Saga The Very Secret Diary of Darth Vader (Dear Diary Challenge) - humor - Reposted together!!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by NYCitygurl, Jan 2, 2009.

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  1. Darth_Furio Belated Monthly Winner - Streak for Colours

    Game Winner
    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2008
    star 7
    Sad to see it's done. This was a great entry as well. You what they say, what goes around comes around. Now Anakin finds that out. At least he could say the Dark Side made him do it. Thanks NYC.
  2. GrandMasterKatarn Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2008
    star 4
    [face_laugh] That was hilarious. And so Anakin finally gets whats coming. :p Poor Anakin
  3. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5

    ?Hello, Anakin,? Obi-Wan said.

    Oops.
    [face_laugh]


    Methinks its time to repent, Anakin, or die a second death.

    Fantastic job!!=D=
  4. dm1 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2004
    star 4
    Oops, indeed![face_blush]

    So he's still seeking out the VIP lounge, and he's not emperor either. Oh, well!

    Loved this, sorry to see it end. It was fun from start to finish! =D=
  5. DaenaBenjen42 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2005
    star 5
    Well done, Nat. Very, very well done. [face_laugh] The other side needs a VIP lounge!!!!

    (Haven't read either of 'em, but I do remember Pelly Welly's Palpatine story. ;) )
  6. dancing_star Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2007
    star 4
    [face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh][face_laugh]
    Just finding this gem of a story, and enjoying it immensely. [face_love]
    Absolutely hilarious! Fantastic job!! =D=
    [:D]
  7. Jedi_Master_Cazz Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 13, 2005
    star 4
    Don't worry Anakin, they told me the grass was greener on the other side too. No VIP lounge AND no Emperor title, yeah, great improvement Anakin, fantastic. Oops indeed. [face_laugh]

    Man Nat! It's been awesome fun! And massive brownie points and kudos to mentioning the Vader Monologues, gosh, there's some memories in that thread.[face_laugh]:p
  8. Jedi_Master_Cazz Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 13, 2005
    star 4
  9. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    Oops

    Oops indeed! [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    No worries, Vadey. You just have a little bit of 'splaining to do. :p


    Great job on this. I enjoyed it from beginning to end.

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  10. AzureAngel2 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    What a brilliant end for an even more brilliant story!

    No caffee, no VIP lounge, but lots of old problems.

    Poor Ani!
  11. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    Jade_eyes: Thanks! You definitely should; they?re such great stories!!

    FelsGoddess: Thanks!! I?m glad you stopped by and read it :D

    earlybird-obi-wan: Thanks!!

    Darth_Furio: Thanks!! Yeah, I?m sad too ? this is one of my favorites :D

    GrandMasterKatarn: Thanks!! Yeah, he does :p

    Valairy_Scot: [face_laugh] Thanks!!

    dm1: Some things never change :p Thanks!! I had a blast :D

    Daena: Thanks!! Vader agrees :p I think a read a story of hers that was a crossover with Wizard of Oz, and I loved it :D

    dancing_star: Thanks!! I?m glad you found and read it :D

    Cazz: [face_laugh] Thanks!! Yes, it has been. And that is one awesome thread :D

    Kelia: [face_laugh] Thanks!!

    Azure: Thanks!!



    Some period of time into this story (probably a year+ ago, seeing how long this has taken), someone asked me to post all the entries together to make rereading easier, since they're very short posts and have lots of comments in between (and thank you all so much for that!!). So, I'm doing that now :p





    The Very Secret Diary of Darth Vader

    Entry One

    Number of Jedi killed: 35
    Mostly younglings at the Temple, but they count as whole, not half.

    Decided to join the Emperor. The Jedi were holding me back. Maybe this way I reach my full potential and rule the galaxy and also achieve the perfect intimidating glare.


    Entry Two

    Went to Mustafar to kill some more people, but ended up killing my wife (oops) and taking a nice lava bath, courtesy of Obi-Wan. It hurt. Like, really hurt.

    But this encased in black armor thing might work to my advantage. It can be very intimidating. Also, have now got several extra inches of height.


    Entry Three

    Number of Jedi killed: 56

    Sent on Jedi hunt by my new master. Nothing else to do since Padme and our kid are dead (oops). Fairly easy to get them, since I know their tricks and their hideouts. Had a bit of help from some leftover clones. Think that new female model clone is eyeing me.

    Am not the Emperor, though.


    Entry Four

    Realized one disadvantage to new suit: must now drink through a straw.

    Made it back to Coruscant, took place as Feared Dark Lord And Right Hand Of Emperor. Good title, though not as good as Emperor.

    Female clone slipped me her comm number before she left. Might have to give her a call sometime.


    Entry Five

    Throttled five senators, killed some pedestrians, burned down a few buildings while laughing maniacally, and caught new episode of ?General Medcenter? on the holo. All in all, very productive day.

    Though still not Emperor.


    Entry Six

    Decided to give female clone a call. Was prepared to have wild, passionate romp when remembered that the suit doesn?t allow for that. $@%$@#&%$#%*^&!!!!!!

