Before They Are Primatives -- Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, OCs, Action, **Complete** 16-Feb-2006

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Feb 7, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Title: They Are Primitives
    Author: ardavenport (aka Anne Davenport)
    Timeframe: pre-Episode I
    Genre: adventure
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi, OCs
    Keywords Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, JA, BfTS, OC
    Summary: The leaders of an isolated moon deal with a Jedi invasion and rescue attempt.
    Notes: Typo is my middle name, with missing words and errors that spell checkers don?t catch being my speciality ? if you see any, just post a reply or send a PM with the what and where and I will kill them with no mercy.
    Disclaimer: All characters belong to George and Lucasfilm; I?m just playing in their sandbox


    They Are Primitives


    Dani Orliss stormed down the corridor. The overhead lights had gone yellow, the ones that were still working. The oil lamps still shined their dimmer light from their improvised wall settings.

    ?Turi!? he yelled at a young man in a powder blue tunic and cloak draped across his chest and down his back. He turned from the two armored City Defenders. They all gave Leader Orliss short, respectful bows as he joined them.

    ?Where?s the Dwen?? Orliss demanded.

    ?She?s coming,? Turi, the Dwen?s aide, replied. ?We?re having trouble with the coms. The power--?

    ?I can see that the power is out.? Orliss waved at the flickering lights; he held up a small, silver device that emitted the soft sound of static before he clicked it off and put it away in an inner coat pocket. Then he looked to one of the City Defenders.

    ?I heard they came in from the mountain-side, Captain. Did you use the sentry droids on them? Did we get them??

    The man he addressed, tall and hard and gray from his years as a peace enforcer, frowned. ?No,? he answered. ?They didn?t even slow them down. They just cut right through them and kept going. We thought we had them in the workshops, but we couldn?t touch them. They deflected everything we fired at them; I?ve never seen anything like it.?

    Orliss looked stunned by the report. ?How many droids do we have left??

    The captain pressed his lips together into a bitter line. ?None, Sir. They destroyed them all.?

    Orliss took a few seconds to absorb the loss and then he gave the captain a look of sympathy. All those resources spent on those droids...gone. He looked to Turi. ?What about the Guardians? Have they done any better??

    Turi swallowed. ?I don?t know, Leader. But...we couldn?t stop them behind the Defender Quarters. We tried to encircle them in the courtyard, but they just leapt up out of the way. We had snipers with blaster rifles above, but they just deflected the bolts with their energy swords. I saw it myself. I?ve never seen anyone move so fast. We had to stop. We hit some of our own...? Turi bowed his blond head, his brown eyes downcast and ashamed.

    ?But they looked like us, Turi?? Orliss pressed, more gently this time. ?They weren?t creatures...like the others??

    ?No, Leader. I wouldn?t know what such things would look like.? Turi shook his head. ?They were very tall, but they were like us.?

    A short woman joined the group. Her red, general?s armor markings were smudged with soot, strands of her dark hair escaped the combs on her head. ?The auxiliary command is already activated, Leader Orliss. But I can only give you Folot and Abimado. They?re climbing out of the Nad-oh-six elevator now. I just got a message from them through the wires,? she explained. ?They?ll be here any minute,? she assured. Orliss thanked her and she left with the two City Defenders. They could hear other people running, calling to each other, beeps and whirring of straining equipment, but Orliss and Turi were otherwise alone in the intersection where they had gathered.

    A stern woman with a guardian?s short, plain haircut and the Dwen?s pale, gold pants, tunics and cloak strode in unaccompanied.

    ?We?ve lost them. They?re somewhere in the upper levels of the Hold. We think.?

    Turi paled as he bowed to his Guardian superior. ?They strung a cable
  2. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I loved that. I didn't know what to expect but the POV of the ones being on the other end of a Jedi rescue is a really cool idea. Love the way you threw the names of everyone at us, just like it would be in a desperate situation. Loved that they were using the droids and nothing was going to stop the invaders.... Jedi. LOL.

    Really good. Looking forward to more.
  3. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Wow what an amazing idea! I love how you show us normal situations for a Jedi but through the pov of outsiders! Brilliant! Looking forward to more!


