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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

The Unofficial Humorous JPIII Thread

Discussion in 'Lucasfilm Ltd. In-Depth Discussion' started by EagleIFilms, Aug 10, 2001.

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  1. Dubya_Fett

    Dubya_Fett Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2001
    UDESKY: Nash, Cooper, go run into the jungle so you can be eaten by dinosaurs.

    COOPER: Sure.

    The heavily-armed Cooper and Nash disappear into the jungle.

    ALAN: No! We have to get off this island now!

    PAUL: It's okay. They're setting up a defensive perimeter.

    ALAN: It's not that. I just remembered that "Friends" is on tonight.

    -Dubya Fett
     
  2. slimybug

    slimybug Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 14, 2001
    Ok now i'll FF.

    Take a picture

    cool

    Ow my nose job!

    Oh my God! They killed Kenny!

    Amanda walks off into the jungle. Then they hear a scream.

    Billy: What are we gonna do?!
    Alan: Don't worry Billy, I hava a Plan.

    Billy and alan run through the jungle, Billy in a Robin suit and Alan in a Batman costume with the music playing. Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah Spiny!

    They stop to Amanda.

    Billy: Holy Raptors Batman. It's eggs.
     
  3. Dubya_Fett

    Dubya_Fett Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2001
    Paul looks puzzled.

    PAUL: Hey, what happened to Nash? And why are you two dressed like Batman and Robin all of a sudden? This plot makes no sense.

    ALAN: That's because they are writing this thing as we go along. Damn studio execs greenlighted this picture before we had a script! So expect plenty of plot holes big enough to drive a brachiosaur through.

    BILLY: Like how we were just attacked by a spinosaurus aegypticus, even though it was not on In Gen's list?

    ALAN: Exactly.

    -Dubya Fett
     
  4. Dubya_Fett

    Dubya_Fett Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2001
    Suddenly, Alan punches Paul.

    PAUL: Ow! What was that about?

    ALAN: That's for the $7.50 I wasted seeing "Mystery Men" in the theatre. Worst movie ever!

    PAUL (whispering): Uhm, Sam, we're filming right now.

    AMANDA: Oh my God! He punched out William H. Macy!

    ALAN: Shut up, you vacuous tramp!

    -Dubya Fett
     
  5. Dubya_Fett

    Dubya_Fett Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2001
    ALAN: By the way, where's Billy?

    Billy comes out of the jungle, clutching his lucky backpack.

    BILLY: I'm here. I was just taking some photos of the raptor nest.

    ALAN: We need to find shelter. There should be an InGen compund nearby.

    AMANDA: But what about my son Eric? We must look for him!

    ALAN: Mrs. Kirby, he's almost certainly dead by now.

    AMANDA (bursting into tears): WAAAAHH!!

    ALAN: Don't worry, Mrs. Kirby. These dinosaurs are very efficient predators. I'm sure it was a quick and painless death.

    AMANDA: WAAAAHH!!

    ALAN: I mean, it's not like he's our biggest worry. We probably won't make it off this island alive.

    AMANDA: WAAAAHH!!

    UDESKY (whispering to Billy): Your friend isn't much at person skills, is he?

    -Dubya Fett
     
  6. Dubya_Fett

    Dubya_Fett Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2001
    PAUL: So, do you know where the InGen compound is?

    ALAN: Haven't a clue. I've never been on this island.

    PAUL: But I thought in your book you said you were on the island with the dinosaurs on it?

    BILLY: That was Isla Nublar. This is Isla Sorna.

    PAUL: There are TWO islands with dinosaurs on them?

    AMANDA: Paul, didn't you read the damn book?

    PAUL: Well, I didn't actually read it, but it came highly recommended on "Oprah's Book Club".

    -Dubya Fett
     
  7. Dubya_Fett

    Dubya_Fett Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2001
    AMANDA: So how are we going to find the compound?

    ALAN: Ah, we'll just wander through this unfamiliar, dinosaur-infested jungle until we stumble across it.

    Five minutes later...

    ALAN: Look, there it is!

    -Dubya Fett
     
  8. Dubya_Fett

    Dubya_Fett Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2001
    Inside the compound, Alan, Billy, Udesky, and the Kirbys find dozens of tubes containing dinosaur embryos.

