The SW Anti-Guru

Discussion in 'Classic Trilogy' started by DarthGelatinous, Jun 13, 2001.

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  1. SithForceLord Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2001
    star 6
    Where does the ladder on the side of Lukes X-Wing go when he's in Space?


    How does R2-D2 get so far across the Dune Sea in such a short time? (the time that it takes Luke to get from the Oil Bath to the Dinner table - have an argument with Uncle - then back to the Workshop - and then up top. space of around 7mins)


    How does the creature in the Asteriod in ESB stay alive? (what does it eat etc)
  2. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "Where does the ladder on the side of Lukes X-Wing go when he's in Space?"
    In the trunk along with his jumper cables and golf clubs.

    "How does R2-D2 get so far across the Dune Sea in such a short time? (the time that it takes Luke to get from the Oil Bath to the Dinner table - have an argument with Uncle - then back to the Workshop - and then up top. space of around 7mins)"
    He illegally used the HOV(High Occupancy Vehicle) lane.


    "How does the creature in the Asteriod in ESB stay alive? (what does it eat etc)"
    Much like my brother-in-law, he sustains himself solely on Little Debbie Snack Cakes and Camel Lights.
  3. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "Mr. Anti-Guru, is EU CANON or CANON EU, is TPM CANON and ANH EU, is SWROTJSE EU or CANON Is SE EU or CANON, is there a TPMSE or a TPMEU. And where does RPG fit in."
    I will use the K.I.S.S. method to answer your query...BTSOM.
  4. KaaShamau Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2000
    star 4
    Is the force just simple tricks and nonsense?
  5. Emperor_Dan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 1999
    star 4
    What was Obi-Wan's dislike for the color green all about?
  6. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "Is the force just simple tricks and nonsense? "

    There's nothing simple about it. The Force is doorway into the wonderful world of illusion...

    Cue the Doug Henning Montage.
  7. THEDUKE Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 2
    I posted this question before on other threads but I think I finally found a place to get it answered.

    How did a collection of the Galaxy's WORST DANCERS all converge to form the Rebel Alliance? If you dont know what Im talking bout watch the end celebration in ROTJ.

    Also a related question. Why cant Lando hold a beat while clapping? (same celebration scene)
  8. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "What was Obi-Wan's dislike for the color green all about? "

    True Story... The role of Mr. Green Jeans during the first year of the long-running children's TV show, Captain Kangaroo, was played by none other than Sir Alec. When asked about his hasty exit from the show and his subsequent aversion to the color green in the June 1972 issue of Look he replied, " I've played Lear and Hamlet in front of Kings and Queens, I do not wish to be remembered for playing straight man to a muppet."
  9. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "How did a collection of the Galaxy's WORST DANCERS all converge to form the Rebel Alliance? If you dont know what Im talking bout watch the end celebration in ROTJ.

    Also a related question. Why cant Lando hold a beat while clapping? (same celebration scene)"

    Palpy was obsessed with getting his name into the Guiness Book of World Records. After failing miserably at growing the world's longest fingernails (it effected his force lightning), he resolved to form the longest Chorus Line in the universe. So, if you could dance you were pressed into service of the Empire's kick line.

    As for Lando, well, the night was young and he was three Colt 45s shy of feeling funky.
  10. KypDuron Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 21, 2001
    star 1
    AH .. most wise and unadulterated Guru...I'm so glad to see that my favorite link is still here :) I see that the truest of questions are still being contemplated and answered. I have some new ones:

    Is anyone still herding nerfs?? I haven't seen any good squishy nerf balls anywhere...just those stupid dart guns

    Did the Millinium Falcon have any Y2K probs or did it switch staight to Falcon NT or Falcon XP... I hope Falcon XP cause Nt wouldn't be too Wookie friendly.

    Can I use "the force" on Nat Portman...PLEASE!!! :)
  11. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "Is anyone still herding nerfs?? I haven't seen any good squishy nerf balls anywhere...just those stupid dart guns"
    Aggressive hunting in the mid 80's almost drove the noble Nerf into extinction. The tragic part was that these hunters were only after them them for their valuable stress-relieving squeeze balls, leaving most of the beast to rot on the open plain.

