The Things I Know Now (Obi/Qui) First Person POVs

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Shaindl, Feb 5, 2003.

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  1. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    I know, I know, for those of you reading my other story, you're probably a little upset that I'm not putting up a post on that.

    I will, I promise, soon.

    But this little PB stood up on its hind legs and slapped me around for a bit, so I had to pay attention. It's a one poster, for now, although I do have an idea to keep going. **shrugs** We'll see where the muse leads. I haven't edited, so there could be mistakes in here.

    This is for OE - because you've been so nice to my ego! :D Although you do need to learn how to criticise - there had to be something in this you would have changed...

    TISSUE WARNING!!! - not a happy-go-lucky fic. I've been warned that this might be cry-inducing.

    * * * * * *

    Please don?t let me be too late. Please don?t let me be too late! PLEASEDON?TLETMEBETOOLATE! PLEASE DON?T LET ME BE TOO LATE!

    Force damn it, Obi-Wan! What?s blocking us? More important, what?s keeping you from noticing that shooter on the roof?

    Look up, damn it! LOOK UP!

    Have to move faster. Concentrate. Left, right, left right. Don?t think I?ve ever felt my age this much.

    Never been this thankful I?m as big as I am. It?s the only reason I might be able to get to him in time, since I can?t reach the Force to help me. Long legs, please don?t fail me now.

    Scream at him again to get down, and he doesn?t hear. LOOK UP, OBI-WAN!

    Too much noise, too much distant blaster fire and he?s too focused on protecting that group of schoolchildren from the last few remaining rebels. He can?t hear me, damn it to all the Sith hells.

    Pray to whatever deities can hear me that legs that are close to fifty standard years old will be able to move fast enough to tackle him out of the way.

    Funny the things you think of when you?re running to what you know is your death. A line from a song I heard on some forgotten planet. ?Love can move mountains.? I hope it can move legs as well.

    Jump! Over a fallen soldier, and keep running across a debris strewn street. Watch as the shooter on the roof draws a careful bead on my Padawan?s back. Scream again.

    This time he hears ? I?m finally close enough ? but he doesn?t hear the words.

    He turns to look and I know this is the end.

    I see my Padawan?s face, the questioning look on it asking what?s so wrong that his Master is running full speed at him, terror imprinted on his face.

    I memorise Obi-Wan?s face with my last few remaining moments of life, and it occurs to me that that the face of someone you love beyond all imagining is a good last thing to see before you die.

    A last couple of steps and then I dive at him, putting all the speed and muscle and weight built up over fifty years of physical training into it. I slam into him with everything I have, sending him flying and I feel the shot that was about to kill him rip into my side.

    We both land, hard, and I find that I am lying on my stomach, stretched full out on the dusty ground. I hear a muffled thump from off somewhere to my right, and I know a government soldier has taken out the shooter who tried to kill my Padawan.

    I look up, and meet my Padawan?s horrified eyes, eyes that comprehend suddenly what has just happened. The pain in my side is fading, and I find I have enough strength in me to smile at him gently. I wasn?t too late, old and tired legs had enough in them to reach him in time to save his life.

    The trade was worth it, Obi-Wan. My life for yours has always been worth it.

    I hear him scream the title that has always meant so much to me when he says it. I wonder if he knows how much it means to me to hear him call me Master?

    He scrambles to his feet, and comes to me. He gently pulls away my tunic and I hear him gasp at the damage the shot did to my side. I hear him yell for help, and he moves around to my other side so he can look me in the face.

    ?Master, don?t leave me!?

    It?s funny, but for some reason I hear the thirteen year old boy that I first took as my Padawan instead of the 22 year old young man he is now in his voice. I don?t know wh
  2. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    :) Yeah! Finally! Glad you finally got it up so everybody else can enjoy it! Riveting and awe inspiring! :)

    NOPE! Zich,nothing,nada! And I bet everyone will agree with me! :D
  3. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    *applauds*

    Wonderfully done, master was right to warn me about it.

    You did a lovely job, Shaindl.

    Bravo!
  4. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
  5. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
  6. Jedi_Knight_Hunter Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2002
    star 4
  7. Master_Comedy_Kitty Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2002
    star 4
    Wow, that was AMAZING! I loved it. You better have more!
  8. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    That was absolutely beautiful Shaindl . I have to agree with obi_ew , I can't imagine what would need to be changed. Great job, I truly enjoy your writing. :)
  9. female_obi_wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2002
    star 3
    I hope they'll be more. :) That bit was so heartbreaking...
  10. InTheSockOfTheNight Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2002
    star 3
    :_| Shaindl, you have made your poor sockie crysies! That was so awesome. I really liked the first person POV a lot. I do hope that you continue with this story b/c that will make your little sockie :).

    *off to the warm and fuzzy dryer*
  11. Nat Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2002
    star 4
    :eek: *takes a deep breath*
    Wooooowwwww! I think I'm going to start calling you Tension Queen! My back is still aching from the first incredibly tense moments. That was amazing! You should post more vignettes like this one - even if it might not remain a vignette... I actually hope you will continue this. :)

    But first things first! Don't forget Obi and Garen! ;)
  12. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  13. InTheSockOfTheNight Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2002
    star 3
    Just here to upsies the stories like a good sockie!
  14. NyghtFyre Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 14, 2002
    star 4
  15. KrystalBlaze Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 5
    That was simply beautiful. I loved it. I can't say anything else but wow, and that it was beautiful. I loved it! It was... touching! I wanted to cry, I did!
  16. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Hi everyone, just wanted to post some replies!

    OE - [face_blush] - you're way too kind. But don't get smug, it isn't becoming! :D

    Suz - aw, thanks...

    Paddy - Short and to the point in your response. I like that in a frog. :D

    JKH - ditto for Jedi Knights!

    MCK - thanks, and I'm working on it, although not on this story.

    Sheila - Great job, I truly enjoy your writing. [face_blush] - thank you SO much. What a nice thing to say!

    FOW - more, but not on this story. Hopefully another viggie soon, and more on Roads!

    Sockie - wow, I seem to make you cry an awful lot. I hope the dryer left you with a warm fuzzy feeling...

    Nat - I think I'm going to start calling you Tension Queen! :D

    KrystalBlaze - That was simply beautiful. I loved it. I can't say anything else but wow, and that it was beautiful. I loved it! It was... touching! I wanted to cry, I did! - Thank you for the compliments. And if I made you cry, then my work here is done! :D

    Thanks everyone for responding to this!

  17. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    Bloody brilliant!! Loved it!!

    *grabs tissues*
  18. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Arwen,

    Thank you! Sorry if I made you cry! :)

    Shaindl
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