Arena The Third Basketball Draft

Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County (PRENN) vs. The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla (JM1511)

The Good Asspicks, who look good in non-conference place and like ass in conference play so far, will look to reach their potential in this series. After a dominant season-opening sweep of the L.A. Courtsiders, the Asspicks have been poor, losing 5 of 6, and being unable to establish their interior dominance. The Ayatollahs, meanwhile, have split every series they've been involved in, and will look to finally take a series. Can the Asspicks get back on track? Can the Ayatollahs win? Will Kobe Bryant go all Kobe? Will Duncan/Russel prove too much? Let's find out!

Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County @ The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla

Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 116, The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla 113 (OT)
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

We can only hope the rest of this series is as good as the opener.

The Ayatollahs can only hope for some better luck down the stretch.

In a thrilling end to regulation, Tim Duncan twice tied it up for the Asspicks in the final 78 seconds, and Kobe Bryant was able to play goat and hero. After a Bryant miss gave the Asspicks the ball in a tie game with less than thirty seconds left, Paul Pierce hit a jumper to give the Asspicks the lead for the first time in three minutes. But, ice water in his veins, Kobe Bryant tied it back up with a beautiful jumper with two seconds left that forced overtime.

In overtime, the Asspicks came out of the gates, scoring the first four points of the period. However, they would only score one field goal the entire overtime period, and had to withstand a flurry of attempts that could have sent the game into overtime before the final buzzer sounded, allowing them to escape with a road win.

Bill Russel and Tim Duncan were exactly the inside dominance the Asspicks needed. Russel scored 20 points and grabbed 19 rebounds, while blocking 6 shots. Duncan scored 25, grabbed 12 rebounds, and blocked three shots of his own.

Even with those two, the Ayatollahs had an overall 61-59 rebounding edge, With Moses Malone scoring 33 points and pulling down 15 rebounds.

In the end, the Ayatollahs will lament the charity stripe, where they shot only 69.6%, as the culprit for this loss.

The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla @ Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County

The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla 114, Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 107
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla did what they always do: they evened up the series. And they did so behind a very balanced approach.

Kobe Bryant lead 5 Ayatollahs in double digits with 18 points, adding 8 assists and 7 rebounds. Also in double figures: Moses Malone (17 points, 7 rebounds), Yao Ming (16 points, 7 rebounds), Dominique Wilkins (15 points), and Marques Johnson (11 points).

The Asspicks were equally balanced, with TIm Duncan (19 points, 12 rebounds), Paul Pierce (17 points), Bill Russel (15 points, 19 rebounds), Derrick Rose (16 points), Glen Rice (13 Points), and Isiah Thomas (12 points, 12 assists) all in double figures.

In fact, across the line, this game was even. Both teams were 4-of-11 from the field, the Asspicks had a narrow 49-48 edge on the glass, and the Ayatollahs had a slim 29-28 edge on assists.

The difference? The Ayatollahs got to the line 8 more times, and made more of their free throws, giving them just enough to even the series at one.

The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla @ Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County

The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla 113, Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 104 (OT)
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

These two teams are so evenly matched, 48 minutes isn't enough to decide their games.

Once again, though, the final minute of regulation left a lot to be desired.

Paul Pierce tied the game at 100 with 55 seconds left. Moses Malone missed twice, and Kobe Bryant missed once for the Ayatollahs. Clyde Drexler missed twice for the Asspicks, and we were headed to another overtime.

In overtime, The Asspicks scored quickly. And then not again until it was too late. An 11-0 run put the game out of reach, and meant the Asspicks had lost again in the Forum.

Yao Ming scored 22 points and grabbed 8 rebounds to lead the Ayatollahs, while Tim Duncan's 21 points, 11 rebounds, and 6 assists were almost enough for the Asspicks.

Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County @ The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla

Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 124, The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla 112
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

Playing angry, the Asspicks found a way to take another road win and even the series.

Confused, the Ayatollahs once again failed to close out a series and settled for another split.

The Ayatollahs carried a one-point lead into the fourth quarter. A 9-0 run for the Ayatollahs had them thinking they had the game in the bag with 8 minutes left. But, the Asspicks stormed back, and took the lead for good with 4:54 remaining, and dominated the game from there, ending on a 21-6 run.

As expected, Tim Duncan (27 points, 16 rebounds) and Bill Russel (13 points, 17 rebounds) lead the way for the Asspicks, with Clyde Drexler adding 26 points and 11 assists.

18 points each from Dominique Wilkins and Kobe Bryant lead the Ayatollahs.

 

Game, Blouses (Point Given) vs. the blue shells (tom)

the blue shells, combining one of the best of the newest generation - Kevin Durant - and one of the first all-time greats - Oscar Robertson - are still struggling to get traction early in the season. They dug themselves a hole early on, and need to find a way to string together some positive results to get themselves into the picture of championship contender. Game, Blouses have had a similarly disappointing start to the season, and will try to see if Charles Barkley can exploit a matchup with Dennis Rodman and get them on track. Can either team get 3 (or 4) wins and get their season going? Let's find out ...

