The Wrong Reason (New JA Story) AUTHOR'S NOTES (1/31)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi_Joon, Nov 2, 2001.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Jedi_Joon Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2001
    star 3
    Hi! I'm a newbie to the boards but I thought I'd launch this story. Here's some info. Ummm...my JA universe is relatively AU from the book series. it's pretty faithful up until the whole Qui-Gon in love bit. I sort of disregarded that but...oh well, see what you guys think!

    If it's really bad, please, constructive criticism! :)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Title: The Wrong Reason
    JA Timeline: Obi-Wan is 15
    Disclaimer: All noticeable SW creations are obviously not mine.
    Summary: The Jedi do not seek revenge....at least, that is why they are told.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Nervously, Obi-Wan pushed down a lock of hair that persisted on spiking up on his head. Beside him, the tall frame of Master Qui-Gon remained still. So much so that it made Obi-Wan want to fidget more. He desperately wished his Master would say something but at the same time had no idea what he would say in return should the Jedi Master speak.

    Obi-Wan hadn't heard of Master Damaeo until two days ago. But he doubted he'd ever forget the name. Or the look of tight, pinched pain on Master Qui-Gon's face as he told him that they would be attending the funeral for the late Jedi Master. Killed in a mission, Qui-Gon had said, stiffly to Obi-Wan's reflexive inquiry of how the man had died.

    "It was a surprise attack. The Council is still investigating," said Qui-Gon, shortly. "He was a good man....a good friend," he added, almost to himself.

    Obi-Wan had been slightly startled by the quiet sadness in his Master's tone. It made the great Qui-Gon Jinn seem almost....vulnerable. Something the young padawan had never thought to see. He was pretty sure Master Jinn would have seen death before. But this one obviously struck him. Hard.

    As the pair quietly made their way towards the funeral pyre, the ceremony began. The brown-haired padawan remained close to Qui-Gon and listened uncomprehendingly as the familar figure of Master Yoda began to speak over the deceased form of Master Damaeo. Obi-Wan listened, not really hearing as his eyes remained fixed to a figure standing just off to the side of Master Yoda, slightly behind.

    The warm glow of the firelight in her hand only seemed to accentuate the lines of wariness on her otherwise youthful face. The orange glow licked her black hair that appeared too severely tied back from her face as if it had been done with the utmost care and strictness. Her pale eyes studied only the still form on the pyre.

    That must be Padawan Halcouri, concluded Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon had mentioned that Master Damaeo left behind a padawan. He watched with compassion as she stepped forward after Master Yoda. What must she feel? She has lost her Master...I can't even imagine....

    The closest he had ever come to losing Master Qui-Gon had been during their separation on Melida/Daan. But that had been different. He had known Master Qui-Gon wasn't dead. They simply weren't together. No, that was probably not even close to what this Padawan Halcouri felt now. But he noticed her face gave away nothing as she touched the firelight in her hand to the pyre. She did not even take moment to say silent farewell or even pause.

    The flames slowly but with gaining swiftness engulfed the body of the dead Master Damaeo. And soon Obi-Wan could not even see Padawan Halcouri behind the rising licks of fire.
  2. Jacinta_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2001
    star 4
    Intersting start, you wrote it well and it sounds promising. I'll keep an eye open.
  3. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Welcome to the boards. A good, well-written start to the story and I'll be looking forward to more.
  4. Healer_Leona Scattegories Host. Manager Emeritus

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I'll second Jane's welcome. :) :)

    It's always nice to see more JA!! A wonderful start you got and I also look forward to more.

    Post often, post soon!
  5. Jedi_Joon Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2001
    star 3
    Thanks everyone! Here's the next part.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Two Days Later

    "Do you mind not squirming so much, padawan?" requested the ever patient healer, An-Paj.

    "I can't help it," replied Obi-Wan, trying desperately like he wasn't whining.

    "It's only a bacta swab. It won't hurt a bit-"

    "OW!"

    "Unless you move," finished the blue alien.

    Grimacing but forcing himself to try and remain still, Obi-Wan glanced down at the cooling layer of the red goo that now completely covered his burn. That last mission Garen and his master had really helped to improve his friend's sparring skills. Not only had Garen whipped him in practice but had burnt him far more than he could count.

    "You'll triumph next time, Padawan Kenobi," assured An-Paj, as if reading his thoughts. "And then I'll have the pleasure of slapping a layer of this on Padawan Muln."

    "Do you really enjoy seeing us in pain, Master An-Paj?" asked Obi-Wan with almost a slight grin on his face.

    "I wouldn't be so cheeky to a person administering potentially painful medication if I were you, padawan," said An-Paj, dryly.

