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Saga Thief (Padme is angry; occurs around Ep. III - vignette)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obaona, Jul 30, 2003.

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  1. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Thanks for clicking! :D *throws confetti*

    Title: Thief
    Summary: Padme is angry.
    A/N: This seriously needs a beta-reader, preferably someone who knows Padme well. Any volunteers? :p I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it, but I'm so bleh at it right now I want to make it better. ;)
    A/N2: This story is based off the idea that the fanfics I've seen always have Padme grieving. What if she got angry instead? And Bri, honey, this was partially inspired by a line in your latest vignette. [face_mischief]


    Onto the story.


    *****


    You?re a thief, Anakin.

    I hate you for what you?ve done. I rage in the silence of this room, this . . . cell. It might as well be such, for the fact that I cannot leave. I need to ?calm down?, it would seem. But I have every right to rage, I have every reason to hate you, Anakin.

    I am your wife, and you betrayed me.

    Not for something so simple as another warm bed, no, but for power. You heard its seductive call, and you fell for it. You always craved it, but I foolishly thought that you were a Jedi, albeit a learner, and that you knew better. I was a politician, Anakin; you think I don?t know of power? You yelled at me when you told me of what you were now, what you planned to be, and I said I did not want to listen.

    When you told me you were joining Palpatine.

    You said it was only right, that the Senate could only bicker. You claimed they could get nothing done, that they had to forcibly shown the truth. You were insistent that it was the best way for Palpatine to be in power . . . Do you think I did not see the hunger in your eyes, when Palpatine led the Senate by fear and power, guards at every hall ? and you by his side?

    I know that you are aware of what he did to Naboo. We protested Palpatine?s rise to ?Emperor?. We spoke the truth, pointed out the treason of the matter, the dictatorship that would arise out of his ?New Order?. And yet, you turned away and listened to the lies. Or perhaps it didn?t matter. Was that it, Anakin?

    It was no riot that made Palpatine send his troops to Theed. There was no uprising. There was no rebel insurgent who planted a bomb in the city, destroying it utterly, wiping away people, years of history, and the beautiful innocence of the capital. That was not the action of a crazed Naboo citizen. It was deliberate and planned. Am I supposed to believe you didn?t notice that none of Palpatine?s prized special commandos were killed? My people are dead and dying. I walked in Theed, among ruins so degraded that nothing of their original purpose could be seen. Skeletons were half dust.

    Was that necessary, Anakin?

    What was your rationalization for declaring the Jedi to be criminals? Do you believe Palpatine?s lies, his blaming the Separatist war on them ? that they started it in some mad seize for power? Your own master discovered the clones. You knew, Anakin, you knew. You knew it all. How could you really think that it would end with the arrests, Anakin? Are you so far gone in your stupid anger against the Jedi for forcing us to keep our relationship a secret?

    I wish I never married you. Oh, I might not have been able to prevent any of this from happening anyway ? I am only one among many, and I know that. But my own husband, the man I loved, would have not been involved. My family is dead, Anakin, did you know that?

    I pound the wall, and scream out my rage. After all, no one hear me. No one can hear the screams, Anakin. Not mine, not those of innocents who are or will be crumbled under Palpatine's sadistic desire for power.

    The room is empty. Empty empty empty. Just like me. That?s why you?re a thief, Anakin. You?ve stolen everything from me. Take aside all that you have done, all the immoral actions you have taken, and still . . . you?ve stolen from me. I loved you. I was happy. I had my home and I had you. I gave my soul to you, and you?ve crushed in beneath your feet. You did that when you left me, when I refused to join you, and you . . . left.

     
  2. Bri_Windstar

    Bri_Windstar Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 27, 2002
    I knew you had a reason for pointing me to this paticular viggie, not that i wouldnt have clicked anyway. :)

    Fun stuff, Oba, and damn are you fast! Faster than me, anyway. 8-}

    I loved it. Her emotions are just so fast, so heated, and it seems like you actually have to read faster to keep up with her.

    :::wonders if that makes sense at all:::

    Well, the structure of the piece was well fitting with the tone of the piece. :)

    Ooh, anger. Anger is good! Anger is always good, i can see her hating him. I think it perfectly plausible and reasonable that she would want to hate him. And i love the title. I would consider him a thief. The bugger, he IS a thief!! 8-}

    Well really, all the things that are taken from her because of his actions and decisions.