    =D==D=
  4. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Beautiful work! A unique perspective and flawlessly executed! Bravo! =D=
  5. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    I love it when you do stories of our fave Jedi seen through OC's POVs, ardavenport, they're always fun to read. :D [face_love]

    Those people are way in over their heads trying to go up against Jedi like that. 8-} *snicker*

    Can't wait for more of this! :D
  6. Princess_Arulmozhi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2004
    star 4
    Ah, lovely, lovely. I love the way the *Jedi* destroy all the technology, but not lifeforms. :D And the outsider POV is something I love too. Great work!
  7. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Great start- it really caught my attention from the beginning
  8. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    dianethx: I loved that. I didn't know what to expect but the POV of the ones being on the other end of a Jedi rescue is a really cool idea. Love the way you threw the names of everyone at us, just like it would be in a desperate situation. Loved that they were using the droids and nothing was going to stop the invaders.... Jedi. LOL.

    Well, it is a bit of a desperate situation for the people on the planet, and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had to have gotten their practice destroying droids from somewhere. Unfortunately, Jedi also likely got their over-confidence from encounters like this as well; for a lot of situations, they are unstoppable. Glad you?re enjoying it.

    Layren: Wow what an amazing idea! I love how you show us normal situations for a Jedi but through the pov of outsiders! Brilliant! Looking forward to more!

    ?Normal? is such a relative term.[face_mischief] Jedi-normal just isn?t for anyone else. Glad you enjoyed it.

    VaderLVR64: Beautiful work! A unique perspective and flawlessly executed! Bravo!

    {blush} Much thanks.:D

    Bastet: I love it when you do stories of our fave Jedi seen through OC's POVs, ardavenport, they're always fun to read.

    Jedi sort of live in their own world, in their Temple and all; it?s nice to expand that when others look at them. And I like doing Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan just in general anyway.

    Princess_Arulmozhi: Ah, lovely, lovely. I love the way the *Jedi* destroy all the technology, but not lifeforms. And the outsider POV is something I love too. Great work!

    You can learn so much about Jedi, that even the Jedi don?t know, from how other people see them. And while I think they?re trained for it, I imagine the Jedi being reluctant to kill other people, or even other lifeforms; surely they can feel others dying through the Force. Glad you enjoyed it.

    PadawanKitara: Great start- it really caught my attention from the beginning

    Thanks. I hope to keep the flow going.



    ======================================== part 2 ====

    Orliss looked at the image. It would have been better if they?d sent some creatures, some intelligent beasts so that people really grasp that they reaching beyond their own small world, beyond the Ithnun. People knew the tales, but that wasn?t nearly as effective as meeting them in the flesh. The trade negotiators had been extraordinary. Two males, one with blue, the other with orange skin, no hair and amazing fleshy tails that hung down from the backs of their heads. One had his tails decorated with tattoos. He put his hand over an inner pocket of his coat where he kept the jeweled emblem that they?d removed from one of them. They?d sent it?s image to the Ithnun to prove that they had captured them.

    Now these two invaders tore through all their defenses with unnatural skill and technology. Orliss walked toward the screen and stared at the weapon. The Dwen glared at him.

    ?Do you know what they are?? she demanded.

    ?I?ve never seen anything like them.?

    ?That?s not what I asked.? She walked toward him; her low voice carried her authority of the Dwen-ship well. ?You?re the one with the far world education.? Traskyuler reminded. ?Have you heard of soldiers like these??

    ?I was trained for a half-cycle for the service to the Ithnun Lords.? He turned away from the image, the expression on his aging and handsome face angry. ?They only let me know what they wanted me to know.?

    ?What are they?? Traskyuler demanded.

    Dani ran his hand through his graying blond hair. ?I don?t know,? he affirmed. ?But...they could be Jedi. They would have to have come from the Republic itself.? He turned away from the screens and went back to the control table. He touched a couple of buttons and colored lights flashed; power hummed through the tilted metal surface under his hand. But the coms were dead, except for the hardwired ones that only went outside to the corridor and to the City Defender?s command. Hopefully Folot and Abimado coul
  9. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    First reply?


    Yay! [face_dancing][face_dancing][face_dancing][face_dancing]



    I'm breathless... totally breathless -- that was amazing -- surely they don't actually manage to make it out of there unscathed do they, given their reputation :p



  10. Star_Drifter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2005
    star 3
    ?We may be delayed. And we do not wish to be observed.? He pointed up at a ring of cameras above the center control bay of the room. ?I will look for another exit, but be mindful of those two Obi-Wan. The woman is clearly dangerous, but the man may have abilities as well.? Obi-Wan nodded and Qui-Gon began to search along the along the walls.

