The SW Anti-Guru

Say what? Pooja?

 

"Are "Nerfs" a flesh and blood creature, or do the Herders just stand guard around large pens filled with multi-colored foam balls? "

I'll have to refer you to the EU board for the answer. The truth is far too ridiculous for this dignified thread.

 

Why is Lukes Hair so long and why doesnt Darth Vader have any Hair?

 

"So, if Leia somehow "always knew" Luke was her brother, does that mean she has some sort of incest fetish?"
Yes.

"Is Luke too small to be a stormtrooper?"
Not anymore thanks to our liberal court system.

"If Amidala survived to be in the OT, would she have gone on a talk show to demand Vader take a paternity test?"
Yes and hopefully she would take her shirt off.

"How can Luke and Leia be so small if Darth Vader is so tall?"
Their real mother was a Jawa.

"After Vader dies, do Luke and Leia take care of his sheep?"
The good shepherd lives on.

"Can Taun Taun's tango?"
It takes two.

"Were Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan gay?"
No, they were quite seriuos most of the time.

 

"Why is Lukes Hair so long and why doesnt Darth Vader have any Hair? "

Male pattern baldness is a dominant trait in the Skywalker clan. Luke actually has an elaborate comb-over worthy of a high school guidance counselor.

 

Why are the Empire's ship's laser blasts green while rebel blasts are red?

 

"Why are the Empire's ship's laser blasts green while rebel blasts are red?"

The metric system.





You know, I'm not sure what I'm talking about either.

 

*BUMP* This is so funny

 

Guru...are you on vacation or something?

 

Thanks for asking!

I am alive and well and await your queries. Ever since EU references were curtailed on this board there has been a disturbing lack of the inane and implausible. I am just one gentle voice attempting to fill that void.

May the farce be with you.

 

Say, guru...does the Emperor have his robes sent to the drycleaners? Or does the Death Star have a full-on laundromat?

 

Oh, SW Anti-Guru, you are just and fair, and I will give you a shrubbery... if you just answer the following questions that have been nagging me for years:

1. How did Anakin pick up an American accent when he was raised by his Sweedish mother? And at what precise moment did he pick up the English accent we saw at the end of ROTC? (be specific!)

2. Did the General who taunted Vader in ANH have a Hutchinsen complex? Didn't it look like he WANTED Vader to choke him? And didn't he look awfully... um... content when Vader released him?

 

"Say, guru...does the Emperor have his robes sent to the drycleaners? Or does the Death Star have a full-on laundromat?"

Palpy actually does his own laundry and ironing. He says that it relaxes him while he watches his stories.

 

"1. How did Anakin pick up an American accent when he was raised by his Sweedish mother? And at what precise moment did he pick up the English accent we saw at the end of ROTC? (be specific!)"

GL tested several Swedish kids but each one insisted on putting mayonaise on their french fries and that's just wrong. The English accent showed up when Anakin decided to give in to the darkside, the precise moment was when he first tongue-kissed Padme.

2. Did the General who taunted Vader in ANH have a Hutchinsen complex? Didn't it look like he WANTED Vader to choke him? And didn't he look awfully... um... content when Vader released him?

Well, you're on the right track. You see, Vader was choking him but he wasn't choking his throat.

 

Get all of your most inane, infantile, irrelevant, minutiae-obessed questions answered here incompletely or completely incorrectly.

lol...i do sometimes laugh at the questions being asked on these kinda boards.

I guess im an anti guru as well. Just stick to the relevant stuff.

 

I'll field the irrelevant questions and you can take the rest.

 

Guru...


Just what were those clones eating at their lunch table on Kamino?

HUNGRY-CLONE brand TV Dinners?

 

What do clones eat?

Kamino Cafetria Menu

Monday- Chicken Fingers with Mac & Cheese
Tuesday- Ketchup Soup
Wednesday- Lunchables
Thursday- Mystery Meat (usually some kind of beef)
Friday- Fish (its a parochial clone factory)
Saturday- taters
Sunday- jello pudding pops

 

Greetings, Exalted One.

What is Grand Moff Tarkin's middle name?

 

Jeff

 

You know, that's a good question. In fact, the original Jedi Order had no weapons of any kind as they worked to restore peace in the galaxy. But, a few days after the order was founded, the lone surviving Jedi decided that there had to be a better way.

 

Guru, can you help me find the easter eggs on my EpII DVD?

 

Who or what was Bultar Swan waving at during the arena battle of AOTC? Did she have a section in the bleachers reserved for her family?

 

"Guru, can you help me find the easter eggs on my EpII DVD?"

After enduring the night after my ill-fated attempt to beat Cool Hand Luke's record, Mrs. Anti-Guru has forbade from ever again mentioning Easter Eggs. Sorry.