The Vader Monologues (humor)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by BlindMan, Dec 31, 2001.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Ascal_Elessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2004
    star 3
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    I was going to start this post by quoting my favourite bits but I'd only end up quoting the whole thing. My sides are hurting. Fantastic as ever.
  2. _Derisa_Ollamhin_ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2000
    star 4
    there are so few words to say what I wanna, BlindMan...

    First readthrough fave bits: Obidala, the rumours were true! LOL!!!, but even better with Obi being far too busy with all those handmaidens... /rofl, /applause! :)

    And nothing is as evil as mayonnaise. :)

    Thank you!


    *Derisa*

  3. rhonderoo Former Head Admin

    Member Since:
    Aug 7, 2002
    star 9
    [face_laugh] Anakin made more sense than Obi and Vader! The only one not thinking with his...well, you know.
  4. Fanficfan Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2005
    star 3
    BLINDMAN'S BACK!!!! [face_dancing] BOOYAAH!!


    A: Oh, now, come on! Just because you can't grow any facial hair doesn't mean you should take it out on him!

    V: Yes it does! Yes it does! I've been living in the shadow of that beard for years--no more! Beards will be outlawed in my new Empire! Beards will be a death sentence!


    roflmao [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]

    Word fail me. Mostly because I'm still trying to get my breath back from laughing so hard.

    Brilliant work as always Blindan.
  5. Stargazer-19 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Dec 29, 2004
    star 2
    V: *gasp*! Obidala! The rumors were true!

    [face_laugh]

    A: It's true! He's got so many notches in his belt, there's no belt left--it's all notch!

    Not that he'd need a belt...ya know all those handmaidens, Siri, and those random Mary-Sues!...When did he find the time to train Anakin?


    A: The key to a woman's heart is two words, my friend: foot massage.

    o_O Now I know why Padme married him!



    A: As evil as mayonnaise?

    V: Nothing's as evil as mayonnaise.

    A: There's hope for you yet.


    [face_laugh] Too bad Vader didn't see the mustard side of the force until the very end.

  6. morrison85 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 13, 2005
    star 5
    master your a master ;P
  7. Jedi_Master_Cazz Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 13, 2005
    star 4
    Oh, these have been great! Awesome in fact! Pm on the next monolouge? [face_batting]

    Cheers_Cazza@};-
  8. Elocinjedi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2007
    This is so funny!
    I posted a luke vader elevador moment picture on Deviantart
    http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/48456714/?qo=6&q=by%3Aelocinaqui&qh=sort%3Atime+-in%3Ascraps
    and somebody told me that the picture reminded them of your hilarious fic:D I'm glad I found it--
    this is a great fic
  9. JediKlea Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 2002
    star 3
    ROFLOL, hilarious, the perfect update!!!
  10. BlindMan Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 25, 2001
    star 2
    Healer_Leona : Thanks! :) Glad you're still watching...

    Ascal_Elessar : Thank you!

    _Derisa_Ollamhin_ : And nothing is as evil as mayonnaise.--Glad I'm not the only one who recognizes how sinister that stuff is! Thanks! :)

    rhonderoo: The only one not thinking with his...well, you know.--You mean we're *not* supposed to think with that? ;)

    Fanficfan : Thanks!

    Stargazer-19: Not that he'd need a belt...--Good point! :)

    morrison85 : Thank you!

    Jedi_Master_Cazz : Pm on the next monolouge?--Sure thing!

    (And if any you wants a PM for future updates, just let me know! Given how erratic my posting has become, it might be a good idea. :p )

    Elocinjedi : Welcome! Glad you're enjoying it--and nice pic! :)

    JediKlea : Thanks!


    Next update *might* be up next weekend, everyone. Fingers--as always--crossed...

    :) Blind Man
  11. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    It took a while to get to and then read the new monologue, but as always, you make it worth the wait! Even if the wait was seven months long *fumes* But all is now forgiven, well, for the moment at least. This was brilliant, definately on par with past performances! Another one possibly coming soon? I'd hold my breath, but, well...

