The True Order -- planning thread

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by JediGaladriel, Nov 13, 2001.

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  1. JediGaladriel Manager Emeritus

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    Sep 3, 1999
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    The True Order

    I started this with every intention of doing it by myself, but I'm finding that the whole story just isn't in my head. I have one more scene and two more flashbacks planned, but I have no idea where the whole story is going.

    The basic gist of the AU setup is that Anakin had nightmares about Vader as a child in the Temple, and ended up leaving his training after only a couple of years. He went first to Naboo, where he stayed a year with Padme, while she worked to end slavery on Tatooine, then got impatient and decided to go back and race for Shmi's freedom. Instead, he loses the race and his own freedom. All the while, Obi-Wan is trying to get him to come back to his training, but he refuses, believing that he will be the doom of the Jedi. Unfortunately, Palpatine is able to work without him, and launches an offensive which is cutting through the Jedi quite efficiently, until Obi-Wan leads a resistance and kills Palpatine in a fit of rage. After that, Obi-Wan -- though never calling himself Sith -- becomes mired in Dark Side emotions. He is also the head of the Jedi Order. He believes that Anakin would have stopped the purge if he'd stayed, and pursues a grudge against the Skywalker family, eventually killing Anakin and imprisoning Amidala, leaving the twins alone as Watto's slaves.

    Phew. That's where the story starts. So far, Amidala has escaped and Leia has started a slave uprising.
  2. BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor

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    Hmmm... Luke seems the voice of reason here. Perhaps he'll manage to put an end to the revolt through use of the Force, then gather Leia and the rest of his surviving family off to make a rescue attempt of his mother. I'd like to see Anakin and Qui-Gon make appearances to both the twins and Obi-Wan telling them they tread a dangerous path. Qui-Gon could be very saddened by both Anakin's demise at Obi-Wan's hands and the fact that such a promising Jedi had trod so far toward the Dark Side, a thing Obi-Wan has refused to see. Perhaps if his old master makes such a revelation it might at least give Obi-Wan pause. Then again, he may be entirely mad.
  3. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Oh, man, I'd love to write on this story; every time I read one of your scenes, I get a litter of bunnies hopping around my brain. Anyway, where exactly are you taking this? Will Yoda be training the Skywalkers a la ESB and then taking on Obi? Will Obi take on a kind of dictatorial role in the Republic? Will Han and Leia get involved in a plausible way? Okay, I'll shut up now...
  4. JediGaladriel Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 1999
    star 5
    This is the sum total of what I have (other than a breakdown of the steps of the hero's journey) that's not already posted. The first scene is about a third done. The next interlude is just outlined, though there's so much in it that it may have to be broken into two parts.

    The structure I've been using is three-scene chapters with a present-tense/italic "interlude" revealing the back story at the end of the odd-numbered chapters.

    ----------
    Amidala reached up to her head and ran her hand across the harsh bristles of her hair, just to convince herself that time had passed, that she hadn't slipped sideways into the old time. Ani had been able to hide much from her during the uprising, but not everything. And he had told her in later years, of course, in the long, cool desert nights, when he'd woken weeping and she had held him...

    But it wasn't Ani's nightmare she was living, or even her own.

    Shmi had done what she was doing -- kind, gentle Shmi, laying the injured out on the streets, treating them, reassuring them, no matter which side they fought on. Had she felt herself putting on an act as well? Had her smile felt like a mask, as her thoughts refused to focus on the injured person before her, because she was waiting for the next broken body to arrive... the one whose face she loved above all others?

    But in the end, it had been her own body that had been broken.

    Amidala felt her head turn again of its own accord, and she strained her eyes against the sun to look out over the desert again.

    No sign of them.






    (scene description: Amidala feels like she is in a waking nightmare, taking Shmi's role in the old rebellion. A shot comes at her, but is mysteriously deflected. She doesn't question it. She lets what she perceives as Ani's ghost lead her out of the fray towards Luke, who is looking for Leia. They are finally all together when they turn into the desert... and see the Jedi departing Han's ship.)


    Interlude Four: Hate Leads To Suffering


    Anakin is hopeless about Kit's rebellion, but he is helping anyway. Shmi will only help insofar as tending to people medically. Anakin misses Amidala, but there is too much he can't tell her about what is happening. The street battle is raging, and Shmi is trying to stop it. Anakin senses a great wave coming, but not in time to get to her -- she is shot by one of Jabba's guards as she tries to tend the wounded slaves. Kitster stumbles over, realizing what he's done, and tries to comfort Anakin, but Anakin rejects him. He is mourning Shmi and doesn't notice that Kit's been taken away. Obi-Wan finds him there and helps him with Shmi; eventually Anakin comes around enough to realize that Kit has been taken away. Obi-Wan helps him retrieve Kit, and helps heal him as well as he can.