    Went out for drinks instead. Was embarrassed about drinking ale through a straw. Female clone got disgusted and left with stormtrooper.

    Force-choked stormtrooper and female clone and felt a lot better.


    Entry Seven

    Went to robe-fitting session with Emperor. Sat bored for two hours while holding Emperor?s lightsaber and fetching drinks (juri juice spiked with whiskey) like a lackey. Feel like husband on a shopping trip.

    If I were Emperor, there would be no shopping trips. Might be spiked juri juice, though.


    Entry Eight

    Killed a few more Jedi today and rounded up malcontents. Seems to be a lot of them. But not my concern. Noticed that the suit, for all it?s straw-drinking, no-sex-having faults, does a good job of intimidating.


    Entry Nine

    Surveyed the new stormtroopers and gave lots of mask-stares to Tarkin. Interesting to note that the mask also hides me trying not to laugh at his new haircut. He needs a different stylist.

    Not Emperor yet.


    Entry Ten

    Decided to play the stock market. Went through three stockbrokers before I found one I didn?t have to Force-choke for failing. Refuse to lose assets. New />
  12. Valiowk Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2000
    star 6
    Hilarious diary entries, NYCitygurl! I'm only sorry that I hadn't been around the JC for quite some time and didn't follow this earlier.

    I had a really difficult time narrowing down my favourite few lines (at the beginning I thought I was going to have to quote the entire post!):


    Surveyed the new stormtroopers and gave lots of mask-stares to Tarkin. Interesting to note that the mask also hides me trying not to laugh at his new haircut. He needs a different stylist.

    Oh, thank goodness some people in the SW universe although thought that Tarkin had the most awful hairstyle - I was beginning to wonder about fashion sense in that universe. ;)


    Froze rebel in carbonite and released him to a bounty hunter as payment. Not as fun as Force-choking. Cried a little inside my helmet when Princess Leia confessed her love to the scruffy smuggler before I froze him. Idiot just said ?I know.? Would ?I love you? have hurt him? It?s just one more word! Scruffy smuggler isn?t good enough for her. If I catch him near her again . . .

    Hehe, how cute that Darth Vader is acting like a father although he doesn't know that Leia is his daughter. (And thank goodness for Han - I can't imagine what Vader would do to Han if he did know! :p )


    While looking for the VIP lounge, I ran into Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Mace Windu, with a backup of a few hundred people I?d killed.

    ?Hello, Anakin,? Obi-Wan said.

    Oops.


    Ah, not so proud of the tally of number of people killed now, I see. ;)


    On a somewhat unrelated note, a friend of mine was telling me how a friend of hers who is a graduate student in mathematics keeps a mathematics diary, with entries along the lines of
    Talked to so-and-so about such-and-such today. Didn't agree with his proof of such-and-such.

    <Next day>
    Figured out why so-and-so's proof is right. I am an idiot.

    After reading this thread and hearing that story, I'm really tempted to begin a humorous mathematics diary too! [face_blush]
  13. DaenaBenjen42 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2005
    star 5
    NOOOOOO!!!! MY VIP LOUNGE!!! Though fortunately, Tarkin and his bad haircut were destroyed. Good riddance.

    I don't know why, but General Madine and his hair came to mind just now...


    Again, Nat: awesome diary. :)


  14. Corellian_Ale Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Mar 3, 2008
    star 4
    That was cool, I got to re-read them in less time than between updates... :p



    "Oops" indeed.... [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Obi-Wan: We're going to smile for the pretty picture as a group so little Luke thinks he did a good thing for you, but then...

    Yoda: Then... #$#*@& you are!!!!

  15. Darth_Furio Belated Monthly Winner - Streak for Colours

    Game Winner
    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2008
    star 7
    Thanks NYC, it was even better the second time around! =D=
  16. QueenArdnassak Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2009
    star 4
    Oh, this is too great, Nat. [face_laugh] I absolutely LOVE the ending! I'm sure Vader can take them all on and win...

    Maybe...

    [face_beatup]
  17. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    Valiowk: Thanks!! Well, I?m glad you stopped in and read it :) Yeah, poor Tarkin definitely needed a new stylist :p Han?s pretty lucky that Vader didn?t know Leia was his daughter . . . :p

    [face_laugh] This style was adopted from Cassandra Claire?s Very Secret Diary series, which is LOTR. They?re really funny (I think I linked to them in the first post). I recommend them.


    Daena: Thanks!! [:D]

    Ale: [face_laugh] :D That would be SO funny . . . :D

    Darth_Furio: Thanks!! I?m glad you enjoyed it a second time :)

    Ardy: Thanks!! [face_laugh]
  18. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    This whole diary was priceless. Absolutely priceless! :D =D=
  19. skypadme94 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 4, 2007
    I'm sooooooo sorrrry that I've been away sooooooo long. I was having to rely upon the stupid library for internet. loved it sooooooooooooooo much, of course! it wasn't about to change!
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