~The Writer's Lounge~

Discussion in 'Archive: The Amphitheatre' started by KnightWriter, Jun 9, 2002.

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  1. Darth Dark Helmet Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Dec 27, 1999
    star 6
    Excellent (well, not the slapping part. At least not during the day). I may start posting pieces from my novel.
  2. Darth Dark Helmet Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Dec 27, 1999
    star 6
    I posted a short story over in the Desk for review fi anyone would like to review it. :)
  3. Chocos_Ramabotti Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 9, 2001
    star 4
    Uhm...well...I did that too, a little while ago...but it isn't that good ^_^°. Still, if anyone likes to review, please do so...but be gentle :p ;).
  4. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    Darth_Dark_Helmet: I'm currently stranded at a computer that has no word, so I'll get back to you as soon as I can find a computer that allows me to read it. 8-}

    The Person Who Posted Right After DDH: Don't have the time to go checking ... what page is your post on?

    Aunecah
  5. IamSpartacus Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2001
    star 2
    Chocos_Ramabotti- Wow. Let me say, in the vein of trying to tell you how a story made me feel, that story creeped me out. It was really interesting that you made the character, the setting, and the circumstances very ambiguous. It made for a perfect short-story style. Technical things didn't really pop into my mind too much, though a few sentences seemed a little long and had too many commas (I do that all the time). Anyway, I really liked the feeling that your story gave. Very intriguing work!
  6. Chocos_Ramabotti Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 9, 2001
    star 4
    Aunecah - I posted on the 4th page. A literally short story ;). And call me Chocos :p ;).

    Spartacus - Hehe, thanks so much! *bows* ^_^
    Yep, that's what it should've been like ;). H*ll (just being careful, I'm not sure which swear words are allowed here [face_blush]), I even avoided to say "woman" or "girl" so as not to clarify the age of the protagonist :p.
    Heh, I'm kinda into commas :p. Anyways, thanks again! *gives another bow*
    Oh, and if you're interested, you could try downloading the song "Koigokoro" by Nanase Aikawa. That song inspired me for the story in the first place, and I wanted to capture its mood :). Hope I succeeded!
  7. Connemara Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 2000
    star 6
    Ok...I'm just wondering...how do yall get inspired to write? See, I wanna sell some stuff this summer if possible, or if not, at least *write*. But I can't seen to get inspired! It's horrible, but I was working on this one story, and I tried to just make myself sit there and write *something* but I couldn't. I just felt blank minded and dull.

    Oh, but I have a *lot* of stories that I've started, maybe I could post them and see if there's any story that really sticks out that I might wanna work harder on.
  8. Eugene_Meltsner_AIO Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2002
    star 4
    That's sort of the same with me. I've started lots of stories but haven't finished them. But a lot of times, what I do is just go read. Reading other people's works makes me want to go write. And it isn't nessecarily the content, the story, the characters. It's just reading a book makes me want to go write my own.
  9. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    DDM: Wow, sorry, but every time I try to go that website in your link, it gives me "Page cannot be displayed" for some reason. :confused:

    Connamara: I know exactly what you're talking about, because that's what I go through at least once or twice every month. It used to be half the month every month a couple of years ago, so you could say that I've improved. 8-} For me, it's definitely research that provides the inspiration for continuing on. First, of course, I *do* have to care about the story I'm writing. I once tried to write a story that I wanted to write simply so as to improve my fledging writing skills. It went straight into the dumpster sixty pages into writing. Now, my current story (a sf one) that I'm working on, I'm still in the planning phase - currently writing about the world's political system. (I've been researching for the past year and a half and probably will be for the next year and a half. 8-}) It appears my world has all the problems but not enough yet. ;) I've written some notable chapters that were just begging to be written, but mostly still in the planning part. So I would say research definitely is my instigator.

    EDIT: Found your name.

    Don't know if that really helped,

    Aunecah
  10. Darth Dark Helmet Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Dec 27, 1999
    star 6
    DDM: Wow, sorry, but every time I try to go that website in your link, it gives me "Page cannot be displayed" for some reason.

    Is this for me? ;)

    Interesting, I just went and clicked, and it was working fine. It could be because its a word document. Have you tried saving it? If nothing else, i can always simply just post it out. I did that simply because its about 18 pages.
  11. budaki Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 19, 2001
    star 4
    Aunecah, thanks for reviewing my FIRST chapter. I regret to inform you all that I probably will not be able to post my other chapters until summer, because of how hectic school has become.

    Also, you said it seemed as if I was detailing my whole world out in the first chapter. Need I remind you that save for a few vague refrences to some outside cultures (i.e. Myad) all I sat up was the town of Riverside (Please Note Also that the chapter I posted was an early draft, and I now realize A: Riverside would infact be bigger, probably a city, and B: (Parinthesis (sp) are annoying) ). I will have you remember that Riverside is but a tiny speck on the continent.