Game, Blouses @ the blue shells

the blue shells 127, Game, Blouses 118
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

This game answered two questions about this series. When Kevin Durant and Oscar Robertson are on, they can light up the scoresheet and there's not much you can do to stop them. And, Charles Barkley might not have a matchup advantage with Dennis Rodman.

Durant (37 points) and Robertson (26 points, 10 assists, 8 rebounds) filled up the stat sheet. That triggered an efficient offense that shot 54.4% from the field, and got to the line 29 times (making 26 of those). And, while Barkley got his (18 points, 10 rebounds), Rodman still dominated in the paint, with his 16 rebounds helping the blue shells grab a 54-37 edge on the glass.

Game, Blouses also shot well (54.1% from the field), but didn't get to the line as much, didn't get as many second-chance points, and couldn't make enough of Dwyane Wade's 26 points, 8 rebounds, 8 assists, 5 blocks, and 4 steals.

the blue shells @ Game, Blouses

the blue shells 129, Game, Blouses 124
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Is it possible the blue shells have gotten it figured out? It looked so in this game.

24/7/5 from Oscar Robertson.
20/12 from Artis Gilmore.
And 37/8/7 from Kevin Durant.

All of those combined for a big, emphatic road win for the blue shells.

And, once again, the key to the game was getting to the line.

The two teams shot similarly (52.8% vs. 51.7%, edge to Game, Blouses). Had equal rebounding numbers (47 each). Similar turnover numbers. Similar blocks and steals.

But the blue shells got to the line 40 times, converting 31 of those (Kevin Durant alone was 13 of 16), while Game, Blouses only got to the charity stripe 12 times, with no single player having more than three foul shots.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar lead Game, Blouses with 29 points, 16 rebounds (10 of them offensive), and 3 blocks.

the blue shells @ Game, Blouses

the blue shells 117, Game, Blouses 106
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Look out, league. It does appear the blue shells have gotten it figured out. And all that potential is turning into wins.

Game, Blouses finally kept the blue shells off the free throw line (they only had 17 trips in this game), but the blue shells made up for that with dominance on the glass.

18 rebounds from Dennis Rodman, and 13 from Artis Gilmore helped the blue shells establish the paint as their home, as they got a commanding 52-37 edge on the glass.

Kevin Durant had another great game with 23 points, 8 rebounds, and 8 assists, while Oscar Robertson added 20 points and 9 assists.

Carmelo Anthony was the bright spot for Game, Blouses with 24 points in a losing effort.

Game, Blouses @ the blue shells

Game, Blouses 122, the blue shells 120
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Back home in Seattle, the blue shells fell just short of the sweep. And, even with their stumble at the end, they'll have to feel as if this series built some serious momentum.

Unfortunately, that momentum disappeared in the final minute.

Trailing by three, misses by Oscar Robertson, Artis Gilmore, Dennis Rodman, and Kevin Durant ensured that they would have to settle for three wins, and not all four.

But, credit to Game, Blouses who found a way to gut out a win on the road and save some face by not getting swept.

Key to that result was Abdul-Jabbar, with 22 points, 13 rebounds, 5 assists, and 5 blocks - the last of which on Durant with just 14 seconds left to help seal the victory.

Charles Barkley had 20 points and 11 rebounds, and held Dennis Rodman to just 6 rebounds on the night. Carmelo Anthony scored 26, and Dwayne Wade added 25 points and 11 assists.

Oscar Robertson (32 points, 11 rebounds, 9 assists) and Artis Gilmore (30 points, 18 rebounds) were big, but not quite big enough for the blue shells in this one.

 

Ball Don't Lie All-Stars (NYJ) vs. L.A. Courtsiders (Tunes)

After getting curbstomped in a home-and-home (in their own buliding), the L.A. Courtsiders have started to find a groove, winning four of six behind strong point guard play from Magic Johnson. They now come up against a behemoth of a team, holding the second-best record in the league, and holding the motto "Point Guards? We Don't Need No Stinking Point Guards". Behind Wilt Chamberlain and Elgin Baylor, the Ball Don't Lie All-Stars have been steady and consistent. What lies ahead for these two teams? Who knows, but Inty is running low on creative juice at this point in time (what little he had any to being with), so let's just get on with the games!

L.A. Courtsiders @ Ball Don't Lie All-Stars

Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 113, L.A. Courtsiders 103
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

Ball Don't Lie simple don't lose.

Despite shooting 68% from the free throw line (compared to 90% for their opponent). Despite not making a three-pointer all game (their opponent made 6). Ball Don't Lie found a way to win.

How?

Dominance on the glass. a resounding 56-44 edge, including 21 offensive boards gave them plenty of second-chance points, and limited their opponents. That was spearheaded by Wilt Chamberlain - who grabbed 12 rebounds, 6 of them offensive, to go with his 15 points - and Julius Erving - who grabbed 13 rebounds, 5 of them offensive, to go with his 15 points. Add in 24 points from Bob McAdoo and 18 from Elgin Baylor, and you have a winning combination.

