Saga The Turning (Intertrilogy, OCs, Repost)

This is a little slice of a story I wrote and posted on my tatooinewizard user name several months ago, to very little fanfare. Now it's twice beta read and fixed and archive rejected, one day when I've made a career out of writing I should add the rest of what I know to this, for what I know would make a novel. It would be more satisfying as a novel, I'm a novelist, although not yet published. If you read this please don't lurk, do let me know if you like this or if you think my writing style lacks sophistication.

Disclaimer: George Lucas created Star Wars, if you didn't know. He makes lots of money off of it, I make none. I'm an oddity who has some fun writing fan fic... from time to time.



The Turning

Dolora Gintshaft had heard a mysterious voice several times since having escaped the Imperials. It kept repeating itself, as if its message were part of a malfunctioning holo-transmission. Come to me at Falcrin, it had told her, and even though the echoing words had chilled her, she complied, for the voice seemed reveal her destiny. Dolora couldn?t relish her freedom because of this; she still felt as though she were a prisoner, and the feeling intensified as she piloted the Soul Searcher into the stark gray planet?s atmosphere.

The most visible landmark for miles was a palace. Over a hundred and fifty years ago the fortress had been an omnipresent, bleak monster. One look at its powerful façade was enough to make some go mad with fear. Yet since all but one of the members of the Head Family had been murdered, the black-stone castle had been left to the mercy of the elements and rot.

The sickly looking, distressed young woman would have been tempted to put the Soul Searcher down there and take a look around, but the voice spoke to her again. You will not find me there. These new words seemed just as chilling as the others had, but Dolora was ready to forget about the castle and go slightly beyond it, to a nearby rocky hillside, which overlooked the small village that trickled into a barren wasteland.

Why was this? Not even she knew the answer. Whoever was beckoning her?that was if she wasn?t completely imagining things?was using the Force to lure her to him, that was clear. Somehow she had felt that this person had been in a cave in the hillside for a long time, waiting for her. Then Dolora thought of something. Why had Vader and the Emperor never picked up on this presence? Why would she be granted this knowledge? After all, her own Force abilities were quite meager in comparison. It made no sense, but she felt herself becoming curious instead of skeptical.

After a moment, though, she felt it was time to come to her senses. Maybe all this is a trap, the young woman suddenly thought. Maybe there was another Dark Side user, perhaps an Imperial Inquisitor, and this person would kill her. She didn?t know if this were the truth or not, but still she pressed on, landing the vessel on the towering cliff, where the cave entrance was positioned.

She exited the Soul Searcher, but before entering the cave to ultimately meet her destiny, she wistfully looked at ship. So many awful memories came flooding back into her. This vessel had been Crin Fabian?s. The very handsome rebel leader, dead at the hands of Imperials, had been sort of a mentor to Dolora. But at least Crin?s death hadn?t been her fault, like Tesler?s had been. She closed her eyes, attempting hold back the memories, but the horrid thoughts shuttled to the forefront anyway.

If only I had been able to restrain my anger, Dolora mused silently. Then even her mental voice became quiet as she dwelt on her past sins.

She had beaten Tesler with sadistic fury because she?d been positive that he had betrayed her and the small band of rebels. How wrong she had been. Tesler had been innocent, and she?d nearly crippled him, leaving Myron Lon?that scum-sucking Imperial spy?to put him out of his misery.

Dolora hated the Imperials even more than she had on the day that she had joined up with the rebel group. She wouldn?t have thought it po

 

Nope, it's actually pretty good. Don't worry about the archives. If it isn't Obi-torture/angst/romance with some handmaiden then they won't accept it.

 

No, it doesn't suck. I thought it was good, as usual.

lordmaul13

 

Thanks guys.

 

Upping this for any late-night Americans... Any takers?

 

No? Well up again anyway.

 

Oh, very cool. From the presence of Xcelcior, I take it this would have fitted with the Legend of Black Saber sequence, yes? ?

Don't mind getting rejected. I sent them one of my viggies (Against A Dark Background, I think) and they rejected that as well. It happens. *shrug*

This is pretty damn good though, so be proud.

Nem

PS: Nice new username - can I call you GJ?

 

From the presence of Xcelcior, I take it this would have fitted with the Legend of Black Saber sequence, yes?

Dolora's one of Cloudia and Torin's descendants.

Don't mind getting rejected. I sent them one of my viggies (Against A Dark Background, I think) and they rejected that as well. It happens. *shrug*

I just think the worst part was when I asked one of the reviewers for specifics about why it was rejected and I got just about an entire page in Word concerning things that were wrong with it.

This is pretty damn good though, so be proud.

Okay, thanks And it's good to see you around. Hopefully I'll catching up on your story like I promised a month ago.

PS: Nice new username - can I call you GJ? If you want to, I don't mind. Or you could still call me TW. You'll confuse some maybe but I'll understand.

 

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I liked this. You have good descriptions. I also thought it was cool when Dolora would think something, and then Xcelcior would respond because he heard her. And I've told other people this before: phooey on the archive.

Not many readers seem to be biting this one, maybe you can give it a flashier title. (Or put Obi in the title bar. I mean, Vader's mentioned, Obi's his master, so it works right? )

That reminds me ... in your stories does Xcelcior ever come up against Palpatine or Vader? That would be cool.

 

I enjoyed it, I suppose a black lightsabre would be a colour outside the visible spectrum.

Sympathies about not being archived, glad that I decided to "just" start posting fanfic here rather than going the other route.

Looking forward to how this will continue.

 

HHP : Glad you found this.

I liked this. You have good descriptions. I also thought it was cool when Dolora would think something, and then Xcelcior would respond because he heard her.

Thanks.

And I've told other people this before: phooey on the archive.

Well, I know they've rejected other people and I haven't really understood why.

Not many readers seem to be biting this one, maybe you can give it a flashier title. (Or put Obi in the title bar.

Now that's really tempting, but such a fabrication might call up many Dark Side emotions...

That reminds me ... in your stories does Xcelcior ever come up against Palpatine or Vader? That would be cool.

No. I've never written, and never plan to write, a canon character. I like to mention them and that's about it.



_JM_ Thanks as well.

 

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Now that's really tempting, but such a fabrication might call up many Dark Side emotions...

And what, may I ask, is wrong with the Dark Side?




*runs off thread, cackling evilly*

 

And what, may I ask, is wrong with the Dark Side?

Nothing, just so long as it's not directed at me

...or if you're playing Final Fantasy VIII and one of your Guardian Forces (the one I call Thanatos)learns an ability called Dark Side, that'll wound not only the enemy but the character using it...

 

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...yet again