    What an exciting story! :D

    I am definitely looking forward to reading more! [face_batting]

    Star
  11. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Great action sequence. And I love the confusion as to the teo unknown warriors. Awesome point of view piece.
  12. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Layren: I'm breathless... totally breathless -- that was amazing -- surely they don't actually manage to make it out of there unscathed do they, given their reputation

    Thanks. And you never know what will happen with Jedi around. [face_mischief]

    Star_Drifter: I am definitely looking forward to reading more!

    So glad you're enjoying it; that's comfort food to writers.

    PadawanKitara: Great action sequence. And I love the confusion as to the teo unknown warriors. Awesome point of view piece.

    Glad you like it; it gets a little less confusing for the OCs.


    OK, the next part...

    ======================================== part 3 ====

    ?Master, I believe the woman is still armed,? Obi-Wan spoke what he sensed from her through the Force as well as what he could simply see from her body language.

    Qui-Gon replied with a small smile. ?I am absolutely certain of it.? He didn?t sound too concerned. Obi-Wan nodded; while the entire fortress had attacked them, he had not felt in any imminent peril. The Force all around him, moving in concert with his Master, he?d stayed in control of their part of the battle at all times. Among the blaster bolts and droids, they?d fought off quite a few edged, thrown projectiles as well.

    ?She threw knives at us, Master, just solid metal. They?re even less effective than blasters.?

    ?She is not accustomed to the blaster, Obi-Wan. Remember, these are primitives, my young apprentice. They are not our objective.?

    ?But they murdered the ambassadors??

    ?The Ithnun claimed they were murdered. But we have not confirmed the circumstances of their deaths, nor is it our mission to judge,? he admonished.

    Obi-Wan lowered his blue eyes respectfully. ?Yes, Master.? Qui-Gon sighed. Their rescue mission had failed. It had probably failed even before they?d arrived. The ambassadors sent to the primary moon of Plodnum were dead. Their only task now was to retreat and leave.

    They both suddenly turned together. The woman had stood up.

    ?There are medical supplies in that cabinet.? She pointed at a tall, wood and metal cabinet of many compartments on the opposite wall. ?I?m going to get something for my friend here.? She didn?t wait for their permission. Qui-Gon nodded to Obi-Wan and he immediately strode over to the cabinet. The woman glared at Qui-Gon when she found her path blocked.

    ?We do carry some medical supplies. They are quite effective for injuries like that. If you wish, my apprentice will help you.?

    She sneered back. The top of her head barely reached the top of Obi-Wan?s chin, but she did not tilt her head to look up at either of them. ?I?m sure you know all about them. But I prefer to have some of our own tools anyway. Just in case your ?apprentice? isn?t as able at ?helping? as you say.? Qui-Gon gave Obi-Wan a tiny nod of approval and he answered it, silently acknowledging the unspoken language of gesture and Force sense between Master and Padawan.

    Obi-Wan hastily leaned back when the woman swung an upper cabinet door open. A smile of satisfaction curled her lips before she turned and pulled out a black metal box emblazoned with blue symbols and a large clear plastic jug with a fairly universal symbol for ?water? on it?s label. She turned and took them back to the man. Obi-Wan followed.

    She cut away the arm of his blue and green striped shirt above the injury across the biceps of his upper arm with a utility cutter from the box. Obi-Wan kept his eye on the cutter in his side vision as he opened a pouch on his belt.

    ?This will help you clean the wound.? He slid the end of the small, flat bag open. ?You?ll only need a little.? The woman laid the cutter back down into the box very carefully.

    ?It?s fine, Tras.? The man smiled at the woman. He was older, with sandy, graying hair, but his face was wrinkled in all the places that a smile would make it so; he smiled like he meant it. And the woman?s hard expression softened. He turned his body so his wounded arm faced Obi-Wan.
  13. Star_Drifter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2005
    star 3
    "So, now it looks like we steal from the dead. We?ve made a wonderful impression on them.? Tras noted as they watched the two of them together. ?And you won?t be able to get to that one so easily in any case,? she finished, pointing at the taller, older one...

    No, I don't think that you will! [face_not_talking]

    Something more seems to be going on beneath the surface, and I can't wait to find out what it is! :D

    Great update! [face_batting]

    Star
  14. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    There is always more than one side to every story. Will we find out the truth behind this one?
  15. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Star_Drifter: Something more seems to be going on beneath the surface, and I can't wait to find out what it is!

