Things that WON'T be said in RotS.

Anakin: "My mechanical hand has more than just one function, Padme..."

 

Mace after kick plaps butt,before anakin comes in.

Plapatine is on the floor cowaring

Mace:Whats my name?

Palps: W..What?

Mace kicks him

Mace: I said "WHATS MY NAME"

Mace fakes like attacking him and palps cover himself saying.

Palps: M..M..Mace Windu.

Mace:and don't forget it.
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Anakin gets up on stage and grabs a Microphone.

Anakin:This song goes out to a special someone who is here with me tonight.

Camera sees Padme in the crowd and all embarrassed.

Anakin: Annnnnnndddddddddddddddddddd I,E..I..E..I, will always Loooooooooooooooooooove you..u..u.

Obi-wan walks into the crowd right next to Padme. Padme is rocking back and forth loving the song.

Anakin jumps off stage and rushes towards were padme is standing. he blows right past her and hugs Obi-Wan.

Anakin: I love you Obi-Wan

Obi: I love you too anakin.

and the crowd goes "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
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Anakin is having a talk with yoda.

Yoda: Strong is the force i sense you.

Anakin: Master Yoda am i the one that will bring balance to the force?

Yoda: No,there is another.

Anakin: Who?

Yoda: Your sister

Anakin:I have a sister?

Yoda:serch your feeling,know her all ready you do.

Anakin: Padme...Padme's my sister

Yoda:hmmm.

Anakin: But that mean...oh god!

Yoda: Runs in your family this does,of no surprise it is.

Anakin: why didn't you tell me.

Yoda:quite funny it was. bets the jedi council took on who would realize it frist. much money i have lost.

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Vader:Join verizon and together we can make long distance phone calls at one low price.

Mace Windu: When im not being the most bad @$$ jedi in the galaxy i like to relax with a nice smoke. that why i choose Death Sticks. the smooth flavor is good enough for any Bad @$$. so are you bad enough for a death stick?

Obi-wan: Hello im Jedi master obi-wan here to tell you about the tatooine retiremnt center. here you'll find a small hut that will be your living quaters. outside theres desert as far as the eye can see. you spend countless hours inside your house because there nothing to do. and while your there you may just take on a padawn learner and go on an adventure eventuly meeting your demise on the death star.

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I got somemore i'll have to post later.

 

Any Jedi: Now before we begin, y'all have medical insurance?

 

Obi Wan: Anakin killed all the Jedi? (pause, sighs) If i only got a nickle everytime i heard that one

 

Palpatine: Anakin, if this susposed Lord Sidious were to walk through that door right now, what would you do?
Ani: I would slice off his lower region, make him suffer a bit, then slice off all his body parts one by one until each part is as large as a grain of sand.
Palpatine: Oh, well, nevermind then.

 

Sids: Anakin Skywalker no longer exists.
Ani: Then who am I?
Sids: *types on computer* Darth Vader


Sids: What's your colak size, Skywalker?
Ani: Um...40 Regular...
Sides: Then lets put it on.
Ani: Put what on?
Sids: The last suit you'll ever wear.

 

Hey, look, BtVS came in handy for once:

Yoda: If the apocalypse comes, beep me.


Padme: I bet you'd let a girl walk off to her doom all by herself.
Anakin: Not just any girl; you're special.


Palpatine: I realize every Sith comes with an expiration mark on the package, but I want mine to be a long time from now, like a Cheeto.

 

Mace after kick plaps butt,before anakin comes in.

Plapatine is on the floor cowaring

Mace:Whats my name?

Palps: W..What?

Mace kicks him

Mace: I said "WHATS MY NAME"

Mace fakes like attacking him and palps cover himself saying.

Palps: M..M..Mace Windu.

Mace:and don't forget it.



Anakin is having a talk with yoda.

Yoda: Strong is the force i sense you.

Anakin: Master Yoda am i the one that will bring balance to the force?

Yoda: No,there is another.

Anakin: Who?

Yoda: Your sister

Anakin:I have a sister?

Yoda:serch your feeling,know her all ready you do.

Anakin: Padme...Padme's my sister

Yoda:hmmm.

Anakin: But that mean...oh god!

Yoda: Runs in your family this does,of no surprise it is.

Anakin: why didn't you tell me.

Yoda:quite funny it was. bets the jedi council took on who would realize it frist. much money i have lost.



Shoulda said, "quite funny it was. bets the jedi council took on how long it would take you to figure it out. much money have I won. the bad ass, who is now, master windu? the bad ass who is now?

