Obi-Wan: Really went to Alderaan to get away from his annoying ex. Luke: Was told by Obi that Alderaan had hot strippers. Darth Vader: Only wanted Luke back so he didn't have to pay child support. Padme: Was seeing Captain Kirk the whole time. Vergere: Is really Kermit the Frog after a 20 year crack addiction. Yoda: Is Vergere's "little Sith." Zonama Sekot: Left Daddy Yuuzhan'tar because Daddy wouldn't let Sekot date the Star Forge. The Star Forge: Has naked pictures of the Death Star posted on its bridge.