    Before Obi-Wan leaves, he tries to talk to Anakin about coming back to Coruscant. Anakin says "Look inside me now," and shows him the Dark Side rising. Obi-Wan backs away.


    My original thought was a somewhat shorter story involving Amidala and the twins going to rescue Yoda, maybe with the possibility of a sequel, maybe with it ending in a battle in the Temple, but the story seemed to want to be longer, and now that the whole revolt is going on, it needs to have a broader scope.

    Some of the things I've thought of:

    1. Since it's unlikely that two barely trained teenagers -- even if they are Skywalkers -- could actually fight the Order, maybe there could be a split of some kind?

    2. Obi-Wan could end up sacrificing himself for one of the twins (I'm not leaning toward either; there are points in favor of both), regaining his sanity before death.

    3. Yoda could get the Order going again, but with the help of the Skywalkers, it would be more in touch with reality and less paranoid (though it would have to overcome genuine fear... maybe a scene toward the end involving the Jedi students in a crowded scene, shakily pushing back their hoods?)

    I can't think how to get to any of those places from where I am. My initial thought was th
  5. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    I like the idea of juxtaposing Amidala aad Shmi's experiences with the uprisings. Because of the backstory, we know what the ramifications of Kit's rash behavior were and Amidala sees some of these parallels. I can imagine that, more than fearing for her life, she'll fear this will end with Leia the same way or worse. That, not any innate sense of justice, is a plausible reason for her going to Leia. For all her reprimands earlier in the story, it seems that this is a mixture of fear, overprotectivemomsyndrome, and, of course, a degree of anger. Both with herself at not being able to prevent or stop it or with Leia for repeating mistakes, knowing what would mostlikely happen. Dear heavens, thaat was a long sentence. I hope it made sense.

    The part with Shmi ministering to the injured was vaguely heart-wrenching--the waiting for the next broken body to be her son's. The irony of her death is potent material.

    I'd like to see more done with the juxtaposed, especially this part: "Ani had been able to hide much from her during the uprising, but not everything. And he had told her in later years, of course, in the long, cool desert nights, when he'd woken weeping and she had held him..."

    I'd also like to see something done in more detail with the Jedi uprising, the events leading to Obi-Wan's rise to power. A scene with Anakin confronting Obi-Wan over his borderline darkness would be a rather tongue-in-cheek reversal of fortune, given that Obi-Wan in OT was the one trying to stop Anakin's path of the Dark Side.

    The Uprising itself (the Kitster one) is another thing that would seem to illustrate this. Anakin's furious grief over his mother's death and Obi-Wan coming to his aid, when Obi-Wan... Anyway, I've said that before. Forgive me, I have a rather bad head cold, a sore throat, and a massive headache. I may not be thinking clearly at all.

    The part about "Look inside me now..." I was wondering where that came from and hahve been trying to figure out why Amidala would say it. Is this before, after, or during the Jedi thing? I'm a bit muddled with the timeline.

    I don't think a story dealing with this much backstory could be short, no matter what is left unsaid.

    Yes, the barely trained teenager idea seems a bit like the Hogwarts Syndrome or Ender's Game--the underlings save the galaxy. If one of them were to go to fight the Order, I think it would be very much like Bespin--ill-prepared for the physical and emotional battles. Especially if one of them faced Obi-Wan in the stead of their father. What do you mean by "a split of some kind?"

    Hmm about Obi-Wan's sacrifice. Does the Order go out of his control and out of their minds and he, torn between the two extremes, chooses what his training and sanity dictates? I'm leaning towards Luke, heaarkening back to ANH.

    Yoda does seem like the most likely to be able to kickstart the true order again. I get what you mean about the paranoia and true fear contrast.

    H/L definitely out for the time being. I can't see the Jedi taking sides at this point, since they seem to be so Sithbent on a certain few of their own. What would the turning point be? I'm imagining a slightly Hothesque escape of the Skywalkers, fleeing for their lives and souls from the Jedi, ironically enough.

    I'm entirely unsure about the Anakin situation.

    Obi-Wan and the "false master" is an entirely plausible thing.

    So...what think ye?