Bernand King's 20 points and Magic Johnson's 10 points/10 assists lead the Courtsiders.

Ball Don't Lie All-Stars @ L.A. Courtsiders

Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 113, L.A. Courtsiders 94
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A cross-country flight couldn't derail the winning ways of Ball Don't Lie.

Neither could monster games from Bernard King (21 points, 9 rebounds) and Hakeem Olajuwan (23 points, 12 rebounds, 6 assists). Not even losing the battle on the glass 51-43 could derail these all-stars.

Not when they shoot 51.1% from the field. Not when seven players (McAdoo, Baylor, Chamberlain, Willams, Allen, Haywood, and Noah) score in double digits. And, when Wilt Chamberlain was limited to 16 points and 5 rebounds, he still found a way to leave his print on the game with 5 blocks.

Can anyone slow down these juggernauts?

Ball Don't Lie All-Stars @. L.A. Courtsiders

Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 106, L.A. Courtsiders 94
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The good news for the L.A. Courtsiders? They kept the Ball Don't Lie All-Stars from scoring 113 points for the first time this series.

The bad news? They still lost.

Julius Erving filled up the stat sheet in this one: 24 points, 17 rebounds (8 of them on the offensive glass), 4 assists, 3 blocks, and 3 steals. Wilt Chamberlain added 16 points, and Elgin Baylor had 13 points, 9 rebounds, and 6 assists.

Those three helped Ball Don't Lie have a 52-39 edge on the glass, including having more than double (21 vs 9) offensive rebounds.

James Worthy had 19 points, and Magic Johnson had 15 assists for the Courtsiders, who left Jack Nicholson with an acute case of Manning Face.

L.A. Courtsiders @ Ball Don't Lie All-Stars

Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 112, L.A. Courtsiders 104
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

Back in Boston, Ball Don't Lie completed the sweep and positioned themselves, along side We're In the ******* Zone, to have a claim as the best team in the league.

Investigators have been called in to see if L.A. Courtsiders even tried to play defense in this one. Ball Don't Lie shot an amazing 60.3% from the field, with Julius Erving hitting 10-of-15, and Tim Hardaway (hitting 5-of-7) and Spencer Haywood (hitting 5-of-6) providing hot shooting off the bench.

Erving scored 24 to lead everyone in the game, while Wilt Chamberlain broke out of his mini "slump" with 21 points and 10 rebounds.

Hakeem Olajuwan (18 points, 11 rebounds) and Magic Johnson (14 points, 10 assists) played well for L.A. in the loss.

 

Week Four Recap

We're in the ******* Zone 104, Dwightmare on Elm Street 97
We're in the ******* Zone 120, Dwightmare on Elm Street 95
We're in the ******* Zone 100, Dwightmare on Elm Street 79
We're in the ******* Zone 89, Dwightmare on Elm Street 88
Heffalumps and Woozles 115, 42 101
Heffalumps and Woozles 111, 42 109
Heffalumps and Woozles 127, 42 99
42 126, Heffalumps and Woozles 101
Most Excellent Hoopsters 105, Bird is the Word 104
Bird is the Word 101, Most Excellent Hoopsters 91
Most Excellent Hoopsters 99, Bird is the Word 75
Bird is the Word 108, Most Excellent Hoopsters 107
Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 116, The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla 113 (OT)
The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla 114, Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 107
The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla 113, Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 104 (OT)
Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 124, The Ayatollahs of Rock'n'Rolla 112
the blue shells 127, Game, Blouses 118
the blue shells 129, Game, Blouses 124
the blue shells 117, Game, Blouses 106
Game, Blouses 122, the blue shells 120
Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 113, L.A. Courtsiders 103
Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 113, L.A. Courtsiders 94
Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 106, L.A. Courtsiders 94
Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 112, L.A. Courtsiders 104

Player of the Week:

LeBron James - honorable mention to Scottie Pippen

Standings - Click to view

Next Round of Games:

NON-CONFERENCE GAMES - home-and-home format

Heffalumps and Woozles (heels) vs. Game, Blouses (PG)
Bird is the Word (DLOTE) vs. the blue shells (tom)
Ball Don't Lie All-Stars (NYJ) vs. We're In The ******* Zone (BlackoutChristmas)
42 (TAFKA Trimaj) vs. Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County (PRENN)
L.A. Courtsiders (Tunes) vs. The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla (JM1511)
Most Excellent Hoopsters (Gunny) vs. Dwightmare on Elm Street (RX_Sith)

No changes allowed to rosters at this time. Kind of geeking out about the potential finals preview (Ball Don't Lie vs. In The Zone) - Fake Bill Simmons might come back to preview that one, actually.