    Obi-Wan's small grin didn't falter but he closed his mouth, nonetheless. As An-Paj was finishing up putting on the final layer and bandage, a healer quickly approached the blue Jedi.

    "Master An-Paj, she is awake," he stated, softly.

    An-Paj nodded, his long antannaes wavering at the gesture. The snow white eyebrows knitted slightly in an expression of mild worry. "Change the dressing once a day and the burns will be gone before you know it," instructed An-Paj to curious padawan.

    Obi-Wan nodded wordlessly and sat watching as An-Paj moved away from him and left with the other healer. For a few minutes longer, Obi-Wan sat where he was, plucking idley at the tightly wound bandage. He realized that Master Jinn would probably still be in a meeting with the Council. Ever since the funeral of Master Damaeo, Qui-Gon had been kept closely informed about the Council's investigation into the matter. And despite not being certain, Obi-Wan was beginning to suspect that there was a mission for them looming in the horizon.

    The padawan thought it would do everyone a bit of good. Since the funeral, Qui-Gon had been closed off from him. It was never to the chilling degree of his early apprenticeship days to the tall Jedi Master and Obi-Wan knew he was not the cause of this Master's silence. But he couldn't help but feel slightly hurt that his Master wouldn't talk to him about it. It was a hurt feeling that Obi-Wan felt selfish feeling. He was hardly in any position to complain.

    After contemplating on his own wallowing thoughts, Obi-Wan hopped off the bed, telling himself to stop acting so maudlin and get going. Besides, if he stuck around, An-Paj might find better reason to keep him there longer. Pulling down his tunic sleeve over the bandaged arm, Obi-Wan made his way out of the small examination room.

    As he walked swiftly past the other patient rooms, he passed by one and quickly stepped back to look again. Inside one of the rooms, sitting on a bed was Padawan Halcouri. She sat, facing off to the side so Obi-Wan could only see the right side of her face. Her long dark hair now fell about her shoulders in messy tangles as she continued to look forward, not really seeing. But after awhile she looked over at the feeling that someone was watching her.

    "I'm sorry," Obi-Wan said, quickly at what must have looked like obvious intrusion. Seeing her face to face now, he noticed the pinched lines on the padawan's face during the funeral was now replaced by dark circles of exhaustion under her eyes. "I was just walking and I saw...are you alright?" he asked, lamely.

    The dark haired girl turned back to her original position. "Who're you?" she asked, listlessly in a tired voice.

    "I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi, padawan to Master Jinn," he replied.

    "Oh." Padawan Halcouri bowed her head, regarding her hands that lay folded in her lap. As if cold, she pulled her already lengthened sleeves of her sleeping tunic over her hands.

    "Ar
  6. JediClare Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 8, 2001
    star 4
    awww...poor Padawan Halcouri. more please?
  7. Lonewolf89 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 5
  8. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Nice portrayal of An-Paj! And poor Padawan Halcouri. She didn't seem to be injured, why was she in an examination room at the infirmary? Mental problems, perhaps? I liked the way Obi-Wan reacted to his own master with more awareness and gratitude, after seeing the loss in somebody else.

    Keep going!
  9. Amidelta Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2001
    star 2
    Great start! Post more soon!


    ~Amidelta~
  10. Jacinta_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2001
    star 4
    That was really good, keep it up!
  11. Healer_Leona Scattegories Host. Manager Emeritus

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Yup!! It's always wonderful to see our favorite Master Healer in a story... it wouldn't be JA without him!! :) :)

    Loved the interaction with Obi and An-Paj especially "I wouldn't be so cheeky to a person administering potentially painful medication if I were you, padawan"--LOL!

    And poor Padawan Halcouri! :( :(

    Now what are these urgent matters that need discussing???
  12. Ani_rhymeswith_pansy Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 13, 2001
    star 1
    Good story! :)

    Don't stop now!

    But I have just ONE question............

    Will there be mush!? :D
  13. Jedi_Joon Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2001
    star 3
    WOW! Thanks everyone! I'll try and put up a new post tomorrow!

    The question of mush: not sure yet. :p
  14. ewen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2001
    star 4
    Like the beginning of this story.I love JA stories,but am never into romance,PEACE Ewen
  15. Abbi_Cee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2000
    star 4
    Nice start and I like your characterizations. Nice touch with Obi-Wan holding the link open just bit longer so he could continue to feel Qui-Gon. Uh... is this going to be a romance and if it is it going to be a big part of the story? I'm not much into romances, but I can usually muddle through if it's just a minor part of the story. :)
  16. LittleJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 4
    Oooooh. I like this story already! POST!