    Thanks,
    Budaki
  12. spring_warm Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2003
    star 2
    heres a short story i wrote, tell me what you think







    Tidings
    Kevin Sullivan

    ~Light~

    I do believe at the time we were sitting over the bellowing trees, a whimsical sight for so late into spring. That?s when she ran down the stairs. I could only assume she was looking for her shoes. The flimsy gate snapped behind her, obviously new to the villa, she jumped at the sound of the rusty hinges cracking on the wood. When she approached I had a reply ready for her timely accusation; however she only stood and stared. I could see she was fighting laughter. Was it the grass tickling the bottom of her feet? I do hope so.
    I was glad when it was starting to light. I hadn?t grown much the last few years and always looked forward to some light. Any tense moments between us passed quickly when she realized she had forgotten her umbrella. I being the only one who would share mine soon found myself very close to her. I wonder what had brought her up here. What or who?
    I wished I could have spoken while we were walking back but the gentle fall of light onto the grass made it impossible to be heard. No one hears anything when you truly see the world around you for a brief moment. Except for me, I still heard it all. Once we were back to the villa I finally brought myself to looking in her young eyes. We sat on the stoop, watching the shards of light come parading down the sky. It wouldn?t last long. It would dry up.
    As one still here let me tell you that He is very bipolar. But I?m sure as one who has seen the beauty of a garden and the horrors of hate you could have figured that out for yourself. As soon as the light did dry up the land was so drenched it would be impossible to leave the safety of the Villa.
    Now that the location in which the rest of us would converse was decided by the temperamental nature that we gladly endured, my mind went back to what I was trying to figure. Why was she here? Not to say I did not enjoy her company, it?s nice to have someone to replace you as the most recent arrival. But the question was still on my mind.
    Suddenly I realized that I was alone. This is an odd feeling. The Villa was not a hostile place but a sense of being unwanted was allured by the feeling of the rooms when you were alone. The elders were going to their bedrooms to sleep. I couldn?t believe they could still sleep through the choir. The first time I had heard the choir singing, I had shrieked loud enough that every person in this circle had been awakened. This time I was awakened but not panicked. But still remember what the choir said to me that first night.

    Hit ne a shin du nu-wa l?ocho?

    I went to bed.

    ~Night Walking~

    I woke up without breath. Something was piercing me. I felt myself losing control. I toppled over. My head hit the night stand and I finally gained control of myself. I was looking around the dark gloomy room. I felt that sense that I shouldn?t be seeing what I was seeing and that I was unwanted by the dark figure of the Villa. I should have turned back at the doorway but I wanted to know what had happened, what had wakened me. I cursed to myself as I suspected that the new girl had screamed and that had awakened me. But this was no mere scream, this was something else.
    Walking at night in the Villa was not easy. It felt as if the whole place was trying to keep you from leaving. I turned at the end of the hall and took a look back at where I had walked. It sure was light compared to what was in front of me. I sat at the bottom of the nearby stairs and regained my breath. My heart felt heavy, or it would have if I had one. I pulled myself up on the banister and looked at the door in front of me. I reached out for the handle of the door. I felt the metal of the latch. What I felt next was entirely different. For a second I relished in the warm breath on my back but then I turned to see what it was. It was her.
    ?What are you doing!?!? I screamed. She did not look at me. It was as if I was not speaking but w
  13. Connemara Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 2000
    star 6
    That is really GOOD! Not exactly the cheeriest writing in the world, but I haven't read anything with such an original style in a long time. I like it!

    Your writing is hypnotizing...I'm almost afraid to ask for more, because it could mesmerize me and toss me into confusion again.

    And also, thanks guys for the tips on writing. :) Two nights ago I got the inspiration for a short story, and I might actually write it and complete it. As soon as I'm out of school I'll have time, anyway. :)
  14. spring_warm Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2003
    star 2
    Thank you very for the warm comments!
  15. WormieSaber Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 22, 2000
    star 5
    Nice story.

    I just finished writing two screenplays and I'm currently at work at re-writes on those as well as starting on the 3rd one. :)
  16. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    DDM: Yeah, please do post it here, because that link still doesn?t work for me ? for some odd reason :confused:

    budaki:
    Also, you said it seemed as if I was detailing my whole world out in the first chapter. Need I remind you that save for a few vague refrences to some outside cultures (i.e. Myad) all I sat up was the town of Riverside (Please Note Also that the chapter I posted was an early draft, and I now realize A: Riverside would infact be bigger, probably a city, and B: (Parinthesis (sp) are annoying) ). I will have you remember that Riverside is but a tiny speck on the continent.