Let's see some lineups (Also - it is helpful to me if you copy/paste your lineup, rather than posting "same as last time" ... you don't have to, but it saves me a little time)

 

Dwightmare on Elm Street

PG: Allen Iverson (05-06) 42 minutes/Nate "Tiny" Archibald (72-73) 6 minutes
SG: George Gervin (79-80) 42 minutes/Pete Maravich (76-77) 3 minutes/Charlie Scott (71-72) 3 minutes
SF: Tracy McGrady (02-03) 42 minutes/Paul Arizin (51-52) 3 minutes/Jack Twyman (59-60) 3 minutes
PF: Bob Pettit (61-62) 42 minutes/Dan Issel (71-72) 6 minutes
C: Dwight Howard (10-11) 42 minutes/Bob Lanier (76-77) 6 minutes

 

guess i'll just ride it.

 

the blue shells.

pg: oscar robertson (34min) / steve nash (14 min)
sg: reggie miller (30 min) / oscar robertson (10 min) / kevin durant (8 min)
sf: kevin durant (38min) / connie hawkins (10 min)
pf: dennis rodman (38 min) / connie hawkins (10 min)
c: artis gilmore (44 min) / walt bellamy (4 min)

 

BTW, tom, I'm ready to declare Gilmore the best value pick in the draft. You stole him with a reckless disregard for others.

 

PG: Isiah Thomas (40) / Derrick Rose (8)
SG: Clyde Drexler (42) / Paul Pierce (6)
SF: Paul Pierce (30) / Glen Rice (18)
PF: Tim Duncan (36) / Chris Webber (12)
C: Bill Russell (42) / Tim Duncan (6)

 

Bird Is The Word

PG: Gary Payton (40 Minutes)/Mookie Blaylock (8 Minutes)
SG: Alex English (20 Minutes)/Dennis Johnson (14 Minutes)/Joe Dumars (14 minutes)/Sidney Moncrief (0 minutes)
SF: Larry Bird (38 Minutes)/Alex English (10 Minutes)
PF: Elvin Hayes (40 Minutes)/Willis Reed (8 Minutes)/Charles Oakley (0 Minutes)
C: Patrick Ewing (38 Minutes)/Willis Reed (10 minutes)/Nate Thurmond (0 minutes)

*If you're able to select style of play, go up-tempo for offense. Defense can stay half-court.

 

Some tweaks:

PG: Deron Williams (30)/ Tim Hardaway (18)
SG: Julius Erving (40)/ Ray Allen (7)/ Dan Majerle (1)
SF: Elgin Baylor (43)/ Julius Erving (5)
PF: Bob McAdoo (40)/Joakim Noah (8)
C: Wilt Chamberlain (30)/Spencer Haywood (10)/Joakim Noah (8)

 

PG: John Stockton (30 minutes)/ Russell Westbrook (18 minutes)
SG: Vince Carter (33 minutes)/Alvin Robertson (15 minutes)
SF: Grant Hill (26 minutes)/ Shawn Marion (14 minutes)/ Peja Stojakovic (8 minutes)
PF: Karl Malone (31 minutes)/ Anthony Davis (15 minutes)/ Shawn Marion (2 minutes)
C: David Robinson (32 minutes)/ George Mikan (10 minutes)/ Arvydas Sabonis (6 minutes)

 

PG: Jason Kidd 24 min./Gilbert Arenas 14 min./Sam Cassell 4 min
SG: Kobe Bryant 30 min./Manu Ginobli 18 min
SF: Dominique Wilkins 34 min/ Marques Johnson 14 min.
PF: Moses Malone 32 min/Zach Randolph 14/LeMarcus Aldrigde 2 min.
C: Yao Ming 23 min/Elton Brand 23 min./LeMarcus Aldridge 2 min.

 

No mini previews this week. I'm storing up my creative juices to bring out FBS for the Prime Time Game

Heffalumps and Woozles (heels) vs. Game, Blouses (PG)


Heffalumps and Woozles @. Game, Blouses

Heffalumps and Woozles 114, Game, Blouses 111
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

An entertaining game begat an even more entertaining press conference.

When Dwyane Wade couldn't convert at the buzzer on a good look from three that would have given us overtime, Heffalumps and Woozles hung on for a very close win.

Pat Riley could barely contain his emotions after the game.

"We didn't play any *** damn defense. We didn't ****ing hustle on the boards. And we got almost nothing from ... well, I'm not going to call anyone out in person, but you've got to get more than 7 points in your 21 minutes, especially when your counterpart gets 18 and 8. But, man, this team. This team. Just amazing. After the stomach punch from that series where we lost three of four despite outscoring our opponents, I didn't know if they had the heart. But they showed that heart tonight."

The emotions were to be expected. In an insanely tight game, neither team lead by more than 5 for the final 5:49 of the game.

Looking at the stat sheet, though, you'd expect Game, Blouses to have run away with this one. They held a 50-38 edge on the glass, and they shot 55.7% from the field. Yet, with four points from Michael Jordan in the final 12 seconds, plus that miss at the buzzer from Wade, they managed to find a way to lose it.

Chris Paul lead all scorers in the game with 28 points, adding 12 assists, 6 steals, and 5 rebounds. Jordan scored 22 points, and Dirk Nowitzki added 20.

Wade had a team high 24 points, and just missed a triple double with 10 rebounds and 8 assists.

