The SW Anti-Guru

Get all of your most inane, infantile, irrelevant, minutiae-obessed questions answered here incompletely or completely incorrectly.

 

What's so friggin great about star wars??? I don't get it!!!

 

The Death Star - Why no monkeys? Was it really a shopping centre?

 

It was a space mall complete with frozen yogurt shops. If you look carefully during the escape scene you can see a Lady FootLocker and Cell Phone Accessory Kioske.

The conspicuous lack of monkeys can be explained by GL's fear of them after a bizarre rhesus monkey attack from his early childhood.
Oddly enough, Peter Tork played a StormTrooper in ANH.

 

"What's so friggin great about star wars??? I don't get it!!! "


Action figures and Darth Vader band-aids.

 

Star Destroyers, Death Star, the 'Fear' doctrine, another Death Star, Dark Lords of the Sith... - Who ran the Imperial Public Relations department?

 

Dame Edna, Tinky-Winky and Newt Gingrich

 

Jabba - gaseous or gelatinous?

Was Salacious crumb George Lucas' social comment on modern day monkeys? Did this theme carry through to the Ewoks?

 

Jabba's true nature, like light energy, is dichotomous. He displays properties of both gaseousness and gelatinousness.

The Salacious Crumb character was created after contract negotiations with Kermit the Frog broke down. Kermit can be a real jerk when money is involved. Fozzie is a class act through and through but he walked out to show support for his green buddy. Thus, the Ewoks were born.

 

So much I never knew...

 

Can I find Aunt Beru in a Playboy magazine from the late 60s?

Or Captain Needa, for that matter?

 

Aunt Beru is on the cover June '68. But, much like the Sally Field issue in '78 there was no pictorial, just "20 Questions with Aunt Beru".
As for Needa, he can be found in Feb '66 modelling for a Brut Aftershave ad on page 121.

 

*flips through magazine*

Wow, you're right! Hey, I can still smell the Brut!

Thanks, DarthGelatinous. You truly ARE the SW Anti-Guru.

 

Scratch-n-Sniff technology was actually pioneered by ILM. Grand Moff Tarkin's trading card smells like Ben-Gay.

 

How many laserbolts were fired in Star Wars?

How many lifesavers were there?

Is Dark Vader really Luke's dad?

 

"How many laserbolts were fired in Star Wars?"
None. The Laserbolt Union was far too strong back then.

"How many lifesavers were there?"
None. Although Mentos did come with your bill at the Mos Eisley Cantina.

"Is Dark Vader really Luke's dad?"
Who's this Luke guy I keep hearing about?

 

Mon Mothma says that "many Bothans" died bringing the plans for the second Death Star to the Rebellion. What I want to know is...how many? C'mon, unless this number is close to the full complement aboard the Tantive IV, is it really worth noting? So, oh great Anti-guru...give us a concrete number...

 

Its not really worth noting but that's never stopped me before. The answer is 4 and 3 of those died in an unrelated gardening accident. It was another secret that the Bothans hoped would never surface.

 

Well, I don't want to reveal any spoilers here, but keep an eye on Palpatine's interior decorator in EPII and EPIII. You just might notice a familiar shade of brown.

 

If the ewoks had gotten their way and cooked Leia's pals...who do you think would've tasted the best? Han, Luke, or Chewie?

 

Why do all Rodians dress the same?

 

"If the ewoks had gotten their way and cooked Leia's pals...who do you think would've tasted the best? Han, Luke, or Chewie? "

It would have Luke. Midichlorians make a wonderful marinate for human flesh. Kinda like soy sauce.
Wookie's have a gamey taste, it reminds me of groundhog.
Han's too tough and stringy for my taste.

"Why do all Rodians dress the same? "
4.6 billion Rodians, 1 Rodian tailor.

 

How is Jabba's long lost brother, Mybba connected to the storyline of ANH?

 

Mybba had gotten so big and fat (which he always claimed was a glandular problem) that the Imperial Corp of Engineers built the original Death Star around him in order to take advantage of his gravitational pull. Its true, you can look it up.