    I?m sorry, but the chapter still read like a history lecture (in the beginning) than anything else. When I was talking about ?detailing your world,? I didn?t mean just physical description or cultures but rather everything about your world ? including people.

    This, in fact, might be more due to the fact that the details were given in expositional dumps. These are the passages, in particular, that made me want to stop reading the story really fast:

    Although many manner of beings frequented there, an unspoken miscegenation hung heavily, albeit unspoken, in the thick, smoky air. There were several sections of the bar, each designed to tailor to the comfort of the diverse patronage. Misanthropy ran highest in the Elves of Myadia, the Myadouum; who, if they for some reason even dared to mingle with ?lesser beings? (in their humble opinions) outside of their secluded realm of Myadia, would never speak to any being more than had to in such establishments like The Goose, not even the barmaids. The barmaids and the local Elves for that matter were of different blood than the Myadouum: they were from Glia, the great, forested expanse across the rivers to the north. Wood Elves they were often called, but their right names were Jaolasouum, which equates to the same thing. The Dwarves; however, being good natured, soft hearted, and more or less altruistic, were more accepting than Elves and even Men at times. They wouldn?t think twice about talking to a Gnome (since they were of course kin) or a Jadlur if one should show up. The Jadlur on the other hand, were probably the loneliest creatures around, being closest to the large creatures of the swamplands that they shared their likeness with. They had no hair, instead they were covered with leathery scales, and their forked tongues made it difficult for them to speak anyone outside their race: but they would listen. Dwarves love nothing more than a captive audience that doesn?t interrupt a good story.

    Each race had their inherent tastes for this and that, each palette greatly contrasting with each other (you would never give a Human a sip of Jadlur Wine lest it would make him drop from his stool and he?d ready for the grave by the next morning) but the sumptuous barmaids knew exactly how to please each being, and they tried to do it with a smile. To accommodate this, The Goose sat over one of the largest stockpiles of cereals and fruits within fifty leagues. The five brewers (four of them Dwarves) that blessed the place with their talents worked non-stop to get just the right taste and color to their beers and wines. They carefully guided their grains from malt to mash to wort on through fermentation and finally, to beer. Wine on the other hand, was another matter entirely and left to the fifth brewer, a Wood Elf, who happened to be an expert on the matter.


    A Gnome, with his high and weak voice, retorted. ?This is fact! I have had to journey through the Plains of Rall, and I have seen the shadows moving in the dark. And what?s more, they say that Ogres are on the prowl in the White Hills in the east and that there have been trolls spotted in the Moglas!? This unsettled many of the listeners, for the Moglas was the wide valley in which Riverside rested, and no one wanted to deal with a horde of trolls much less think about them. Riverside was positioned very delicately in the land of Praahan for two heavily used rivers: th
  17. budaki Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 19, 2001
    star 4
    Granted the word choice is extensively formal in some cases, but the fact of the matter is most of those who have read it (offline i mean) happen to like the expositions, because of the history. It isn't just some random hack n slash fantasy or what have you, there is extensive history, thousands of years of it, to nearly everything. It is called depth. I have even heard that there wasn't enough of that history in there! :)
  18. Darth Dark Helmet Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Dec 27, 1999
    star 6
    All right, I posted the story out in the other thread. Its all set.
  19. Eugene_Meltsner_AIO Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2002
    star 4
    Just posted a edited version of that chapter I posted a while back in the Publisher's Desk, so go check it out when you get the chance! :)
  20. Terr_Mys Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2002
    star 6
    I've posted a few short stories I've written for school this year. Comments/criticism would be appreciated.
  21. IamSpartacus Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2001
    star 2
    Alright, alright, I know I'm a slacker :p Sorry, along with BB I've also become very involved in another writer's forum. :eek: Anyway, I'll try to post some more reviews here tomorrow.
  22. KnightWriter Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Nov 6, 2001
    star 8
    Nah, you've just been expanding your horizons ;).
  23. Aunecah_Skywalker Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 25, 2002
    star 5
    Sorry for not responding to the last two stories - but I've been busy with exams. They're done today - so I'll start reviewing actively from next Monday (need some time for myself ;)).

    Aunecah
  24. KrystalBlaze Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 5
    :eek: You got a printout? THANK YOU, Aunecah_Skywalker. It makes me so happy that you enjoyed it. Thank you.
  25. Goldenboy62 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2002
    star 2
    Damn why didn't I find this thread sooner.

    When I was in college I made it a rule to stick at least one creative writing workshop on my schedule just so it would force me to write and to finish something. That was basically their only purpose, since as a rule, ppl who don't generally read speculative fiction, don't know how to critique fiction with any fantastic elements in it.

    Hope to have something for the group real soon!
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