Game, Blouses @ Heffalumps and Woozles

Heffalumps and Woozles 123, Game, Blouses 118
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

Behind the kind of game only Michael Jordan could have, Heffalumps and Woozles found a way to win again.

Jordan scored 35 points, added 6 assists, 4 rebounds, 2 blocks, and 2 steals, and was a constant menace to Game, Blouses. He went to the line 10 times, and converted 9 of them - only three fewer than the entire Game, Blouses team.

Chris Paul added another masterful night to help H&W get the sweep, with 19 points, 15 assists, and 10 rebounds.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (27 points, 9 rebounds) and Dwyane Wade (24 points, 8 rebounds, 5 assists) tried to power Game, Blouses to a split, but couldn't quite overcome.

Both teams shot the ball incredibly well - 52.7% for Heffalumps and 53.8% for Blouses. But, it was the attack-the-rim mentality that helped Heffalumps get the win, as they converted ten more free throws, more than their margin of victory.

 

L.A. Courtsiders (Tunes) vs. The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla (JM1511)

L.A. Courtsiders @. The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla

The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla 107, L.A. Courtsiders 97
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

A tough, physical game saw the Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla do just enough to escape with a home win over the L.A. Courtsiders.

Both teams had a similar focus to this one: Let their point guards run an efficient offense, attack the rim, and limit second-chance opportunities for the opponent.

Those mentalities lead to very similar stat lines. The Ayatollahs shot 46.9% from the field, to 43.8% for the Courtsiders. Ayatollahs assisted on 30 of their 38 buckets, compared to a similar 28 of 35 for the Courtsiders. Ayatollah grabbed 11 offensive boards, just edging out 10 from the Courtsiders. And Ayatollahs got to the line 32 times, compared to 30 for the Courtsiders.

All of those small edges added up a big win.

Moses Malone had 13 points and 12 rebounds, and Dominique Wilkins had 22 points and 9 rebounds, with Kobe Bryant adding in 24 points to pace the Ayatollahs.

Bernard King's 21 points lead the Courtsiders.

The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla @ L.A. Courtsiders

The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla 126, L.A. Courtsiders 99
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

The L.A. Courtsiders returned home, but came up very empty in their search for a win.

The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla were absolutely dominant. They shot 53.2% from the field. They held a 54-37 rebounding edge, including 16-9 on the offensive glass. They swiped 13 steals. And they held Magic Johnson to almost as many points (4) as turnovers (3).

Dominique Wilkins was the dominant force for the Ayatollahs, scoring 23 points, grabbing 10 rebounds, and blocking three shots. Moses Malone added 21 points and 8 rebounds, and Jason Kidd had a fascinating little stat line - 9 points, 5 rebounds, 4 assists, and 4 steals.

20 points from Bernard King topped a forgettable night for the Courtsiders.

 

42 (TAFKA Trimaj) vs. Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County (PRENN)

First of all, Shaq vs. Bill Russel is just an amazing matchup, on so many different levels. Throw in McHale and Tim Duncan to those front courts, and I'm salivating at these matchups. I could watch those four go 2-on-2 in a half court game for hours.


Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County @ 42

42 117, Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 108
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

42 won the battle of the big name, big men. And they used that to win the game, too.

Kevin McHale had 31 points,10 rebounds and 2 blocks, and Shaq added 19 points, 12 rebounds, and 3 blocks. That gave them an edge over 19 points, 10 rebounds from Tim Duncan and 11 points and 11 rebounds from Bill Russell. And, while their front court teammates got the headlines and the attention, the individual matchups in the back court were just as good, with Jerry West (27 points, 12 rebounds, 5 assists) just outshining Clyde Drexler (28 points, 6 assists, 5 rebounds).

42 was just clinical in their offense. They shot 52% from the field, hit 21 of their 22 free throws, and were able to overcome their sloppiness (15 turnovers).

Good Asspicks will lament their poor shot selection - going 3-of-14 from downtown.

42 @. Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County

Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 115, 42 96
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

An angry bunch of Asspicks, lead by Clyde Drexler, came out to get an emphatic home win and split the series with 42.

Drexler scored 31 points and dished out 8 assists on 11-of-18 shooting to lead the way. Isiah Thomas added 20 points, and Tim Duncan scored 17 and grabbed 12 rebounds. The Asspicks, on whole, shot over 50% from the field, hit half their triples, and got to the line 29 times.

The crowd was especially pleased late in the game as their changes of "We Want Sacre" lead head coach Bill Simmons to put him in the game with just over 3 minutes remaining, and the place erupted ten seconds later as he scored a bucket.

Shaq lead the way for 42 with 22 points and 13 rebounds, and Rick Barry and Kevin McHale each scored 17.

 

Most Excellent Hoopsters (Gunny) vs. Dwightmare on Elm Street (RX_Sith)

Most Excellent Hoopsters @ Dwightmare on Elm Street

Most Excellent Hoopsters 96, Dwightmare on Elm Street 94
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

Trailing by 14 late in the fourth quarter, it looked as if Dwightmare on Elm Street would be thumped at home.

