The Unforgiven Too -- Qui-Obi AU -- shipwrecks and darkness hidden in the light (Complete)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by PaddyJuan, Feb 4, 2003.

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  1. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    Unforgiven Too:

    Qui-Gon and an OC Master/Padawan pair are shipwrecked on an isolated planet. There they meet someone special who changes their lives forever. But not all is as it seems in this peaceful world.

    This is rather AU. Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and a couple of original characters. All of Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and is used without permission. This story can not be used for any monetary gain anyway and may not be reposted without my permission. Song and lyrics belong to Metallica and are also listed without permission. You can blame their presence on a 12 hour drive with only two cds and staticky radio stations. The original characters and story are mine, but they're not worth anything anyway. Warnings for oblique mention of physical abuse. Conforms to PG-13 standards.


    The Unforgiven II by Metallica

    Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
    Speak the words I wanna hear, to make my demons run
    The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true
    If you can understand the me, than I can understand the you

    Lay beside me, under wicked sky
    The black of day, dark of night, we share this paralyze
    The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
    Black hearts scarring darkness still, but there's no sun shining through
    No, there's no sun shining through
    No, there's no sun shining

    What I've felt, what I've known
    Turn the pages, turn the stone
    Behind the door, should I open it for you

    Yeah-eh-eh
    What I've felt, what I've known
    Sick and tired, I stand alone
    Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
    Or are you unforgiven too?

    Lay beside me, this won't hurt, I swear
    She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again
    She lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone
    Black hearts scarring darker steel, yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
    Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
    Dead sure she'll be there

    What I've felt, what I've known
    Turn the pages, turn the stone
    Behind the door, should I open it for you

    Yeah
    What I've felt, what I've known
    Sick and tired, I stand alone
    Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
    Or are you unforgiven too?

    Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
    The door is closed, so are your eyes
    But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
    Yes, now I see it

    What I've felt, what I've known
    Turn the pages, turn the stone
    Behind the door, should I open it for you

    Yeah
    What I've felt, wha I've known
    So sick and tired, I stand alone
    Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits
    The one who waits for you

    Oh, what I've felt, what I've known
    Turn the pages, turn the stone
    Behind the door, should I open it for you
    So I dub thee unforgiven

    Oh, what I've felt
    Oh, what I've known
    I take this key
    And I bury it in you
    Because you're unforgiven too
    Never free
    Never me
    'cause you're unforgiven too
    Ohhhhhhhhh

    (All lyrics copyright Metallica)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Chapter 1:

    ~~~

    "Come child. I will be your Master."

    "Yes Master."

    An Apprentice! He had been chosen as an Apprentice! The young boy smiled up at the tall Master, tourmaline eyes glowing with happiness.

    It took the Master less than a moon-cycle to forever erase that innocent glow.

    ~~~

    "Hold on, Caraanne! Brace for impact!? Jedi Master Tiel Bahr called out to his Padawan as their small ship tumbled through the clouds; the land below rushing up uncontrollably at them. Qui-Gon said nothing, but grimly struggled with the sluggish controls, desperately trying to set them down in one piece. He saw a splash of flat blue ahead and aimed the wildly plunging ship at it with all of his considerable strength, both physical and F
  2. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    :eek: Yeah! You posted it! Great start! Lovely having an original concept put up! Like a breath of fresh air! :)
  3. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    Nice start, froggy! :)

    I like the descriptions. Hope you have more soon. :)
  4. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
  5. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    You're off to a great start lil' froggy.
  6. Jedi_Knight_Hunter Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2002
    star 4
    Looks good so far! Can't wait to see where you go next.
  7. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Hmmmm...very good, Paddy! ;)
  8. DarthBreezy Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2002
    star 6
    OOh Now this looks like fun!

    DB[/ib] is venturing out of her usual relm of fic reading and finding some real jems like this one!!
  9. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Great, fantastic, wonderful start, Paddy!

    But I wonder, where's Obi-Wan? And what is that undefinable something in Qui-Gon's eyes?

    Really intriguing beginning, and I can't wait to see where it goes.

    Sigh. Another fic to add to my list of ones to keep my eye on. I really need to learn when to say enough's enough. ;)

    More soon!

    Shaindl
  10. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    Obi-ew: Thanks for all the help with this!

    Jedi_Suzuran: More? You mean I have to do this again? Eeekk! ** froggy hides **

    (er, just kidding?)

    Cascadia: Thanks!

    PadawanKitara: Does this mean you'll stop untying my bungee cord? I really need it for Red's story. No one should read her story without a bungee cord.

    JHK: Hopefully tomorrow or so.

    LuvEwan: She winked at me!

    DarthBreezy: Hope it stays fun. Welcome to the lily pads.

    Shaindl: Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan? dagnabbit, knew I was forgetting someone. Oops.

    ** hoppy froggy waves to everyone **

    Thanks for reading this! I'll try to have the next chapter up before the weekend.

  11. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
  12. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    Great start Paddy . I will definitely put this on my must read list. :)
  13. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    Thank you, Sheila

    Another post will be up tomorrow!
  14. Jedi_Knight_Hunter Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2002
    star 4
    Paddy look! your on my socks!!!