    "Did the Millinium Falcon have any Y2K probs or did it switch staight to Falcon NT or Falcon XP... I hope Falcon XP cause Nt wouldn't be too Wookie friendly."
    Han switched the Falcon to MacIntosh while it was being tuned up on Bespin. Thye also have a Beta VCR. Unfortunately, the only tapes available on BETA are Wookie porn.

    "Can I use 'the force' on Nat Portman...PLEASE!!!"
    Now that she's 18 I hear that she is really into guys who post on Star Wars message boards. All you need to do is vote for her on the 'Who's Prettier...' poll and she's yours!
  12. d-bane80 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 7, 2001
    star 2
    What is the name of Qui-Gons dad? why are there no yellow Lightsabers? And did Tarkin realy die?
  13. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "What is the name of Qui-Gons dad?"
    Steve Garvey

    "Why are there no yellow Lightsabers?"
    They lost out in an on-line poll to Aqua.


    "And did Tarkin really die?"
    Extended Scene
    Tarkin: Evacuate in our moment of triumph?! You're overestimating their chances.
    Other Guy: No, I'm not.
    Tarkin: You're not?
    Other Guy: No.
    Tarkin: Alright, let's get outta here.

  14. Devilanse Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2002
    star 5
    I have often wondered what golf-balls Darth Vader uses. With his mastery of the force, he's bound to have one heck of a good handicap. My guess would be the Titleist brand. But with all the hoopla surrounding Tiger Woods, maybe Vader goes with the Nike brand.
  15. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "I have often wondered what golf-balls Darth Vader uses. With his mastery of the force, he's bound to have one heck of a good handicap. My guess would be the Titleist brand. But with all the hoopla surrounding Tiger Woods, maybe Vader goes with the Nike brand."

    Darth is a scratch golfer but he's also a cheapskate, nothing X out balls for the Sith Lord... You know what, I have to stop this response right here because nothing I can say would be funnier than the image of Darth on a golf course. I can see it now, Darth in a golf cart, Piett in white caddy overalls, Darth with a sun vizor stretched over his helmet, little comments like "I find your lack of backspin disturbing", Darth pumping his fist a la Tiger as he sinks a putt. Funny stuff.
  16. Devilanse Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2002
    star 5
    Did the Death Star have a driving range for ol' Darth to practice teeing off? What about a putting green?
  17. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    No. Darth is a natural. He's one of those guys who can drink all night long, get up the next morning and shoot 75 on 2 hours of sleep.

    On a related item, it has been rumored that Alderaan was destroyed because of there excessive green's fees.
  18. KaaShamau Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2000
    star 4
    Are Taun Tauns made of balloons?
  19. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    "Are Taun Tauns made of balloons?"

    No, you're getting Taun Tauns mixed up with Carrie Fisher.


  20. Devilanse Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2002
    star 5
    Exactly how much beer does one have to imbibe in one sitting in order to become a Star Wars "Anti-Guru"? I am asking because I fancy myself an Anti-guru of sorts. Definitely not in your league though. All hail!!!
  21. DarthLefty Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2001
    star 2
    Gelatinous is the master, i as well have tried to learn the arts of the Anti-Guru from his writings, but none will ever top him.
  22. Devilanse Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2002
    star 5
    Derrrrrrrrr....thats not what i asked. Blasphemy!!! You have attempted to answer for the true anti-guru!!! Shirley he will punish you for this act of gall!!!




    (psssst...I left this one open for the most ageless rebuttal joke. He (or she) who finds it shall receive a substantial reward)
  23. Devilanse Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2002
    star 5
    Oh yeah, Kaa-Shamau....Taun tauns are not made of balloons...they're made of plastic!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!


    Oh no!!! i answered for the true anti-guru.



    (Runs like a scared gungan)
  24. DarthGelatinous Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2001
    star 2
    Beer is an integral part of my life but it usually just makes me pee. The secret to my Guru Antithesis is that I smoke my SW Action Figures.
  25. Devilanse Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2002
    star 5
    AHA!!!! The secret is at long last revealed! I WILL BE CHANCEL.....uhhhhh.....wha?

    *Begins stuffing his figures into a large, 15 ft bong*
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