After a furious comeback, that had them within 1 with 15 second the play, the arena was rocking and the fans had hope.

Vince Carter split his free throws, meaning the Dwightmare had the ball and 11 seconds to score to either win it or send it to overtime.

Bob Pettit got a good look from the right wing, but it wasn't true. And that hope turned to heartbreak as M.E.H. took the opener on the road.

Karl Malone had 20 points and 9 rebounds to lead the Hoopsters, with David Robinson adding 17 points and 11 rebounds.

George Gervin lead the way for the Dwightmare with 26 points, 6 rebounds and 6 assists, with Dwight Howard throwing in 24 points and 20 rebounds.

Dwightmare on Elm Street @ Most Excellent Hoopsters

Most Excellent Hoopsters 131, Dwightmare on Elm Street 108
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

The Most Excellent Hoopsters didn't leave any drama in this one.

They shot 57% from the field, 58% from downtown, and took a 25 point lead into the fourth quarter. WIlt Chamberlain guest starring on Golden Girls as Blanche's lover couldn't score enough to bring Dwightmare on Elm Street back from that deficit.

Vince Carter scored 33 points, and Karl Malone added 20, with five other Hoopsters (David Robinson, Grant Hill, Anthony Davis, Shawn Marion, and Peja Stojakovic) scoring in double figures to spring the route.

Allen Iverson scored 26 and dished out 8 assists to lead Dwightmare.

 

Bird is the Word (DLOTE) vs. the blue shells (tom)

Bird is the Word @. the blue shells

the blue shells 138, Bird is the Word 110
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

Who was the more dominant player in this game?

Artis Gilmore, whose 15 rebounds were exactly the difference on the boards (52-37) and whose points scored (30) just eclipsed the winning margin (28) for the blue shells?

Or Oscar Robertson, with 32 points, 11 assists, and 6 rebounds, plus 4-of-5 shooting on three-pointers, which forced defenses to not double Gilmore?

The answer? It doesn't really matter. The domination those two provided helped power the blue shells to another crushing win.

the blue shells shot 59.6% from the field, got to the line 28 times, and used a sizzling third quarter (where they took an 8 point lead and made it 21).

Patrick Ewing had 26 points for Bird is the Word in the loss.

the blue shells @ Bird is the Word

the blue shells 118, Bird is the Word 117 (OT)
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

Seeking a better result at home, it seemed Bird is the Word was on their way there at halftime, staking themselves to a 10 point lead at intermission.

But, the blue shells battled back, and in an eventful third quarter took the lead and went to the final period with a narrow one-point lead, thanks to a personal 6-0 run from Artis Gilmore over the final 78 seconds.

From there, we had a crazy, back-and-forth fourth quarter. Great defense on both sides held the score at a one-point game after an Elvin Hayes jumper with 2:05 remaining, all the way until Oscar Robertson was put on the line with 6 seconds left. He split his pair, and in a game that begged for more, we got it when Patrick Ewing converted a jumpshot at the buzzer.

Overtime was again back-and-forth, with the teams trading buckets early, and the blue shells grabbing a five point lead about halfway through.

But, Elvin Hayes and Patrick Ewing put the team on their backs and scored the next 8 points to put Bird is the Word on the way to victory lane, up 3 with 41 seconds to go.

It was not to be, however, with Oscar Robertson throwing down a dunk to give the blue shells the lead with 13 seconds left on a great feed from Gilmore, and then Gilmore pulling down the game-deciding rebound with just a second left after an Alex English miss to seal the thrilling victory for the blue shells.

Gilmore ended the game with 18 points, 15 rebounds, 6 assists, and 5 blocks. Kevin Durant lead the blue shells with 34 points and 10 rebounds.

Ewing was the big man for Bird is the Word with 31 points, 8 rebounds and 7 blocks, while Gary Payton and Hayes added 20 points each.

 

It's the return of the Fake Bill Simmons Mailbag!


Fake Bill,

What's up with Fake Kevin Love? Why does he jack up so many three pointers? Why does he suck?

-Heelsy

The answer is simple: God Hates Cleveland. Even Sim-God hates Sim-Cleveland. Even though Fake Kevin Love hasn't actually had anything to do with Cleveland, real Kevin Love is headed there. And, Sim-God has basically transformed him into a taller version of Larry Hughes. It's inevitable that somewhere in this fake world, someone in Sim-Cleveland will be creating a blog called "Dear Kevin Love, Please Stop Taking So Many Bad Shots". You want to avoid disappointment (even simulated disappointment)? Avoid Cleveland. And Sim-God.

Fake Bill,

Biggest Steals in the Draft?

tom in Seattle

Three clear cut choices here:

1) Wilt Chamberlain. The fact that three people passed on him is just silly.

2) Artis Gilmore. Look at the numbers he's putting up. Then look at the bigs taken before him. How many would you take right now in retrospect over him? Not that many.