    (a friendly up)
  15. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    *dangles bungee cord*

    You have to jump up to get it 8-}
  16. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    The Unforgiven Too - 2

    Warnings and disclaimers on first post.

    ~~~

    Curled up on the unforgiving stone of the floor, the boy did not even try to stop shivering. Shivering was the only thing that was keeping him warm. The thin silks he wore certainly did nothing to cut the frigidity of the air sinking in through glassless windows set at an angle so far above that even the light had to search its way inside .

    He remembered being a tiny child crawling over to the furs someone warm and comforting slept in. An arm, huge in his memory, had pulled him in against a hard chest; softer hands and long silky hair touched him on the other side. The memories of warmth and comfort ended all too soon, but later hardships had never erased them. The dark held no terrors then.

    The dark held no terror now. It was the faint rays of dawn that heralded the arrival of his nightmares.

    "Good morning, my Apprentice."


    ~~~

    The Jedi rose, drawing up their hoods, and stood with the two Masters in front, the Padawan slightly to the rear. As the riders drew closer, the castaways were able to make out more details. The riders were a bipedal species. The Jedi did not recognize the beasts, but the quadrupeds appeared to be some sort of furred animal type, resembling a mixture between a Norfallan elk and a Gardinen equis, but with broad short antlers instead of the narrow spreading rack of the elk, and a slimmer build than the sturdy draft beasts. A few heavier pack beasts trailed along behind one of the riders. As the riders emerged from the tree line, one of them spotted the waiting group and called out an alert to the others, waving his hand toward the rocks.

    The riders paused and turned toward the Jedi. It took about ten minutes before they drew close enough to be seen. They appeared human, or very similar, at this distance. The second man raised a hand and called out to them in a very distorted and barely recognizable Galactic Standard.

    Qui-Gon stepped forward and replied, "Greetings."

    The majority of the group drew up in surprise at the odd dialect, but the two lead riders continued on toward the small group. Reaching the periphery of the rocky clearing, they pulled up their mounts, studying the three strangers with open curiosity on their faces. The younger of the two, a man who appeared to be in his second decade for a standard human, spoke again, his tone questioning but not hostile.

    Qui-Gon shook his head and tried again, pronouncing his words slowly and carefully, "Hello. We are Jedi. Our ship requires repair. Where is the nearest spaceport?"

    The man shrugged with an obvious lack of comprehension, then gestured toward the sky and brought his hand down in an arc, following the path of the sun through the sky, indicating the sun setting. He smacked lightly against his beast's shoulder, then gestured at the three Jedi. Qui-Gon could almost understand what he was asking. Apparently, someone had seen their ship go down and he wanted to know if they needed transportation.

    Qui-Gon nodded and pointed down the hill. The man patted his arms and legs and flexed his fingers, pointing at the small bandage on Master Bahr's cheek. The Jedi shook his head. The rider grinned and said something emphatic, then closed his eyes and bowed briefly. Qui-Gon clearly got the message that they had been fortunate, and nodded his head with an answering smile.

    The rider gestured to the rest of his party and they rode up, chattering in their dialect cheerfully. They nodded their heads politely at the robed strangers, staring with open curiosity at the two men they could see. Caraanne had remained in the back, with her hood drawn up over her face as Tiel had directed. There were no women in the small party and she was different enough from the natives appearance with the pale lavender-tinged hair and skin of her people, along with their typical deep purple eyes, to make her stand out vividly.

    The riders wore heavy vests with the fleece still inside over leather jerkins and trousers w
  17. Jedi_Knight_Hunter Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2002
    star 4
    poor girl, if I were her, I'd be running as fast as I could.

    Enjoyed the post!
  18. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Great description, Paddy! You're setting your scene very well, and we can totally picture where they are and what's happening. Everything's a little too rose-coloured right now, though - my spidey-senses are tingling. Something's about to happen.

    Curious to see where this goes!

    Shaindl
  19. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    This is very intriguing. I am very curious about these people. Some of them at least are Force sensitive and they seem to have some custom of apprenticeship. I can't wait to see what comes next. :)
  20. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    :D * grins smugly * I know what is next! Looks wonderful up on the boards! :)
  21. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    JKH - I dunno, warm bath to soak in, nice bed...

    Shaindl - your feelings do you credit.

    Sheila - thanks! It's great fun making up a culture.

    obi-ew - you do, do you? hmmm, * picks up pen and starts to revise * let's see what we can do about that.


    I'll try to have the next one up Mon or Tues. Busy weekend and that nasty little fanged menace of a plot bunny bit me again, making me revise the next chapter just to make Shaindl prescient.
  22. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    I have to agree with Shaindl here, my spidey senses are tingling about these people.

    Nice postie there, Froggie. :)
  23. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    Interesting people. Perhaps they'll meet Obi-Wan here, unless I'm confused (I'm trying to keep up with too many stories.).
  24. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    You are doing a fantastic job with descriptions and characterizations. I can't wait to see how Obi-Wan and his apprenticeship fit into this world.
  25. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    Jedi_Suzaran - spidey senses? you too? frogs Like spiders. will have to make sure that you have lots of them.

    Cascadia - yep, Obi's on his way. well, actually, he's closer than you think.

    PK - thanks! now what makes you think obi's an apprentice?

    next post should be up tomorrow if all goes well.
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