The SW Anti-Guru

Is Luke Skywalker gay? We all know he had a crush on Leia, but that was probably a front. I ask this question because, in the Cantina scene, he walks in with his teenage hormones ragin', and there's these two cute little assassins on the other side of the bar. He didn't even give them a passing glance as he ordered his blue milk. If it were me, I'd have been all over them at his age. So, what gives with his sexual orientation?

 

MeatSaber2000, I am appalled!! Blasphemy....!

 

Who would win a limbo contest: Yoda or Wicket?

 

What did Darth Vader do in his spare time?

 

Ooh, ooh, I have a whole slew of useless questions for the Anti-Guru, all totally irrelevant to the Star Wars saga.

What colour is Adi Gallia's lightsabre?

Did Boba Fett survive the Sarlaac?

How long is the Executor?

Are Neimoidians related to those cantina aliens... what are they called... Duros? (this is a real thread I saw a few days ago)

Will Thrawn be in Episode II?

How does an A-Wing work?

How many windows does the Death Star have?

... and any other question that is "answered" in one of those spiffy Essential Guide to Useless Star Wars Trivia Mostly Fabricated By The Expanded Universe books!

 

Why are the B-Wings called B-Wings? I mean, X-Wings open to make X's, A-Wings are kind of in the shape of A's, Y-Wings make Y's, but a B-Wing is flat until it opens up, making more of a lower-case T than anything else. So what gives? Shouldn't they be lower-case t-Wings?

 

MeatSaber2000, your question about Luke's orientation will be answered in the final edition of ANH when GL finally fixes the lightsabers. Luke's will pink, not that there's anything wrong with that.

 

"Who would win a limbo contest: Yoda or Wicket? "

My money is on the Ewok. Yoda has to carry Frank Oz around everywhere he goes.

"What did Darth Vader do in his spare time? "
Darth liked to crochet throw pillows with mean little sayings on them like 'All You Need is Hate' and 'Curse This Home'.

 

What about me??? What about the B-Wing??? PLEASE!?!?!?!?

 

"What colour is Adi Gallia's lightsabre?"
Clear

"Did Boba Fett survive the Sarlaac?"
I can't come up with anything funnier than the EU version.

"How long is the Executor?"
You'll have to ask Mrs. Executor

"Are Neimoidians related to those cantina aliens... what are they called... Duros? (this is a real thread I saw a few days ago)"
Yes, but only by marriage. And if Duros shows up drunk at Christmas dinner one more time that will change I tell ya'!

"Will Thrawn be in Episode II?"
No, but in a daring bit of cross-over casting, Kahn will be.

"How does an A-Wing work?"
An intricate combination of rubber bands, duct tape, hamsters and spit

How many windows does the Death Star have?
There were none until the Mercury 7 astronauts insisted that one be installed in the Throne Room.

 

"Why are the B-Wings called B-Wings? I mean, X-Wings open to make X's, A-Wings are kind of in the shape of A's, Y-Wings make Y's, but a B-Wing is flat until it opens up, making more of a lower-case T than anything else. So what gives? Shouldn't they be lower-case t-Wings? "
If you review your BTM CD you will see that the full name of the B-Wing is actually the Aunt B-Wing. GL himself designed the fighter after reading about her Hot Cross Buns in his "Essential Guide to the Andy Griffith Show".

 

Oh wise anti-guru, your wealth of knowledge truly amazes me. Can you tell me how long the space slug living in the asteroid is? I need the exact measurements for a thesis I'm writing. Thank you for your time, sir.

 

Let me see if I can put it in scientific terms...

He was a one big mamma-jamma.

 

How many star destroyers would it take to form a circle if you positioned them side to side?

 

According to the hot new show at the MGM Grand Las Vegas, Star Destroyers on Ice, it takes 8 to form a circle.

 

B-wings.

I heard somewhere on these forums that the B stands for blade, the b-wing being like a knife pointing down. The bottom strut is like the blade, and the engine below the cockpit is where you would hold it, and the wings are the sticky-outy bits.

It also might b because it looks like a B from the side, with 2 bulges like a 'B'.

 

That's what GL wants you to think, Miz.

Your theory is logical, well thought out, and very plausible. Leave now!

 

Who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who followed him?

Or is it the fool who said that in the first place?

 

To answer that question I would like to direct to my doctoral thesis, "The Fool in Contemporary Society" currently posted at
www.clowncollege.edu/honkhonk

 

What the annual salary of a Stormtrooper?

 

It used to be pretty good. The base was pretty low but you really had to consider the entire benefits package; medical, dental, 401(k) and you could earn up to 40,000 credits toward college. Then the rebellion started and money got tight. Alderaan was blown up because so many Stormies were going to Alderann U. It was costing the Empire a small fortune.

 

How does SW deal with the physics of traveling at light speed? In otherwords, why is it that when they travel at light speed, they don't seem to have any problems with relativity. Why is that?

 

"What fuel do they use on the Death Star? "

Its a mixture of pure concentrated evil, and now, clean burning ethynol thanks to the Kyoto Agreement.

"How does SW deal with the physics of traveling at light speed? In otherwords, why is it that when they travel at light speed, they don't seem to have any problems with relativity. Why is that? "

The story was set a long time ago...years before Einstein invented relativity. And G-d (read:GL) was playing dice with that particular galaxy.

 

"Its a mixture of pure concentrated evil..."

Isn't that a contradiction...?

Anyway, another question for you, oh wise one.
From another very largely debated topic:
Is Boba Fett dead?

Yours will, of course, be the definitive answer.