Vader:Join verizon and together we can make long distance phone calls at one low price.

Oh man, those were funny. Thanks a bunch.

---

Mace Windu wakes up. He yawns and rolls out of bed. On his way to take a shower, he passes the mirror and stops just passed it. "What the?" He takes two steps back and stares into the mirror, wide eyed. "What the ****?! YODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" The Camera zooms in on Mace's face from the position of the mirror to see Mace, missing an eyebrow.

-ROTS scene 5-

Star wipes to jedi council. Anakin is standing before them, pleading his case. "I am ready to be on the council! I-... Why are Master Windu and Yoda's chairs turned away from each other? Is Master Windu wearing a doo-rag and dark glasses? *Yoda cracks up* I-... Is Master Yoda's skin blue?"

Yoda abruptly stops laughing and regains his composure, accompanied by a frown. "Much to learn, you still have," he quickly blurts. "A seat on the council for you, there is not."

"But he has proven his power and has passed the trials ten times over in the clone wars!" Windu argues.

"Too old! He is too old to begin the training!" Yoda then jumps out of seat and waddles over to Anakin. Grabbing him by the hands, he turns him around and struggles to push him out of the room. After a futile attempt, he moves his back against Anakin's legs and tries to push him out that way, making a sound that gives us the impression he is having trouble using the restroom today. Anakin steps to the side and Yoda falls to the ground.

The council bursts into laughter and Yoda, emarassed and enraged waddles back over to his seat, turns it to face the window, and struggles to climb inside.

"Uh..." Anakin is thoroughly confused.

"You'll have to excuse Master Yoda, it's that time of the month." Windu says with a smirk. Upon hearing this, the council bursts into laughter once more.

Yoda, even more enraged, ignites his lightsaber and kills them all. It is now Yoda's turn to burst into laughter. He promptly waddles over to Windu's corpse and kicks it, smashing the glasses and revealing his bare eyebrows. "The bad ass, who is now, master windu? The bad ass who is now?"

-End Scene-

 

(first time Vader appears)-the name's Vader, Darth Vader

 

Anakin/Vader: "No! Do not pull my hand towards you - lean forward and choke yourself!"

 

Sidious: Lord Vader.

Vader: Yes, Master?

Sidious: Does this robe make me look fat? I mean really, look at my hips. They're huge! I look so bulky!

 

Yoda: "Way to go Kenobi..." *slurps can of lager*

 

"I have a GOOD feeling about this!"
---------------------------------------------

Mace: What does Anakin Skywalker look like?

Boba: What?

Mace: What planet you from boy?

Boba: What?

Mace: What ain't no planet I've heard of! They speak Galactic Basic in what?!

 

Obi-Wan: You were the chosen one!

Anikin: Oh well. I guess you'll have to depend on my kids then. Sidoues told me if I have any, they'd be a threat to him. Here's an idea: Hide one on Tatooine, without changing his name, and the other on Alderaan, change her name and put her in the same room as me when Grand Moff Tarkin blows up the planet.

_____________________________________________

Jar Jar: How wude.

Palpatine: You know what, Represtive Binks, you are right. I have been rude. I shall step down immediatly.

______________________________________________

Jar Jar: Every single idiot is an enemy of the Republic. Do what must be done -- (blaster fire)

_______________________________________________

Luke: Hey, Mom, who's the hot chick here lying next to me?

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Edit

Obi-Wan: (after duel) I just gave up drinking yesterday. Guess I'll quit again next week. Hey, Yoda, I'm gonna hide on Tatooine. Since your going to Dagobah and there's no power there, can I have your CD Player and vidoe game machines?

 

Obi: Anakin, i have bad news for you...Padme has been cheating on you.
Ani: With who?
Obi: Mace Windu.
Ani: It was only a matter of time, he is her master now.

 

Obi Wan is standing over Anakin, who is hanging over a pit of lava. Suddenly, from behind Obi Wan a huge bacteria looking thing appears!

Bacteria thing: Anakin.

Anakin: What the...? Who are you?

Obi Wan: Yeah! Cant you see were busy here!?

Bacteria Thing: Regarding your question Anakin, I am a midichlorian. And Obi Wan, yes I can see your busy, but this is more important, now step aside!

(Obi Wan is pushed out of the way by the giant midichlorian)

Midichlorian: Now, on to buisness. Anakin, Qui Gon never told you what happened to your father?