    (I think I spend altogether too much time thinking about your stories, but it's rather inevitable.)
  6. JediGaladriel Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 1999
    star 5
    Oops, it's Anakin who's supposed to say that. :) (Teach me to just paste my notes in; I know what I mean... why isn't it obvious to everyone? :D )

    I can't answer at length right now (and a lot doesn't require answer so much as thought), because I'm at work and posting is limited, but I'll get to it late tonight.
  7. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    You said it was anakin in your previous posts. But in the story, you had Luke saying "How bad was the Uprising" and the paranthetical ((Look inside me, Obi-Wan, look inside and see what's there...)) and then her simply saying that it was bad or something to that effect.
  8. JediGaladriel Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 1999
    star 5
    Oh, yeah. I meant to have her remember Anakin having said that, but since I later wrote that she wasn't there, that does present a conundrum, doesn't it? Hmmm...

    BTW, anything that you can think of that ought to be inserted back into what's already been written?
  9. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    I'll have to think about it, but that's the only thing that jumped out at me. And I sometimes get confused because of the whole Uprising thing. I personally think of the transformation of the Jedi Order as the Uprising, then there's Kit's Uprising and Leia's...well, disaster. I thought that the "Look inside me, Obi-Wan" thing was from the Jedi Uprising. You see what I mean about thinking too much about your fics? I was thinking "ooh, I want to see that scene. Obi-Wan versus Padme while he's corrupting the Order and trying to manipulate her husband. Is the whole 'look inside me' thing having to do with the twins? Does that have anything to do with the future of the Order?" Gosh, I seriously need to whack myself upside the head and breathe once in a while.
  10. BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor

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    No, actually it was Anakin telling Obi-Wan to "Look inside me." Truly ironic that Anakin's fears of turning to the Dark Side would actually lead to his Master's down spiral. I still think something with the Force spirits of Qui-Gon and Anakin appearing to Obi-Wan and/or Luke and Leia, cautioning them to rethink their actions and path(s). Amidala's distress and the harking back to Shmi's sacrifice certainly qualifies as heartwrenching. Somehow I think it'll be Luke who'll be the one to pull things together, perhaps finding a way to contact Obi-Wan through the Force and pulling on the innate goodness still within him (shades of ROTJ!) to stop the madness.
  11. JediGaladriel Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 1999
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    Yeah, on a re-read, it does look like Luke is set up for the journey, amid all of Leia's fireworks.

    I could go for a Qui-Gon appearance. The question is whether or not Obi-Wan would even be receptive to such a thing.

    Hey, wait, maybe it's not that much of an AU after all! :D


    I'd like to see more done with the juxtaposed, especially this part: "Ani had been able to hide much from her during the uprising, but not everything. And he had told her in later years, of course, in the long, cool desert nights, when he'd woken weeping and she had held him..."

    How so? Any thoughts?


    I'd also like to see something done in more detail with the Jedi uprising, the events leading to Obi-Wan's rise to power. A scene with Anakin confronting Obi-Wan over his borderline darkness would be a rather tongue-in-cheek reversal of fortune, given that Obi-Wan in OT was the one trying to stop Anakin's path of the Dark Side.

    Just thinking about the timeline, I'd guess the Jedi revolt is a few years after Kit's rebellion. It would go, basically (this is subject to any changes you want to make; I'm just working it out in my head, which means on the keyboard for me):

    1. Amidala is trying to save the slaves; Anakin tells her not to ask the Jedi.

    2. Kit starts the Rebellion

    3. It's out of hand; she asks Palpatie for help. He raises the local militias. This does not a whit for Tatooine, but tons for Palpatine, who uses them to declare and enforce martial law.

    4. The Jedi object. Palpatine begins a systematic purge.

    5. A few years into this, Amidala goes back to Tatooine and marries Ani. She is still trying to work with the Senate, but becomes a rep from Tatooine instead of Naboo (btw, what's going on back in Theed?); Anakin knows about the Jedi, but as a slave, there's nothing he can do, and he's afraid, of course, of becoming involved. Maybe he hides a few? Maybe there's even an incident where a Jedi he's hiding is caught, for which he blames himself, and therefore stops helping?

    6. The twins are born. The purge goes on. Anakin tells Amidala to take them into hiding, away from slavery. He also means the purge, because he fears for them, but he doesn't tell her because he doesn't want to frighten her. She refuses, saying that she wants to get everyone free, and besides, she can hardly fight Palpatine (whom she obviously now recognizes as an enemy) from hiding.

    7. Palpatine decides that the Jedi are sufficiently weakened, and leads an attack on the Temple. He desecrates a lot of the sacred spaces and he and his troops kill many Jedi. Obi-Wan saves Yoda (maybe Yoda is badly hurt here?), then goes after Palpatine in a rage, and cuts him down.

    8. Hurting, Obi-Wan regathers as many as he can, which isn't saying much. Anakin contacts him. For the first time, Obi-Wan refuses him, and accuses him of being a coward, etc. The fixation begins to grow.

