few of them are taken seriously all of the time. Even beloved movies don't count, or I'd never enjoy a good Michael Bay movie.

That said...
-A Green Lantern power ring enters the universe of Star Wars to find a new host. Yoda gets it because he's already green.
-The fear-wielding Sinestro Corps quickly target the Sith as their representatives
-Baron Poponoida (whom some will remember as being played by George Lucas as a cameo) appears, telling military forces to go FASTER, MORE INTENSE
-Senator Kong Don-Ki reports that Warlord Kay-Ruul and his reptilian forces have stolen the food supply of his people
-Michael Bay is called in to direct a deeply intellectual and philosophical episode. He decides to overhaul the whole thing to have a background full of explosions. Think Yoda in his thickest accent possible negotiating with someone while a war takes place around them.

Dooku: So the Senator from Chandrila wishes to discuss a peace treaty? Like a Mon Mothma to the flame...
Grievous:

Cad Bane: I've acquired a group of agents. Behold...the Bettie-Bot Brigade! Their appearance will lure the target into a false sense of security, but they're armed to the teeth...among other places.
TODO: (Seth Green being in Austin Powers of course ) So I guess you could say that they're of high CALIBER, huh? (Cad Bane glares) ...Y'know, caliber referring to the quality of their firepower, along with their ample...y'know, nevermind.

Bounty Hunter: Ever wonder why there aren't any bounties on the Separatist leaders?
Bounty Hunter 2: Not really, but I do notice most of the bounties are on Jedi or Senators.
Bounty Hunter: I mean, battle droids should be WAY easier to fight than clones and Jedi, right? So why do we end up trying to blackmail senators or kill Jedi?
Bounty Hunter 2: I blame Fett. He makes it look so easy.
Bounty Hunter: Yeah, but look at him now. He's not gonna get a-HEAD in life anytime soon! (they share a laugh)

 

You forgot Shaak Ti's sister Aak Sehl, who becomes Ahsoka's instructor when Anakin sends her to Padawan boot camp.

 

I'm now inspired to do a Todo and Cad scene...

Cad: So we'll lure the unarmed senators into this trap, then activate the sliding floor by remote to drop them into the dianoga pit.

Todo: Or how about we just get a blaster and shoot them?

Cad: What? No, that won't work. We need a clever and easily escapable plan!

Todo: But I have a blaster in my room...

Cad: How about no, Todo.

Todo: But..

Cad: Shush.

Todo: I could...

Cad: *mimes opening a can* Have a big can of shush.

Todo: ...it would take two minutes...

Cad: Welcome to shush, population YOU!

Todo: We could just...

Cad: You just don't get it, do you?

Todo: *holding head* Why couldn't I have been bought by a speeder salesman, or maybe a navigator on a spice freighter.

 

Ooo, nice one. Sorry I failed to think of that first. XD

It's funny imagining all of that in Cad Bane's menacing voice.

-Preview Clip for the episode we'll never see: Padawan Boot Camp!-
(Not a reflection of XCell's personality, but one of the most common and recurring complaint of Ahsoka )
-Ahsoka stands in line with a bunch of padawans who are murmuring nervously...-
Ahsoka: Ohhhh...master's so mean! I told him the guy could just get a cybernetic replacement!
Aak Sehl: ALRIGHT, YOU LITTLE NERF HERDERS, LISTEN UP!
Kel Dor Padawan: (fumbles with mask, fastens it on, and takes a deep breath a'la inhalers)
Aak Sehl: You were all sent here to receive REMEDIAL TRAINING! You! With the montrals! WHAT are you in for?!
Ahsoka: Uhhh...I literally disarmed a suspect. My master told me not to, but I thought I'd just scare him a little, so I didn't know he'd-
Aak Sehl: INSUBORDINATION! And you! Gas mask!
Kel Dor: I...keep injuring clone troopers when I ignite my lightsaber.
Aak Sehl: Lack of FOCUS! Whatever it is, you are DEFICIENT in some way! I am Aak Sehl, TRAINER of Padawans who seem unable to acquire or RETAIN the lessons they are TAUGHT! From now on, you will address me as Madam or MASTER! (an Ithorian raises his hand) I do not typically field QUESTIONS, but I shall indulge you! GO!
Ithorian: (puberty alternating his voice between high and low) Master Sehl? Why do you shout? DO you have trouble controlling the volume of your voice?
Aak Sehl: ...NO! It's called SPEAKING! WITH! EMPHASIS!

 

When I see the name Aak Sehl, I can only imagine someone putting bananas up the tailpipe of speeders.

