Before They met in a bar, a vignette with Dooku, Jinn, Yoda and OC's (adventure) PT rewrite

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by earlybird-obi-wan, Oct 10, 2009.

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  1. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    They met in a bar
    Author: Earlybird-obi-wan
    Timeframe: before JA
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Count Dooku, Yoda and OC?s
    Genre: Pt rewrite challenge
    Disclaimer: Star Wars is owned by George Lucas
    Summary: Qui-Gon is disobeying an order from his master. Or how Spanners was found.

    They met in a bar

    ?No!?

    ?I am going inside,? the young teenager turned his head and looked with his dark stormy sky blue eyes in the even darker ones of his master.

    ?It is a bar and you aren?t allowed to go in,? Master Dooku met the defiant gaze of his padawan ?you are 12.?

    ?Babies aren?t allowed either and I saw that woman going...?

    ?Padawan follow me! She is from that group and we have to meet their leader. The needs of the many...?

    ?Outweigh the needs of the few. I know what our mission asks from us but?? Qui-Gon paused ?No,? he turned and swept through the swinging doors entering the bar with the name O-Lenge emblazoned in neon lettering. He had seen a woman with a little red haired toddler of only a few months ? six at the most ? going in and he had sensed something and no matter what his master was ordering him, he wanted to investigate the something. He would face the consequences later.

    And he had to compose himself hiding the disgust he was feeling when he heard the woman talking to another scantilly dressed woman who had introduced herself as Marraki O-Neillie. She was one of the reasons to be here on this planet where two groups were fighting. The mission was to get the groups talking. She could be the start for just that. She was a liasion between the groups. He walked to the counter, giving the other patrons a Force suggestion that he was of age. And his length was aiding him. He was about to order a drink standing next to the woman when he heard that what prompted him to take immediate action.

    ?He is an orphan. Darak?s men killed his parents and you can have him for a thousand credits. That?s very cheap you know. Darak has offered me more but he wants to raise him as his son.?

    ?I will take him. Darak won?t have him. He will become our champion fighter and slave and not his.?

    ?You don?t need him. Go back to Darak,? Qui-Gon spoke softly but with a Force enhanced suggestion and saw Marraki O-Neillie turn away.

    ?I don?t need him. Go back to Darak.?

    ?You will give him,? Qui-Gon adressed now the other woman gazing into her eyes ?freely.?
    He held out his hands to the woman.

    ?I will give him freely,? the woman murmured and she pushed the sleeping toddler in Qui-Gon?s arms.

    ?You will leave the O-Lenge,? Qui-Gon continued even more softly ?you will go to Darak and tell him to meet Marraki O-Neillie.?

    ?I will leave and go to Darak and tell him to meet Marraki O-Neillie.?

    Qui-Gon followed her and saw her walking to a group of men and women where his master was talking to a man. Some arguments followed and he saw her and the leader Darak headed to the bar.

    Master Dooku saw his padawan ?it seems you have picked up another pathetic lifeform? and eyed the toddler ?but you have started the negotiations I see.?

    ?Yes master,? Qui-Gon smiled ?that woman was the key to our mission and now we have this little kid to take care of. He is an orphan.?

    ?Let?s go to our transport,? Master Dooku said ?orphans don?t have a promising future here. We might as well take him to Coruscant and one of the orphanages there. And for your disobeying my direct order; I won?t forget it but you are of the hook this time.?

    Qui-Gon nodded.

    ?Only one thing padawan,? Master Dooku said ?you have to take care of the kid.?

    Qui-Gon nodded and felt something wet soaking his tunics. The toddler began to cry.

    - - -

    In hyperspace it happened.

    Qui-Gon had changed the diaper of the crying toddler. That had soothed him for one hour at the most but only a little bit. Crying, the little boy had been crying from the moment they entered the transport and made the jump to hyperspace. He eyed the closed door of the cabin where his master was meditating. ?Thanks the Force; that cabin is soundproof. But our pilot...?

    Their pilot Junnilla Ruzzem ? a schagrriann wo
  2. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Ha! Qui-Gon is defiant at such an early age. Very stubborn he is.

    But he save the little boy. Thats a good thing.=D=
  3. AzureAngel2 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6

    ?Aiden O-Lenge well chosen it is Qui-Gon.?

    Master Yoda waited for Qui-Gon to place Aiden back in his bed. He placed his three fingered hand on Aiden?s forehead. ?Great future I sense Aiden O-Lenge.?


    Indeed well chosen Aiden is!

    :D

    Also a good choice for a vignette, dear bird.
  4. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Cute lil tale :) Thanks for sharing! @};-
  5. SJ_More Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 28, 2009
    star 1
    Aw. That was a nice story! ;) Good Job!
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