    {Since all the interludes have been from Anakin's point of view, I'm not sure how to do this. Obi-Wan's mind might be too alien.}

    9. Once he has effective control of the Order and is obviously mind-controlling people in the Senate, Amidala flees back to Tatooine. He comes after her to try her for the purge (probably a kangaroo court of some kind). Anakin, realizing that he has to act, goes out to meet him and challenge him on his behavior. This would be where Obi-Wan kills him.

    I don't think a story dealing with this much backstory could be short, no matter what is left unsaid.

    ;) Yes, I realized that after I was already entrenched.

    Yes, the barely trained teenager idea seems a bit like the Hogwarts Syndrome or Ender's Game--the underlings save the galaxy. If one of them were to go to fight the Order, I think it would be very much like Bespin--ill-prepared for the physical and emotional battles. Especially if one of them faced Obi-Wan in the stead of their father. What do you mean by "a split of some kind?"

    A split in the Order, so that the twins would have a few fully trained if philosophically iffy Jedi
  12. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    I don't think Obi-Wan would be especially receptive to a Qui-Gon appearance, given your earlier statement about the "false master." It sounds like it would only make things worse.

    On the part with the "Ani had been able to hide much..." and juxtapositions, possibly flashbacks of exactly what she had known about during the Uprising and her frustrations at not knowing certain things and a quest to know more so that she can put an end to it. And then her being near the head of the new Uprising and wishing she were as forcefully naive as back then...?

    Notes on the timeline:

    1. Amidala is trying to save the slaves; Anakin tells her not to ask the Jedi.

    Out of shame or knowing that they could do nothing? Doesn't he want her to succeed?

    2. Kit starts the Rebellion

    How much help does he have? Is it a relatively haphazard thing, as in with Leia's uprising?

    3. It's out of hand; she asks Palpatie for help. He raises the local militias. This does not a whit for Tatooine, but tons for Palpatine, who uses them to declare and enforce martial law.

    Oh, well, crap, that was stupid of her, in hindsight of course. It makes sense, however, in terms of solidifying Palpatine's regime in the Outer Rim territories. A preemptive strike, you might say.

    4. The Jedi object. Palpatine begins a systematic purge.

    Naturally. He's the head of the government and the Jedi are trying to go against him, so therefore they are construed as being enemies of the state. Okay, this may not be what you're thinking. Just my opinion on how he explained the Purges.

    5. A few years into this, Amidala goes back to Tatooine and marries Ani. She is still trying to work with the Senate, but becomes a rep from Tatooine instead of Naboo (btw, what's going on back in Theed?); Anakin knows about the Jedi, but as a slave, there's nothing he can do, and he's afraid, of course, of becoming involved. Maybe he hides a few? Maybe there's even an incident where a Jedi he's hiding is caught, for which he blames himself, and therefore stops helping?

    That's an interesting idea. Harboring Jedi as a slave...very dangerous, especially on a planet under martial law, with transitory mercenaries abounding. What you have planned makes sense.

    6. The twins are born. The purge goes on. Anakin tells Amidala to take them into hiding, away from slavery. He also means the purge, because he fears for them, but he doesn't tell her because he doesn't want to frighten her. She refuses, saying that she wants to get everyone free, and besides, she can hardly fight Palpatine (whom she obviously now recognizes as an enemy) from hiding.

    So is that why they're still in slavery as the story opens? She refuses to get them to safety until everyone else's safety is ensured?

    7. Palpatine decides that the Jedi are sufficiently weakened, and leads an attack on the Temple. He desecrates a lot of the sacred spaces and he and his troops kill many Jedi. Obi-Wan saves Yoda (maybe Yoda is badly hurt here?), then goes after Palpatine in a rage, and cuts him down.

    Have you read ATWP? I did a rather detailed and thought-out explanation of how this might happen and though it's rather gruesome, it's realistic. So Palpy is actually in the Temple attack? That seems rather insensible of him. If you're trying to survive to be supreme ruler, you don't put yourself in the line of fire, especially when you're attacking a bunch of people who most likely want you dead despite their philosophies. Just my thoughts.

    8. Hurting, Obi-Wan regathers as many as he can, which isn't saying much. Anakin contacts him. For the first time, Obi-Wan refuses him, and accuses him of being a coward, etc. The fixation begins to grow.

    Creepy.