    AMANDA: Is this how you make dinosaurs?

    ALAN: Well you could, but usually when a mommy dinosaur and a daddy dinosaur love each other very much...

    BILLY: Alan, just say the line that sounds cool in the trailer.

    ALAN: Very well... No, this is how you play God.

    -Dubya Fett
     
  9. Dubya_Fett

    Dubya_Fett Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2001
    Amanda sees what appears to be a velociraptor head preserved inside a vat.

    AMANDA: Hey, if you guys are hungry we can have some pickled dinosaur head.

    Suddenly, the very alive velociraptor charges out from behind the vat.

    AMANDA: Eek!

    ALAN: Raptor! Run away, run away!

    -Dubya Fett
     
  10. Dubya_Fett

    Dubya_Fett Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 2, 2001
    Alan and the others manage to trap the raptor behind a locked door.

    ALAN: We'll be okay as long as raptors don't know how to open doors.

    The raptor manages to open the door and pursues the heroes.

    ALAN: Damn!

    Alan manages to pin the raptor behind a gate.

    ALAN: We'll be okay as long as raptors don't know how to call for help.

    RAPTOR: Grrr... grrr... caaa...

    Two more raptors show up to free the raptor and chase our heroes.

    ALAN: Double damn!

    Alan, Billy, Udesky, and the Kirbys climb into a jeep and speed off.

    ALAN: We'll be okay as long as raptors don't know how to drive.

    Alan looks in the rear view mirror and sees the three raptors pursuing him in a jeep.

    ALAN: This just isn't my day.

    -Dubya Fett
     
  11. Dimetrodon

    Dimetrodon Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 24, 2001
    Alan: pesky raptors learn way too fast
    Paul: watch out for the..

    ::CRASH::
    ::they hit a tree::

    Paul: alan you are one dumb f..
    Alan: can it we have otehr problems rigth now

    ::the raptors pull up in their jeep and jump out with shotguns and red bandanas::

    Billy: we're in it deep now.
    Amanda: what do we do now?
     
  12. Dimetrodon

    Dimetrodon Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 24, 2001
    ::the raptors load their guns::
    Raptors: represent!!!!

    ALAN: crap, we are done for..

    ::eek:ut of nowhere a rancor grabs the alpha raptor and swallows him::

    PAUL: what the hell..
    BILLY: i didn't see him ont he lsit of ingen dinosaurs either.

    Raptors: retreat

    ALAN: lets get outa here

    ::they make a run for it and hide in soem trees, sadly though Udesky can't climb::

    UDESKY: help me up mofos
    PAUL: (whisper) we can't do it guys, somebody has to die if this thing will work.
    ALAN: sorry man we..uh..are busy.
    UDESKY: what!?! why you... ::CRUNCH::
    ::udesky is smakced down by a charging herd of tricycloplotz::
     
  13. AdamBertocci

    AdamBertocci Manager Emeritus star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 3, 2002
    Up. For some social fun.



    Rick McCallum loves you!
     
  14. StarDude

    StarDude Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 28, 2001
    YES!!! ALRIGHT!!!!
     
  15. jp-30

    jp-30 Manager Emeritus star 10 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2000
    Nice upping, boss. :D

     
  16. StarDude

    StarDude Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 28, 2001
    I requested it actually . . . it's a fun read. We should get it rolling again.
     
  17. Jedi_Knight_Jonas

    Jedi_Knight_Jonas Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Billy: Well somebody better help Udesky
    (Raptors appear, leaping, snarling, biting, represtenting...)
    Billy: They set a trap!
    Mrs. Kirby: Hm...what an Einstein! They've been doing that since the first movie!
     
  18. han_solo_321

    han_solo_321 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2002
    (Then Udesky gets up)
    Udesky: You will pay for that!
    Then udesky jumps onto a tricycloplotz attacking him.
    He took out a huge machine gun and shoot it up.
    Then he looked behind him and saw a raptor comeing for him. He ran and ran and then tripped on a stick and broke his neck.
    Billy: Ouch! he is going to feel that in the morning!
     
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