Anakin: He told me enough! He told me I didnt have one!

Midichlorian: No, Anakin, I am your father!

Anakin: That cant be! Thats impossible!

Midichlorian: Search your feelings! You know it to be true!

Anakin: NOO!

Anakin jumps into the lava below him, and the midichlorian leaves.

Obi Wan (confused): O....k, that was odd.

Obi Wan receives a transmission from the Jedi Council.

Jedi: Have you killed Anakin?

Obi Wan: Uhhhh... yeah. Hes dead. I guess.

Jedi: Good return to the temple immediately!

Obi Wan: Right away!

Obi Wan leaves.

 

Anakin: "Woman I will come back to you when ever I feel like it. We go home when and where I want. Don't the playa hate the Jediea."

 

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Anakin is having a talk with yoda.

Yoda: Strong is the force i sense you.

Anakin: Master Yoda am i the one that will bring balance to the force?

Yoda: No,there is another.

Anakin: Who?

Yoda: Your sister

Anakin:I have a sister?

Yoda:serch your feeling,know her all ready you do.

Anakin: Padme...Padme's my sister

Yoda:hmmm.

Anakin: But that mean...oh god!

Yoda: Runs in your family this does,of no surprise it is.

Anakin: why didn't you tell me.

Yoda:quite funny it was. bets the jedi council took on who would realize it frist. much money i have lost.

Oh...My...GOD!...Hilarious! LOL LOL LOL

 

Obi: Anakin, I'm very proud of what you've achieved as a Padawan Learner.

Anakin: Then am I to be made Master?

Obi: You? A Master? Noo.. noo...

Anakin: ....


Obi: No. No. Uh Uh....

 

obi wan- anakin if u wanna keep playing jedis u need to stop being such a meanie, or u can just play with urself

Anakin- that's fine, that's fine i like playing with my self i'll play with myself all day long

 

Yoda, "Lord Sidious, offended I am, ask me to be your apprentice, you did not. A punk a** that Skywalker is."

 

General Grievous: Isn't this whole taking over the universe thing a bit extreme. I know we need the power, but...
Emperor Palpatine: Listen! Were not just doing this for power...Were doing this for a **** load of power!
Grievous: Oh, you're right. And when your right, your right. And you - your always right.

Anakin: Now you see that the Dark Side will always triumph...because good is dumb.

 

Mace Windu: Chancellor you are under arrest.
(Palptine ignites his lightsaber)
Mace Windu: Ah, I see you have the ring of the Schwartz, and your Schwartz is as big as mine.

Yoda: Twisted and evil young Corleone has become.

Anakin: The council doesn't trust me.
Padme: Oh, do you want me to call the WHAMBULANCE.

Yoda: Good you have done, coming the second one is.
Padme: What, two babies?
Yoda: Know that they are twins, you did not?
Padme: The doctor told me both heartbeats were healthy, and I thought, that's good, because I am having a baby.

Obi-Wan: This is Luke, we need you to raise him.
Owen Lars: Nah, thanks I'm all set.

Anakin: Every time I think I'm out, the emperor pulls me back in.

Obi-Wan: So what does young Luke look like?
Bail: Well he has black hair, and is gonna wear glasses, and strangely enough, he has a lightening bolt shaped scar on his forhead.

Emperor: From now on, you will only refer to me as "He who must not be named".

Obi-Wan: Ah man, I chopped Marvins head off.
Mace: You what?
Obi-Wan: You must have hit a bump.
Mace: I didn't hit no bump.

Kit Fisto: You ever been if a real good lightsaber battle?
Mace: I am the lightsaber master.

Shaak Ti: hey, how much you wanna bet I can force push this football over those moutains.

 

Vader: "I once killed a Jedi for snoring!"


Anakin: "You don't want to see me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry!"


Padme: (Takes young Anakin action figure and throws it down the stairs) "Look, Ani, you can fly!"

Obi-Wan and Yoda walk into a Jedi council chamber and witness all the rest of the Jedi playing with action figures of themselves. Plo Koon, "We're just practicing."

Anakin to Obi-Wan: "Hasta la Vista, baby!"

 

SCENE: MUSTAFAR


ANAKIN: I'll kill you, Obi-Wan!

OBI-WAN: (waving hand while casually having a drink) You don't want to kill me.

ANAKIN: I don't want to kill you.

OBI-WAN: You want to go back to Coruscant and re-think your life.

ANAKIN: I want to go back to Coruscant and re-think my life.