    9. Once he has effective control of the Order and is obviously mind-controlling people in the Senate, Amidala flees back to Tatooine. He comes after her to try her for the purge (probably a kangaroo court of some kind). Anakin, realizing that he has to act, goes out to meet him and challenge him on his behavior. This would be where Obi-W
  13. JediGaladriel Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 1999
    star 5
    don't think Obi-Wan would be especially receptive to a Qui-Gon appearance, given your earlier statement about the "false master." It sounds like it would only make things worse.

    That's my thought, but I'd like to hear what Belle has in mind. It could be an interesting scene, at any rate.

    The part with the "Ani had been able to hide much..." and juxtapositions, possibly flashbacks of exactly what she had known about during the Uprising and her frustrations at not knowing certain things and a quest to know more so that she can put an end to it. And then her being near the head of the new Uprising and wishing she were as forcefully naive as back then...?

    1. Amidala is trying to save the slaves; Anakin tells her not to ask the Jedi.

    Out of shame or knowing that they could do nothing? Doesn't he want her to succeed?


    Obi-Wan isn't the only one with a fixation. Anakin believes he's going to be the downfall of the Jedi order. He doesn't want them drawn into a conflict on his behalf in which some of them might be hurt. ("What if that's how I kill them! Oh no!")


    2. Kit starts the Rebellion

    How much help does he have? Is it a relatively haphazard thing, as in with Leia's uprising?


    I was thinking of it as basically like Leia's -- when he goes out to get Amee and Seek in that one flashback, Ani thinks that a few months later he would reinterpret the sneaky smile, so I figured that was when it started, that he sort of started telling people that Amidala said even the Chancellor was thinking about ignoring the law...

    However, I don't know much about war. If you have a better idea, I'm open.

    3. It's out of hand; she asks Palpatie for help. He raises the local militias. This does not a whit for Tatooine, but tons for Palpatine, who uses them to declare and enforce martial law.

    Oh, well, crap, that was stupid of her, in hindsight of course. It makes sense, however, in terms of solidifying Palpatine's regime in the Outer Rim territories. A preemptive strike, you might say.


    She doesn't especially want to do it -- at first, Anakin tells her not to do that, either. (Boy, he's coming off as squeamish, isn't he? Then again, he ran away rather than face Vader in this; he's probably just a smidge overcautious.) She wants to do it the "right" way -- through Senate channels, with all the proper approvals.


    4. The Jedi object. Palpatine begins a systematic purge.

    Naturally. He's the head of the government and the Jedi are trying to go against him, so therefore they are construed as being enemies of the state. Okay, this may not be what you're thinking. Just my opinion on how he explained the Purges.


    Sounds good. He probably also uses some demagoguery to raise the local populace and enlist their help. Eg, "I put law enforcement in the hands of your local militias, but the Jedi want to take the power away from you and keep it centralized for themselves!" (Nothing like hypocrisy to spice up a regime.)

    5. A few years into this, Amidala goes back to Tatooine and marries Ani. She is still trying to work with the Senate, but becomes a rep from Tatooine instead of Naboo (btw, what's going on back in Theed?); Anakin knows about the Jedi, but as a slave, there's nothing he can do, and he's afraid, of course, of becoming involved. Maybe he hides a few? Maybe there's even an incident where a Jedi he's hiding is caught, for which he blames himself, and therefore stops helping?

    That's an interesting idea. Harboring Jedi as a slave...very dangerous, especially on a planet under martial law, with transitory mercenaries abounding. What you have planned makes sense.


    Good. I made that up as I was typing. :)

    6. The twins are born. The purge goes on. Anakin tells Amidala to take them into hiding, away from slavery. He also means the purge, because he fears for them, but he doesn't tell her because he doesn't want to frighten her. She refuses, saying that she wants to get everyone free, and besides, she can hardly fight Palpatine (who
  14. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9

    The Qui-Gon scene would be interesting, no arguments there.

    Obi-Wan isn't the only one with a fixation. Anakin believes he's going to be the downfall of the Jedi order. He doesn't want them drawn into a conflict on his behalf in which some of them might be hurt. ("What if that's how I kill them! Oh no!")

    Yeah, I can see where that would be a major psychological problem and a valid setup for his leaving the Jedi in the first place.

    2. Kit starts the Rebellion

    How much help does he have? Is it a relatively haphazard thing, as in with Leia's uprising?

    I was thinking of it as basically like Leia's -- when he goes out to get Amee and Seek in that one flashback, Ani thinks that a few months later he would reinterpret the sneaky smile, so I figured that was when it started, that he sort of started telling people that Amidala said even the Chancellor was thinking about ignoring the law...

    However, I don't know much about war. If you have a better idea, I'm open.