    Tres cool, Oba :cool:

    Now if only i knew which line... 8-}

    ::Windstar Out::

    EDIT: First post!! Now THATS fun stuff :)
     
  3. bobilll

    bobilll Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 8, 2002
    That was sooo sad! I love the symbolism with the theif, and the present tense of everything. It just makes everything so much more real! And the examples of the people that Anakin killed, so sad! I just love your vigs, obaona!
     
  4. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Bri: Is being fast good? :p Her emotions are just so fast, so heated, and it seems like you actually have to read faster to keep up with her.

    That's it exactly!! :D *is overjoyed* It makes perfect sense. That was the feeling I was trying to create. I'm glad you find it plausible, too - he did take a lot away from her, whether on purpose or not, and a reasonable reaction is anger. :)

    That was a good reply, Bri. ;) Nice job!

    bobilll: Thank you. I chose present tense to make the anger seem more real, and her discovery at the end more of a surprise. :)
     
  5. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade Fanfic Archive Editor Emeritus star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Fascinating premise and format here, oba. Very intense; and I can easily see Padmé reacting like this. Good job! :D
     
  6. Sock_of_Darth_Vader

    Sock_of_Darth_Vader Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 24, 2002
    WOW!

    oba, that's incredible. it literally took my breath away. Unbelivable.


    How many viggies is that now? [face_laugh]
     
  7. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Gabri_Jade: Thank you! :D I'm glad you think it was intense - that was one of my objectives. ;)

    Sock_of_Darth_Vader: Thank you. :D And that's 28, not including the two to be beta-ed/posted. That makes an even 30. [face_mischief]
     
  8. Bri_Windstar

    Bri_Windstar Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 27, 2002
    Nice reply, eh? Like the kind you think im so inclined to receive? 8-}

    :::is on to Oba's ways:::

    30?! :eek:

    Oba thats insane! :::giggles:::

    ::Windstar Out::
     
  9. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    29 posted! ;) :D

    Now get busy posting, Bri! :p
     
  10. LadyPadme

    LadyPadme Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2002


    Oba, I loved the raw emotions in this vignette. Of course it would make sense that a woman as intense and passionate as Padme would feel anger as well as sorrow over the betrayal that Anakin perpetrated over her. This was just wonderfully done. Why did you think you needed a beta reader who knew Padme well? I think you got into her head just fine!

     
  11. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    LP: Thank you. [face_blush] I'm glad you agree with me. ;) I suppose the concept isn't bad, but does it really sound like Padme? That's my concern. :p Anyway, thanks. :D
     
  12. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
  13. The_Jesstar

    The_Jesstar Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 21, 2003
    WOW!!

    That was great! Very emotional! Great Viggie obaona! :D
     
  14. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    The_Jesstar: Thank you!! I'm glad you enjoyed. :D *forgot that had reply here* :p
     
  15. KatarnLead

    KatarnLead Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 5, 2002
    oooh...

    FINALLY! I have read the first few paragraphs countless times, but never got around to reading all of it.

    Until one boring afternoon in October. :p

    Well done! Meh! Hooray! (they fill for constructive comments - my mind is gone, and you know where it is)

    :D
     
  16. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Burkie: Eh . . . thanks, I think. ;) Boredom drove you to read it, eh? Where's that face_rolls_eyes?? :p *huggies* [face_love]

    And no, I don't know where you mind is. [face_mischief]
     
  17. hazardmagnet

    hazardmagnet Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Nov 18, 2003
    i think your concern over her tone is well-thought out. i agree it doesnt sound like her. to go over the events like a luandry list of sins is not her style. its almost whiney. Someone somewhere mentioned that padme would be open to the FULL range of human emotions which they seemed to use to justify the uncontrolled boiling we see here. padme has always been level headed and reasonable, she's the peacemaker even when outraged. was she not outraged by the blockade? was she not dismayed at the very thought of creating an army? yet she never explodes like this. i think if you could somehow convey the emotion here subtly instead of so blatantly you'd come much closer to her heart.
    oh and who ever up there tried to sound smart with the whole "i love your symbolism" this isn't symbolism, at most its metaphor
     
  18. Daughter_of_Yubyub

    Daughter_of_Yubyub Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2002
    Okay, did you register just to nitpick my review?

