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The SW Anti-Guru

Discussion in 'Classic Trilogy' started by DarthGelatinous, Jun 13, 2001.

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  1. Devilanse

    Devilanse Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2002
    Say what? Pooja?
     
  2. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    "Are "Nerfs" a flesh and blood creature, or do the Herders just stand guard around large pens filled with multi-colored foam balls? "

    I'll have to refer you to the EU board for the answer. The truth is far too ridiculous for this dignified thread.
     
  3. Masterjabba

    Masterjabba Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 30, 2002
    Why is Lukes Hair so long and why doesnt Darth Vader have any Hair?
     
  4. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    "So, if Leia somehow "always knew" Luke was her brother, does that mean she has some sort of incest fetish?"
    Yes.

    "Is Luke too small to be a stormtrooper?"
    Not anymore thanks to our liberal court system.

    "If Amidala survived to be in the OT, would she have gone on a talk show to demand Vader take a paternity test?"
    Yes and hopefully she would take her shirt off.

    "How can Luke and Leia be so small if Darth Vader is so tall?"
    Their real mother was a Jawa.

    "After Vader dies, do Luke and Leia take care of his sheep?"
    The good shepherd lives on.

    "Can Taun Taun's tango?"
    It takes two.

    "Were Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan gay?"
    No, they were quite seriuos most of the time.
     
  5. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    "Why is Lukes Hair so long and why doesnt Darth Vader have any Hair? "

    Male pattern baldness is a dominant trait in the Skywalker clan. Luke actually has an elaborate comb-over worthy of a high school guidance counselor.
     
  6. Masterjabba

    Masterjabba Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 30, 2002
    Why are the Empire's ship's laser blasts green while rebel blasts are red?
     
  7. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    "Why are the Empire's ship's laser blasts green while rebel blasts are red?"

    The metric system.





    You know, I'm not sure what I'm talking about either.
     
  8. Masterjabba

    Masterjabba Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    May 30, 2002
    *BUMP* This is so funny
     
  9. perpatrator_pimp

    perpatrator_pimp Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Guru...are you on vacation or something?
     
  10. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    Thanks for asking!

    I am alive and well and await your queries. Ever since EU references were curtailed on this board there has been a disturbing lack of the inane and implausible. I am just one gentle voice attempting to fill that void.

    May the farce be with you.
     
  11. Devilanse

    Devilanse Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2002
    Say, guru...does the Emperor have his robes sent to the drycleaners? Or does the Death Star have a full-on laundromat?
     
  12. GrandMoffTalking

    GrandMoffTalking Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Dec 5, 2001
    Oh, SW Anti-Guru, you are just and fair, and I will give you a shrubbery... if you just answer the following questions that have been nagging me for years:

    1. How did Anakin pick up an American accent when he was raised by his Sweedish mother? And at what precise moment did he pick up the English accent we saw at the end of ROTC? (be specific!)

    2. Did the General who taunted Vader in ANH have a Hutchinsen complex? Didn't it look like he WANTED Vader to choke him? And didn't he look awfully... um... content when Vader released him?


     
  13. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    "Say, guru...does the Emperor have his robes sent to the drycleaners? Or does the Death Star have a full-on laundromat?"

    Palpy actually does his own laundry and ironing. He says that it relaxes him while he watches his stories.
     
  14. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    "1. How did Anakin pick up an American accent when he was raised by his Sweedish mother? And at what precise moment did he pick up the English accent we saw at the end of ROTC? (be specific!)"

    GL tested several Swedish kids but each one insisted on putting mayonaise on their french fries and that's just wrong. The English accent showed up when Anakin decided to give in to the darkside, the precise moment was when he first tongue-kissed Padme.

    2. Did the General who taunted Vader in ANH have a Hutchinsen complex? Didn't it look like he WANTED Vader to choke him? And didn't he look awfully... um... content when Vader released him?

    Well, you're on the right track. You see, Vader was choking him but he wasn't choking his throat.
     
  15. Master_Grover

    Master_Grover Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Aug 22, 2002
    Get all of your most inane, infantile, irrelevant, minutiae-obessed questions answered here incompletely or completely incorrectly.

    lol...i do sometimes laugh at the questions being asked on these kinda boards. :D

    I guess im an anti guru as well. Just stick to the relevant stuff.
     
  16. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    I'll field the irrelevant questions and you can take the rest.
     
  17. Devilanse

    Devilanse Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2002
    Guru...


    Just what were those clones eating at their lunch table on Kamino?

    HUNGRY-CLONE brand TV Dinners?
     
  18. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    What do clones eat?

    Kamino Cafetria Menu

    Monday- Chicken Fingers with Mac & Cheese
    Tuesday- Ketchup Soup
    Wednesday- Lunchables
    Thursday- Mystery Meat (usually some kind of beef)
    Friday- Fish (its a parochial clone factory)
    Saturday- taters
    Sunday- jello pudding pops
     
  19. Hamm_Salaad

    Hamm_Salaad Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Greetings, Exalted One.

    What is Grand Moff Tarkin's middle name?
     
  20. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
  21. GrandAdmiralJello

    GrandAdmiralJello Comms Admin ❉ Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque star 10 Staff Member Administrator

    Registered:
    Nov 28, 2000
    Why do Jedi use lightsabers if they serve life and are peaceful guardians?
     
  22. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    You know, that's a good question. In fact, the original Jedi Order had no weapons of any kind as they worked to restore peace in the galaxy. But, a few days after the order was founded, the lone surviving Jedi decided that there had to be a better way.
     
  23. Hamm_Salaad

    Hamm_Salaad Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Guru, can you help me find the easter eggs on my EpII DVD?
     
  24. Devilanse

    Devilanse Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    May 11, 2002
    Who or what was Bultar Swan waving at during the arena battle of AOTC? Did she have a section in the bleachers reserved for her family?
     
  25. DarthGelatinous

    DarthGelatinous Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    May 15, 2001
    "Guru, can you help me find the easter eggs on my EpII DVD?"

    After enduring the night after my ill-fated attempt to beat Cool Hand Luke's record, Mrs. Anti-Guru has forbade from ever again mentioning Easter Eggs. Sorry.
     
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