    Glad you're enjoying the story! There are a few things going on and more to come.

    PadawanKitara: There is always more than one side to every story. Will we find out the truth behind this one?

    Oh, things will become clearer, yes. Thanks for reading.


    Now, the next part.



    ======================================== part 4 ====

    ?What else do you know about them? These Jedi?? Tras asked.

    ?They?re...they?re supposed to be like Guardians,? he gestured toward her formal garb, a symbol of her own service. ?Except for the whole Republic. They come from a temple on the capital planet. They?re supposed to have...special powers.?

    ?Really?? Tras looked at them, then at the destroyed cameras on the high ceiling above. ?I never would have guessed.?

    ?What do you think of them? You?ve fought them. Seen them fight. You?re the expert.? They spoke with hushed voices, trying not to attract attention.

    ?I?ve never seen fighters like them,? she admitted. ?They?re not just fast. They are always where they need to be, before you even move. They command the air,? she said in a respectful whisper.

    ?So good that even you can?t hit them??

    ?That blade was aimed right at his head,? she hissed. ?I couldn?t have missed. But he moved his hand and it just turned in mid-air.?

    ?Are you sure he did that? That it didn?t just go wild?? She glared back at him, offended by the suggestion. ?Sorry,? he amended. ?I should have known better.? The two Jedi had moved to coms table. ?But you have to admit, they got all the way in here and you didn?t even see them.?

    ?I caught a glimpse of one of them hiding after we came in here and I was trying to get you to leave, so we could cut the power and trap them. But you were too busy telling them everything they needed to know.? Tras?s heated whisper replied. ?And I forgot to congratulate you on your brilliant thinking of trapping us in here with them.?

    ?Why thank you, my Dwen. I?m flattered that you noticed.? He graciously accepted her sarcasm as if it were a compliment and she huffed in exasperation.

    On the other side of the room, the older, taller Jedi looked up at the ceiling, apparently disappointed. Dani followed his gaze. He was scowling at the vents by the ruined cameras. Dani chuckled out loud and the Jedi?s bearded face turned to them.

    ?The ventilation in this room is very inefficient,? he announced to them.

    ?Yeah, it always gets stuffy in here during drills. But,? Dani lifted his hand up, pointing to the very small vent openings, ?people coming and going through the air vents. How obvious is that?? He smiled sympathetically. The Jedi just frowned back.

    ?I?m Dani Orliss,? he started out. ?I?m Leader??

    ?So, I?m told.? The Jedi cut him off.

    Dani regrouped. ?And you are...?? he invited, looking for an opening.

    ?That is not important.? He turned his back on them. With a possibly sympathetic glance their way, Obi-Wan followed.

    ?Tough room?? Tras said from the side.

    ?I like a challenge,? Dani responded, his eyes still on the two. The taller one put the hood of his robe on and Obi-Wan did the same, now presenting him with impenetrable fabric.

    ?Well, if you can actually get through to them, try to distract them.?

    ?Huh??

    ?Fall down or knock something over or do something that will keep their hands busy.?

    Dani looked at her. She had a disturbingly familiar fixed gaze on the Jedi. ?What are you talking about.?

    ?I still have two dart guns under my cloak.? She spoke very softly now. ?I think I can??

    ?What?!? Dani?s exclamation was loud enough for the Jedi, shrouded in the robes now, to look their way. Tras and Dani froze, not-funny smiles fixed on their faces. After another moment, the Jedi went back to their own business.

    ?Have you forgotten what?s already happened? We don?t need two more bodies, Tras.? Dani managed to keep t
  16. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5

    ?I hope Luro doesn?t think that we?re trying to send him some kind of code that he thinks means shoot on sight,? the Dwen grumbled below Qui-Gon?s shoulder.

    ?Even if he does, that shouldn?t be a problem,? Qui-Gon answered smugly, folding his arms before him. Traskyuler gave him a dirty look.




    Hahah! That was great :D Nice job Qui ;) Excellent -- I meant to reply to your other part but I forgot! Sorry about that , time just got away from me [face_blush]

    I'm really enjoying this story! I look forward to more. Well done! =D=
  17. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Hee hee, this is great, ardavenport! :D

    That was funny how those people got themselves trapped in that room with Qui and Obi.

    Can't wait to see what's going to happen. :D
  18. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Cool. The action was quite well done. I could just picture it all - the way the Jedi came into the room, the way Tras tried to fight them without success although she kept trying. Loved the image from TPM, too.

