JCC This Easter, it's important to remember crucifixion and resurrection...

Not of that fictional loser Jesus, who was totally terrible - but of the much better fictional character Conan:



Unlike the weak and boring Jebus, Conan was crucified by Thulsa Doom because of his prowess as the ultimate badarse Cimmerian barbarian thief. Jesus was crucified for being as annoying as Bernie Sanders fans.

Upon resurrection, Jesus hung with his mates and set his followers up to hate the activities Jesus undoubtedly did with his followers. And their penises. Conan proceeded to beat the snot out of Iron Maiden and James Earl Jones and reign over the world as probably the perfect king.

So, in order that the true message of this holiday not be lost, I commend you to watch Conan. Available on blu-ray or to rent or own via Google Play/iTunes store.

 

This was also recently added to Netflix:

 

Get the **** out.

 

What about:




That's set around the Easter period.

 

removed .gif because of disallowed word

How is this a struggle for you?

 

I contemplate this on the Tree of Woe...

 

I don't wanna watch Conan.

Now this is a film about sacrifice:

 

Ugh TryWhistlingThis shouldn't you be grieving over a dead mob lawyer or something less annoying?

 

No no, this is clearly the Schwarzenegger movie about death and resurrection that you want to see:

 

How is this not worthy of a massive feast?

 

Speaking of eggs.

 

I voted for Conan for re-election as Governor back in '06... thus, I've paid my respects.

 

I would vote for him if I lived there, as long as he crushes enemies and hears the lamentations of the women.

 

Omg Diggy. That one was almost painful

 

Quite wonderfully so.

 

Have you not heard of Peeps and Cadbury Eggs?

 

Leg of lamb, butt of ham...

 

Ew... they're both gross. Well, I don't like the Cadbury creme eggs, but the caramel ones are pretty good.

 

Chocolate Creme Eggs!

 

I don't really like 'creme' candy, period.

 

I mean, I loathe Peeps and the filling in Cadbury creme eggs hurts my tongue because it's SO sweet, so I don't eat either of them. The point wasn't that they're delicious or something, it's that Americans are, in fact, stuffing their faces this weekend.

 

With false Cadbury's Creme Eggs!

 

LONGINUS: Do you bleeeeeeeeeeed?