    To have the uprising be like Leia's would be good emotional fodder, certainly. Having the Chancellor consider ignoring the law could be something either very very powerful for his case or something that could very much backfire. Like stretch the parameters to accomodate the needs of the people, but how far does he dare go? And where does the power of the chancellorship leave off and unrighteous dominion begin?

    3. It's out of hand; she asks Palpatie for help. He raises the local militias. This does not a whit for Tatooine, but tons for Palpatine, who uses them to declare and enforce martial law.

    Oh, well, crap, that was stupid of her, in hindsight of course. It makes sense, however, in terms of solidifying Palpatine's regime in the Outer Rim territories. A preemptive strike, you might say.

    She doesn't especially want to do it -- at first, Anakin tells her not to do that, either. (Boy, he's coming off as squeamish, isn't he? Then again, he ran away rather than face Vader in this; he's probably just a smidge overcautious.) She wants to do it the "right" way -- through Senate channels, with all the proper approvals.


    That makes sense. She wants support as well as making sure she doesn't overstep boundaries, but she's restricted by impotence.

    4. The Jedi object. Palpatine begins a systematic purge.

    Naturally. He's the head of the government and the Jedi are trying to go against him, so therefore they are construed as being enemies of the state. Okay, this may not be what you're thinking. Just my opinion on how he explained the Purges.

    Sounds good. He probably also uses some demagoguery to raise the local populace and enlist their help. Eg, "I put law enforcement in the hands of your local militias, but the Jedi want to take the power away from you and keep it centralized for themselves!" (Nothing like hypocrisy to spice up a regime.)


    Yes, blame it all on the Jedi. They're guardians of peace and justice, but again it's a matter of unrighteous dominion if the Republic chooses to look at it that way. The Jedi, for all their intentions and will of the Force, have enemies and don't always resolve things the way that people like. So if it appears that they're working against the people they're supposed to be serving...

    (Come to think of it, she's shaping up to be a good wife, but not a terribly good mother.)

    You noticed that, too?

    7. Palpatine decides that the Jedi are sufficiently weakened, and leads an attack on the Temple. He desecrates a lot of the sacred spaces and he and his troops kill many Jedi. Obi-Wan saves Yoda (maybe Yoda is badly hurt here?), then goes after Palpatine in a rage, and cuts him down.

    Have you read ATWP?

    No. I have to admit, I don't read as much fanfic as I should -- a lot of what I read I read from the archive submissions as I'm coding. If you have experience doing this, maybe you could guide this part?


    No problem. I could certainly handle this part. The Jedi Purges, their motivation, execution, and aftermath, have long fasc
  15. DarthIshtar Chosen One

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    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Wow, these are long replies.
  16. BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor

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    don't think Obi-Wan would be especially receptive to a Qui-Gon appearance, given your earlier statement about the "false master." It sounds like it would only make things worse. (DI)

    That's my thought, but I'd like to hear what Belle has in mind. It could be an interesting scene, at any rate. (JG)


    I was thinking Qui-Gon would appear to Obi-Wan, radiating disapproval and disappointment at how his former Padawan's life had turned out. The scene might go this way.

    "I had foreseen a brilliant future for you, Obi-Wan. It saddens me that you have gone so far down the dark path. Is there nothing I can say or do that might change this?"

    Obi-Wan scowled, all the memories of his Master's rejection for that... that traitor, Anakin Skywalker, boiling up from the past. He wanted to storm away, pretend he had never seen the shimmering Force spirit before him. But he knew better. He knew Qui-Gon's persistence and wouldn't put it past him to continue in this vein until he felt certain he'd exhausted every argument and point of view.

    "You made me take him, Qui-Gon. Made me promise with your dying breath I'd train him. What good did it do? I stood against the council for him and yet he fled, claiming nightmares of his evildoing." Obi-Wan's fists clenched at his sides. "Indeed, he did great evil, but not as a Jedi." His chin jutted forward, as defiant and angry as he'd ever been as a young man. "Now his spawn threaten us as well as all order. And still you ask why I have trod this path?"

    Qui-Gon shook his head, his spirit uttering what could be construed as a sigh. "I never foresaw his fears of turning Obi-Wan. But then, I never foresaw you turning either."

    That penetrated Obi-Wan's fury. He paused, glaring at his old Master's form. "I have not turned, no matter what you say. Your teachings have only given me more reason for my actions. From my point of view, this is the only way the Jedi will survive."

    "No, Obi-Wan. Survival is not enough. Indeed, the Jedi balance on a slender line at the moment. Those who live now are more Sith than Jedi, filled with anger, hatred, mistrust and blind obediance to you because you manipulate their minds. It seems I trained yet another Xanatos, yet another who rivals the darkness Palpatine tried to spread through the galaxy."