    So they are trapped... well, for a little while at least. Good job.
  19. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    so now they are the hostages? or negotiators?

    Great job
  20. Star_Drifter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2005
    star 3
    Orliss and Traskyuler opened a pair of ornate doors together, pushing them outward. The others in the group stayed back, keeping some distance between them and the Jedi. So, only the two leaders and the Jedi walked through the portal of the waiting room into the huge entry hall of the Hold. They stopped and they stared.

    [face_thinking] What are they staring at?

    I think Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had better be careful about whom they trust...o_O

    Interesting update!

    Star
  21. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Layren: I'm really enjoying this story! I look forward to more. Well done!

    Oh, I love to hear that people are having a good read. :) Thanks.

    Bastet: Hee hee, this is great, ardavenport! That was funny how those people got themselves trapped in that room with Qui and Obi. Can't wait to see what's going to happen.


    Thank you so much. You won?t have to wait long.

    dianethx: Cool. The action was quite well done. I could just picture it all - the way the Jedi came into the room, the way Tras tried to fight them without success although she kept trying. Loved the image from TPM, too.

    Thanks, glad you like the action; Jedi look good in action.[face_mischief] But I?m trying to think of which image from TPM it is? I must have put it there unconsciously.

    PadawanKitara: so now they are the hostages? or negotiators? Great job

    Thanks. They?re sort of not quite either. Mostly just in the middle of things.

    Star_Drifter: What are they staring at?

    Aaaaaah, you?re about to find out. ;) Thanks for reading.



    ======================================== part 5 ====

    ?Tras, what are you doing to me?? Orliss now cast a nervous glance behind him and up at their Jedi guests.

    ?How could I possibly arrange this when I was stuck in there with you and them?? She looked proudly at her ranks of Guardians. ?But I wish I?d thought of it.?

    A huge crowd had assembled before them. Neat rows of defenders and Guardian. Many were Guardians in pale green and blue tunics and shoulder cloaks. They formed an empty corridor that stretched across the floor to the great, open doors. The yellow outside light shone beyond them.

    A few people coughed and there was the muffled sound of shifting bodies. Orliss swallowed his grimace and advanced. Behind him the Jedi folded their arms before them, their hands disappearing into the opposite sleeves of their robes, and marched behind him. Traskyuler came behind them.

    Obi-Wan lowered his head, but kept his eyes forward. He didn?t remember most of them. The ?Guardians? as Orliss had named them during his long narration were the traditional enforcers on this moon. They were picked from children submitted by their families to the Guardians, and trained for a lifetime of service to their moon. As Guardians, they were sworn to be poor in material wealth, but they would always be respected and they would belong to an order that would support them. And with Guardian training and status they would always be able to defend themselves. They trained from young children to be expert in all physical martial arts.

    Obi-Wan noticed that several of them in the front lines had bandaged injuries. Noble as they were, they did not have the Force with them and he and his master had cut through their ranks with relative ease. All of their metal hand weapons were slow compared to the blaster fire, rockets, energy beams and other technological weapons that the Jedi normally needed to defend themselves against.

    Next to his Padawan, Qui-Gon Jinn observed the Guardians as well as they moved forward. One young woman in pale green silently cried as she stood at attention, her hand going to her mouth as she fought for control. Others wore rigid and tearful expressions, the discipline of their lives holding them in place. Many looked to the Dwen behind them. They bowed to her, carefully not lowering their heads until the Jedi were nearly past them.

    Qui-Gon recognized one older male, his a hair straight, steel gray, cut evenly at the base of his skull. Qui-Gon had seen him giving orders and immediately afterwards the Guardians? attacks had focused on the hilts of their lightsabers, obviously trying to disarm them. It was a sound tactic, but their efforts were too slow. And it was painfully obvious to Qui-Gon that the man had never directed a battle with energy weapons before and the errors he?d made had cost his own troops in crossfire and ricochets. Qui-Gon was absolutely certain th
  22. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    That was a great ending to a great story!
  23. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Thanks much for reading. I'm fond of little action/adventure missions where Jedi can be nearly indestructible...especeially after watching ROTS. :D

  24. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Oooh I missed the ending somehow! Fantastic ending! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply :)
  25. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Oh, well it took me a long time to reply to your reply, so we're even. :) Glad you liked the ending, and thanks for replying, too.

Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.