The Vader Monologues (humor)

Yay! An update. Wow, I've never seen anyone be able to make that scene seem funny. I guess he put the lightsaber marks on them afterwards as well?

 

Thanks, everyone!

Welcome to the new readers--and the de-lurkers!


I guess he put the lightsaber marks on them afterwards as well?

Actually, Yoda and Kenobi weren't in the Council chambers when they found that particular padawan. I had to re-check the scene to make sure, before I wrote the monologue--didn't want the gag to contradict what was on screen (or should I say I didn't want what was on screen to contradict the gag...? )


Thanks again, all! More to come!


Blind Man

 

Woo-hoo! New Posts!!! I knew you still had it in ya, BlindMan

 

Awww, that last one was so sweet! Terrific as usual!

 

Vader should try peppermint some time.

Five year old younglings... lucky it wasn't the Ewok Reservist Brigade that day.

 

note to self nexttime I come across a funny post like this dont read it all in one setting oohhhhh my side hurts...

 

I laughed so when I read that last one.

 

HAHAHAHAAA!!!
THIS IS SOOOOOO FUNNY!!!

The Most Funnyist Thing That you can EVER Imagine!

keep up the funny Work!

-DarkScorpion-

 

Hehe, Vader got beat up by the younglings. Ha! Take that Vader


Loved the update. Keep the good work coming.


jacky

 

Man, this post has been around for HOW many years now? And they are just as good as they've always been.

I can actually remember a friend of mine, way way back in the day finding this after only like 8 or so had been writen and just how funny they were then. I'm just glad that this are still as funny now as they were then.

Keep up the fantastic work!

 

At long last, I found a way to get back to the net! More importantly, back to the hilarious Blindman threads! Loved the last few that I'd missed, and hope all is well enough with you to keep them coming. I haven't checked on sastp lately, but I hope you have something new there as well.

--later--
6669

 

XD I remember reading this on ff.net - and it's hillarious. I really love the humorous tone that Anakin takes on.

Getting kicked by younglings is just... xD

 

Man, I only registered here because of these. They are so good! Come on, I want more!

(My personal favourite is... well... all of them!)

 

So basically,Blindman,you're my hero. These are aboso-flippin-lutely the funniest things I have ever read! XD

 

New Reader!!!!!!
Do you have a PM list? If so can I be on it?!

 

To quote Chaucer on this: "Teehee!"
Or more like rotfl
So now I can finally watch at least those parts of RotS with Vader in them in public. If I mention you as reason for my laughter others cannot hurt me.

*imagines BlindMan's pm list*

You might as well just send a message to all users.

 

So BlindMan, when can we expect another episode of your geniuos brand of humour?

Damort - Were did you find out about the Monologues?

 

VADER: No they won't. They'll never see this coming.

A: Dude, you've got like a bazillion soldiers with you. You think the Jedi are going to look out the window and go, "Oooh! A parade!"?

ROTFL! Superb! More soon I hope?

 

Took a few days to read; but absolutely worth it. Great stuff, thanks BlindMan for sharing these Hope you find time to write a few more soon

 

Back from the dead! (At least for the moment... )

Sorry to keep everyone hanging so long! And it's great to see so many new readers!

As usual, Real Life's been flexing its might and keeping me busy. But I managed to slip out of the headlock long enough to whip up the latest. So here ya go!



ON MUSTAFAR


(Vader arrives on Mustafar, hops out of his ship.)

ANAKIN: Well, here we are--Pismo Beach and all the clams we can eat.

VADER: *What?*

A: Sorry, it just seemed appropriate somehow.

(Vader tells Artoo to stay with the ship, and heads for the entrance of the facility.)

A: First big administrative job for Palpatine, huh? Nervous?

V: Not at all.

A: Okay, Palps didn't have time to give you more than a crash course in middle-management, so let's make sure you remember everything...

V: I am *not* middle-management.

A: Sure you are. The guys here are managers of a sort...and Palpatine's the big man...and you're right there in the middle. Now, let's review--why are you here?

V: To explain to them that their services will no longer be required.

A: Right. But they're not being fired. They're...?

(pause)

A: Come on...

V: *sigh* They're being given the opportunity to re-strategize their employment particulars somewhere else.

A: Perfect. You've got the lingo down; before you know it, you'll be complaining about Casual Fridays and trying to bust people for daring to take sick days.

V: I am *not* middle management!

A: Sure, sure...

(Preceded by scurrying mouse droids, Vader enters the commmand center, where the Separatist leaders await him. A Neimoidian speaks up.)

NEIMOIDIAN: Welcome, Lord Vader. We've been expecting you.

(Vader gestures, and the doors slide closed.)

A: Good, good. Set the tone, show them who's in charge....Now just pass out that exit paperwork and--wait, where's the exit paperwork?

V: I think I forgot it on the ship.

A: Well go get it! How are you supposed to sack these guys without--

V: If I leave now, they'll see it as a sign of weakness.

A: So what now?

V: Now...I improvise.

(Vader starts mowing down the Separatists with his lightsaber, one after another.)

A: Hey, wait! Don't--! That guy just--! They only--!

(Vader pauses in the slaughter, surveying the scene with Sithly yellow eyes.)

A: Oh, man...you really put the "sever" in severance package, don't you?

(Finally, only one Neimoidian is left. Vader slays him.)

A: You know, I take it back. You're *way* too efficient for middle management.

V: Damn straight...



Blind Man

 

A: Oh, man...you really put the "sever" in severance package, don't you?

That was so funny, haven't laughed so much in ages.

 

ohhh update!!!!!! Severence package huh, thats why I wont work for the Empire... Cant wait for the next one Blind




Yoda out

 

Absolutely brilliant...

 

Ah another post! Awesome as always!

 

A: Good, good. Set the tone, show them who's in charge....Now just pass out that exit paperwork and--wait, where's the exit paperwork?

V: I think I forgot it on the ship.

A: Well go get it! How are you supposed to sack these guys without--

V: If I leave now, they'll see it as a sign of weakness.

OMG! I will never be able to watch that scene in the same way ever again!

Wonderful stuff (heehee- now I'm delurking)!