    -Little Jedi-
    MTFBWY
  17. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    Great beginning! You got my attention! More!
  18. Jedi_Joon Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2001
    star 3
    to assure some people,
    there will be NO romance btwn. Obi-Wan and any female character I create. So, no worries that he will fall in love or something with Padawan Halcouri.
  19. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
  20. Jedi_Joon Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2001
    star 3
    She felt a slight gust of cold breeze on her back. It was only a small puff of air that could be made by two people entering a room. Which she knew was the cause.

    "Neela?" Questioned a gentle but firm voice. It was Healer An-Paj. She kept her back firmly towards them, curling only a bit more into herself as she lay on her side. "Padawan Halcouri," called the healer, a bit more firmly but maintaining a soft tone. "I have brought someone who wishes to see you."

    Unless it was her Master Damaeo magically brought back from the dead, she didn't care. She just wanted to be left alone. But she felt the two Force signatures move closer to her until she was sure they were just in front of her bed.

    "This is Master Lewix Winchard," introduced An-Paj, quietly.

    Neela's gray eyes moved from the wall in front of her to the side to get a brief glimpse of the introduced Master. He looked relatively young with dark brown, nearly black hair and dark eyes set in a naturally pale face. At the moment, the eyes were looking at her with a kindness and softness that did little to make Neela feel any better.

    She wasn't stupid. The Council had already assigned this Master Lewix to take her as his padawan. And her Master Damaeo's funeral pyre had barely cooled! Twisting her body now to get a better look at Master Lewix, Neela felt a surge of resentment. The Council was very careful, alright. They chose this dark featured man who was the complete opposite of Master Damaeo to try and make it easier on her. Master Damaeo had had fiery red hair and light blue eyes. The only thing this new person and Master Damaeo shared in common was similar tall height.

    And at the moment, the height was being reduced as Master Lewix moved over to the side of the bed and sat down in a chair. Neela didn't even look up to say goodbye to Healer An-Paj as he quietly left. As a few seconds ticked by, the dark eyes of Master Lewix only regarded her. But as soon as Neela felt an urge to tell him to stop looking at her, he spoke.

    "May I call you Neela, Padawan Halcouri?" he asked.

    "I don't care," replied Neela, now staring up at the ceiling as she lay on her back.

    "The Council has asked-"

    "I know what the Council has asked," interrupted Neela, rudely. "They're not even waiting for a whole week to go by before shoving me off to another Master," she said, bitterly.

    The dark eyebrows knitted in slight confusion. "Actually...that is not why I'm here, Neela," said Lewix, gently. That got her attention. The padawan's gray eyes slid over to look properly at the pale face of the Jedi Master. "I am here because the Council wanted me to speak with you about what happened after your Master's funeral," he informed in a quiet but neutral tone.

    Neela unconsciously pulled the sleeves of her tunic down a bit more. Lewix caught the act. "You cut vertically. Healer An-Paj was lucky to have stopped the bleeding in time," said Lewix.

    Neela snorted. "Lucky. Yes."

    "You were serious about it," he stated. Neela remained silent. "Just one cut, each wrist. If one is not serious the cuts are made horizontally." Neela continued to keep her attention on the ceiling. "Neela...will you tell me why?"

    "You seem to have all the answers," replied the girl, hoarsely. Lewix only looked at her, waiting. "Are you a mind healer?" she asked.

    "I was trained as one years ago," he replied. "I gave it up though to be a field Knight."

    Great, thought Neela. The Council's caring enough to give me a second rate mind healer.

    Turning over, Neela faced the wall again, curling up. "I don't want to talk to you," she said, honestly.

    "Neela-"

    "I know the Council thinks I need help because I tried to kill myself but it was a mistake," she parroted, firmly. "It was a really bad mistake and I won't try it again."

    "Why did you try it the first time?" asked Lewix. His voice had that quality of a person who already knew the answer but asked the question anyway.

    "I don't know!" answered Neela. "I miss Master Damaeo. It's stupid. What I
  21. Sticks-Solo Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 11, 2001
    star 2
    Great start.

    It is always interesting to see work by new writers. I'll have to keep an eye on this one. :)
  22. JediClare Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 8, 2001
    star 4
    "It is not stupid," Lewix finally said.

    Neela blinked. "What?" she whispered.

    "Missing your Master," he stated, gently. "Missing him is not stupid at all."


    awww...

    a question: why didn't Master Damaeo's body disappear?
  23. Ginger_Jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2001
    star 6
    Very good start indeed and I'm looking forward to more Jedi_Joon! Woo hoo! New fan fiction!! YAY!!!
  24. Lonewolf89 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 5
    AAAWWW, you forgot to give a tissue warning.



  25. Jedi_Joon Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 1, 2001
    star 3
    thanks everyone!
    The body disappearing thing: See, I always thought that too but since Qui-Gon's body didn't disappear in TPM, I assumed the body disappearing thing was just specialized towards the older Obi-Wan in ANH.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.