 

Y'know what Aak makes me think of? Ack hounds. And it's a sh- away from Shaak. XD

And episode titles we'll never see...
Willy Wampa and the Blue Milk Factory
Willy Wampa and the Great Durasteel Turbolift
I Didn't Do It!
The Great Shave
The Less Than Ideal Escape
Prison Break (No, They Haven't Broken Out Yet)
Son of Grievous
Attack on Lacwac
Lacwac Strikes Back
Return of Lacwac
The Lacwac Menace
A New Lacwac
Revenge of the Lit Community
TODO-360 and the Cybernetic Fowl
The Baneful Cad
No! Shut Them ALL Down!
Kuun Fan Reports
Passive Negotiations
Passive Aggressive Negotiations
Subliminal Negotiations
Don't Eat the Yellow Snow

 

Sex, Lies and Holocrons
Grumpy Old Jedi
The Really Dark and Intense Episode
Quinlan Vos Becomes the Main Character
Padme's Senate Talent Show
Mace Windu Cries and Cries and Cries
Let's Set Up a Republic Base on Mustafar!
Bedtime for Grievous
Barriss and Ahsoka Run Away and Join the Circus
Legacy of Awkwardness
You All Look the Same
Jango Jumpin' Jive
Post Viszla: Downfall of a Mando
Kenobi's Choice
The Army of Blacksaber Wielders Defeat Everyone
All You Guys Are Virgins!
Palpatine Forgets His Keys
Clone Identity-Swap Practical Jokes
Padawans Say the Darnedest Things
Shaak-Ti and the Cow-Tick Hybrids of Doom

 

Masterdroid Theater, hosted by TODO 360. He could wear a little red velvet smoking jacket and have a pipe that blows holographic smoke. All of the shows are performed by droids, kind of like on Futurama. The first one: Taming of the Shaak. 3PO would probably be a fan.

I'd also like to see Rex and a small squad of clone troopers alone on a planet. They meet a strange man in black robes who keeps randomly shooting things with a blaster. They ask directions to the extraction point, and the guy, who is known to some as...Tim...tells them where to go, but warns that there's a huge, ferocious beast guarding the entrance. They go anyway, expecting a rancor or worse, but instead find a small, fuzzy little creature. One of the clones is relieved and mentions he nearly soiled his armor. Rex sends a clone to take out the little fuzzy thing, but it bites the clone's head off. The clones run away (run away!) while Tim laughs.

They eventually get through using the holy thermal detonator of Antioch.

 

Hmm, not bad.. and then the Ithorian kid gets sent to Kessel, yes?

And you can put Jaybo in his place. Aak Sehl's boot camp disciplines unruly Jedi and non-Jedi kids alike.

 

Robed figure: Halt!
Obi-Wan: (gasp) It's the Jedi Knights who say Ni!
Anakin: Who are they?
Robed figure: We are the keepers of the sacred words! Ni, peng, and NEEEEE-WOM! (echoing: NEEEEE-WOM!)
Obi-Wan: Few have heard these words and lived to tell the tale!
Robed figure: If you wish to pass, you must find and present to us...an ITHORIAN SHRUBBERY!
Anakin: A WHAT?
Robed Figures: Ni! Ni! Ni!
Obi-Wan: No, no more! We shall bring you a shrubbery, Jedi Knights who say Ni!
Robed Figure: Not too expensive.
Obi-Wan: Of course.
Robed Figure: And it has to look nice.
Obi-Wan: Naturally.
Robed Figure: With a little path down the middle. NOW GO!

Glad you liked it. And yes, if she decreed it, Master Sehl would arrange for a 'field trip' to Kessel.
Also, interestingly, Jaybo was probably my least favourite character in season 1...so that's an interesting shout-out. XD

Y'know, I think you could make episode titles from now on. Nice work.

Yoda: Master Mundi, of all living Jedi, you alone have the skills to defeat Sharad Hett.
Ki-Adi: Yes, yes, of course...why?
Mace Windu: I swore I'd cut all red saber wielders in half. Master Hett wields a red saber.
Plo: Tatooine is murder on my skin.
Oppo Rancicis: And my hair.
Saesee Tiin: I'm more of a piloting kind of guy.
Eeth Koth: And everyone knows you shouldn't send a master after his former padawan.
Ki-Adi: So...you needed someone important...but not TOO important? (Jedi Masters murmur in agreement) (sighs)

Obi-Wan: ANAKIN! Cad Bane is headed your way!
Anakin: Way ahead of you, Obi-Wa- (gasp) Hey! You're the Max Rebo band! Man, I love you guys! Can I get your autograph? (Cad Bane runs past) Oh, this is awesome!
Obi-Wan: ANAKIN!