3) Kevin McHale. He's a perfect compliment to Shaq. You double team Shaq? Only at the risk of McHale going off. You back off of that? Shaq eats you alive. Perhaps sim-literally.

Bill,

What teams and players could use a move at the deadline?

-PG near NYC

Team wise, there are two that stand out: Game, Blouses and L.A. Courtsiders.

Game, Blouses should be better than they are. Let's just be honest. The problem they have is too much depth. They'd be well served to trade a couple of pieces and see if they can cash in for a big piece. Maybe a trade where you overpay a bit (say, three fifty-cent pieces for a dollar), but I think in their team environment, they'd be better off for it. For the Courtsiders, it may be the opposite. It's clear Magic Johnson is struggling. He needs more options around him. Guys who can give him different looks. Maybe they trade their second- or third-fiddle and get three or four options that really help Magic shine.

For players, I'd look at Kevin Love (who might look great playing next to Magic and Hakeem), and Paul George (who can't get off the bench, and seems to be behind Robert Sacre in the rotation).

Dear Bill,

Are we inevitably headed for a Finals Showdown between In the Zone and Ball Don't Lie? If So, why?

Thanks,

Tyler in Denver

Yes. There is pretty much no way we're not going to have a finals pairing of these two. Why? It's the dominance factor. To win a title - and to win a series - you need to have the most dominant player on the court, or you need to have a team dominance that can supercede that individual dominance (like the Pistons who took down the Superteam Lakers). In those two teams, you have the ultimate super-dooper stars: LeBron James and Wilt Chamberlain.

2008-09 James had an absolutely ridiculous 31.7 PER, and a mind-blowing 20.3 win shares. And, keep in mind, on that 08-09 time, LeBron's best teammates were who? Mo Williams and Zydrunas Illgauskas? We've upgraded those to Kevin Garnett and Scottie Pippen. For a player like James, already hitting those levels, and then adding those teammates? That's a killer.

Then, you have 1961-62 Chamberlain. Yes. 50 points per game Wilt Chamberlain. 31.7 PER Wilt Chamberlain. 23.1 Win Share Wilt Chamberlain. The unstoppable force. The Immovable Object.

So, what separates these two? I give a slight edge to In the Zone for two reasons. One, neither team has an elite distributing point guard, but James can play that role, making it less of a big deal for his team. Two, Chamberlain is limited to 30 minutes per game, while James is not.

Either way, I see these two dead-set on the finals, and an entertaining series coming out of it.

And, if gambling were legal, I'd take In the Zone in six games.

Bill,

Can you give us a pop-culture reference to demonstrate what such a series between In the Zone and Ball Don't Lie?

Erin

Sure.

I compare it this way: In the Zone is the Marvel Movies currently coming out. Everyone loves to watch them. They make a gazillion ton of dollars. They're fun. And, they keep turning out winners time after time after time. Sure, it's formulaic, but it's a winning formula. Every. Single. Time.

On the other hand, Ball Don't Lie is The Empire Strikes Back. Much better overall than anything Marvel has put out. Better characters. Better plot. Better innovation. Better acting. Better toys. You get the point. Yet, they're held back. The Special effects cannot hold up to what Marvel has. The hype machine on marvel is so much more.

But, that doesn't mean Marvel is better. It just means when you compare things like gross money totals, they come out on top.

You could also look at it as In the Zone being The Rock (catchy, cool, movie crossover), and Ball Don't Lie as Ric Flair (All time great, loved by the hardcore more than the casual). Neither is wrong, both is better in their own way.

Bill,

Speaking of 40 years of SNL, I think that's how long it's been since you've written a Mailbag. Honestly sometimes I wonder if you've entered the Wizards phase of your Mailbag career-- showing up fewer and far between, allowing newcomers to stop over the league (Zach Lowe), and coping with the changes by continuing to lose ungodly sums gambling (like whenever you bet on anything that has to do with football). But you know what? On Feb 21, 2003 Jordan poured in 43 points on a Finals-bound Nets team. aka THERE IS STILL TIME FOR THE OLD SIMMONS TO DOMINATE

And you have a built-in way to start it off. Recently several friends took your Wine Cellar Team to the next level-- by making it a fantasy league. 12 teams, 5 starters + a full bench each, all players must have a specific season/year that you're using them in. Then running it through a stats sim.

My team features Bill Walton alongside Steph Curry and is ceremoniously coached by Billy Hoyle. Oh and did I mention this is all taking place on a Star Wars message board? TELL ME YOU DON'T WANT TO BREAK THIS DOWN, GO AHEAD AND LIE TO ME SIMMONS

You can check it out here (and please don't publish the link, not looking for publicity-- if anything I'm afraid my boss is gonna find out): http://boards.theforce.net/threads/the-third-basketball-draft.50021886/

kbai, Lloyd

City: NYC

Almost there ...