    Can't wait to see some more!

    --later--
    6669 [face_devil]
  12. BlindMan Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 25, 2001
    star 2
    Darth_Leia_6669 : --Even if the wait was seven months long--Actually, it was only four months... :p Still too long, but still...glad you liked it.


    And, as promised :eek:, the latest--



    VIEWING THE DEATH STAR:


    (Aboard the command deck of an Imperial ship, Vader approaches the Emperor, who's speaking with Grand Moff Tarkin. Tarkin walks away, leaving Vader and Palpatine to gaze out the viewport at the framework of the Death Star under construction.)

    ANAKIN: Wow. That's one big ball.

    (Vader crosses his arms on his chest.)

    VADER: Magnificent, isn't it? The power of the Empire given form.

    A: Maybe. Or maybe it's just Palpatine waaaay overcompensating.

    V: For what?

    A: Well, just that guys in his...situation usually buy themselves a big, flashy sports speeder.

    V: What situation?

    A: You know...a big expensive vehicle to compensate for a tiny...you know.

    V: Still not following you.

    A: *whisper* *whisper* *whisper*

    V: Oh, sick! Siiiiiiiiiiick! I'm never getting that image out of my head now! Ptoo! Ptoo!

    A: Hey, you asked! It's not my fault Palps wants to show everyone how big his ball is...

    V: Knock it off! Gah! I'll have to sterilize my brain now! Are you going to be like this all the time?

    A: Yeah, it's pretty much what I do.

    V: Force help me...

    (pause)

    A: So...when's he building the other one?

    V: Will you stop...?!!!!



    :) Blind Man
  13. Ascal_Elessar Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Feb 3, 2004
    star 3
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    I haven't stopped laughing for the last 5 minutes. Fantastic!=D=
  14. Fanficfan Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2005
    star 3
    Blindman, you are a sick, sick puppy. I love it.

    A: So... when's he building the other one?

    repeat all previous praises again...=D=
  15. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    Oh, the images I now have to sterilize from MY brain... lol.

    OK, so I do have a tendency to exaggerate at times, you'll have to forgive me for that, but four months is still too long to go without a new monologue. Still, I have to say that two new ones so close together make up for it. Now, if I can stop laughing long enough to concentrate on my Algebra class, I'll be doing alright! [face_laugh]

    --later--
    6669 [face_devil]
  16. Stargazer-19 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Dec 29, 2004
    star 2
    A: So...when's he building the other one?

    Wow. I guess this proves that Anakin is the one with the dirty mind. [face_laugh]

  17. SolGonsar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 20, 2007
    star 1
    "A: So...when's he building the other one?"

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] :_| [face_laugh]
  18. The Great No One Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2005
    star 8
    *falls over laughing*

    brilliant as always blindman... and definitely worth the wait.

    i also loved the obidala comment, that was hilarious.

    can't wait for another...
  19. Dark_Lord_Yoda Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Sep 19, 2004
    Holy crap BlindMan...you are a god among motrals when it comes to comedy...long time reader, first time to a reply...I can't wait till more shows up. Keep up the awesome work!
  20. IsithTorin_DarkJedi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 29, 2007
    star 1
    it took a while, but i finally caught up. I really love this. Its so funny, always brightens my day. keep up the great work.
  21. Stargazer-19 Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Dec 29, 2004
    star 2
    I just re-read most of the monologues. For some reason it reminded me of that old cartoon "Pinky and the Brain"...except, you know, Vader really did take over the world. [face_laugh]
  22. Laine_Snowtrekker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2003
    star 5
    Argh, I missed two!

    These are great, Blindman, I love them. [face_love]

    I would love to be on a PM list.
  23. runtateer Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Oct 7, 2001
    star 1
    LOL, I love this thread! =D=
  24. The Great No One Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2005
    star 8
    more soonish by any chance?
  25. DunedinJedi Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jan 22, 2007
    star 3
    oh no :p I ll never get this image of my head neither ;P
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.