Saga "This Quiet" - TPM; Post Qui-Gon Featuring Obi-Wan & Anakin

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by MaverickJedi, Mar 27, 2005.

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  1. MaverickJedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 11, 2004
    star 1
    It's been a while since I tried my hand at writing, so I decided to rework an old piece of mine for my first post here. Feedback is greatly appreciated and welcomed...

    This Quiet
    by Maverick Jedi

    This quiet will not endure.

    The words echoed in the hollows of his mind as he sat in the darkness, surrounded only by himself and his thoughts. There were no sounds from outside his quarters, only silence - but the quiet he referred to was that of his own heart. It were as though sometime in the past hours, it had stopped beating. He could not hear its timely rhythm, could scarcely feel it within his chest.

    Obi-Wan took a long, even breath and sat straighter where he knelt on the floor, fresh from a meditative state. The meditation had calmed his thoughts only marginally and had not dampened the grief that consumed his very essence. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the absence of light, his thoughts far removed from the present. Images of the past flooded him, bittersweet and warm. Himself as a young boy, only thirteen, and Qui-Gon as his somewhat reluctant Master. Another of only months later and the bond that had taken root between them, strong in the fertile soil of the Force. Years upon years of images and memories, including the degree of inseparability they had ultimately achieved. The Master-Padawan bond was a sacred one, each role pivotal in the other?s life. For Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon had been teacher, friend, and father.

    But now he?s gone, Obi-Wan realized again and the grief hit him as though the wound was carved anew. His eyes stung with unshed tears as he bowed his head. The Jedi were taught that there was no emotion, only peace. So why, why, did this feel as though his insides would inevitably rip themselves asunder?

    Obi-Wan realized that his hands were clenched in his lap and he eased them open, relieving the strain. The battle with the dark sider had drained him and his body ached still with the fatigue. He knew that it would mind in time. Would his heart, ever?

    A part of Obi-Wan just wanted to lay down and slip into that unknown dimension of the Force, but he knew that was not possible. Qui-Gon had just died. Surely it couldn?t hurt like this forever.

    Still, he crawled up onto his cot, wishing sleep to take him away from his pain if only for a time. There was too much to register yet: the finality of his Master?s passing, the fact that the Sith had surreptitiously returned. Then there was his standing with the Jedi Council. Would he be shuffled to another Master or would he take the trails without Qui-Gon to coach him and give him strength? And then there was the matter of the boy. This whole ordeal, it seemed, had started and ended around young Anakin Skywalker.

    Obi-Wan felt the long, thin strand that was his Padawan braid catch up and press against his face as he lay down on his side. He reached up with two fingers and fished it out from under his cheek, then laid it on the pillow beside him. Another reminder of the years spent as his Master?s own; another reminder of one chapter of his life nearing an untimely end.

    He closed his eyes and would have gladly succumbed to the comfort of sleep, and yet, mercilessly, it did not come. More flashes of Qui-Gon - this time slower, more fluid images - came to him behind his closed lids, but he knew even if he opened his eyes, the pictures would keep playing across his mind like a broken holo.

    ?Obi-Wan??

    The voice was almost timid, though that quality hardly matched its owner. Obi-Wan pried one eye open, peering through the dark room as he struggled to see Anakin. Why didn?t I feel him approach through the Force? he wondered abstractly, then decided he must have been too immersed in nostalgia to notice.

    The boy?s form was slight but athletic, a thin shadow of pale blue moonlight outlining his shoulders and crown of blond hair. As Obi-Wan eyes adjusted, he could see faintly the thin line of his mouth set in a pout.

    He pushed himself up onto his elbows. ?Yes, Anakin??

    Anakin drew a breath, hesitating. ?W
  2. agentj Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 3, 2004
    star 2
    How did this beautiful, lyrical story of Obi-Wan and young Ani drop to the bottom of the page without anyone responding to it?!?! Up, I command!

    OoooOOooOOO. I got little fluffy shivers all over. I love Obi and Ani stories. Got more? [face_batting]
  3. DarthDolly Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 10, 2005
    star 1
    Lovely story, very well written. I like the last line especially, that could be taken in more than one way. I'm sure Obi-Wan's existance was anything but "quiet" after he took Anakin as a Padawan. ;)
  4. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Beautiful. :) Very lyrical, and I liked how you tied the first and last line together (and it's a lovely line all on it's own). :D @};-
  5. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    You capture Obi-Wan's pain so well, so heart felt. I loved how Anakin tried to offer him comfort, very sweet.

    Superb piece MaverickJedi.
  6. MaverickJedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 11, 2004
    star 1
    Aww thank you, all of you! :)

    I am amazed at how more than one of you used the term "lyrical." I'm really feeling some sense of achievement at this, my first fic in EONS, because that is exactly the tone/mode I was trying to achieve here. Not overt fluff, but serious, lyrical, intentional feeling.

    Now I'm just going to have to write some more. ;)
  7. Dally Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2001
    star 4
  8. LuvEwan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    A beautifully described scene. So soft, but very powerful. =D=
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