The SW Anti-Guru

Discussion in 'Classic Trilogy' started by DarthGelatinous, Jun 13, 2001.

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  1. Devilanse Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2002
    star 5
  2. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "Are "Nerfs" a flesh and blood creature, or do the Herders just stand guard around large pens filled with multi-colored foam balls? "

    I'll have to refer you to the EU board for the answer. The truth is far too ridiculous for this dignified thread.
  3. Masterjabba Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2002
    star 1
    Why is Lukes Hair so long and why doesnt Darth Vader have any Hair?
  4. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "So, if Leia somehow "always knew" Luke was her brother, does that mean she has some sort of incest fetish?"
    Yes.

    "Is Luke too small to be a stormtrooper?"
    Not anymore thanks to our liberal court system.

    "If Amidala survived to be in the OT, would she have gone on a talk show to demand Vader take a paternity test?"
    Yes and hopefully she would take her shirt off.

    "How can Luke and Leia be so small if Darth Vader is so tall?"
    Their real mother was a Jawa.

    "After Vader dies, do Luke and Leia take care of his sheep?"
    The good shepherd lives on.

    "Can Taun Taun's tango?"
    It takes two.

    "Were Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan gay?"
    No, they were quite seriuos most of the time.
  5. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "Why is Lukes Hair so long and why doesnt Darth Vader have any Hair? "

    Male pattern baldness is a dominant trait in the Skywalker clan. Luke actually has an elaborate comb-over worthy of a high school guidance counselor.
  6. Masterjabba Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2002
    star 1
    Why are the Empire's ship's laser blasts green while rebel blasts are red?
  7. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "Why are the Empire's ship's laser blasts green while rebel blasts are red?"

    The metric system.





    You know, I'm not sure what I'm talking about either.
  8. Masterjabba Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2002
    star 1
    *BUMP* This is so funny
  9. perpatrator_pimp Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Guru...are you on vacation or something?
  10. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    Thanks for asking!

    I am alive and well and await your queries. Ever since EU references were curtailed on this board there has been a disturbing lack of the inane and implausible. I am just one gentle voice attempting to fill that void.

    May the farce be with you.
  11. Devilanse Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2002
    star 5
    Say, guru...does the Emperor have his robes sent to the drycleaners? Or does the Death Star have a full-on laundromat?
  12. GrandMoffTalking Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 5, 2001
    star 1
    Oh, SW Anti-Guru, you are just and fair, and I will give you a shrubbery... if you just answer the following questions that have been nagging me for years:

    1. How did Anakin pick up an American accent when he was raised by his Sweedish mother? And at what precise moment did he pick up the English accent we saw at the end of ROTC? (be specific!)

    2. Did the General who taunted Vader in ANH have a Hutchinsen complex? Didn't it look like he WANTED Vader to choke him? And didn't he look awfully... um... content when Vader released him?


  13. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "Say, guru...does the Emperor have his robes sent to the drycleaners? Or does the Death Star have a full-on laundromat?"

    Palpy actually does his own laundry and ironing. He says that it relaxes him while he watches his stories.
  14. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "1. How did Anakin pick up an American accent when he was raised by his Sweedish mother? And at what precise moment did he pick up the English accent we saw at the end of ROTC? (be specific!)"

    GL tested several Swedish kids but each one insisted on putting mayonaise on their french fries and that's just wrong. The English accent showed up when Anakin decided to give in to the darkside, the precise moment was when he first tongue-kissed Padme.

    2. Did the General who taunted Vader in ANH have a Hutchinsen complex? Didn't it look like he WANTED Vader to choke him? And didn't he look awfully... um... content when Vader released him?

    Well, you're on the right track. You see, Vader was choking him but he wasn't choking his throat.
  15. Master_Grover Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 22, 2002
    star 2
    Get all of your most inane, infantile, irrelevant, minutiae-obessed questions answered here incompletely or completely incorrectly.

    lol...i do sometimes laugh at the questions being asked on these kinda boards. :D

    I guess im an anti guru as well. Just stick to the relevant stuff.
  16. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    I'll field the irrelevant questions and you can take the rest.
  17. Devilanse Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2002
    star 5
    Guru...


    Just what were those clones eating at their lunch table on Kamino?

    HUNGRY-CLONE brand TV Dinners?
  18. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    What do clones eat?

    Kamino Cafetria Menu

    Monday- Chicken Fingers with Mac & Cheese
    Tuesday- Ketchup Soup
    Wednesday- Lunchables
    Thursday- Mystery Meat (usually some kind of beef)
    Friday- Fish (its a parochial clone factory)
    Saturday- taters
    Sunday- jello pudding pops
  19. Hamm_Salaad Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Greetings, Exalted One.

    What is Grand Moff Tarkin's middle name?
  20. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
  21. GrandAdmiralJello Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    Why do Jedi use lightsabers if they serve life and are peaceful guardians?
  22. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    You know, that's a good question. In fact, the original Jedi Order had no weapons of any kind as they worked to restore peace in the galaxy. But, a few days after the order was founded, the lone surviving Jedi decided that there had to be a better way.
  23. Hamm_Salaad Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Guru, can you help me find the easter eggs on my EpII DVD?
  24. Devilanse Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2002
    star 5
    Who or what was Bultar Swan waving at during the arena battle of AOTC? Did she have a section in the bleachers reserved for her family?
  25. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "Guru, can you help me find the easter eggs on my EpII DVD?"

    After enduring the night after my ill-fated attempt to beat Cool Hand Luke's record, Mrs. Anti-Guru has forbade from ever again mentioning Easter Eggs. Sorry.
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