That quote is from a post by comet tonight. I'm sure you saw it, he put it in two different threads. If you missed it first time around, go back and read it (just once should be fine). It's a good read. But on to my topic.

In honor of his assertion (I'm sure it's a complete fact, don't get me wrong) that the Big Brother (reality show) board is supposed to be like a sitcom (not a reality show), and since everyone else on the board seems to want to play this like some sort of reality show (like Big Brother), I thought I would give people (like comet, apparently) who want to do this like a sitcom, a place to do it in.

That sentence made perfect grammatical sense, go back and read it again.

Back? Awesome. Okay. On to the sitcom.

I call it 'Those Darn Users!'

I figure we get ratings for a few reasons.

1, the edgy cursing in the title
2, the use of 'users' makes people think it's a comedy about druggies, which is an instant ratings grabber (look at Hardball, a show people only watch because its host is a daily user of the narcotic crack cocain)
3, the exclamation mark used at the end of the title, which elicites a sense of excitement in the viewer (I took a class, I know what I'm talking about)

Okay, well, I don't want to go on too much in this first post, so let's go ahead and get this mother on the road!

EXT: Quaint New England town home, surrounded by trees and bushes.

INT: Living room. The father, EAGLET, and the son, COMET, are standing in the room, talking to each other, both wearing 50s attire.

COMET
This house is a DRAG !

EAGLET
Now now, Comet, don't put a space between the end of your sentences and your puncuation!

(laugh track)

COMET
I know, Dad, I'm just trying to give this house a little more DRAMA. It seems to be a little on the DRY side.

EAGLET
I know what you mean, son. Speaking of dry, I could really use a drink, after this 10 second conversation with you!

(laugh track)

---------------------------------------

Take it away, folks!

 

JIM: Did someone say draaaag?

[enter SoME in drag]

(laugh track)

RHETT: Now that's a drag.

(laugh track)

 

COMET
No, his lipstick is totally wrong ! A drag queen would never where it like that!

(laugh track)

EAGLET
Watch the puncuation and spelling, Comet!

(uproarious laughter)

 

Rhett: That's some outfit you've got on there, SoMe.

(laugh track)

AYBABTU

 

COMET
Your not funny , Rhett. puns are dumb attempts at humor .

EAGLET
Will you shut the hell up??

(roars of laughter that reach the hillsides)

 

RHETT: Comet, I've been called worse by better. Also, I'm going to kill you with a shovel.

(ratings bonanza)

AYBABTU

 

INT. Producer's Booth. A small, rather Jewish man, sits, watching the show intently.

DASH
The inclusion of Comet in this show is genius! GENIUS!

INT. Living Room

EAGLET
Comet, get in this chest. GET IN THE CHEST!

Eaglet forces Comet into a cedar chest.

(laugh track)

EAGLET
Alright, now there's SOME more exitement in this house! Smuggler, turn to the camera in a pose that will elicit the most laughter from the audience!

Rhett turns, jiggles his artificial busoms, leans over, and blows a kiss to the camera.

(the crowd goes wild)

COMET
(screaming from inside chest)
Thats so not original at all ! !

APOLLOSMILEGIRL
(yelling from outside the house)
That's it, Eaglet! Keep Comet inside that chest! I love me some homoerotical bondage in my sitcoms!

EAGLET
I'm not gay!

(hilarious laughter)

 

RHETT: Then why did I find this in your room?

(holds up Wham album)

(laugh track)

AYBABTU

 

(Next scene starts with "Wake me up before you Go Go" playing)

 

EAGLET
That's not mine! That's...that's...that's COMET'S album!

COMET
(still inside chest)
That's not mine!

APOLLOSMILEGIRL
(still yelling)
But you are gay, right?

COMET
Well, yeah.

(laughter)

APOLLOSMILEGIRL
I'll bet you give good helmet!

(uproarious laughter)

INT. Producer's Room

DASH
I knew it. My Jewish insticts told me that line would be a crowd killer every time!

 

[Kaine stumbles into room]

KAINE: I'm drunk!

JIM: Of course you are. You're Irish!

(laugh track)

[Carmen enters room wearing lingerie]

CARMEN: Did someone say chest?

[Carmen bares breasts]

(laugh track with whistles)

AYBABTU

 

flashback sequence, INT. Eagle's bedroom

WHAM plays on stereo, eagle dances awkwardly

end flashback, INT lounge room

close up eagle w/ guilty-but-pleased look on face

(laugh track)

 

(.Y.)

 

EAGLET
What? It's just mammary glands.

APOLLO
I knew it! You're gay!

EAGLET
No, I mean, um, I mean, HOT! I must, um, TOUCH them!

FRANCIS
(from [link=http://www.pvponline.com]PvP[/link])
Gaaaaaaaaaaay...

 

(channels start changing)

(focus groups indicate that the show should get back to basics)

AYBABTU

 

Goodnight John boy!

 

COMET
' Boy " should be capitalised because its part of the name!

EAGLET
Oh, you silly silly boy!

(laughter)

 

This is good stuff (most of it) but dont make it apparent that you are faking, create the illusion that what you are saying is indeed part of your true personality and then the audience ( or readers ) will enjoy it more. Ands lets cut the " Comet is gay " plot. Lets keep everything fresh. good work though.

 

[Terr walks in the front door]

TERR
This doesn't look like New England...

COMET
ugh , this house is so lame !

TERR
You know who else uses spaces before exclamation points at the end of a sentence? The FRENCH.

(audience oooo's)

 

CARMEN: Did someone say french?

[carmen tongue kisses Smuggler]

(audience whistles)

AYBABTU