Bill,

We've upped the ante on you man. I know we invited you to play our basketball draft on the Star Wars boards and at least comment, but it's cool you didn't do that. But, now, we have like the ultimate draft thing going on. You draft wrestlers, and basketball players, and Star Wars characters and Pokemon. And then they either fight to the death or play basketball to the death. BILL IT'S THE GREATEST THING EVER. LeBron James 1x1 with Luke Skywalker! Larry Bird taking on Pikachu! Kobe Bryant getting eaten alive by the Sarlaac from Return of the Jedi! DON'T LIE TO ME BILL, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO PLAY!!!!

Pointy G

Yup. These are my readers.

 

Ball Don't Lie All-Stars (NYJ) vs. We're In The ******* Zone (BlackoutChristmas)

We're In The ******* Zone @ Ball Don't Lie All-Stars

We're In The ******* Zone 113, Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 106
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play

Citing concerns over cramping issues and his left elbow, Head Coach Billy Hoyle opted to not start LeBron James, and limited him to just 22 minutes.

That turned out not to matter, as Steph Curry (despite horrible shot selection) lead six scored in double digits for In The Zone, as they found a way to win on the road.

Curry scored 21 points, but hit only 4 of his 12 three-point attempts. Also in double digits for In the Zone: Scottie Pippen (19 points, 9 rebounds), Kevin Garnett (19 points, 9 rebounds), Andre Drummond (13 points), Kyrie Irving (13 points), and LeBron James (10 points, 10 assists, and 6 rebounds).

Despite Curry's terrible outside shooting, In the Zone still shot 51.1% from the field.

Ball Don't Lie will lament their poor free throw shooting from this one: they got to the line 28 times, but only converted on 60%.

Elgin Baylor (23 points, 13 rebound, 7 assists) and Bob McAdoo (19 points, 11 rebounds) lead the way for Ball Don't Lie.

Ball Don't Lie All-Stars @ We're In The ******* Zone

Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 111, We're In The ******* Zone 107
Full Box Score
Play-by-Play
In Cleveland, LeBron James was still not starting, and his minutes were limited.
Thanks to a monster game from Wilt Chamberlain, this time Ball Don't Lie was able to take advantage and get the split.
Chamberlain put up 25 points, and grabbed 13 rebounds in just 32 minutes of game action. He was helped by 20 points and 11 rebounds from Julius Erving and 17 points from Elgin Baylor.
It also helped that this time, Ball Don't Lie didn't squander their chances at the charity stripe, converting on 89% of them.
Steph Curry lead In the Zone with 26 points on much improved three-point shooting (6-of-10 this time), while James had an amazingly efficient 22 points in his 23 minutes.

 

Week Five Recap

Heffalumps and Woozles 114, Game, Blouses 111
Heffalumps and Woozles 123, Game, Blouses 118
The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla 107, L.A. Courtsiders 97
The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla 126, L.A. Courtsiders 99
42 117, Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 108
Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County 115, 42 96
Most Excellent Hoopsters 96, Dwightmare on Elm Street 94
Most Excellent Hoopsters 131, Dwightmare on Elm Street 108
the blue shells 138, Bird is the Word 110
the blue shells 118, Bird is the Word 117 (OT)
We're In The ******* Zone 113, Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 106
Ball Don't Lie All-Stars 111, We're In The ******* Zone 107

Player of the Week:

Chris Paul

Standings - Click to view

Next Round of Games:

NON-CONFERENCE GAMES - home-and-home format

We're In The ******* Zone (blackoutChristmas) vs. The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rolla (JM1511)
the blue shells (tom) vs. Dwightmare on Elm Street (RX_Sith)
Game, Blouses (Point Given) vs. The Good Asspicks of Los Angeles County (PRENN)
Ball Don't Lie All-Stars (NYJ) vs. Heffalumps and Woozles (heels)
Bird is the Word (DLOTE) vs. 42 (TAFKA Trimaj)
L.A. Courtsiders (Tunes) vs. Most Excellent Hoopsters (Gunny)

If The Playoffs Started Now:

M.E.H. vs. Heffalumps and Woozles; Winner advancing to play Ball Don't Lie All-Stars
The Ayatollahs of Rock 'n' Rollah vs. the blue shells; Winner advancing to play We're In The ******* Zone

No Changes To Rosters at this time. After these games, I will allow one final set of free agency/trade moves if you so desire, so final rosters will be set when we start Week 7.

However, I'd like to do a quick All-Star Break to go with the "Trade Deadline", with the aforementioned someone taping a Slam Dunk Contest on NBA 2K, I'll simulate a single all-star game (I'll take nominations for starters/reserves), and if anyone can figure it out, a three-point contest could be cool, too.

Once again, posting your lineups, even if there are no changes, really helps me out. Thanks!

 

PG: Jason Kidd 24 min./Gilbert Arenas 14 min./Sam Cassell 4 min
SG: Kobe Bryant 30 min./Manu Ginobli 18 min
SF: Dominique Wilkins 34 min/ Marques Johnson 14 min.
PF: Moses Malone 32 min/Zach Randolph 14/LeMarcus Aldrigde 2 min.
C: Yao Ming 23 min/Elton Brand 23 min./LeMarcus Aldridge 2 min.