    Obi-Wan flung away. "I refuse to listen to this. What I have done has been necessary." His breath caught as an unexpected wave of grief washed over him. How could his master, his beloved master, say the order had become filled with evil... and because of the efforts of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

    "Yoda worries for you and the others, Obi-Wan. He worries that the madness will swallow you and all around you. Don't allow that to happen. Step back and look at things from an objective view. I always cautioned you to reach out to the living Force, the here and now. Now I must ask that you review events of the past without the emotions you have allowed to hold sway for so many years."

    Obi-Wan's shoulders hunched and he refused to turn back to his old Master's shade. A breath of air brushed his cheek, Qui-Gon's scent following.

    "I am truly sorry for the way things have come to pass, Padawan. Ponder what I have said without rancor. I and the others who have joined the Force pray you find your way back."

    And with that, Qui-Gon shimmered out of existence, leaving Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master and madman to consider much. He moved to the window and gazed out at the darkening sky, considering for the first time in many years that his feet might have faltered on the road.

    The part with the "Ani had been able to hide much..." and juxtapositions, possibly flashbacks of exactly what she had known about during the Uprising and her frustrations at not knowing certain things and a quest to know more so that she can put an end to it. And then her being near the head of the new Uprising and wishing she were as forcefully naive as back then...? (DI)

    Sounds good to me

    1. Amidala is trying to save the slaves; Anakin tells her not to ask the Jedi.

    O
  17. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Belle, I very much liked the Q/O scene and "i never foresaw you turning, either."

    "Yeah, I can see where that would be a major psychological problem and a valid setup for his leaving the Jedi in the first place.(DI)

    I agree, perhaps it's because he fears Jedi intervention will bring about terrible consequences. It appears he's dreamed of fire and blood, but visions aren't always terribly specific. "

    And always in motion is the future, but the dreams could be implicit enough that he's terrified out of his wits of what he could do.

    "To have the uprising be like Leia's would be good emotional fodder, certainly. Having the Chancellor consider ignoring the law could be something either very very powerful for his case or something that could very much backfire. Like stretch the parameters to accomodate the needs of the people, but how far does he dare go? And where does the power of the chancellorship leave off and unrighteous dominion begin? (DI)

    The idea of Kit's just mentioning the Chancellor ignornigh is reasonable. More like a tiny pebble turning into an avalanche. He might have begun with skomething relatively innocuous and it snowballed. Might want to give hints about it such as Ani hearing rumors in the marketplace, being asked if he would join any action in rebelling and getting a gut-wrenching feeling things are getting totall out of control."

    Perhaps he refuses to side with Kit because he feels it will be the proverbial avalanche, but when things go completely mad, he goes to Kit's aid, but it's too late already?

    That makes sense. She wants support as well as making sure she doesn't overstep boundaries, but she's restricted by impotence. (DI)

    She's still believing Palpy's trying to help, even though it seems some of his less pleasant aspects are beginning to surface. Ani, on the other hand, may sense something not quite right with the Chancellor. Call it intuition or whatever, he feels going to Palpy's not the right way at all.

    That makes sense. It's what I've been suspecting would happen.

    Agreed. However, I'm muzzy on the Jedi involvement. Does Amidala go to them after trying Palpy's intervention? Or is this on Coruscant? And if Ani's determined not to get them involved in the slave revolt, did they do so anyway? Not really their style usually (of course, this is AU) but then Palpy could play on the general populace's misunderstanding of the Jedi and the Force.

    I think it would make sense for her to go to them after Palpy because of Anakin's antipathy. He's asked her very clearly not to involve the Jedi, but she knows that it's what has to be done. Does that make sense?
    (Come to think of it, she's shaping up to be a good wife, but not a terribly good mother.)(JG)

    You noticed that, too? (DI)

    True, she seems to look more at the big picture rather than focusing on her family. She loves Ani and the twins, but her life has revolved around dealing with larger numbers that she doesn't feel it's right to put her family and loved ones before the good of all.

    That makes sense.

    7. Palpatine decides that the Jedi are sufficiently weakened, and leads an attack on the Temple. He desecrates a lot of the sacred spaces and he and his troops kill many Jedi. Obi-Wan saves Yoda (maybe Yoda is badly hurt here?), then goes after Palpatine in a rage, and cuts him down.

    Have you read ATWP? (DI)

    What's ATWP?

    ATWP is All the Wrong Places. It's my version of how half of Episode 2 and the basic events of Episode 3 will happen.

