Things your favorite characters don't want you to know about them...

Obi-Wan: Really went to Alderaan to get away from his annoying ex.

Luke: Was told by Obi that Alderaan had hot strippers.

Darth Vader: Only wanted Luke back so he didn't have to pay child support.

Padme: Was seeing Captain Kirk the whole time.

Vergere: Is really Kermit the Frog after a 20 year crack addiction.

Yoda: Is Vergere's "little Sith."

Zonama Sekot: Left Daddy Yuuzhan'tar because Daddy wouldn't let Sekot date the Star Forge.

The Star Forge: Has naked pictures of the Death Star posted on its bridge.

 

No spoilers

And Yes, that was entriely my plan, Ywing.

Free Trell ... he craps.

 

But you said you'd kill wild_karrde if someone spoiled you for TUF...

Heehee...

 

And you.

*kills you and w_k, then serves your meat as steaks for the Geriatric Ward*

Free Trell ... he's a cannibal.

 

You can't kill me. I'm a virus, for God's sake.

Well, actually you can, but it'd make you look like a sissy boy in front of all your squadron friends.

Which reminds me:

Vergere: Cries so much because the Yuuzhan Vong only let her eat onions for 50 years.

 

Fine, I'll make a vaccine to you, you little ...

Free Trell ... he could come up with a name to call alpha_red.

 

Ysanne Isard-really identifies with the little girl Samara in The Ring.

 

Leia: keeps copy of "Diplomacy for Dummies" on her datapad, refers ot it almost constantly.

Padme: Intended to buy Shmi's freedom, but used up money due to her addiction with buying new dresses every 30 seconds.

Jaina: her astromech Cappie is the real ace, she mostly just sits and sings along to latest female pop singers in the middle of combat.

My Skywalker female trifecta.

 

Vader: didn't want to tell luke that chewie beat him up the stairs

Han: does't want leia to know that he kept her slavebikini and cloned her so he can have twice the fun every day

 

Anakin Solo: He's a clone of Anakin Skywalker

 

Palpatine: sleeps with a teddybear.

Luke: blushes whenever he sees Trinity when watching The Matrix.

Han: sings Macho Man in the shower.

Lando: had an afro that caught on fire back in highschool.

Mara: cannot even hear the title of the movie "Titanic" without crying.

Jaina: practices the "bend, and snap!" routine from Legally Blonde.

Yoda: haven't I told you he's the world's biggest Britney Spear's fan?! "one more time, baby give me...!"

 

Thought of some more:

Thrawn: has a huge crush on Mystique from X-Men.

C-3PO: is NOT fluent in over 6 million forms of communication.

Qui-Gon: not well known for giving very spectacular gifts, once gave Obi-Wan pine-scented deoderant for Life Day. "Gee, uh...thanks, master..."

 

Ysanne Isard-really identifies with the little girl Samara in The Ring.


ROTFLMAO!

~Inyri

 

Obi-wan: He's Elan Sleazebaggano's younger brother.

Anakin Skywalker: His obsession with marrying Padme was really due to a bet he made with one of his best friends right before the podrace.

Yoda: He uses shoe lifts whenever he can hide them under his robe.

Leia: She's bald.

Han: He didn't shoot first.

Luke: He left the gas stove on in his uncle Owen's house before he went after the droids.

Tarkin: He was compensating.

Vader: He had major acne.

Chewy: He never understood basic.

Wicket the Ewok: He was looking forward to tasting wookie.

 

Movies: Mace Windu

Pure EU character: Kir Kanos

Overall: Mace Windu

 

This thread rules.

Jacen Solo: When Jacen told his friends at the Academy he was going to go play with his crystal snake, he really meant it.

Tenel Ka: Total dominatrix. That's why she enjoyed wearing all that leather all the time; and beating people up easily.

Jaina Solo: When she told Tenel Ka she had the "emotional depth of a ronto" she was just blinded by her anger at the fact that the Hapan Princess was paying more attention to Jacen than her. "I'm the prettier one!"

Jacen: really does have a thing for crossdressing. No really. (Vector Prime? Traitor? Skirts?)

Danni Quee: Had to settle for Jacen after she realized Miko was dead. It's okay. She thought Jacen looked cuter in a skirt.

Kyp Durron: Had to find another member of the Dozen to go bar hopping with after Miko died. He didn't care, Miko was a boring drunk anyways.

Han: secretly nudging his son Jacen into trying to marry Tenel Ka cause, "she's rich" ---

Lando: secretly trying TO marry Tenel Ka cause she's rich.

My brain is dead right now. I'm at work. Wahaha-- I'll have some good ones later.

Keep this thread up; it's hilarious.

 

Zekk: is still a Darksider. Nobody noticed with the Angsty Trio of the Solo kids stealing the stage.

Anakin: Realized what he had become, commited suicide by Vong.

Tahiri: has a lock of Anakin's hair, a copy of his personality locked in her skull (along with about 15 others... ) a Spaarti cloning cylinder, and a plan.

 

Aayla Secura: In love with Grand Admiral Thrawn, for obvious reasons.

Mace Windu: Seriously ain't no gangsta' from tha' hood.

Yoda: Grammar actually better than Mace Windu's--"Your straps you will draw, home dogs!"

Kyle Katarn: Mustache and beard is actually pieces of flayed Ewok flesh he stuck on with sticky-tack.

Han Solo: Millennium Falcon didn't really make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. OMG!

Leebo: Talks on AIM to Guri with regularity.

Guri: Fluent in l33t-speak.

C-3PO: Utterly confounded by l33t-speak. And can't speak Bocce that well, either.

R2-D2: Got his ass whipped by Smith when he jacked into the Matrix.

Shimrra: Snuck in to see The Matrix while his parents weren't watching.

Tsavong Lah: Thinks Guri is hot.

 

Han: secretly nudging his son Jacen into trying to marry Tenel Ka cause, "she's rich" ---

Lando: secretly trying TO marry Tenel Ka cause she's rich.



Great!

Tenel Ka: Accepted being queen mother just to keep Jaina from getting an even bigger ego.

 

more

 

Anakin:Actually has a huge storehouse of clones in the remains of Mount Tantiss

Tahiri:The real reason she gained weight so fast in Remnant was because Anakin's clone came back,and,well,you know...