    Padmé's anger is perfectly believable. This is different from the examples you've cited. What Padmé is experiencing here is an intensely personal pain. She's been betrayed by the man who's children she's carrying. Oba is portraying a perfectly natural reaction.


    YubYub and TG- Protecting fangirls from hormonally gifted fanboys since 2002
     
  19. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    I think he did just that, Yubs.

    I'd respond to your critique, but I believe it pointless as I only see someone who wants to purposely aggravate others. I've looked over your points and disagree with them. I'm not amused by the fact that you registered solely to come here and 'criticize' me and pick at Yub's points because she respectfully disagreed. You have already given your 'criticism' elsewhere, so coming here was nothing more than a pointless (and extremely obvious) attempt to irritate.

    Leave me and my friends alone, hazardmagnet.

     
  20. hazardmagnet

    hazardmagnet Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Nov 18, 2003
    i must apologize profusely for angering you and your friends obaona,
    that wasn't my intention nor was i inclined to register solely for the sake of
    "nitpicking" you friend's review.
    i thought honesty and solid criticism for construtive reasons were welcomed but I seem to be in error as to that point. you have very little negative criticism and i'd think you'd be happy of that fact and appreciative of the flip-side of the coin,
    i did in fact like your writing style and said that you have talent, i just disagreed on the method you used to describe padme's feelings. it thought perhaps a writer of your calibre and experience would be open to honest debate and discussion, again i was wrong I offer my many apologies
    (antistasis welcome)
     
  21. Daughter_of_Yubyub

    Daughter_of_Yubyub Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2002
    Well, you might do a better job of proving that if you posted about anything except this fic.

    You've yet to prove to me that the method is flawed. Once again, this is different from the other circumstances we've seen Padmé in. The other things were large scale, this is purely personal. That quite likely would affect her differently.

    Plus, if you'll recall, she's pregnant. Hormones often make women in that condition act more emotional than they would otherwise.

    YubYub and TG- Protecting fangirls from hormonally gifted fanboys since 2002
     
  22. hazardmagnet

    hazardmagnet Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Nov 18, 2003
    i have posted other places
    but your right this was the first one i posted on
    i dont post unless i have something i feel like saying though
    im surprised to see a woman take up the hormone argument though, thats usually used in an acusitory tone by men
    however, if you'd like to discuss the method and its flaws/merits id be happy to
    ps
    the last thing i would try to do would be to purposely aggravate or irritate soemone for no reason, however i do enjoy challenges and challenging other to think
     
  23. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    And might I add to Yubs lovely post (thanks, darling :D ) that I don't find your criticism constructive in the least. I find it the opposite, and honestly, I don't find your apology sincere given that you have yet to post elsewhere, as Yubs mentioned. Saying 'you might want to try having Padme less so and so' or 'I would think Padme calmer in this, so I don't quite agree with the characterization' is constructive criticism. Saying something is puerile and immature is not, nor is harassing the author with your insistence helpful.

    Not to mention, I did receive other criticism, and all of it was more helpful, polite and well-rounded than yours.

    Let me repeat myself - I want you to leave me alone.

    [edit] Then prove it and leave me alone. And posted elsewhere? Not according to your bio. And if you're a sock, well, I guess that shows how much you mean what you say - registering one solely to harass me.
     
  24. Daughter_of_Yubyub

    Daughter_of_Yubyub Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2002
    Hazardmagnet's post total=3

    Post by Hazardmagnet in this thread=3

    You do the math. :p

    There's no denying that hormone's do have some degree of effect on behaviour.

    And it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Constructive criticism sounds the way oba just gave examples have. What you posted sounded like someone trying to sound high and mighty.

    YubYub and TG- Protecting fangirls from hormonally gifted fanboys since 2002
     
  25. hazardmagnet

    hazardmagnet Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Nov 18, 2003
    i was sincere, once again im sorry you feel that way
    whats a sock?
    if my manner was to aggregiously abraisive i also appologize for that
    i dont know why my other two reveiws didnt post on my bio, didnt even know i had a bio, maybe they're too new
    Yub does make good conversation though and im not denying hormone have any effect
    oh wait i get it- i havent posted on other boards i just posted reveiws on other stories
     
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