    Good idea. Not the spearhead, but still gungho and needing to handle this vengeance personally.(DI)

    I can't see Palpy wading through the Jedi himself either. More than likely he'd get a report that the Temple had been cleared and came to gloat over the bodies of his former enemies. That could be when Obi-Wan returns (perhaps he senses the Sith presence) and in a fury (much as he did with Maul after Qui-Gon's death) he goes after him, this time stronger and more focused and so quick Palply has no time to do the Force lightning thing.

    Yes.
  18. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Um, 2 months from yesterday, I'm going to be cut off from all computers from 18 months. Should I drop out of this or can we get this going again? Just realized that little snag.
  19. BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor

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    Mar 16, 2000
    star 4
    Just got a PM from JG. Her phone lines are down and she can't post except PMs. As for the lack of computer time, I don't think that'll be a problem. Somehow I have a feeling this will stretch on for awhile (quite awhile, actually) before concluding.
  20. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    I agree. JG PMed me as well.
  21. BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor

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    Member Since:
    Mar 16, 2000
    star 4
    Here's what she wrote and my responses:

    Belle: on "The True Order": I like your thoughts of a Qui/Obi scene; it sounds very interesting. Do you have a place in the plot in mind? Come to think of it, do you have any ideas for the plot of the current part of the story? I got so caught up in the backstory that I managed to ignore the front part.

    Hmmm... Probably fairly late in the story. Actually, I think it would be good to have it somewhere around the time Amidala manages to get Luke and Leia off Tatooine for a rescue attempt of Yoda. Close enough that when she arrives with the twins, Obi-Wan will pause before acting against them. And, given the fact Yoda doesn't object to the rescue might also give OW food for thought. Put a little angst into it ("Am I truly doing the right thing? Have I been blind all these years? Could it be that Qui-Gon truly had it right that I have allowed my personal feelings to guide me to the Dark Side?" He watched the children and wife of the man he'd slain... his former Padawan... scurry away with the tiny green Jedi Master. "Have I fallen so far into my own private madness I cannot see the damage I've done?" His lips thinned and a terrifying expression crossed his face. "No, it cannot be. I have done only what I had to in order to ensure the Order's survival." His inaction ended with that thought as he drew his lightsaber, igniting it and calling to any in the vicinity to assist him in stopping the kidnapping. Instead, some of the young ones fled with the traitor's kin, leaving the Master fuming and impotent in his circle of ever-spreading darkness.)

    I got home last night to find my phone line out of order for the fifth time in two years, and I rarely get a chance to post at work, since the Lynx browser at my desk isn't compatible with the boards (Lord knows why it lets me do PMs). If you're on the planning thread before I am, could you drop a line about the "front story"? My thoughts are these:

    When I started, it was pretty simple: Amidala escaped, got her children, and -- fighting with Leia here and there -- managed to go rescue Yoda. Maybe some of the padawans would come along. I realized that the backstory was getting a lot deeper than the front story, and that the twins weren't deeply devoloped enough, so I had the schism with Leia widen, and gave them a conflict -- since Leia was established as an agitator, she decided to rush off to Mos Espa (which surprised me even though I knew I had to slow down that part of the story). Sooner or later, the rescue of Yoda has to happen.


    Somehow, Amidala finds the right argument to convince Leia to look beyond the events and situation on Tatooine. Perhaps she tells her daughter that they must intervene and protect the last true Jedi Master against Obi-Wan's madness. That Anakin would have wanted it this way. It might just shake Leia enough to allow Amidala to get her on a ship bound for Coruscant, though it would still be pretty rocky for awhile.

    As to the Jedi revolt against Palpatine, I think it was less on a specific issue than on general principles. They were always answerable to the Supreme Chancellor, but when he starts operating a law enforcement agency totally separate from them, they register complaints, maybe even sever relations?

    I can see that. And I totally understand getting caught up in back story. Can't do much on a thread, but once it's ready to go up somewhere more permanent we can mickey with it to our hearts' delight. :)

    Anyway, just touching base.

    Sorry to hear about your phone lines. Hope they're up soon.

    Take care!
  22. BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor

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    Mar 16, 2000
    star 4
    Did I scare everybody off? ;)
  23. JediGaladriel Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 1999
    star 5
    No. I was just feeling very uncreative this weekend. I'll think during the day. :)
  24. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    I've been exhausted and sick, but it's starting to clear up.
  25. BelleBayard TFN Fan Fiction Archive Editor

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    Member Since:
    Mar 16, 2000
    star 4
    Know exactly where you're coming from, JG.

    DI, sorry to hear you've been under the weather. Hope things will get better for you.

    Maybe I can do something sometime to help. Right now struggling with APA format for school and hating it. *sigh* I'd much rather write fanfic. :p
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